


Dusk till Dawn

by fallintothegrey



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Caretaking, Dancing, Disguise, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Friendship, Head Injury, Jealousy, Misuse of the Force, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Painting, Picnic on the Millennium Falcon, Poe taking care of Rey, Porgs causing problems, Racing, Reunions, Sharing a Bed, Sick Character, Singing, Sledding, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Smoking, Snow, Sparring, Storytelling, Surprises, Teasing, Undercover, guitar playing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-04 02:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 90,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13354572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallintothegrey/pseuds/fallintothegrey
Summary: No matter where they are in the galaxy, Poe and Rey find themselves drawn together in the moments when the sun rises and sets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> While listening to "Dusk Till Dawn" by ZAYN and Sia, I started thinking of little moments that Rey and Poe could have while the Resistance rebuilt. The image of these two dynamic forces in the Resistance meeting in the quiet moments just before day and just before night wouldn't leave me alone. So I started writing them down. 
> 
> I will add more as I write them. The rating and tags will be updated accordingly.

Her hand slid off the yoke and smacked against the Falcon’s control panel. She jerked awake, trying to focus her bleary eyes on the controls and make sure she hadn’t just sent them to their deaths in her carelessness.

“Easy, easy,” she heard a soft voice whisper next to her. She turned and saw the pilot, Poe Dameron, sitting next to her in the co-pilot’s seat. “You didn’t bump anything.”

Rey felt her shoulders drop as she pulled in a steadying breath. She rubbed at her eyes.

“What time is it?” she asked from behind her hands.

He looked at the chronometer on his wrist. “0430.”

She tried to keep the look of confusion from her face, but he caught it. “Right, that probably makes no sense to you. Not a surplus of chronometers on Jakku.”

“I never could salvage enough to afford one,” she admitted in a small voice, looking down at the panel.

Poe hesitated for a second, struck by just how much she didn’t know, had never experienced. He had a thought that he wanted to help her have the experiences she had missed out on, but he quickly pushed it away.

“I always just told time by the sun,” she continued. “Woke up at dawn, fell asleep at dusk, scavenged in between, nothing else.” She leaned on the word ‘nothing’ with such force, Poe felt the sudden need to cough, clear his throat, laugh, make literally any sort of noise to clear the tension.

He settled on a soft chuckle while turning his gaze to the stars before them. “Well, you’ve stuck to old patterns.”

She looked over at him. “What do you mean?”

“It’s a little before dawn on Crait and you’ve just woken up.”

Alarm filled her voice. “When did I fall asleep?”

“Shortly after sunset.”

Her eyes widened with shock. “I’ve been asleep _that_ long. Why didn’t anyone wake me?”

His soft eyes left the stars to search her face. “Because Chewie had the Falcon under control and the General gave strict instructions not to disturb you, said that you looked like you hadn’t slept in weeks.”

“Then where’s Chewie?” she shot back. Something about having Poe in such close quarters made her defensive.

“The General made him go get some sleep about three hours after you dozed off.”

“Did he ask you to take over?”

Poe sighed, rolling his eyes slightly at her continual questions. “No, I took over from the General herself about five hours after you fell asleep. _She_ asked me to take over.”

“General Organa was piloting?” Rey asked incredulously.

He huffed a laugh. “I imagine she knows this ship almost as well as Chewie. Besides, I think she wanted to sit with you.”

She turned her eyes to the window, unsure how to respond.

Poe cleared his throat quietly and stood. “Now that you’re awake-” He looked as if he wanted to say more, but he just started to walk away.

Not turning to him, Rey murmured, “You can stay, if you want. It’s probably a good idea to have a co-pilot.” She glanced back at him, her cheeks starting to burn. “Especially if he’s the best pilot in the Resistance.”

His eyes crinkled as he turned his lips up into a tired smile. “You hardly need my help flying her. And I think my title as the best pilot in the Resistance might be going to you now that you’ve joined us.”

“That’s not true.”

“We’ll see,” he said as he stifled a yawn. “But now I’m going to get some rest.”

“Sleep well,” she murmured as he walked away, suddenly missing his warmth beside her.


	2. Chapter 2

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39190882204/in/datetaken/)

Rey smiled weakly at Finn as he picked Rose up and spun her, but the jarring beat of the music turned the smile into a grimace. The burning in her chest from the daranu probably didn’t help. She took another swig, hoping intoxication would soon mask the discomfort. 

For weeks, they had kept moving from system to system, stopping only long enough to refuel and resupply and to make sure that enough locals saw the infamous ship that rumors of their whereabouts would constantly fly. As the First Order struggled to investigate each claim, they could quietly slip into the Outer Rim. At least, that was what Rey hoped when the General ordered her to set a course for Parein II 4.

It took days to force the existing structures into some kind of passable base, but anything was better than the continuous close quarters on the Falcon. While people with more knowledge and more of a purpose in the Resistance set up the base, opened communication channels, and began to plan their next steps, Rey reveled in the opportunity to be alone with the Force. Hidden among the trees, Luke’s broken lightsaber in her lap, Rey meditated, seeking the balance she had touched briefly on Ahch-To.

That was were Poe found her that afternoon, sweetgreen fruits levitating around her. He watched her with awe for a moment, before schooling his face into an expression on nonchalance. 

“As impressive as this is, it’s a lot more fun to drink daranu than to make sweetgreen fruits float,” he said as casually as he could manage. 

The fruits tumbled to the ground as she opened one eye to look at him. “I’m meditating to find balance in the Force, not to float fruits for fun.”

“Yes, of course, Jedi mistress,” Poe responded with a mocking bow, a crooked smirk lighting his face. 

Rey grabbed one of the fallen fruits and launched it at him, but his hand shot out to catch it easily. Rey chose to ignore the fact that the fruit appeared to slow slightly before landing in his palm with a faint smack. 

“Come on,” he said, before turning to walk back towards the base, “we’re blowing off some steam in the hangar.”

Rey cringed thinking about how quickly she had scrambled up to follow him, taking another swig of the drink. The hangar practically vibrated with the loud Heavy Isotope recording that someone had found in the abandoned building that now held their barracks. The lights had been turned off and that droids all joyfully flashed their lights, making the space look like a nightclub (at least, that’s what Jess told Rey). BB-8 had even found a mirrored ball that he spun while R2 shined one of his lights on it, filling the room with dancing lights. 

She stood towards the back of the hangar, watching everyone else dance. Recorded music was rare on Jakku, dancing even more so. She knew she would just look out of place even trying, and she didn’t want to give people one more reason to look at her. So she just nursed her drink, waiting for its supposed blaster bolt effect to take place. 

She didn’t notice that the dancing effect of the mirror ball had stopped until the spherical droid practically rolled into her. He beeped at her inquisitively. 

“No, I don’t want to go out there,” she answered, looking crossly at the droid. He beeped once indignantly and spun around her, bumping against her legs until she moved forward. 

“BB-8!” she exclaimed at the particularly forceful bump that forced her to practically jump forward to keep herself from falling. And, of course, she practically jumped into the droid’s master. 

“Easy there,” he chuckled, placing a steadying hand under her elbow. 

“Sorry,” she stammered. 

“It’s no problem,” he said with an easy smile on his face as he looked in her eyes. Turning his gaze down to the droid, he asked, “What did he do now?”

“BB-8 won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“He does have a bad habit of doing that. I’ve tried to talk to him, and reprogram him, but consent seems to be a bit complex for binary. I’ll keep trying, I promise.”

“If you can teach him, I know of some people who could use the same lesson,” she responded, her expression turning dark. 

Before Poe could respond, try to clear the darkness, BB-8 beeped emphatically at him. 

“Buddy, it’s alright if she doesn’t want to dance,” he said, looking down at the astromech “I may be disappointed, but we can’t force her to change her mind.” He looked up at her then, his eyes glinting. “I may ask her to change her mind, though.”

Rey opened her mouth to protest, but stopped as he extended his hand. “Will you dance with me? Please?”

She was tempted to say no, to make him put his portions where his mouth was with all his talk about consent, but she couldn’t resist the hopeful look in his eyes. And, she was loath to admit, the dancing did look like fun, especially with a partner. And she would never admit that she had been looking for another opportunity to be close to him after those moments in the Falcon’s cockpit. 

So she consented. Placing her hand in his, she murmured an “Alright,” and he guided her to the center of the floor, BB-8 squealing excitedly behind them before returning to R2 and the mirror ball. 

“I’ve never danced before,” she admitted, looking sheepishly about them.

While those around them looked puzzled at such an admission, Poe just shrugged. “No experience necessary. Just listen to the beat of the music.”

He started dancing in front of her. She tried to do as he said, listened for the beat, but she just ended up shuffling her feet awkwardly. 

Before she could scurry away, cheeks burning, he grabbed her hands. “Okay, new method. You obviously know how to fight. Respond to me like we’re fighting. Just don’t actually punch me, alright?”

He stepped towards her then, still holding onto her hands. She stepped back, looking at their feet. 

“Look at me,” he said so quietly, she could barely hear him over the pulsing music. She looked into his brown eyes and stepped forward, forcing him to move back. Smiles growing on their faces, they repeated the pattern a few times as she became more comfortable. 

He spun her out of his grasp, taking her by surprise. Before she could respond, he pulled her into him again, pressing her back against his chest and crossing his arm in front of her. She pushed against his arm quickly and stepped in an arc away from him. She loosened her grip on his fingers, but he pulled her back to him before she could jerk away. She tensed her muscles—ready to flee or punch him, whichever seemed more necessary—but he drew soothing hands down her arms. “Relax,” he whispered into her ear, his breath tickling the hair that had come out of her buns, “we’re not actually fighting.”

Turning her so that they faced each other, he pulled her hands up to rest flat on his chest. His hands rested on her waist.

“The beat of Heavy Isotope is supposed to mimic the human heartbeat,” he said, and she felt the vibrations of the words more than she heard them. “Feel my heartbeat, feel your heartbeat, feel how it syncs with the music. Then start to move.”

Keeping his hands at her waist, he started to move them. When they moved as a unit, she could understand, could feel how to respond to the music. Just as she started to feel like she could kind of dance without his hands and his heartbeat guiding her, the music changed. 

“Come on, Snap,” Poe yelled over her head at the pilot in charge of music for the night. 

“Just helping you out, man,” was his response, much to the chagrin of Poe, the confusion of Rey, and the amusement of everyone else. 

Rey looked around as people—couples—drew closer, much closer. “What now?” she asked, looking back at the pilot. 

“Now,” Poe answered as he moved her hands from his chest to his shoulders, “we slow dance.”

Increasing the pressure of his hands on her waist, he guided her in slow, languid circles. 

She held her arms stiff in front of her, barely resting them on his shoulders. This suddenly felt much more awkward then when she’d been touching his chest. At least then, she’d spent more time looking at her feet instead of avoiding his eyes like she was now. 

“This is nice,” she lied, trying to break the silence that fell heavy over them. 

He chuckled. “It’s alright if you’re uncomfortable. We’ll stop whenever you want.”

She glanced up at him. “I—” She didn’t know how to respond; ‘I don’t want to stop’ sounded like _too much_ , even if it was true, but ‘I want to learn how to dance’ made it sound like she was just considering this another lesson. 

She settled on “I’m not uncomfortable,” a horrid lie that he caught immediately. 

“The tension in your arms says otherwise.”

“It’s not you, I promise,” she responded quickly, wanting him to know that for some desperate reason. “I’m just not used to being this close to people.”

“I understand,” Poe murmured softly, with such care that she found herself compelled to look up at him again. “The last few months must have been overwhelming for you.”

“You have no idea,” she sighed. And she felt this sudden exhaustion at being recognized in this way. She knew it was weakness, knew she should hold herself aloof as the Jedi were supposed to, but she wanted to lean on him, this man who saw her for the person she was and not the figure the Resistance needed her to be. 

Without his guidance, she moved her arms so that her hands clasped behind his neck and stepped closer to him. He looked at her with surprise. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” she stammered as she began to step away. 

Poe tightened his grip on her waist again, not letting her move further. “No, it’s alright. You took me by surprise. This is just very—” He trailed off. 

“Intimate,” Rey supplied. 

“Close,” he continued at the same time. 

Rey nearly giggled at the look on Poe’s face as her response registered. He swallowed hard enough that she could see his Adam’s apple bob. 

“Very,” he muttered as he cleared his throat. She did laugh at that. 

They settled into a comfortable silence, enjoying the other’s presence. As Poe looked at her and she looked back, no longer compelled to avoid his gaze, Rey hoped that the tension in her chest was simply the effect of the daranu and not something else.

They danced through two, three, four, five songs, hardly noticing the other Resistance fighters around them. Or when the other Resistance fighters drifted away to their beds. The droids had retired to their charging stations as well. 

“Hey, lovebirds,” Snap called, breaking them out of their reverie, “It’s 0400 and I’ve got to get some sleep. Just turn the music and the lights off when you’re done.”

“Thanks Snap,” Poe called after his squad member. He continued, “Oh, and Snap—”

The pilot turned back.

“20 laps before our briefing at 0800.”

Rey could see Snap roll his eyes before mockingly saluting Poe and grumbling. “Aye-aye, _Commander_.” He shuffled off to his quarters, yelling “Goodnight, Rey,” over his shoulder.

“Goodnight, Snap,” Rey responded before turning to Poe. “What was that for?” she asked with a laugh as he turned things off as Snap instructed. 

“Insubordination,” Poe answered with a smirk as they walked out of the hangar and to Rey’s quarters. They stopped outside her door. 

“Thank you for teaching me to dance,” she said, quickly tucking some hair behind her ear. 

“Thank you for dancing with me,” he replied.

She opened the door and walked into her quarters, but turned back to him before closing it. 

“Good morning, Poe.”

“Good morning, Rey.”

The smile on Poe’s face as she closed the door rivaled the rising sun.


	3. Chapter 3

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39868746892/in/datetaken/)

They were safe on Parein II 4 for six weeks before they were forced to move again. Late one evening, Jess spotted a First Order scout and they quickly abandoned base. Not that it took much to leave. They’d only salvaged a few ships as they ran from the First Order – a bomber, a dilapidated U-wing, a barely functional scout ship. Hardly a fleet. 

Poe grudgingly piloted the U-wing, even though he spent more time banging some piece of the control panel back into place than he did actually piloting it. Rey considered letting him fly the Falcon, but Chewie didn’t exactly trust the pilot. He just grumbled about cocky flyboys as the U-wing shuddered and wavered behind them. 

Static came across the comm. “What is our ETA?” the disgruntled Commander Dameron asked. 

“Everything alright, Commander?” Rey responded with a smirk. 

“I just don’t know how much longer this piece of garbage is going to hold together. Hoping I can make it to the planet before it shakes apart.”

Finn ducked into the cockpit right at that moment. “Funny, that’s what Rey said about the Falcon when we found it on Jakku.”

“You didn’t!” Poe practically yelled through the comm. 

“I didn’t know what she was,” she quickly replied. 

Finn playfully nudged her shoulder. “A likely story.”

“It’s true,” she bit back at him, slapping him in the stomach. 

The comm crackled again. “We’ll be having some words if I make it to planet.”

“We’ll enter the Akuria system in five minutes. Think you can make it that long, Commander?”

“Oh, I’ll make it, even if I only stay in one piece long enough to rake you over the coals for saying such a thing about the Falcon.”

As Rey had said, they entered the system of the ice planet, Akuria II, within five minutes. Poe had meant to go find her shortly after landing at the former Imperial base turned rebel stronghold, but the crumbling U-wing kept he and BB-8 busy for several hours. 

He finally set his tools down as the sun was starting to set over the frozen terrain. He noticed with some dismay that it was starting to snow. Having grown up in the humid clime of Yavin 4, he hated cold weather. And snow just made flying more difficult, especially in old ships that struggled to adapt to the temperature. 

All of the other rebels had abandoned the frigid hangar for warm rooms and warm food. He suspected that Rey was with them and tried to ignore the clench in his stomach as he set out to find her. To have that conversation about respecting the Falcon, of course. 

He zipped his jacket and shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked past the hangar door. He slid to a stop. 

Who was that crazy person sitting out in the snow? 

He realized with some level of disbelief that that crazy person was in fact the fledgling Jedi he’d been looking forward to seeing. She sat just outside of the hangar, in the cropped pants, sleeveless vest, and arm wrappings she’d worn on the tropical moon. She didn’t even have on her cloak. Her hands were pressed to the ground and he thought for a moment that she might have been meditating, seeking the Force out, but he realized as he looked closer that she was just spreading her fingers out in the snow over and over. 

“What are you doing?” he called, walking towards her.

She turned to him and he noticed a tear on her check. She didn’t move to wipe it away, instead keeping her hands buried in the snow. 

“I’ve never seen snow before,” she whispered. 

He started to make some snarky remark, because that was what he did when he was uncomfortable, but the awe on her face stopped him short. 

He suddenly saw the snow with new eyes, the way the sunset made the plain shine like gold, the way the flurries glittered on the wind. The way this woman seemed to breathe with the wind, pulling the flakes to her. 

So instead of saying something he’d regret, he unzipped and removed his jacket, placed it around her shoulders, and sat down next to her. 

She looked over at him with surprise in her eyes, her mouth open in a small ‘O’. He hunched his shoulders in response, rubbing at his bare arms. 

“I saw snow for the first time when I was six,” he spoke softly. “My mom decided to fly me to Hoth in her A-wing, show me the first place she fought for the Alliance. Seeing Echo Base was amazing, sure, and I think I became a rebel that day, hearing my mom’s stories of flying in the Battle of Hoth. But the snow was awful. I can’t say I loved it the first time I saw it, not like you.” 

He thumbed the ring on the chain around his neck. 

“My mom, though, she loved it. She looked like her face might crack, she was smiling so much as she showed me around. And I was being a sullen little shit because I was cold. So she made this big snowball, kept telling me she was going to get me with it. And when I didn’t laugh or run away or anything, she threw it. I don’t think she meant to, but she hit me right in the face. So I’m standing there shocked, not sure if I should cry or not, and she walks up to me with this look on her face like she’s trying to be serious and tell me she’s sorry, but I can tell she wants to laugh. She kneels down in front of me and starts wiping snow off of my face. And I bend down, grab a handful of snow, and plop it on her head. I’ll never forget her laugh as she fell back in the snow and pulled me with her. The whole planet seemed to echo with it.”

As Poe spoke, got lost in his memories, Rey’s fingers stilled in the snow. She turned to look at the pilot, took in his sad eyes, the bittersweet smile, the sun on the planes of his face. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Poe noticed that Rey had turned to him. He gave her a self-conscious smile, huffed a laugh, before continuing. “She looked different on Hoth, brighter, like all of the color had left the landscape and gone into her.” He trailed off, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. He dashed his thumbs against the moisture gathering in his eyes. 

Suddenly, Rey’s wet, cold fingers entwined in his. “Thank you,” she murmured, “for telling me about your mom. It sounds like she was an amazing woman.”

“She was,” he responded gruffly, his eyes swimming again as he looked over the snow banks. 

“I wish I could have met her.”

“You would have liked her,” he said. “And I think she would have liked you too. You’re a lot like her.”

They sat there for a few more minutes, their hands clasped, as the sun slipped below the horizon. 

That is, until Poe suddenly shivered and realized how _kriffing_ cold he was. He squeezed her hand before getting to his feet. 

“I’m going inside before I need to find Akuria II’s version of a tauntaun,” he said, smiling at the confused look on her face. “I’ll see you later, Rey.”

“Wait,” Rey cried, jumping up. “You forgot your jacket.”

He turned back to her with a bright smile on his face. “Keep it. It suits you.”

Before he could blink, Rey wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. After a shocked moment, he returned the hug. 

“You look brighter here, too,” he whispered into her hair. 

Not knowing how to respond, she just hugged him tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I interpreted whatever was falling on Criat at the end of _The Last Jedi_ as salt kicked up from the battle, not snow. So in my interpretation, this is the first time Rey's seen snow.


	4. Chapter 4

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39868743702/in/datetaken/)

_Where is it?_

_I had no idea_

_I’m impressed._

_best pilot in the resistance_

_what you did_

_Where is it?_

_what you did_

_what you did_

_what you did_

 

Poe woke with a yell, the nightmare’s fingers still gripped in his mind. Sweat stuck the thin sheet to his chest.

He couldn’t think.

He couldn’t breathe.

_He couldn’t breathe._

He ripped the sheet away, staggering to his feet, but his panic turned his knees to jelly and he fell to the floor. He dropped his forehead to the tile, praying some of the cold of Akuria II would leech into his addled brain. He pulled a ragged breath in through his nostrils and shut his eyes. 

A taunting black mask looked back at him.

He shook his head roughly and slammed his fists against the ground. Hulling himself to his feet, he walked to the ‘fresher. Splashing some water on his face would help. Right?

He looked at his bloodshot eyes in the mirror, noted how dark the circles under them had become, how gaunt his face was starting to look.

If he didn’t focus hard enough, he saw the wounds, on his temple, his cheek, his lip. If he didn’t focus hard enough, the water droplets turned to blood.

Walking back into his room, he pulled on a shirt. He wasn’t going to sleep anymore that night and he wasn’t going to stay in quarters that now smelled like sweat and fear. Like they did almost every night.

He’d go work on the U-wing. Working, getting his hands dirty, would calm him.  

As his door slid open, he almost yelled again.

Just outside, with her fist raised to knock, was Rey.

He blinked at her, his heart pounding as his fear dissipated. He wondered wryly how much more stress he could take – between trying to keep the last of the rebels alive, the damned nightmares, and now being scared by fledgling Jedis.

“Are you alright?”

He nearly laughed. “You just scared the piss out of me. What do you think?”

Annoyance flashed over her face. “No, not that.”

She paused, looking straight at him, her eyes boring into his so fiercely that he felt naked under her gaze. He had the silly thought that he was grateful he’d put a shirt on before opening the door.

“I _felt_ you,” she spoke softly, slowly. “Felt your distress.”

He just blinked again, his mouth open slightly. “What do you mean?” he finally asked.

“I woke up and felt this cold, this fear. When I reached out, I could hear you.”

“You heard me?”

“I heard yelling—I didn’t know it was you—and then I was pulled here.”

He squinted in skepticism. “If you heard me, all the way across the base, why aren’t there people out here yelling at me for waking them up? Pava’s not exactly a deep sleeper and she’d have my hide.”

She shook her head. “No, you weren’t yelling out loud.”

He really didn’t want to know what that meant. But he couldn’t stop his next question. “So how could you have heard me?”

“I could hear you yelling in your mind.”

He wanted to close the door on her, push her and any other person who could touch, invade, his mind away. “So now you’re in my head, too?” he grit out, unable to look at her, this person he’d admired, started to trust, started to- 

“No,” she quickly answered, “no, I would never do that. Please believe me.” She reached out to touch his forearm, but he pulled away, looking at her with guarded eyes. 

“Your mind was calling out, for help, and for some reason I could hear it. And I was pulled here.” She paused, chewing self-consciously on her bottom lip. “To you.”

Of all the things to focus on, all the mind-blowing things, he chose her bottom lip. He tried to blame his sleep-deprived brain, but he knew that wasn’t the only reason why.

He rubbed a hand over his face. “I need caf,” he grumbled. “Come with me?”

She nodded, backing up as he stepped into the hall and closed the door. They walked silently, side by side, to the mess. Poe kept glancing to the side, trying to catch her eye, but she stared straight ahead. Like getting caf was her latest mission. 

They didn’t speak while the caf was brewing, while Poe filled their mugs, while Rey stirred nerf milk and enough sugar to rot her teeth into her drink, or while they wandered back into the halls of the base. They didn’t speak until they reached the hangar, the one place the two of them felt at ease. Poe released the breath he didn’t know he had been holding, some of the tension leaving his neck. 

They drifted to the Falcon, taking a seat on the loading ramp. Poe balanced his mug on his knee. He wanted to ask her a million questions, but he didn’t know where to start.

“I have nightmares, too,” she murmured into her cup. “Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get his fingers out of my mind. I hear his voice echoing around the base." 

“Ren?” he asked, looking over at her haunted face.

“No, not Ben,” she answered, using a name he hadn’t heard in years. “Snoke. He tortured me, invaded my head to find out where Luke was hiding. I tried to resist him, but it was hopeless. He was too powerful. He ripped my mind apart and laughed at my ‘spunk’ while I screamed.”

Poe felt her begin to shake next to him and reached out to take her hand. 

“Then, he forced me to watch the First Order begin to take out the Resistance transports. He held me paralyzed and laughed at me as I watched my friends die. He never stopped laughing at me.” 

Poe started, pulling his hand from hers and looking at her with a bewildered look on his face. “Wait, Snoke was torturing you during the attack on the transports?”

“Yes,” she answered slowly, looking back at him with confusion.

“I was unconscious on the transport after General Organa stunned me—it’s a long story,” he hastily added, cutting off the question on the tip of her tongue. “But I woke up when I heard someone screaming. Rey, no one was screaming on the transport.”

Understanding lit her face and her eyes widened. “You heard me,” she breathed.

‘Just like you heard me.”

They sat in silence, the weight of their realization settling over them.

“What does this mean?” he asked when he finally found his words again.

“I don’t know.” Her voice sounded like it was in a different system. “I don’t know what any of this means.”

“Hey,” he murmured. Her eyes shot up to his face. “You don’t have to figure it out on your own.”

“Yes, I do. I’m the last Jedi.”

“Are Jedi not allowed to have friends?” he asked with a laugh, nudging her shoulder playfully. “If so, I can leave.”

She smiled and nudged him back. “Very funny.”

“Whatever this is, I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing,” he said with certainty, feeling the truth of his words in his gut.

Rey nodded in agreement. “This thing, this connection—it’s light. I know that. It’s not like…” She trailed off.

“Not like?” he probed, knowing he shouldn’t but unable to resist.

She looked at him with sly quirk to her mouth. “It’s a long story. Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime, when you tell me why Leia stunned you.”

“Deal.” He stuck out his hand for her to shake. She rolled her eyes, but extended her hand. When their palms met, an overwhelming warmth flooded Poe. All of the fear, the stress, the grief of the past months felt momentarily lifted and he felt peaceful. Balanced.

When he opened eyes he didn’t realize he had closed, he found her looking back at him, a slight smile toying at the corners of her mouth.

“Good morning, lovebirds,” Karé and Jessika yelled as they walked through the hangar to the mess, their laughter echoing over the base.

Poe felt his face start to burn, afraid to look at Rey. She looked after the two women with an amusing look of bewilderment on her face. “Why do people keep calling us that?”

“I have no idea,” he groaned, before yelling to the retreating figures, “But they’re running laps, _outside_!”

Their laughter turned to cries of “Poe!” and “That’s not fair!”

“That’s seems a bit harsh,” Rey said with a laugh.

“Insubordination,” he responded, “I won’t tolerate it.” He gave her a cocky smirk.

She lifted her hand in a salute. “Yes, sir. Anything you say, Commander Dameron." 

“Watch it, or you’ll be running laps with Pava and Kun. You may be the last Jedi, but I still outrank you.”

She just rolled her eyes again, before pushing herself to her feet. “I’m going to go change. I’ll see you later, Poe.”

He watched her start to walk away before calling out, “Rey.”

She turned back to him.

“We’ll figure this out, right?”

She smiled in response. “Right.”

As he walked back to his quarters to prepare for the day, he felt a calm he hadn’t felt in years.


	5. Chapter 5

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39868742002/in/datetaken/)

Rey knew that the Resistance needed a fleet. The old ships they’d found weren’t tolerating the cold, not even the Falcon. And she knew how much Poe hated the U-wing. She’d considered letting him take the Falcon on some of his scouting missions, but Chewie still didn’t trust him. And the General reminded her that the Falcon wasn’t exactly nondescript. So she just watched him stare at the ship wistfully. 

Knowing how much they needed more ships, Rey immediately agreed to a mission to retrieve some. A few days prior, General Organa had summoned Rey to her command. 

“Come in, Rey,” she said, gesturing to a seat next to her with a datapad in front of it. As Rey settled into the chair, Poe came to the door. Rey quirked an eyebrow at his arrival. 

“You wanted to see me, General?” he asked as he walked into the room. 

“Yes, I wanted to see you both. I have a mission for you.” 

A map of an ecumenopolis appeared on the screen in front of them. 

“This is Nar Shaddaa,” she stated. 

“The Smuggler’s Moon?” Poe asked, settling into a chair next to Rey. 

“Yes. A contact of Maz Kanata’s with Resistance sympathies has some ships we can have. And I need my two best pilots to go get them.” 

“Any X-wings?” Poe asked eagerly. 

Leia smiled. “Yes, Poe, there are some X-wings.” 

Poe looked to the heavens. “Thank the Force.” 

“Our contact says that some First Order agents have been sniffing around the moon, trying to make sure we don’t get a fleet. So you’ll need to go disguised. Blasters only—your staff is too recognizable, Rey. And you’ll take the U-wing” 

“Kriff,” Poe cursed. 

“Suck it up, Dameron. You’ll be able to jump into an X-wing and blow stuff up soon enough, but only if you take the U-wing.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Poe said with a level of contrition Rey didn’t know he was capable of. 

“You’ll leave in two days. Get ready.” 

When they didn’t move to leave, she rolled her eyes and nodded towards the door. “You’re dismissed.” 

They went their separate ways, Poe to the hangar to prepare the U-wing and Rey to gather supplies and figure out some kind of disguise. She had no idea where to start. 

Rose did, though, and Rey happily turned that project over to the mechanic. She gleefully scampered over the base collecting materials and promised Rey she wouldn’t do anything too drastic, but the glint in her eyes made Rey nervous. She swallowed her doubts and let Rose work her magic. 

“You’re going to need to blend in, so the flowy Jakku gear has to go. You need to look sharper, deadlier,” she stated firmly as she handed Rey a mass of black clothing, most of it leather. When she hesitated, Rose pushed her into the ‘fresher. “Hurry up, I still need to dye your hair and do your makeup.” 

“You’re going to dye my hair?” Rey yelled through the door as she stripped her customary vest, pants, and arm wraps off. 

“It’s not permanent,” Rose responded, “Should wash out in three to ten-ish washes.”

“ _Should_?” 

“Just put your clothes on.” 

Rey grumbled as she struggled into the skin-tight pants, the plunging top, the leather jacket, and the high-heeled boots. She came out of the ‘fresher trying to pull the shirt higher up on her chest. 

“Is this really necessary?” she asked with frustration. “What if I have to fight someone, or move at all?” 

“Your disguise will be so good, you won’t have to fight anyone,” Rose answered with a sniff, pushing her down into a chair. Despite Rey’s protests, Rose sprayed dye into her hair and applied generous amounts of makeup to her face, forcefully grabbing Rey’s chin when she tried to jerk away from her hand. 

After what seemed like several hours, Rose finally stepped away from her masterpiece. “You’re perfect!” she squealed, holding a mirror up. 

Rey couldn’t recognize the face that looked back at her. Her hair had turned an inky black, with vibrant red coloring the ends. Her face was dark and angular, with black paint stretching from the inner corner of her eyes across her eyelids and nearly to her temples and darkening her lips. Combined with the outfit, she had to admit that she did look sharper. She added the studded thigh holster and slid a retractable truncheon into her belt, and she felt deadlier. 

Grabbing her pack, she left her quarters and headed to the hangar, Rose trailing behind her. 

Finn was loading supplies into the U-wing when they arrived, and his jaw dropped slightly when he saw his friend. “Damn, Rey,” he breathed, “is that you?” 

Rey shrugged. “Rose is a miracle worker.” 

The mechanic giggled as she bounded up to Finn and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Doesn’t she look amazing? I can’t believe I got to help with your disguise for your mission to get us a fleet. Me!” 

“You certainly did a better job at it than I could have,” Rey said as she slung her pack into the ship. 

“Poe’s going to be speechless when he sees you,” Finn said cheekily, biting on his lower lip to hide his grin. 

“I doubt that.” 

“What about me?” the pilot’s voice floated towards them. Rey spun on her heel and saw him, or kind of him. He was dressed similarly all in black, though his clothing was decidedly more functional: cargo pants, shirt, trench coat, and combat boots. He’d gone the synthflesh route to disguise his face, using the putty to broaden his nose, widen his chin, and soften the planes of his cheeks. His normally curly dark hair was slicked back and he’d put in golden contacts that gave his gaze an otherworldly quality. 

That otherworldly gaze trained on her face first, before flicking down her body. His eyes didn’t linger, returning to her face, but the red tinge developing on his ears told everyone that he’d seen enough. Rey hunched her shoulders and crossed her arms over her chest, until she realized that doing so pushed her breasts up far too high in this kriffing shirt. She pulled her jacket closed and glared over at Rose. 

The mechanic and the former Stormtrooper didn’t notice Rey’s gaze as they practically had to hold each other up in their laughter over Poe’s stunned face. 

“Told you, Rey,” Finn chuckled as Rose erupted in a peal of laughter. 

“Shut up, both of you!” Rey cried, trying to smack at them. They could move faster than her in the tight clothes, though. 

Their laughter was stopped short by the arrival of General Organa. “Good, you’re ready. Here are your scandocs,” she said as she handed the datapads to Rey and Poe. “If anyone asks—they shouldn’t—Rey, you will be going by Kestrel Dawn, and Poe, you’re now Joreth Sward. You’re supply runners for a weapons manufacturer. We’re loading your ship with weapons and parts in case anyone decides they want to look too close.” 

“At least we’ll be well armed if this goes south,” Poe muttered. 

Leia leveled a stern look at him. “The goal of this mission is to retrieve the ships only, Commander Dameron. No gun blazing unless it is absolutely necessary to get you both out alive, understood? This is not the time for needless heroics.” 

“Understood,” they said in unison. 

Just then, the white and orange astromech rolled up, beeping excitedly. 

“The droid stays here,” Leia stated, to the dismay of BB-8. “He’s far too recognizable now, after being a First Order target and everything he did on Snoke’s ship. You’ll take an R6 unit to coordinate the fleet.” The droid let out a sad beep. 

She turned her attention back to Poe. “You’ll need to leave your necklace here, too, Poe.” 

He started. “But, General—” 

Her eyes softened. “I know, Poe, but you can’t have anything recognizable on you.” 

He nodded, slipping the chain over his head and kneeling down to BB-8.

“Hey, buddy,” he said quietly, “I need you to stay here and take care of this, okay?”

BB-8 beeped his assent and opened a small compartment, the same that Poe had placed the map from Lor San Takka in. Poe dropped the necklace in and patted the droid on the head.

“The contact will meet you at the Hagar Bar in Hutta Town at 2300 hours. He’ll take you to the ships. You’ll transfer the funds then.” 

 “Now, get going,” the general commanded, shooing them towards the ship. “I want you on planet by sunset, canvassing the area around the bar. Bring us back a fleet.” 

They nodded and boarded the ship. Rey heard Leia call out, “May the Force be with you,” as she closed the door. 

She joined Poe in the cockpit, sliding into the co-pilot’s seat. He glanced over at her, offering a lopsided grin. “Do you want to fly her?” 

She laughed lightly. “No, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your last dance with your favorite girl.” 

Poe rolled his eyes at her, then turned his attention back to inputting the coordinates for the Smuggler’s Moon. 

While Poe worked, Rey fidgeted at her shirt, unable to feel comfortable in the constricting shirt. 

“It’s a good disguise,” Poe murmured, “don’t be worried.” 

“I’m not worried about being recognized,” she said, “I’m worried about not being able to move in this ridiculous get-up.” 

“I’ll have your back, Rey. Don’t worry.” 

They sunk into a heavy silence.

She turned to him, watching his face as he concentrated on the U-wing. “I know it’s none of my business, but what is your necklace?” 

His face dropped, glancing over at her for a moment before turning away. He cleared his throat. “It’s my mom’s wedding ring. I’ve worn it every day since she died. This is the first time I’ve ever flown without it and I don’t feel right—like an essential part of me is missing. I’m—” He abruptly stopped, the red tinging his ears the only sign of the blush behind the synthflesh. She looked away, back out the view portal. 

They reached the moon within three hours. After hiding the ship in one of the few lesser populated areas of the ecumenopolis, they made their way to Hutta Town. Rey’s eyes widened as she took in the narrow, filthy streets with buildings so cramped and teetering they practically met over the street’s middle. She shrunk in the crush of so many bodies, struggling to breathe. 

Poe leaned over to her. “We need to move faster, Rey. We need to get to the bar.” 

She trained her eyes on the ground. “I’m sorry—I just—it’s all of the—” 

Poe turned, taking in her stricken face, her shuddering breathing, her fear-blown pupils. He grabbed her hand, hooking her arm in his, and brought his head close to hers. “Just focus on one thing.” 

She glanced all around, trying to find one thing. It just made her feel more overwhelmed. She let out a panicked gasp. 

He pulled her to a stop, stepping in front of her. The crushing bodies pushed around them, grumbling. Rey drew further into herself. 

Poe placed his hand gently under Rey’s chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. “Focus on me, alright?” 

She shakily nodded, keeping her eyes focused on his face. He tucked her back into his side and they continued walking. She did as he said, and focused on him. He strode with purpose, setting each foot with surety. She watched his eyes, flicking back and forth to take in any possible threat, but he kept a nonchalant expression on his face. The only sign of his own tension was the occasional clench of his jaw. She felt the muscles of his back through his trench coat where her hand rested, and the occasional flexing of his fingers on her back. He periodically glanced at her, offering a reassuring smile that she tried to return.  

He guided her down an ally, leaning down to murmur, "We're almost there. You're doing great. Just, maybe, don't look so serious." 

She tried to make her face relax, force it into some imitation of his casual mien, but she knew it was a futile attempt. 

"Did Finn tell you about how I found him when he woke up?" he asked her, distracting her from the cramped ally. When she shook her head 'no', he regaled her with the story of "Finn, naked, leaking, bag" in hushed tones, making her relax into poorly stifled giggles. By the time her sides stopped shaking, they had reached the bar.  

Poe walked in confidently, keeping Rey close to his side. He strode to the bar and sat down on one of the stools, gesturing for her to join him. She tried to squeeze into the seat without jostling the Jablogian next to her, but she accidentally jabbed his paunch with her elbow, upsetting his drink and causing it to spill on his dirty white shirt. 

“You piece of human trash!” he roared, grabbing her arm with his four-fingered hand.

Before she could blink, Poe’s blaster pressed against the Jablogian’s throat pouch. “Let her go, or I’ll redecorate the ceiling with your brains,” he seethed, his voice as cold as the winds on Akuria. 

The Jablogian’s red skin paled to a light pink as he let go of Rey’s arm and backed away. She ducked her head and turned to Poe, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her. 

“Are you okay?” he whispered to her. 

“Yes,” she replied, glaring at him. “I could have handled it.” 

He looked taken aback for a moment, his face falling. “I know you could have.” 

“Then why didn’t you let me?” 

His eyes flicked over her face momentarily, an undefinable emotion on his face, before they hardened. “We need to blend. Waving a blaster around does that.” 

He flagged the bartender, ordering them both a bottle of Ebla beer. When she looked questioningly at him, he leaned into her again and muttered, “Take small sips. Make it look like you’re drinking.”

She did as he commanded, casting furtive glances around the bar as the bitter liquid hit her tongue. Who was their contact? Leia hadn’t even told them what species he was. How would they know who he was? How would he know who they were? 

Most importantly, could they trust him? 

While Rey pondered, an unassuming H’drachi sidled up next to them. The cameloid gently stroked his long beard while he ordered.

“I’ll like a ‘Spark of Rebellion,’ please,” he said serenely, the look of contentment never leaving his face as the bartender began to question him and his intentions. Rey and Poe studied him carefully as he finally calmed the bartender and received a bottle of beer.

Poe cleared his throat and leaned against the bar. “‘Spark of Rebellion’, huh? I’ve never heard of that drink.” 

The H’drachi turned his hooded eyes to Poe. “Ah, yes, it is very popular amongst those with a mind like mine, pilot.”

Poe glanced around them before murmuring, “Zhaf Fyaar?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“I’m Joreth Sward and this is Kestrel Dawn. We were told you needed some supply runners.” 

The cameloid blinked once. “I know who you are. I have been expecting you for some time.”

Rey quirked an eyebrow. “We were told to meet you at 2300. It’s 2330 now. It’s seems we are the ones who have been expecting you.” 

He smiled slightly. “No, young Rey, I have been expecting you since the Force touched you.” 

Fear flooded Rey as she staggered to her feet. Poe grabbed Zhaf roughly by the arm and dragged him out of the bar. Slamming the small sentient against the wall just outside the door, he yelled, “How do you know who we are?” 

He just chuckled lightly, clearly unfazed by Poe’s arm at his throat. “Young Dameron, you have your mother’s fire.” 

“My mother?” The pressure of Poe’s arm faltered and the H’drachi fall back to the ground. Before he could stand, Rey pressed the end of her truncheon to his chest, pinning him back.

“Do you have the Force? Is that how you know who we are?” she asked firmly.

“Do any of us have the Force?” he asked cryptically.

The increased pressure of Rey’s weapon convinced him to abandon the vague answers. “I am a H’drachi,” he gasped, “We have been granted access to the time-stream. I have seen your paths, your histories, your futures. I knew you would come to me.” 

“Weren’t the H’drachi the ones who refused to join the Alliance because they had a vision of a future without the Empire?” Poe asked sharply. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“The time-stream allows us to see possible futures. Those who came before me chose to believe that the possible was the certain. I have chosen not to make the same mistake.” 

Poe looked at him skeptically. 

“Most of my kind think that they do not have a role to play in bringing about the futures we see. I do not think the same. To achieve the future I have seen, I know I must act.” He looked pleadingly up at Rey, offering his three-fingered hand to her. “Take my hand—you will see that I tell the truth.” 

Under Poe’s suspicious gaze, she placed her hand in his. Immediately, light flooded her mind.

  _An X-wing flew towards Akuria’s horizon, followed by the Falcon._

_Sunlight streamed through the leaves of a large tree as a gentle breeze ruffled the branches. Two small black marks on the trunk were all that was left of a previous injury._

_A crossguard lightsaber lay abandoned on the snowy ground._

_Laughter that Rey knew—that of Finn, and Rose, and Leia, and Chewie—sounded in her ear._

_A red flag bearing the symbol of the First Order fell to the ground._

_A voice that sounded both near and far, familiar and unfamiliar said, “Welcome home.”_  

She pulled away, gasping as if she had just emerged from a deep dive. 

Poe started towards her, looking like he wanted to wrench her away from the cameloid, but Rey raised her hand. “He’s telling the truth,” she breathed. 

While Poe and Rey exchanged glances, Zhaf sagged against the wall, letting out a labored breath. “Now that we know who we are,” he said with a wink, “would you like to see the X-wing I showed you?”

She smiled and nodded at him, glancing up just in time to see the corners of Poe’s mouth flick up in a barely suppressed smirk. 

He helped Zhaf to his feet. “Lead the way.” 

The followed the H’drachi as he weaved a slow, circuitous route through the endless streets and allies. Rey’s breath stuck in her chest again, until Poe’s hand rested reassuringly on the small of her back and he winked at her. 

After nearly an hour of walking, Poe grumbled, “How much longer is this going to take?” 

Zhaf merely glanced back at them as he continued walking. “Stormtroopers have started patrolling the ship yards. We couldn’t just walk directly there. And we need to wait for their shift change.” 

“Fantastic,” he muttered, fingering the blaster at his hip. Rey did the same. 

Another twenty minutes later, they arrived at the empty ship yard. Rey heard the air rush out of Poe’s lungs and she broke into a grin as they took into the sight before them: bombers, a corvette, an escort frigate, transports, A-wings and, to Poe’s delight, ten X-wings. 

“I’m going to signal the R6 unit,” he said a bit breathlessly, “have him bring the U-wing over here so we can get the auto-pilot set up and get out of here.” 

He walked a few feet away, leaving Rey with Zhaf. She turned to him, asking “How did you—” 

Before she could finish, two figures in familiar white armor walked into view. The first called out to them, “You there, what are you doing?” 

As she stood speechless for a moment, hands raised up in the air, she saw Poe turning back out of the corner of her eye, his blaster in hand. She tried to make eye contact with him and gave her head a slight shake. 

When she and Zhaf didn’t respond, the second trooper added, “Let’s see some scandocs.” 

Rey focused on him, gazing at the spot she thought his eyes would be and praying it would work on two at once. “You checked our scandocs and they are clear. You will leave the ship yard now,” she said with a serene voice. 

The trooper hesitated for a moment before saying, “I checked your scandocs and they are clear. I will leave the ship yard now.” He then turned and walked away. 

Her prayer hadn’t been answered. After watching his companion with what Rey could only assume was confusion, the first trooper pressed closer to them, bringing his blaster up. “Give me your scandocs.” 

Rey pulled the datapad from her pocket and started to walk towards the trooper, and his blaster. She saw Poe’s eyes widen as he took aim with his own blaster. Again, she barely shook her head. 

She held out the data pad to the trooper. As he reached out to take it, she pulled her truncheon out with her other hand, slamming it down in the space between the helmet and the cuirass. She targeted joints in the armor as he fell, before pressing the rod to his throat until he lay unconscious. 

She breathlessly looked up at Poe, who looked back at her with his mouth slightly open and admiration in his eyes. “I told you I could take care of myself,” she quipped as she tucked the truncheon back into her belt. 

He walked to her with a smile on his face. “You will never hear me say otherwise.” 

She glanced over and noticed Zhaf staring up at her with a curious look on his face. “The Force was right to choose you,” he murmured with an almost reverent tone. 

Poe cleared his throat, snapping the H’drachi’s attention off of her. “We should take care of payment before the R6 unit gets here in a few minutes.” 

Zhaf shook his head. “No payment.” He raised a hand to stop their protest. “I will not have you pay me for the part I must play in our future.” 

Rey smiled down at him. “Thank you.” 

His large eyes rested on each of them for a moment as he stroked at his white beard again. “Now, together, you must play your parts. If you do so, if you do not resist, we will have the peace I have seen.” 

The arrival of the U-wing tore their attention from the prescient cameloid. Over the roar of the engine, he called out, “May the Force be with you, Rey and Poe.” 

He vanished, back into the allies, before Rey could respond. She and Poe exchanged puzzled looks before setting to work with the droid to program the autopilot for their new fleet. As she worked on one of the bombers, she called out to Poe, “We should stagger the departures. Don’t want the whole moon to see the entire ship yard taking off.”

All she heard in response was a distracted “Uh-huh.” She ducked out of the bomber to find Poe running his hands over one of the X-wings. She walked over to him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. He glanced back at her with a grin. 

“I’ll fly the U-wing back,” she said with a smile. “You can take your new girl out for a dance.”

An hour later, the U-wing and the X-wing were the only ships left to depart, the R6 unit having taken the rest of the fleet up in waves. “See you back on Akuria,” he yelled to her before closing the cockpit and taking off. She followed quickly behind. 

When she left atmo, she found the X-wing making lazy loops as he headed towards the rest of the fleet. “Enjoying yourself, Commander?” she asked with a chuckle into the headset. 

“You have no idea,” he answered back in her ear.

“I would copy you, but I don’t think this old thing could take it.” 

“No, you just fly straight to the fleet,” he said with mock severity. “You better take care of my favorite girl.” 

“Ha,” she cried, “I knew you liked her!”

He hesitated for a moment, like he was deciding what he wanted to say. “Maybe I do,” he finally admitted. 

“When we get back to base, we’ll go up, X-wing versus Falcon. We can finally see who is the best pilot in the Resistance.”

“You’re on.” 

They returned to Akuria as the sun began to peek over the horizon to the cheers of the Resistance. Rey was pulled into a hug immediately by Finn before she even set foot in the hangar, while Poe was mobbed by his squadron. Amid the laughter and chatter, Rey looked over at Poe. When he met her gaze, he grinned at her. And she grinned back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this chapter got away from me. The others will not be nearly as long (I hope). 
> 
> Also, I couldn't help the references to Jyn and Cassian because I love them and they deserved better. Expect more Jyn/Cassian references in the future.


	6. Chapter 6

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39190871364/in/datetaken/)

The excitement settled into a steady hum as Resistance members got to work on the fleet, making necessary repairs and outfitting the ships with the weapons and supplies they would need in any fight against the First Order. They would need to make a supply run soon, Rey thought, but that was a mission for another time, another team. 

She flinched slightly when she realized that she had just thought of her and Poe as a team. Where had that come from? 

She patted the hull of the U-wing fondly before walking away from the ship that now looked horribly outdated. She didn’t know how Zhaf had done it, but he had somehow found them a collection of remarkable ships. Sure, they needed some repairs after sitting out in the ship yard and their current weapons systems wouldn’t stand up to First Order fighters, but with a little work, the fleet would be ready. Now, they just needed the people. 

Poe had left the hanger a few hours before to get some rest; she figured she should do the same. She slowly made her way to her quarters, returning the smiles of everyone she passed. Her heart felt full at this acceptance, this feeling of belonging. When she reached her quarters, the first true bedroom she could remember having, she realized that she had found a home. 

With that happy thought on her mind, she intended to get some sleep. But first she needed to wash her ridiculous makeup off. Finn had teasingly told her that her streaked eye makeup made her look like a bearsloth. Rose protested, saying she was much cuter than a bearsloth and that she looked more like binjinphant. Rey didn’t know what either of those creatures were, but the way the two snorted with laughter, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She just wanted to get the paint off. 

After scrubbing her face and body and watching the black swirl down the drain of the shower with satisfaction, Rey slipped into her sleep clothes and settled into her bed. 

Twenty minutes later, she was up again. No matter what she did, no matter that she was bone tired, she couldn’t sleep. She tried to convince herself that it was just because she was trying to sleep during the day, but she knew that wasn’t all that kept her from closing her eyes. 

She sighed and changed into her normal clothes. If she was going to go sleepless yet again, she might as well work. 

She went to the hangar, looking over the work being done on the fleet. She could have gone to the bomber with damage to the rear ball turret, or the frigate with faulty artificial gravity projectors. Instead, she was drawn to the X-wing Poe had flown. It did not need major repairs, but she knew it was not outfitted to Poe’s liking. It was a T-70 class, but several of the weapons systems had been removed, presumably while the ship had sat in the ship yard. And it didn’t look like Black One. She thought that maybe she could fix that. 

Having never been able to see Black One up close before it was destroyed, she knew she needed help and she began to look around. She heard an inquisitive beep and turned to find just the droid she was looking for rolling up to her.

“No, I’m not tired, BB-8,” she answered his question. 

He whistled, turning his photoreceptor to look at the X-wing. 

She smiled down at the astromech. “I want to outfit and paint her like Black One. Will you help me?” 

BB-8 beeped excitedly before rolling off to fetch supplies. Rey retrieved her tools from the Falcon and returned to the X-wing to find that the droid had brought back black and orange paint, a paint gun, and more guns than she thought could fit on the fighter. 

“Can you show me a holo of Black One?” she asked the spherical droid and he eagerly complied. She studied the holo closely for several minutes before loading the paint gun and instructing BB to work on installing the weapons systems. Putting her goggles and scarf in place over her eyes and mouth, she started the stream of black paint.

* * *

 Poe awoke that evening, emerging from his quarters just as the sun was setting over Akuria. He sighed and stretched contentedly, realizing that he had slept soundly, without nightmares, for the first time in months. Maybe he needed to become nocturnal, he thought with a smile.

His stomach growled, but he turned away from the mess and towards the hangar. He could eat later. He felt—no, knew—that there was something he needed to see in the hangar.

It felt like all of the oxygen had left the cavernous room when he entered. He first saw BB-8 buzzing around the X-wing, beeping and whistling in delight. Then he saw the X-wing—but there was no way that was the same X-wing he’d flown that morning.

_It looked exactly like Black One_. 

The weapons systems weren’t fully restored yet, but that could be easily fixed if they made the right trades. But every line, every plane, every detail in orange and black was perfect. 

The last thing he saw was Rey, walking around the ship with paint gun in hand, goggles on, scarf over her mouth, and orange haphazardly streaked through her dyed black hair like she had gotten paint on her hand and then absentmindedly tucked her hair behind her ear. She pulled off the goggles and scarf when she saw him, looking sheepishly down at the paint gun. 

“What did you do?” he asked breathlessly as he walked towards them. 

She jerked her head up to look at him, slight dismay darkening her face. “Do you like it? I know the weapons systems aren’t fully restored yet, but we don’t have all of the parts.” 

“Like it?” He ran a hand through his hair. “Rey, I love it.” 

Her face brightened into a wide smile. 

He reached out a hand towards the wing, but she swatted it away. “Don’t touch! It’s still wet.” 

He walked slowly around the ship, chuckling when he saw the booster pod on the back. “BB-8 insisted I put it on,” she offered as an explanation. “He told me how much you liked to, in his words, ‘punch it.’” 

“Of course he did,” Poe replied, winking down at the droid 

When they walked back to the front of the ship, he looked into her eyes and grabbed her hand, gripping it tightly. “Thank you, Rey.” 

She met his gaze and squeezed his hand back. “You’re welcome, Poe.” 

They stood like that for a few moments, before Poe’s eyes travelled up to the orange in her hair. “Um,” he cleared his throat before gesturing towards his own head, “Rey, you have some paint in your hair.”

Her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened as she reached up, feeling the paint that was beginning to harden and flake. “Oh, kriff,” she cursed quietly before running away towards her quarters. 

She yelled back over her shoulder, “Take her out before that paint is dry and I’ll kill you, Dameron!” 

He laughed to himself. “No, I wouldn’t want that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter after the massive last one.


	7. Chapter 7

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39190870284/in/datetaken/)

Poe couldn’t sleep. 

He groaned when he rolled over and saw 0300 on his chronometer. He wondered if he would ever be able to sleep normally. 

But at least this time, he wasn’t awake because of a nightmare; he hadn’t had a nightmare, at least not one that ripped him from sleep with a scream, since he and Rey had discovered their—whatever it was they had. 

No, this time, he was awake because he made the brilliant decision to sleep for most of the day after they had returned from Nar Shaddaa and now he was paying for it. 

He showered and changed for the day, deciding he might as well get some work done on the new fleet. Rey’d already worked on the new Black One—he’d have to come up with another name—but there were nine other X-wings. 

Movement caught his eye as he walked down the hall to the hangar. He peered into the training room and found the Jedi he’d just been thinking of running through drills with her staff. His breath caught for a moment in his chest as he watched her, graceful and lethal in her movements. She looked like she was floating, flying, utterly unbound from the earth. 

The sweat that poured off of her showed that she was flesh and blood, though, not some ethereal being that had deigned to join their pathetic cadre. Poe noticed, with a persistent niggle of shame, how the moisture made her shirt cling to her toned stomach, her straight back, her—he gulped—slight curves. He should not be looking at her, he knew that, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.  

"Are you going to come in?" her voice pierced the stillness. She lowered the staff as she turned to him.  

He huffed an embarrassed chuckle, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry, I was just passing by and you caught my attention."  _You do that a lot_ , he thought. 

"It's alright," she said as she turned back to the practice dummy, raising the staff again.  

He should leave and go to the hangar like he intended. He knew that. But instead, he asked, "Would you like a partner?" She turned back to him, a question in her eyes. 

"A  _sparring_ partner?" he quickly added. "I haven't trained much in stick-fighting since I was in the Navy and had to learn a little of a whole bunch of fighting styles, but I'll respond more than that dummy." 

She just nodded and he went and grabbed one of the practice canes they'd found in the old training room when they arrived on base. It was much shorter than her staff, but it would have to do. He gripped it firmly in his right hand and squared his feet to her, bending his knees slightly.  

"It's just like we're dancing again," he said with a smirk.  

She smiled mischievously at him as she tightened her grip on the staff. "Except I'm much better at this."  

"Remember how I told you not to hit me then? I couldn't possibly ask you not to hit me now, could I?" 

"I make no promises," she said before lunging at him. He brought the cane up just in time to block her, the force of the hit vibrating up his arm.  

_Holy kriff_ , he thought. But he kept his expression neutral, constantly moving the cane to meet the staff.  

Until she feinted to the left and landed a hit on his right side, just below his ribs. The breath rushed out of him with a grunt, but he wasn't sure it was entirely from the blow.  

She grinned at him in her victory, cockily spinning the staff. He narrowed his eyes at her. "So it's going to be like that, huh?"  

Before she could respond, he rushed her, holding his left arm out to block the staff from his body while arcing the cane down towards her shoulder. She swiped it away easily, landing a smarting glance on his left arm at the same time. He didn't acknowledge the pain, simply launching another attack. And another. And another. And she deflected each one, so quickly and efficiently it seemed like she barely exerted herself.  

Twenty minutes later, Poe's shirt was dark with sweat and he was gasping for air. She was winded, though not nearly to the same extent, and sweat glistened on her face, but her eyes shined as she leaned against her staff and smiled at him. 

"Had enough?" she teased. He could only glare back at her. His 32-year-old body was screaming at him for thinking he could take on a 20-year-old, incredibly fit Jedi.  

When he finally caught his breath, he walked over to her. "I have an idea," he said. "Do you trust me?" 

She eyed him warily before nodding. With her signal, he reached out and pulled at the scarf she had looped in her belt.  

"What are you doing?" she asked quickly, starting to pull the scarf from his hands.  

"My dad told me about how he would help Luke train sometimes during the war against the Empire. They'd do this thing where Luke would cover his eyes and my dad would attack him and Luke would have to use the Force to sense where the attack was coming from. I think we should try it."

She still looked skeptical, but ultimately agreed. He pulled the scarf the rest of the way from her belt and tied it snugly around her eyes. He then jokingly waved his hand in front of her eyes. "What can you see?" 

"My scarf," she deadpanned. 

He chuckled. "Good," he said as he backed away, gripping the cane again. "Are you ready?" 

She planted her feet and clutched the staff in both hands. "Ready."  

He waited for a moment, letting her anticipate the attack. He could see her muscles tensing.  

"I said I'm read-" 

He launched himself to her right, swiping at her thigh. She brought the staff down to meet him, but not before he tapped the back of her leg.

They fell back into their starting positions. 

He attacked her left this time, swinging at her leg again before altering course at the last minute and arcing down to her shoulder. She swung the staff towards where the cane would have been if he'd continued towards her legs and he rapped her shoulder.  

She cried out in frustration.  

"Focus, Rey," he said calmly. "I know you can do this." 

The scarf scrunched around her forehead as she furrowed her brow and he nearly laughed. She took a deep breath and shook her shoulders slightly before squaring herself to him again. "Alright, I'm ready."  

He targeted her left side again. The clash of the impact between the staff and the cane sounded around them as she stopped his blow. She pumped her fist in victory and he couldn't stop the grin on his face. At least she couldn't see it.  

She met the next five attacks he made to her front and he could tell she was starting to feel more confident. Time to change it up.  

He circled her, deciding where he wanted to strike next. She tried to follow him, murmuring a slightly worried, "Poe."  

"You can do this," he said from behind her right shoulder and she spun to face him. He feinted back around her left and struck at the backs of her calves. She didn't even try to deflect it and jumped at the impact.  

"Come on, Rey," he said as he continued to circle, feeling slightly like a predator toying with his prey.  

She met his next three attacks, but they had been slow as Poe gave her time to refocus after each lunge. She needed more of a challenge.  

He increased the speed of his attacks, giving her less time to recover between each. She met the ones to her front, but when he started to circle her again, her defenses became sloppier. He was able to land every other hit, and he could sense her frustration growing. The air in the room started to feel heavy and charged.  

Poe suddenly knew what it felt like to have the prey suddenly reveal its very sharp teeth. She screamed in frustration as he tapped her back again and flung her right arm out to the side. Poe flew through the air and landed against the wall, the cane jerking from his hand and crashing to the ground. His eyes went wide and his stomach flooded with the cold sickness of fear when he found that he could not move. His limbs were frozen, pushed against the wall.  

"Rey!" he yelled, hysteria tinging his voice. The scarf still covering her eyes, Rey breathed sharply through her nose, her mouth twisted into a snarl.  

He yelled her name again, over and over, but she didn't hear him, couldn't hear him.  

Finally, he tried to take a deep breath, despite the pressure on his chest that kept him pinned to the wall, and screamed "Rey!" in his mind.  

She jerked, scrambling to pull the scarf from her eyes. When she saw him, realized what was happening, she dropped her hand and Poe slid down the wall. He sucked in shaky breaths as he remembered how to make his lungs function. 

Rey stared at her hand, as if it was some foreign object she had never seen before. She glanced up at him and he caught her eye for a second, before her gaze dropped to her hand again.

 He saw tears drop off of her cheeks, saw her struggle to swallow. Her hand twitched and he instinctively drew in on himself, away from the danger.  

But she wasn't dangerous, he knew that, despite what his adrenaline-fueled body was telling him. He pushed down that primal desire to flee and just sat there, watching her.  

"I'm sorry," she murmured, before turning on her heel and running out of the room. Her staff clattered to the ground in the wake of her departure. 

He stared at the space she'd left as the pressure in his chest lifted. Shutting his eyes, he leaned his head back against the wall he just been held captive against.  

This was the second time she'd run away from him in not even twelve hours. And he wasn't sure he had it in him to run after her. 


	8. Chapter 8

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/40033488991/in/datetaken/)

The Falcon’s corner of the hangar was quiet. Rey ran there before anyone else had woken up and quietly slipped on to the freighter. She thought momentarily of sitting in the cockpit, where she felt most comfortable, most in control. But it was far too visible. She couldn’t take anyone coming to find her right now. 

She thought of curling up in the ship’s bunk, burying her head under the blanket, but she didn’t want comfort or softness right now. She didn’t deserve it. 

She opened a hatch in the ship’s floor—the same hatch she, Finn, and BB-8 had attempted to hide in when Han and Chewie had found them—and slid in, closing the floor back up above her. She folded her limbs, hugging her legs to her chest. Tears stung her eyes as she leaned her head against her knees. 

She burned with her shame. She’d lost control, she’d let her frustration dominate her, and she’d hurt Poe. The terror she had seen on his face haunted her, made her feel sick. 

She yearned for Master Luke and his guidance. She had gone to him hoping he would help her find her place in the Force; instead, she had never felt more lost. Until now, her power had only hurt her enemies: Stormtroopers, thugs on Jakku, Kylo. But now she had hurt Poe, someone she had started to care for. 

What was worse, she had felt the dark side as she had held him against the wall, had listened to its alluring call. And she hadn’t resisted it, not until she heard Poe’s voice yelling in her mind. She had barely pulled herself back and she was terrified to think of what might have happened if she hadn’t. She was even more scared to think of what could happen the next time she listened to the darkness. 

She couldn’t help the Resistance if she didn’t have control over her powers. And she couldn’t risk hurting anyone else in the Resistance until she had control. She needed to stay away, hold herself aloof, until she knew her powers, knew herself. She was the last Jedi and she needed to act like it. 

She told herself it wouldn't be hard to pull away. After all, she'd spent most of her life alone, never trusting or relying on anyone. The last time she'd done so, she'd watched her Ghtroc 690 disappear from the Jakku atmosphere. 

She learned the hard way that it was better for herself if she was alone then. Now, she knew it was better for everyone else if she remained alone. 

A plan materialized as she sat in the hatch. She would stay on the Falcon, leaving the quarters she'd been given behind. If she thought the old freighter could take it, she'd move it out of the hangar and away from the base, but she feared that exposure to the cold would debilitate the ship. She would train either in the Falcon or somewhere else on the planet, away from anyone she could hurt. The ship had a significant supply of rations on it, so she wouldn't need to worry about food for a while; when she did, she'd requisition supplies from the mess in the middle of the night when everyone else would be asleep. She would interact with the other members of the Resistance only when ordered to do so by General Organa; otherwise, she would stay away.  

Just thinking of this plan made her ache with loneliness, but she had known that ache before--she could handle that ache. She wouldn't be able to handle the ache of shame and guilt if she hurt anyone else. 

As she tried to sharpen her resolve, a voice seemed to whisper on the edges of her mind. It sounded as if it was lightyears away, just barely brushing her consciousness. 

"Do not give in to fear, Rey," it whispered. "Fear leads to the dark side." 

She looked around her, even though she knew the voice wasn't in the hatch with her, wasn't of this world.  

"You have failed once, but you will fail again and again if you are alone," it continued. "To think that you can succeed without anyone else is hubris, and you will fail just as all Jedi before you if you allow hubris to rule you." 

Before she could respond, she heard the docking port of the Falcon open. She felt the presence leave her as quickly as it had come. Footsteps echoed above her. “Rey, I know you’re in here,” Finn’s voice cut through the silence. 

She buried her head against her knees, hoping that he would eventually give up if she didn’t answer. 

She wasn’t so lucky. Seconds later, the hatch was hauled open. Rey blinked up at Finn, squinting at the bright light. 

“Move over,” he commanded before jumping into the hatch. She tucked herself into the corner, turning her head towards the wall. She could almost feel Finn’s eyes on the back of her neck. 

She heard him sigh, and then his large hand rested on her shoulder, rubbing warm soothing circles there. 

“You don’t have to hide,” he murmured, his voice filling the small space. 

She remained silent, and Finn sighed again. 

“Poe told me what happened,” he stated calmly, with far less judgement than she deserved. Rey cringed at his words. 

“Does he hate me?” she whispered, unable to meet his worried eyes. 

“No,” he answered quickly, “of course he doesn’t hate you, Rey. Sure, he’s a little freaked out, but—” 

Rey spun on him. “He should hate me,” she cried, “and he should be more than a little freaked out. He should be terrified.” She turned away again, adding softly, “I am.” 

His comforting hand returned to her shoulder. “I know you’re scared, Rey. I would be more worried if you weren’t.” 

“I’m dangerous, Finn. I can’t stay here. I can’t hurt anyone else.” 

“Rey, you didn’t hurt Poe. He’s fine.” 

She looked at him with her tear-filled eyes. “You didn’t see how he looked at me. Like I’m some kind of monster.” 

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to. You took him by surprise.” 

“Yes, he did. Because I am a monster.” Finn opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. “I felt the dark side when I pinned him to the wall. I wouldn’t have pulled back if I hadn’t heard Poe yelling for me. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull back next time. I can’t put everyone at risk like that.” 

“Stop, Rey!” he yelled, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to turn towards him in the small space. “This is exactly what the First Order wants. They want us to let fear and distrust rip the Resistance apart from the inside. You can’t do that. You can’t let them win!” 

“Finn, I’ll destroy the Resistance if I can’t maintain control. If I go to the dark side—” 

“You won’t. I know you won’t,” he declared earnestly. 

“How can you know that?” she pleaded. “I just told you I felt the dark side.” 

“But you pulled back. You came back to the light.” 

“Only because of Poe. I couldn’t do it myself.” 

“You don’t have to do it yourself, Rey,” he said fiercely. “We will pull you back to the light. Always. I promise.” 

Tears shined in Rey’s eyes as she let Finn envelope her in a tight hug, bringing her hands up to clutch at his shoulders. Quiet sobs shook her frame and Finn ran a comforting hand over her hair. “You’re not alone, Rey,” he whispered. “Not anymore.” 

They stayed like that, clinging to each other in the cramped hatch for several minutes before Rey pulled away. She swiped at her wet eyes with the back of her hand. “Thank you, Finn,” she murmured. 

He smiled at her, reaching out to wipe away a stray tear she had missed. “You’re welcome.” 

Rey slumped back against the wiring. “What do we do now?” she asked with a sigh. 

“I think the mess is open in ten minutes. We can go get lunch.” 

She shoved his shoulder. “That’s not what I meant." 

His face brightened into a smile, before turning serious again. “You will train, learn to control your abilities. And we will help you, pull you back if we need to.” 

He went silent, studying her face for a few moments. He continued, “You have been the light for us, Rey. Let us be the light for you now.”

She hugged him tightly again, placing a light kiss on his cheek. 

Finn smirked at her when he pulled away. “Now can we go to the mess?” 

She swatted at him before clambering out of the hatch. They emerged from the Falcon, arm in arm, and Rey saw Poe standing with his squadron near the X-wings, flight suit tied around his waist. He raised his hand in a wave, a slight smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes on his face. She dropped her gaze to the hangar floor, unable to meet his eyes. She didn’t know when she would be able to look him in the eye again.


	9. Chapter 9

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39286452724/in/datetaken/)

Rey hadn’t spoken to him in two weeks. Not that they’d really had time—he’d been busy with rebuilding Black Squadron and she’d been busy doing whatever the last Jedi did—but he missed talking to her. She had become a steady presence in his life and her sudden absence left him uneasy. 

He wanted to talk to her about what had happened, too. No, he _needed_ to talk to her about it. She had thrown him against a wall, completely paralyzing him, and only stopped when he’d tapped into whatever connection they had and yelled to her. Had he pulled her back? The rational voice in his head told him that was impossible, but Rey hearing his nightmares was already impossible, so maybe he didn’t know what was possible anymore. 

He’d been scared when she pinned him to the wall, terrified even, but he’d known the whole time that she wouldn’t hurt him. It wasn’t like when he’d been captured by the First Order and tortured by Kylo Ren, when he knew in his bones that he was going to die—until he didn’t. No, he’d known, even as he watched the snarl twist Rey’s mouth, that she would come back, that she would let him go. 

He needed her to know that. Finn told him how shaken she was, how she thought she was a monster. And he’d seen it on her face, when she wouldn’t meet his eyes, wouldn’t return his smile, would only stare at the ground with shame on her face. He needed to tell her that she wasn’t a monster, that she never could be. 

But he didn’t know when he’d ever get the chance to talk to her. He could never find her alone long enough to get her to talk to him. She constantly had a companion, usually Finn, Rose, or Chewie, no matter what she was doing—training, working on the Falcon, meditating. She didn’t engage with them as she had with him during their ill-fated training session, but they were always there. Like they were waiting for something. Waiting to pull her back. 

He looked over to the Falcon from his position near Ebon One. Rey sat on the ground meditating, the broken lightsaber in her lap again. He wondered if it made her feel closer to Luke when she held it, if it let her reach out to him somehow. If she could feel Skywalker, receive guidance from him from wherever Jedi went after death, he envied her. The thought consumed him as he absentmindedly stroked the ring around his neck. He could use some guidance right now from someone he’d lost far too soon. 

Rose sat on a crate near her, tinkering with an engine part, paying no attention to her charge. She looked up suddenly and caught Poe looking at them before he could drop his gaze. She smiled knowingly at him and waved. He sheepishly waved back before turning to the X-wing, his cheeks beginning to burn. 

“You’ve got it bad, Dameron,” Jessika quipped as she reached around him to grab a wrench, playfully bumping him with her hip. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Pava,” he ground out as he fiddled with some wiring on the third laser cannon.

“Uh-huh,” she laughed. “You’re so obvious, Threnalli’s even figured it out and he usually couldn’t pick up on social cues even if they were a herd of nerfs running right at him.” 

Poe turned on his squad mate. “Pava, she’s a friend. That’s it. We could all use more friends right now.” 

Jessika rolled her eyes. “Sure, Poe.” She set down the tool and started to walk away. She yelled back over her shoulder, “You might want to come to the common room later. Snap found something you might be interested in.” 

He watched his friend leave, trying not to think too hard about what she’d said, before turning back to his work. Within moments, he found his eyes wandering back to Rey. Grumbling at himself, he threw his pliers down and stalked out of the hangar. 

He wasn’t going to go in the common room. He loved his squad, he really did, but he couldn’t take much more of their ribbing right now. He just wanted to get some sleep, if that was even possible. The nightmares had gotten worse again; he tried to convince himself that it had nothing to do with this—whatever this was—going on, or not going on, between him and Rey. So he intended to just go to his quarters, take a sleeptab or five, and pass out. 

That is, until he passed the common room and heard strumming. _Horrible_ strumming. 

He ducked into the room to find Snap holding a guitar. It was horrifically out of tune and one of the strings looked like it would break at any minute, but it was a guitar nonetheless. And he hadn’t seen one since he was still in the Navy. 

“Where did you find that?” he asked, gesturing to the instrument. 

“The Chadra-Fan smuggler I was trading with for fuel gave it to me—he didn’t have any use for it.”

“And what are you doing with it? You’ve got as much musical talent as a Runyip.” 

“Dosh off, you son of a Kath hound. You take it then,” he said, shoving the guitar into Poe’s chest. He ran his hands over the instrument, gingerly plucking the strings. He tuned it as best he could, but he’d never been the greatest at tuning by ear. It was passable, though. 

His fingers danced over the strings, playing little bits of all of the songs that suddenly flooded his head. It had been so long since he’d played, he didn’t even know where to start. 

He settled on a light, lilting melody, humming along to the verse. “ _You came close enough to know my heartbeat_ ,” he sang softly to himself, “ _but not close enough to me._ ”

“Louder,” he heard Jess yell as she plopped into a chair, feet up on the table. 

He rolled his eyes but complied. She wouldn’t stop if he didn’t. 

“ _Through the good times and the bad_  
_You were the best I never had_  
_The only chance I wish I had to take_  
_There was no writing on the wall_  
_No warning signs to follow_  
_I know now, and I just can’t forget  
__You’re the best I never had_ ” 

He stopped abruptly, to much protesting from the squad. “Why’d you stop, Dameron?” Karè cried. “You know we love your angelic voice.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. 

He set the guitar down on a table, hand lingering on the neck “I’m just not feeling it tonight. Maybe tomorrow.” 

Just then, Finn, Rose, and Rey walked in. He stopped in his tracks, watching them take in the guitar and his grip on it with a mixture of surprise from Finn, excitement from Rose, and wariness from Rey. 

“Now you’ve gotta play, Poe. We’ve heard you sing before, but they haven’t,” Snap said, gesturing to the new arrivals. 

“Oh, please, Poe,” Rose exclaimed, “we’d love to hear you. Right?” She looked from Finn to Rey.

“Yeah, sure,” Finn answered before sitting next to Jess. Rey just nodded before walking to the chair in the far corner. Rose looked after her with sad eyes before going to sit by Finn. 

He reluctantly picked the instrument back up, fiddling with the tuning pegs a bit to keep his eyes from wandering to the girl in the back of the room, keep his attention from the clenching in his stomach. 

He couldn’t believe he was nervous. He was Poe _kriffing_ Dameron. He’d faced down the blasted First Order nearly singlehandedly before, but the thought of singing one little song had him feeling like he was a rookie pilot. 

He sat on the table Jess had her feet on and settled the guitar in his arms. He looked over the room at his comrades, his _friends_ , with encouraging smiles on their faces. 

Except for her—she just kept her gaze on her hands and her expression unreadable. 

He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, wracking his brain for something to sing. 

It hit him like a stun blast. Memories flooded his mind—of his mother and father singing while they cooked dinner, their voices blending to tell the mournful tale of a man who lost his lover and could only find comfort in the mourning dove that visited his window. 

He strummed a few chords, making sure he remembered how it went. Then he took a deep breath and began.

 _“Dicen que por las noches no más se le iba en puro llorar_  
_Dicen que no comía, no más se le iba en puro tomar._  
_Juran que el mismo cielo se estremecía al oír su llanto._  
_Cómo sufrió por ella, que hasta en su muerte la fue llamando._ ”

As he sang, he was transported back to the Yavin 4 of many years ago. The warm light of the sunset poured into the kitchen as he played with spare droid parts his mother had handed to him to keep him distracted while she and his father made dinner. His father started the song, coaxing it out of his mother with a kiss.

 _“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba,_    
_Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay gemía,_  
_Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba,_    
_De pasión mortal moría.”_

His mother’s soprano lilted over the words, while his father’s baritone anchored the song to the earth of their kitchen. He could see the love, the adoration in his father’s eyes as he watched his wife. 

 _“Que una paloma triste muy de mañana le va a cantar_    
_A la casita sola con sus puertitas de par en par_    
_Juran que esa paloma no es otra cosa más que su alma_  
_Que todavía espera a que regrese la desdichada._ ” 

His father guided his mother’s hands to set the knife down, leaving her chopping behind. They joined in a slow, bittersweet dance, resting their foreheads together as they sang, breath and notes mixing. Then they turned to Poe, lifting him up and clutching him to them as they finished the song. He remembered laughing at the vibrations of the dove’s mournful calls in their chests as they held him. 

 _“Cucurrucucú paloma, cucurrucucú no llores_.  
_Las piedras jamás, paloma, ¿qué van a saber de amores_?  
_Cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú,_  
_Cucurrucucú, paloma, ya no le llores.”_  

As his fingers stopped, he could feel the warmth of their arms around him. Silent tears slid down his cheeks, but he quickly dashed them away as he set down the guitar. He was greeted first by stunned silence, then enthusiastic clapping and some cheers and whistles, particularly from Jess and Finn. He offered them a half-hearted smile, bowing slightly. As he straightened, he noticed Rey staring at him, tears shining in her eyes. He nodded to her, and for the first time in two weeks, she tried to smile at him. 

He stood and walked towards the door, amid calls of “Encore, encore!” He waved them off, saying, “That’s it for tonight. I have to leave you wanting more.” 

He stepped into the hall to find General Organa leaning against the wall. He pulled himself to attention. “General,” he saluted. 

“Cut the crap, Dameron,” she said with a laugh. “When have we ever been that formal?” 

Poe shrugged. “I have to set a good example for my team.” 

“Yeah, right, Poe,” Karé yelled from the common room. 

He winced as Leia laughed, “Some good example.” Her smile faded as she reached out and set her hand on his arm. “You got your father’s voice, I hear.” 

He self-consciously smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” 

“I remember hearing them sing that song,” she said, her eyes softening at the memory. She moved her hand to cup his cheek. “She would be so proud of you.” 

He swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling tight. “Thank you, General.” 

“I’m going to get you some leave time soon, so you can go see your father. I know he’s worried about you.” 

“I shouldn’t leave the Resistance, General. My team needs me.” 

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “I think they’d be fine. But I know you’re as stubborn as Shara and Kes combined, so I won’t fight you. I’ll work on getting you a secure comm link to him at the very least.” 

“That’s very kind of you, General,” he said with a smile.

She returned his smile, before her face turned serious again. “Walk with me, Commander. I need to discuss an upcoming mission with you.” 

He followed Leia, glancing back into the common room as they passed. He smiled when he saw that Rey had moved to join everyone else, laughing with Rose and Karé at some joke Finn and Snap were telling, before turning his attention back to Leia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first song Poe sings is "Never Had" from the movie _10 Years_. A clip from the movie that features Oscar singing this song can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URchUjgghb0).
> 
> The second song is "Cucurrucucu Paloma". A video of Oscar singing this song with Gaby Moreno can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXL4Q6ZXYmI).


	10. Chapter 10

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/40214357551/in/datetaken/)

She was going back to Jakku.

Only a few weeks before, all she could think of what getting back there, but now the thought of returning made her sick. But the escort frigate needed a new repulsorlift emitter and she’d stashed one in her walker-turned-shelter. She had saved it to turn in to Unkar on a day that she couldn’t find anything viable. A small hopeful part of her had kept it just in case she came across another ship like the Ghtroc 690. She’d gotten sucked into this fight before she could turn the part in, though. 

It wasn’t like the Resistance could just go trade for parts without the First Order figuring out that they had ships, so she was off to Jakku. Maybe she’d be able to salvage some other parts while she was there. Or take some from Unkar. He owed her for trying to sell her and BB-8 to the First Order.

She prepped the U-wing, having decided that the outdated, nondescript ship would be best for the mission. She didn’t want to take any of the ships from Nar Shaddaa and risk the First Order learning they’d found a fleet. And she didn’t want Unkar getting some big idea to take the Falcon back. She filled the transport for a multi-day mission, packing food, water, blankets, clothes, tools, and several memetic sheets to cover the ship, even though she hoped the trip wouldn’t take that long. She also checked the forward cannons, just in case. 

As she packed, she heard an inquisitive beep behind her. She turned to find BB-8 rolling into the ship. 

“Did Poe tell you to go with me?” she asked him with a smile. 

The pilot climbed up the ramp behind his droid. “No, I told him to go with me,” he answered for his astromech. 

Rey’s stomach dropped. “What do you mean?” she asked. 

“General Organa wants you to have backup. I volunteered.” 

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said, dropping her eyes to the ship’s floor. “Don’t you need to stay and train with Ebon Squadron?” 

“They’ll be fine without me for a few days. I left Snap in charge.” 

“I really don’t need backup,” she said as she secured a pack. “I’m just going to pick up some parts I stashed. It shouldn’t even take a standard day.” 

“The General insisted. You’re too important to not have someone watching out for you. And the First Order might be expecting you to go back to Jakku at some point. We can’t risk you.” 

Poe dropped his pack from his shoulder and secured it. As he helped BB-8 anchor to the ship, he added, “Besides, I told the General that we make a good team and she agreed.” 

She knew arguing with him was pointless, so she just continued the departure sequence. He settled into the co-pilot’s seat, data pad in hand, while she inputted the coordinates for Jakku. He silently read through the entirety of their departure, only looking up briefly when they entered hyperspace. 

“The old girl’s treating you well, I see,” he muttered softly. BB-8 blipped affirmatively behind them. 

Rey smiled slightly. “I kinda like her. She’s temperamental, a little unpredictable, but strong now that we’ve got her fixed up a bit.” 

 “A kindred spirit, perhaps?” he asked with a chuckle. 

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Maybe,” she admitted. 

They passed the rest of the flight in silence, Poe reading his data pad and Rey peeking at him every so often. She started to talk to him several times, but each time she opened her mouth, she saw the terrified look on his face in her mind and closed it once more. She wished she could go sit with BB-8—at least she could talk to him. Or that a black hole would spontaneously open up and swallow her. Either one would be fine.

Poe stowed the data pad when they entered Jakku’s atmosphere. Surveying the desert planet, he sighed. “I’d hoped I would never see this place again.”

“Me too,” Rey muttered as she lowered the ship to the surface. They needed to stay low to avoid being seen. 

“What are you doing?” Poe asked with a bit of alarm as she started to weave through the graveyard. 

“Ships don’t come to Jakku all that often. If we don’t want to be swarmed by scavengers or get First Order troopers called on us immediately, we need to stay out of sight.” 

She guided the old ship through the graveyard gracefully, and she could feel Poe’s wide eyes on her. “How did you learn to fly like this around here?”

“You’ll see,” she answered, eyes focused out the view port. 

She banked around the Spike and skimmed over the Crackle, setting the ship towards her walker. They covered the distance in seconds, much faster than her speeder ever could, and she pulled up to guide the U-wing to a stop next to what had been her home for so many years. Putting the ship in low power mode, she grabbed the mimetic sheets and lowered the ramp, leaving Poe and BB-8 to follow. She glanced at what was left of her walker before starting to throw the sheets over the ship. 

“Can you give me a hand with these?” she called to Poe. 

He appeared in front of her in seconds, startling her as he grabbed the corner of the sheet she was unfolding. They threw it up over the hull of the ship. Rey pressed the actuator and watched the back end of the ship disappear.

She turned back to find Poe already unfolding the next sheet. “You lived here?” He nodded towards the walker. 

“As soon as I was scavenging on my own, yeah. It took some time to dig it out of the sand, but I made it work.” 

They threw four other memetic sheets over the ship—it was harder to cover than the Ghtroc 690 had been. By the time they were done, BB-8 had already opened her makeshift door and rolled his way into the troop compartment she’d called home. 

“You can go inside,” she told Poe, shielding her eyes from the bright Jakku sun to look at him. “I need to check on some things out here.” 

He looked like he wanted to protest but did as she told. She circled the walker, searching for signs that other scavengers had ravaged the structure. They’d peeled metal and parts from the legs, but nothing essential was gone—she’d made sure to weld those parts in place years before. Some of the compartments she’d made around the structure hadn’t been found, so she gathered the smaller parts she’d stashed there—gyros, wiring, band limiters. Not the rarest parts, but parts that could be useful nonetheless. 

She put her haul of parts in her bag before slipping into the walker. She found Poe standing over her workbench, fiddling with one of her lights. He banged it a few times and it flickered on reluctantly. 

“Sorry,” she said as she threw the bag down on the bench and moved towards the cabinet she’d hidden behind a false wall in the walker’s ‘head’. “It does that.” 

“No problem,” Poe said with a smirk. He glanced around her space, before saying, “Well, this is-” 

She cut him off before he could say anything disparaging. “I know it’s not much, but I managed.” 

“I was actually going to say that it was impressive. You made a walker into a livable, workable space. With power, even. And—is that an old Y-wing display? What’d you use that for?” 

She flipped the power on to the display. “You asked how I learned to fly.” He nodded. She pulled the flight simulator up, showing it to him on the cracked screen. “This is how.” 

“Wait, you mean you rigged up a flight simulator out here? In the middle of nowhere?” He looked from the screen to her, disbelief on his face. 

She rubbed at the back of her neck and shrugged. “I needed something to do when _X’us’R’iia_ came.” 

She could tell he wanted to ask more questions, but she turned her attention back to her cabinet. She pulled the false wall aside, undoing the knots in the rope she’d used to secure the hidden door. She opened it to find— 

_Nothing._  

Despair flooded her chest. “Damn it!” she nearly screamed, slamming the door closed. 

BB whistled in alarm and Poe shuffled towards her, trying to maneuver the tight space. “What is it?” he asked fiercely, eyes searching her face. 

“It’s gone,” she growled. “The repulsorlift emitter, it’s gone. Unkar must have had his thugs come and get it.” 

“I don’t understand,” Poe said, scanning the space. “It doesn’t look like anything else was disturbed in here. Wouldn’t it be a wreck if they had to find a cabinet in a false wall?” 

“No. When I started scavenging on my own, Unkar made sure people left me alone. I was his best scavenger, so he didn’t want anyone messing with me. But I know he had his thugs scope out my place. He probably knew where the cabinet was before I’d even put it there, he just never touched it because he knew I’d eventually give him whatever I had stashed there. Once I left with the Falcon and after what Chewie did to him on Takodana, I’m sure he wanted everything in the cabinet. Including the repulsorlift emitter.” 

Poe quirked an eyebrow. “What Chewie did to him on Takodana?” 

She waved him off. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you on the way.” 

“On the way where?” 

“To Niima Outpost. We’re getting that part back.” 

Poe followed her to the door. “You’re going to fly to the Outpost? Weren’t we trying to avoid attention?” 

Rey stopped and turned to him, rolling her eyes. “No, I’m not going to fly. We’re going to walk. My speeder’s long gone, probably blown up when the First Order was coming after BB-8 or stripped bare by now. I’m going to get us water. We’re going to need it.” 

Poe ducked his head out the door, but quickly pulled it back in. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rey.” 

“What do you mean?” she asked as she stuck her head out. Her question trailed off as she saw the sandstorm forming on the horizon, lightning flashing and winds rising. 

She pushed him back into the walker, so forcefully he stumbled back over the concerned droid. She grabbed her salvaged goggles from the shelf near the door, sliding them onto her face and quickly wrapping her scarf around her nose and mouth. “Stay here,” she commanded before running out of the walker. 

“Rey!” She could hear him screaming her name for only a moment before the wind stole his voice away. The sand blasted her bare upper arms as she ran and she hissed at the sting. She tore back one of the memetic sheets and slammed her hand on the ramp release, jumping up onto the ramp before it was even halfway down and hauling it closed behind her, the mechanics groaning. The wind rocked the U-wing as she scrambled to grab supplies. Hauling both her and Poe’s packs to her, she hastily opened them and threw in food, water, blankets, medikit, clothes, tools, everything she thought they might need to ride out the storm. Lugging both packs, she raced out of the ship, not bothering to fix the sheet. They wouldn’t make it through the storm anyway.

The rapidly increasing slowed her return to the walker as it pushed against her every step. It felt like every inch of bare skin was being stripped away by the sand.

Suddenly, a loose scrap of metal flew off of the walker and slammed into Rey’s face, shattering one of the lens of her goggles and ripping them off her face. Light exploded behind her right eye at the impact and the pain forced her to her knees. She could feel the blood from the cut on her temple seeping into her scarf as she tried to crawl towards the walker, pulling the two packs behind her. 

Strong arms suddenly wrapped around her shoulders and she felt herself being dragged forward, alarmed beeps following her. They all fell into the walker, man, woman, droid, and packs in a heap. When her vision cleared, Rey looked up to see Poe with her threadbare blanket wrapped around his face, sand clinging to his dark hair. He ripped it away from his face, grit pouring off of him, as he crouched over her, fingers gently probing at her wound. She pushed him away, gesturing at the crack in the hull of the walker. “You need to cover that or we’ll be up to our necks in sand in minutes.” 

He grabbed the blanket he’d just removed and secured it over the split with the magnets she pointed out. Then he returned to her side, reaching out again to examine her cut. She flinched away from his hands. 

“Hey, you’ve got to let me look at it,” he murmured. She reluctantly nodded and let him carefully unwind the scarf. She grunted as he pulled the fibers from the gash. His face darkened with concern. “I know, I’m sorry.” 

He grabbed one of their bottles of water and poured it on her temple. Bloody water dropped to the sandy ground, splashing on their boots. 

“Don’t use too much,” she muttered. “We don’t know how long we’ll need to make it last.” 

“Rey, you grabbed ten bottles. I think we’ll be okay,” he chuckled.

She flicked her eyes down to the ground, embarrassment flooding her. “Sorry, I’m not used to having enough.” 

He reached over for the medikit BB-8 held out to him, pulling out a sterile cloth. “I get it,” he said as he brought the cloth up to the wound. 

The air between them seemed to disappear when she gazed up into his dark eyes, realizing just how close he was as he dabbed at her head. 

He grabbed the disinfectant spray from the kit. “This is going to hurt,” he warned. 

She yelped when the spray hit the wound, and she bit down on her tongue to keep any other sounds from escaping her. BB-8 beeped in concern. “I’m okay,” she grounded out to the worried droid, “it just stings.” 

Poe focused on his work, his eyes never leaving her injury. He pressed the cloth to her head. “I need the bleeding to slow before I can put a bacta patch on it.” 

“I can hold it,” Rey said and she reached up her hand. When he saw how badly the limb was shaking, though, he shook his head. 

“You’re going to sit down back there and let me keep pressure on your wound, alright?” She let him lead her to the back wall of the shelter and help her sit down. He settled next to her, hand pressed firmly to her skull. 

Her head suddenly felt like it weighed as much as the walker’s and all she wanted to do was close her eyes. She found herself involuntarily slumping against Poe.

“Hey—hey, Rey—stay with me.” His voice sounded like she had sand stuffed in her ears. When she opened her eyes again, she found herself staring up at him. She realized with some panic that her head was resting in his lap and she tried to move away, but he pushed her firmly back down. 

“No, no, you’re not going anywhere. You’ll pass out on me if you do.” 

She just stared up at him, head too fuzzy to come up with a reply. He quirked his mouth into a small smile, but she could see the fear lingering in his eyes. A few stray pieces of sand fell out of his hair into her face and she blinked against them. He wiped them away with his other hand. “Sorry, I didn’t really have enough time to shake out the sand before you collapsed on me.” 

“-s okay,” she slurred, her eyelids fluttering. 

Poe shook her gently. “Hey, you’ve gotta stay awake, Rey,” he said worriedly. 

“But I’m so tired,” she whined. 

“That would be your probable concussion talking. But you gotta stay with me, sunshine.” 

“-cussion? Sunshi-?” she mumbled, as her head lolled to the side. Poe placed his hands on either side of her head, stabilizing her neck. 

“Hey, look at me,” he murmured, leaning closer to her. “Tell me about living on Jakku.” 

“It’s nowhere,” she said emphatically, with more force than she thought she was capable just then. “I was left here, I learned how to fend for myself, and I left. End of story.” 

“Everything in here tells me there’s a lot more to this story than that. So I guess I’m just going to have to start asking about what I see. I think I’ll start with your jerry-rigged flight simulator. Where’d it come from?” 

She blinked up at him a few times, trying to force some clarity into her thoughts. She found her tongue a few moments later. “Well, you already know it’s a Y-wing display. I got some data chips off of Zephra-series hauler and the flight simulator was on them and intact.” 

“What’s your favorite sequence to run?” 

“Full-throttle atmospheric reentry to Megalox Beta with repulsor-engine failure. Or the obstacle course through the jungle of Yavin 4 in an X-wing.” 

Poe just looked down at her for a moment before laughing out loud, jostling her a bit. He steadied her head before saying, “I’m sorry, but you’re kidding me, right?”

She looked quizzically up at him. “Why?” 

“First, I’ve been on a mission to Megalox Beta, so I know what the gravitational pull of that blasted planet is. The only way to survive there is with a gravity shield. So if you can successfully reenter atmo at full-throttle with repulsor-engine failure on Megalox Beta, even if it’s only a sim, you’re an even better pilot that I thought you were.” 

She felt the blush rise on her cheeks. She hoped he couldn’t feel it beneath his hands. 

“Second, I grew up on Yavin 4. I learned how to fly doing the real-life version of the obstacle course that you simm’ed. Forget our race on Akuria—I’m taking you to Yavin 4 and we’ll see how good your sim was.” 

“Well, I think Jess and Finn are already taking bets on our race on Akuria, so we can’t disappoint them,” she laughed, “but if you get me to Yavin 4, I’ll race you.” 

He smiled down at her. “You’re on.” 

He looked around and she watched him scan the walker for the next thing he wanted to ask about. His gaze landed on the doll that she now self-consciously wished she’d gotten rid of. “Is that supposed to be an X-wing pilot?” 

Her cheeks were blazing now. There was no way he didn’t feel it; hopefully he’d just attribute it to her injury. “Yeah, it is. One of the first things I found in the graveyard was the flight helmet of an Alliance captain, Dosmit Raeh. I made the doll when I found a flight suit in a cargo container. I pretended the doll was Captain Raeh and we’d explore the walker together.” She noticed how his eyes had softened. “I was only ten,” she added quickly. 

“And was I what you expected?” he asked cheekily. 

“What?”

“Well, you spent your childhood imagining what X-wing pilots were like. Did I fit your expectation?”

“Who says you were the first X-wing pilot I met?” 

“Just guessing.” 

She wanted to give him an equally cheeky answer, but looking up at him, feeling his hands on either side of her face, she couldn’t. “Yeah, you did. I spent hours imagining Captain Raeh finding lost rebels and bringing them back to their ships, back home. And you’d do that. You’d make sure someone found their way back home.” 

She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. He took a breath like he wanted to say something—she felt his chest expand—but he stopped. Instead, he gently rubbed his thumb against her cheek and nodded. They sat like that for a few minutes until he shifted his gaze to the wall she’d hoped he wouldn’t ask about. 

“What do those marks mean?” 

She sighed. “One for every day I waited for my parents to come back.” 

His expression was stunned. “But there must be thousands of marks up there.” 

“3,052.” 

He looked from the wall to her with pity, which made her stomach twist cruelly. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said fiercely as she crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head to the side, forcing him to let go of her face. “I was stupid to wait for them, to have hope. They were nobodies who didn’t care about me. Why would they? I’m nothing.” A tear slid out of the corner of her eye and dripped onto his pants. 

“That is a fucking lie.” He spoke with such force, such anger that she snapped her head up to look at him, wincing at the pain from the movement. His dark eyes burned into hers. “I _never_ want to hear you say something like that again.” 

“But it’s true. They left me,” she said defiantly, setting her jaw. 

“Then screw them,” he ground out. “They’re nothing if they could just leave you here to fend for yourself as a child. They’re nothing if they couldn’t value and love you the way you should have been. They’re nothing if they couldn’t see that you are _something_. Not you.” 

Her heart fluttered for a second, but she tamped it down. She was already vulnerable enough, with her head literally resting in his lap. So she quirked an eyebrow. “I’m something?” 

“I’m not the most eloquent when I’m angry, okay?” he said with a gruff laugh. “But, yes, you are something. You’re more than something. Never doubt that.”

She smiled softly. “Thank you, Poe.” 

He smiled back. “You’re welcome.” He carefully lifted the cloth from her temple, examining the wound. “Looks like you’ve finally stopped bleeding. BB, grab me that bacta patch.” 

The droid gingerly picked out the patch from the medikit and rolled over to his master with it. Poe unwrapped it and gently placed it over the cut. Rey practically moaned at the soothing sensation, chomping down on her lip to stop the sound. Poe’s eyes crinkled as his face lit with a relieved grin. “Feeling better?” 

She nodded, a sleepy smirk on her lips. 

“Good. I think you’re out of the woods now, but we’ll still want to get you checked by medical when we get back to base.” He reached out for the blanket BB-8 brought over, folding it into a pillow. He lifted her head off of his lap, sliding the blanket into the space where his legs had just been. He grabbed another blanket from his pack and spread it over her. He stayed crouched down near her head. “Do you need anything else?” 

She shook her head, pulling the blanket up to her chin. 

He gently pushed a lock of hair off of her forehead. “Get some rest,” he murmured. She watched him walk over to her workbench, queuing up the flight simulator by the flickering light of her lantern. She laughed to herself when she heard him swear under his breath. He must have crashed. 

A warm contentment spread through her as her eyelids finally became too heavy and she gave into sleep, safe from the winds of _X’us’R’iia._

* * *

Rey woke the next morning to excited beeping. She opened her eyes to find BB-8 rolling into the walker, Poe behind him. The sky that backlit him was clear— _X’us’R’iia_ had passed. And he’d apparently already cleared the sand from the door and ventured out into the desert.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he wiped sweat from his forehead. 

She sat up slowly. “My head hurts. And I feel like I’m covered in several pounds of sand.” 

He gulped down some water. Her eyes followed the drop that trailed down his chin. “I guess that’s to be expected. You didn’t really get a chance to shake the sand out before you ended up on the floor.” 

“If I remember correctly, you made me get on the floor.”

“Because I didn’t want you to fall and hit your head again.” 

“Well, you could have at least gotten the sand off first.” 

She watched as his cheeks reddened. “I’m not really sure that would have been appropriate,” he stammered. 

“I’m kidding—mostly” she said with a laugh. She pulled off her boot and dumped the sand out, watching the small pile form. “You could have at least emptied my boots.” 

“I had bigger things to worry about than your boots, sunshine. Like stopping the blood gushing out of your head.” 

It was Rey’s turn to redden at the nickname that he seemed to have decided to stick with. 

He handed her a bottle of water and a ration bar, before starting to refill their packs. “Are you ready to head back to base?” 

She bit into the bar and studied him with confusion. “We have to go get the repulsorlift emitter from Unkar first.” 

He pointed to the bag she hadn’t noticed he brought in. “Already got it.” 

“You went to Niima without me?” she asked around the bite in her mouth. 

“BB knew the way,” he said with a shrug. “I just pounded on the stand until that slug opened up and demanded the part back.” 

“There’s no way Unkar just gave it to you,” she said doubtfully. 

“BB might have zapped him a few times.” The droid emitted a crackle of electricity with a smug whistle. 

“He gave me everything else he had, including your speeder, when I threatened to go get the Wookiee to pull off the other arm.”

“I don’t remember telling you about that last night,” she said, scrunching her face in confusion. “Was I more out of it than I thought?” 

“No, I guessed,” he grinned. “But his reaction told me I was spot on.” 

She laughed joyfully, imagining the look on Plutt’s face. Poe returned her smile. 

“Go get on the U-wing,” he instructed, pushing her towards the door. “BB and I will load up.” 

She stepped out of his reach and leaned down to grab her pack. “I’m not an invalid, Poe. I can help.” 

He pulled the bag from her grasp. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re going to get on the ship, BB and I are going to load up, I’m going to change your bacta patch, and then I’m going to fly us home. Got it?” 

She rolled her eyes, grumbling, “Yes, sir,” as she shuffled out of the walker. 

“That’s ‘Yes, sir, Commander Dameron,’” he yelled to her. 

“Don’t push it,” she called back, stepping around the piles of parts and her speeder in the hold to get to the cockpit. 

Twenty minutes later, everything was loaded, Rey was wearing a fresh bacta patch, and they were leaving Jakku’s atmosphere. “You know, I may actually prefer snow to sand,” Poe said as they jumped into hyperspace, glancing over at her with a wink. 

“I definitely do,” she replied. 

“Could you go grab me a ration bar?” he asked. “There should be some near the top of my pack.” 

She ducked out of the cockpit and found the bag amid all of the parts. She grabbed the ration bar and started to zip it back up when she noticed something orange. She pushed the blanket aside and realized that it was her X-wing pilot. She zipped the bag back up with a grin on her face and returned to the cockpit. Before she sat back in the co-pilot’s seat, she placed a soft kiss on Poe’s cheek. 

He looked over at her with surprise. “What was that for?” 

“For Captain Raeh,” she said quietly. 

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “I had to help her get back home, didn’t I? It’s what X-wing pilots do.” 

“Right,” she answered, settling into the seat and gazing out at the stars, “it is.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my favorite chapter that I've written so far. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


	11. Chapter 11

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39376923925/in/datetaken/)

Rey slept through most of the ride back to Akuria II. She had scrunched herself into a ball in the co-pilot’s seat, her arms crossed tightly over her chest and her legs drawn up. He chuckled lightly to himself when he caught her head bobbing as sleep took her, before she finally let it lull back against the seat. Every so often, she snored softly. Once Poe had the U-wing safely in hyperspace—or as safely in hyperspace as the old girl could be—he went into the hold and retrieved a blanket for her. After he spread it over her, she pulled it up to her chin without opening her eyes, murmuring what sounded like a vague “Thank you.” He smiled fondly at her and returned to the pilot’s seat. 

BB-8 rolled up behind his seat, beeping a quiet inquiry. 

Poe turned to the droid and patted his domed head before glancing over at the sleeping woman beside him. “She’ll be alright, buddy. But I am going to take her to medical when we get back.” 

BB blipped. 

“I want her to get checked out. Just in case. The bacta’s helped, but I’m not a medic.” 

The droid spun his head quickly towards Rey, almost like he was checking to make sure she was still asleep, before whistling a question to his master. 

Poe chuckled down at his friend. “Yes, she is pretty special, buddy. I agree.” 

BB’s photoreceptor widened as he asked Poe another question. 

Poe’s cheeks flamed, and he stole a glance at Rey. “I do like her. She’s a good friend.” 

The infuriatingly cute and curious astromech bleeped a third question. 

Poe’s eyes widened and he practically choked, trying to cover the shocked reaction with a cough. He spun around to glare at the droid. “We’ll talk about that later.” 

BB beeped in protest, but Poe cut him off. “No, we’ll talk about it later. And about what questions are and are not appropriate to ask.” 

He thanked the Force that he heard a quiet snore to his right as the blush slowly faded from his face. That blasted droid would be the death of him. 

The rest of the flight back to Akuria passed uneventfully, Poe occasionally humming to himself to fill the silence in the cockpit while Rey slept on and BB-8 sulked in the hull. 

After he’d pulled into the hangar, he reached over to gently shake Rey awake. She slowly opened her eyes, blinking at him several times. 

“We’re here,” he said quietly.

“Did I sleep the whole time?” she asked as she unfolded her limbs, languidly stretching her arms above her. A peek of her midriff showed and Poe swallowed heavily, turning his eyes away. 

“As soon as we hit hyperspace, you were out like a light,” he said as he focused his attention on shutting the ship down. He added with a smirk, “Don’t worry, you only snored a little.” 

“You should have woken me. That must have been a boring flight without anyone to talk to.” 

He shrugged. “Not my first quiet flight. Besides, you needed the rest after that blow to the head.” He stood, walking toward the hold where BB was already unloading parts. “Speaking of which, let’s get you to medical.”

She appeared behind him, so silently and so close that he nearly jumped out of his skin. “I’m fine,” she protested. “It doesn’t even hurt anymore.” 

He turned back to her, his face serious. “This isn’t up for debate, Rey. You’re getting checked out.” 

“I’m fine, really,” she declared, grabbing a box of parts and starting to walk off of the ship. 

Poe took the box from her—practically ripped it out of her hands—and grasped her hand, guiding her from the ship. “I don’t want to pull rank here, but I will. You’re going to medical—that’s an order.” 

He looked back just in time to see her jut out her jaw and he steeled himself for a fight, but she rolled her eyes and answered, “Yes, Commander Dameron.” He tried not to let the bite of her response get to him. 

She let him lead her through half of the hangar, as he did his best to ignore the knowing smiles of his squad, before she planted her feet and jerked him back. He stumbled, much to Pava’s entertainment. “You can stop dragging me, _Commander_ ,” she said cheekily as she tucked her arm in his. They walked the rest of the way out of the hangar and Poe could feel his friends’ eyes burning on his neck. 

Once he’d deposited Rey in medical, giving the medic droid instructions to do a full examination despite her objection that she’d only hurt her head, he returned to the hangar. Finding that some rookie recruits had already unloaded the U-wing and started inventory, he lingered in the bay door before wandering towards Ebon One. Thankfully, Jess and Karé had left, so only Snap remained near the X-wings. 

“Hey Snap,” he called out to the pilot, “have you got any cigs?” 

Snap straightened from the panel he was working on and turned to grin at Poe. “That bad, huh?” 

He assumed as casual of an expression as he could. “Maybe I just want a cig.” 

Snap quirked an eyebrow at him—apparently he hadn’t looked as casual as he had hoped. “Yeah right, Dameron. I have known you long enough to know that you only smoke when something is especially frustrating you. And I’m guessing said frustration is a certain young Jedi.” 

“You’re full of shit, Wexley!” he said as he shoved the pilot. 

Snap shoved back. “No, I think you are.” 

“Are you going to give me a cig or not?” Poe ground out, hackles starting to rise. 

Snap reached into the inside pocket of his flight suit and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He handed one of the narrow cylinders to Poe. He took it and mumbled a gruff “Thanks” before turning on his heel and walking away. 

“Hey Dameron,” he heard Snap call behind him. He was tempted to just keep walking, but he looked back at the other man. “You’re allowed to feel things,” he said. “You may be the poster boy of the Resistance, but you’re not a symbol—you’re human. And you’re allowed to feel things.” 

“I’ll feel things when they won’t get me or anyone else killed,” he replied sternly. 

“Whatever you say, Poe,” Snap said with disappointment clear in his voice. “I just hope you get the chance.” 

Poe sighed. “Me too, Snap, me too.” 

With that dismal conversation weighing heavily on his mind, Poe found his way to the observation deck attached to the hangar. He pulled a lighter from his pocket and flipped it in his hand a few times. It was a gift from Han Solo to his dad following the Battle of Endor. Kes had pressed it into his hand when he’d flown home to tell him he had joined the Resistance and made him promise to bring it back. Much like his necklace, he took the lighter with him everywhere, finding comfort in having a bit of both of his parents with him when he went into battle. 

He lit the cigarette and took a long drag on it, squinting into the light of the sunset glinting off of the icy landscape. He waited for the sense of calm that usually came when he smoked, but it never did. 

His head was a doshing mess. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing, or what he should be doing. Snap was wrong—he did feel things, they’d just hurt him too much in the past to let that happen again. He used to feel easily, far too easily, but it wasn’t like that had ever ended well. So there he was, standing there with a cigarette, trying to convince himself that he didn’t feel anything for Rey. 

He told himself he was doing it to protect Rey. He didn’t have a great history of keeping the people he cared about alive, after all. But he also knew he was doing it to protect himself. Rey was something _more_ than Poe ever could be, and eventually he would be left behind, either alive or dead. That thought didn’t bother him, per se, because he knew in his bones that she was destined to save the galaxy. But that didn’t mean that he needed to set himself up for that pain.

He seemed destined for that pain, though, because he couldn’t stop himself from feeling this, whatever this was—admiration and interest certainly, maybe desire. And he wasn’t helping himself _at all_ , what with the nicknames, and holding her head in his lap, and being a sentimental bastard and saving her doll. She just had to thank him with a kiss, too—he could almost feel her soft, warm lips on his cheek still. 

His friends had to conspire against him with the knowing glances and playful comments—and infuriating questions from his droid. He wished that BB’s endearing but sometimes humiliating curiosity was just a bug that he could fix with a system diagnostic or something that Pava had put in his program as a joke, but that unfortunately was not the case. He had never thanked the Force more than he did when he saw that Rey had stayed asleep during BB’s little interrogation. Where the droid would have gotten the idea to ask Poe if he was going to give his mother’s ring to Rey, he had no idea. Maybe he’d been spending too much time with Karè and Snap in their wedded bliss.   

He mulled these things over, blowing smoke into the snowy wind with a sigh, when he heard a voice behind him. “I didn’t know you smoked.” He turned to find Rey, a larger bacta patch on her face and bruising starting around her right eye. He noticed, with a pang in his stomach, that she was wearing his jacket. 

He turned, letting the hand holding the cigarette fall. “Only when I’m stressed.” 

“Wouldn’t that mean you’d be smoking all the time?” she asked as she walked up to join him at the railing. 

“Only when I’m _really_ stressed, then, I guess.” 

“Did something happen?” She looked at him with a concerned expression on her face. 

He leaned on the rail, dragging on the cigarette one last time before throwing it into the snow bank below. He turned to study her face, his gaze lingering on the bacta patch. “Yeah,” he sighed, “you scared me.” 

She scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion. Gesturing at the bacta patch, she said, “The medic said I’m fine. Just a cut. I don’t even have a concussion like you thought.” 

“That’s not the only thing I’m talking about.” 

“Oh,” she murmured, her face falling. 

He ran a hand over his face. “Kriff, Rey, what are we doing?” 

He watched her fold her arms over her chest and hunch her shoulders, as she turned her gaze to the snow-covered ridge. “What do you mean?” she asked reluctantly. 

“Four weeks ago, we found out we’ve got some weird Force connection that lets you hear my nightmares. Then when we’re sparring, you throw me against a kriffing wall using your mind and you only let me go when I yelled into your head, which is kriffing insane. And then you disappear on me and don’t talk to me for two weeks. And we go to Jakku, and you get hurt, and I take care of you, and then we go on like nothing happened.” He walked closer, nearly reaching out to touch her shoulder but stopping himself and shoving his hand in his pocket. “I can’t go on like nothing happened, Rey.” 

He heard her sniffling. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, before turning to walk away. 

He desperately grabbed at her arm. “Please don’t leave,” he pleaded. “I need to talk to you. I need you to talk to me.” 

She pulled out of his grasp. “No, I need to go. It’s better, it’s safer for you if I go.” She shrugged out of his jacket and tried to force it into his hands. 

Poe threw the jacket on the ground. “No, it’s not. It’s not better for me if I’m distracted by you, by this tension between us. It’s not safer if I can’t concentrate because I’m worried about you.” 

“Then stop worrying,” she bit out. “I’m fine. I can take care of myself—I’ve already proven that to you.” 

“You’d still be on Jakku, bleeding out from a head wound if I hadn’t been there to take care of you,” he fired back. 

“I would have figured it out. That’s what I did for sixteen years!” 

A harsh wind whistled around them and Poe looked out to see a fierce snowstorm brewing, dark gray clouds roiling. He hunched his shoulders to the gale and turned back to her.

“You don’t have to figure it out by yourself, Rey!” 

“Yes, I do, Poe!” she yelled. 

“Why?” he bellowed over the wind. 

“Because I care—” she said, the wind stealing the rest of her words away. 

“What did you say?” He foolishly hoped she’d said what he hoped she had. 

She didn’t respond to his question, instead continuing on. “For the first time I can remember, I’m not alone and I’m with people who don’t want to manipulate me and I can’t bear hurting anyone or making anyone hate me. I can’t bear anyone else leaving me.” 

“We’re not going to leave you.” 

“Yes, you will!” she cried, the wind pulling her hair from her buns and whipping it around her face. “So it’s easier for me if I go.” 

Poe’s heart squeezed at the pain in her voice. He tried to reach for her, but she pulled away. “We’re not going to leave you, Rey,” he insisted. “ _I’m_ not going to leave you.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

He reached out again and she didn’t pull away this time. He cupped her chilled cheek in his hand. “Yes, I do,” he said. “You’re one of us now. And we don’t abandon our own—never.” 

Rey looked up into his eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek. “What do you want from me, Poe?” 

He wiped the tear away with his thumb before answering, “I want you to let me help you.” 

“I’ll hurt you, or worse.” 

“No, you won’t.” 

“You don’t know that!” She pushed his hand away and turned from him again. “I felt the Dark side.” 

“But you came back,” he implored. “You came back to me. Because you are the light.” 

“I still might hurt you—or worse. And you’ll fear me. I can’t take you fearing me, Poe.” Her voice shook. 

“Then hurt me. Break my bones. Kill me if you must. Do your absolute worst. I will never fear you, Rey.” 

“Do you promise?” Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him. 

A tired half smile tugged at his mouth. “I promise. I won’t abandon you—so please don’t shut me out anymore.” 

Her internal debate played out over her face. After a few moments, instead of answering, she launched herself forward, clinging to him. He brought his hand up to the back of her head, stroking her hair. “I won’t, I promise,” she murmured into his shoulder. 

As they stood there clutching at each other, the clouds finally opened up and unleashed a squall of snow, coating them instantly in white powder. Poe looked up and laughed, before ducking to grab his jacket from the ground. “You’re going to want this back,” he chuckled as he draped it over her shoulders. 

She looked sheepishly at him as she slipped her arms back into the jacket. “Thank you,” she mumbled. 

He just nodded. 

She sagged against the railing. “Kriff, do you have another cigarette? Now I’m stressed.” 

He chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry, I only got the one from Snap.” 

“Dosh it,” she cursed. 

“Besides, I wouldn’t want to corrupt you.” 

She shoved his shoulder. “You’re full of shit, Dameron.” 

He laughed, “You’re the second person who’s said that to me today.”

Her eyes glinted. “Then maybe that means it’s true.” 

“I’ll tell you what,” he said as he reached into his pocket and closed his hand around the lighter. He held it out to her. “You hold on to this, and the next time I want a cigarette, I’ll have to bring you one if I want my lighter back.” 

She hesitantly grabbed the lighter, considering it for a moment before tucking it into the pocket of his— _her_ —jacket. “So does that mean you’ll corrupt me yet?” she asked saucily. 

He cleared his throat, casting his eyes away from her. “Um, sure.” 

She studied his flustered face for a moment before laughing loudly, the noise echoing through the snow clouds. “I’m joking, laser brain,” she said as she shoved him again. 

He shoved her back, chuckling in response. She grabbed a handful of snow and blew it in his face in retaliation, to which he grabbed her around the waist and spun her, their unison laughter rising to the heavens. 

He came to a stop, realizing suddenly that Rey was looking down at him, that he had her in his arms. He let her gently sink to her feet, keeping his eyes fixed on hers as he did. The smile on her face lit the gray clouds above her as she reached up to ruffle the snow out of his hair. His heart felt like it would beat out of his chest when her eyes flicked down to his lips for a second before returning to his eyes. He reflexively did the same, holding his breath when he noticed that her full lips were parted, her tongue briefly flicking over her bottom lip. 

He realized then that his droid wasn’t the one who would be the death of him. No, this woman, this incredible woman—she would be the death of him, in one way or another. But, he thought as she laughingly shook the snow out of her hair, he’d die a happy man, surrounded by light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, have some angst! But it ended happily! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	12. Chapter 12

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/38540157990/in/datetaken/)

“I think we should test our bond.” 

Rey glanced up from the panel she was tinkering with on the Falcon to find Poe looking at her expectantly, his eyes bright. Her stomach did a small flip, before her heart sank. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she stammered, breaking eye contact and twisting her hands around the wrench she’d just been using. 

“Why not?” he asked as he casually leaned against the ship, his curly dark hair falling haphazardly over his forehead. She swallowed down the urge to push it back. She was finding herself doing that a lot lately. 

“Because the last time we trained together, I threw you against a wall and we didn’t talk for two weeks,” she said blankly. “I don’t really want to do that again.” 

“This will be different,” he added eagerly. 

“No, it won’t be,” she asserted, reaching around him to grab a screwdriver. “I don’t want to risk it.” 

He wrapped his hand around her wrist, pulling the screwdriver away from her with the other hand. “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to,” he said, “but you need to train so you’re not scared of your power anymore, and I’m the best one for you to train with.” 

She scrunched up her face. “That’s debatable.” 

“It’ll be fine,” he said in a sing-songy voice, wrapping his arm about her shoulders and guiding her out of the hangar. “The last time, I was trying to provoke you—which, in hindsight, was probably not my best idea—but I won’t do that this time. Plus, we’ll be more prepared for any Force throwing that might happen.” 

“I still don’t think this is a good idea.” 

Poe stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop. He set his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently. “You won’t improve if you’re scared,” he said gently. 

An ethereal voice whispered over her mind. “Do not give into fear, Rey.” 

Rey nodded, her face set in determination. She walked into the hall and turned towards the training room. Poe grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop. “Nope, we’re not going in there.” Instead, he guided her down the hall in the other direction. He stopped briefly in a supply room, returning with two large parkas, hats, and gloves. He handed the clothing to her, before starting to pull on his own. 

“Where are we going?” she asked as she followed suit, the oversized parka enveloping her small frame in warmth. 

“Well,” he said as he pulled the gloves on, “I figured you wouldn’t want to do this on the base, so we’re going someplace else.” 

Rey pulled the hat over her ears and the thick gloves onto her hands and followed him out the door. 

Her boots sank deep into the snow, and she struggled to keep up with Poe. Walking through snow was so much worse than walking through sand. “So, really, where are we going?” she asked a bit breathlessly. 

He grinned back at her. “I thought you trusted me?” 

She rolled her eyes. “I do, but I still want to know where we’re going.” 

He chuckled as he pressed forward. “Leia told me about a cave on the other side of the Geyser Sea that the Empire used as an outpost. She and Luke found it when they were going after an Imperial commander impersonating a Rebel leader.” He walked for a few more moments before turning back and adding, “She said something offhandedly about going back there with Han after the Empire fell, but she didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t really want to ask.” 

“I don’t blame you.” She caught his eye and they both burst out in laughter. 

They walked in companionable silence for several minutes, skirting the orange water of the Geyser Sea. Suddenly, one of the geysers exploded, buffeting them with warm mist as the water shot high into the air. Startled by the eruption, Rey dropped to the ground, sinking into the snow as she covered her ears with her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. 

She felt Poe crouch down next to her, wrapping himself around her. “Hey,” she heard him murmur to her, “it’s alright. It’s just a geyser. You’re okay.” 

She slowly dropped her hands, glancing over at him. The feeling of his chest pressed against her back comforted her. “Kriff, that’s worse than the Sinking Fields,” she exhaled. 

Poe snickered, and Rey could feel the vibration of it on her back. “You good?” he asked as he stood and pulled her up after him. 

She adjusted her hat, drawing it back down over her ears. “Yeah,” she said with a deep breath, “I’m good.”

They continued on, Rey not so discretely walking so that Poe stood between her and the Geyser Sea. When he noticed what she was doing, he jovially slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the geyser,” he said with a wink. She shoved him away and he dramatically staggered towards the edge of the Sea. 

About ten minutes later, Poe guided them away from the shore of the volatile sea and into a cluster of evergreens. Ducking under and around branches, they finally climbed a rise to find a small cave entrance at the bottom of the valley. 

“That’s it?” Rey asked as she looked down. 

“Don’t sound like that,” Poe protested, “you haven’t even seen it yet.” 

She looked at him doubtfully before setting off down the hill. She walked into the cave, Poe close at her back, and they were immediately enveloped in darkness. The faint trickle of water was the only sound that met them. 

“There are lights in here, right?” she asked, feeling her way along the wall. 

“I would assume so,” she heard Poe say from close enough behind her that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. She shivered slightly and told herself it was only from the cold. 

“Go check the other wall,” she commanded him and heard him shuffle his way through the darkness. 

She ran her hands along the wall for several moments before she found a switch. “I think I found it!” she called into the black and flipped it up. 

Light flooded the cavern just as Poe was about to walk into a steaming pool of water. He skidded to a halt, but not before submerging a booted foot. 

“Kriff!” His cry echoed through the cave. 

Rey burst into laughter, clapping a hand over her moouth. “I think we know why Leia and Han came back here after the war,” she said through her fingers. 

Poe gagged while he shook out his wet boot. “Why did you say that? I did not need that mental image.” 

“If I’m thinking it, you’re going to think it.” 

He made a face before skirting the pool and walking to her side. She knelt to examine the water, the steam tickling her face. It didn’t have the orange coloring or the strong sulfurous smell of the Geyser Sea, but it did have the heat. She pulled off one of her gloves and dipped her fingers in, humming at the pleasant sensation. 

“Come on, we’re not here to relax in a hot spring,” Poe said with mock frustration. 

“We could be.” She waggled her eyebrows up at him. 

Poe coughed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Nope, not today,” he stammered as he looked away from her. Rey watched with amusement as his cheeks turned pink. 

“Fine,” she whined slightly as she straightened up next to him. “How should we do this?” 

“Well, I think you should sit and do your Jedi meditation thing and we’ll just see what happens.” 

She smirked at him. “My Jedi meditation thing?” 

“You’re getting as sassy as Jess and Karè, sunshine.” 

Her jaw jutted out. “You love it.” 

He chuckled. “I never said I didn’t.” 

Their eyes locked and the air felt heavy with something more than the moisture the spring sent up into the air. Rey tore her eyes away and sat cross-legged on the ground, Poe following suit and sitting a few feet from her. She closed her eyes and pressed her hand flat to the spring-warmed rock beneath her. 

She felt the water moving and bubbling beneath her, seeking out the Geyser Sea. She heard the small creatures skittering about the cave. She smelled the fauna growing in the dampness. 

And through all of those things that pulled at her senses, she felt a warmth, a light, that joined her in the darkness. She felt Poe. 

His light flickered at first and she didn’t know if that came from his uncertainty or her own. Probably her own. As she focused on him, reached out with her mind, the warmth increased as she felt like she was being wrapped in his arms again. The light blazed around her and she whispered, “ _Poe_.” 

“Woah, do that again.” His voice cut through the stillness. 

Her eyes shot open, meeting his excited gaze. “What?” 

“Whatever you were just doing, do it again. I heard you say my name in my head.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said eagerly, “do it again!” 

She closed her eyes, and the light in her mind’s eye blazed now. “ _Poe?_ ” She pushed the thought through her mind. 

She heard, and nearly felt, him gasp. The light stuttered for a moment before his voice came back to her mind. “ _Rey?_ ” 

Her eyes popped open again and her mouth curved into a wide smile as she exclaimed out loud, “We did it!” 

He gave her an answering grin. “Yes, we did!” 

“Say something else!” 

Poe closed his eyes and his face scrunched in concentration. Rey smiled, stifling laughter. 

“ _What are you laughing at?_ ” The question echoed through her mind. 

Her thoughts stilled. “ _You heard that?_ ” 

“ _Yeah._ ” 

“ _You weren’t supposed to hear that._ ” 

“ _I don’t imagine weird Jedi-force mind connections are that precise_.” 

She smiled again. “ _I guess we’ll have to be careful what we think_ ,” she thought with a chuckle. 

Embarrassed laughter surrounded her thoughts. “ _Well, that could be interesting._ ” 

Her mind silenced for a few moments, as they just enjoyed the feeling of rightness that came with their connection. 

Poe’s actual voice pierced the air. “You realize we had that entire conversation in our heads, right?” Rey opened her eyes to find him beaming at her. “That was amazing,” he breathed. 

 “I can’t believe that worked.” 

He reached out and shook her knee in delight. “Believe it, sunshine.” 

She covered the hand on her knee with her own. “So we can have a conversation with each other in our heads when we’re sitting two feet from each other and our minds are clear. How exactly does that help us?” 

Poe huffed in frustration, pulling his hand back. “You sound as negative as 3PO. That’s good for never doing this before. We’ll keep working on it—see what else we can do. We don’t have to do it all at once.” 

“I suppose.” 

Poe looked down at his chronometer. “It’s nearly 1800.” He stood and offered her his hand. “Let’s head back. We’ll practice more another day.” 

They walked side by side out of the cave, the cold air stinging their faces after the steamy heat of the spring. 

As they trudged towards the base, the lights of the hangar gleaming beyond the mist sent up by the Geyser Sea, Rey reached out her hand and gripped his. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, a slight smile lighting his face. 

“I’m proud of you, Rey,” he murmured as he gave her hand a squeeze. 

She ducked her head, breaking from his gaze, before dashing away from him. “Race you back to the base!” she yelled over her shoulder. 

“ _Not fair, sunshine_ ,” the thought rippled up to her as she heard him break into a sprint behind her. She laughed into the glow of the setting sun.


	13. Chapter 13

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/40431216921/in/datetaken/)

Poe glanced around the mess, looking for the brunette who was slowly but surely worming her way into every aspect of his life. He wasn’t particularly proud of how much he looked for her in a day. And it certainly hadn’t escaped anyone’s notice. The lewd gesture Pava was making at him as his eyes scanned over his squad told him that much. 

Obviously, they weren’t going to help him find her. 

He spotted Finn and Rose sitting off to the side, heads bent in conversation. He didn’t want to interrupt them, but he needed to know if Rey had been there. She frequently skipped meals and he’d made it his mission to make sure that she ate at least one full meal a day. He hadn’t seen her in the mess during breakfast or lunch, so he’d make damned sure she had dinner. 

“Hey, guys,” he said as he walked up to his friends. 

Rose beamed up at him at his arrival, but Finn looked for a moment like he really wanted to ignore the pilot before he plastered a reluctant smile on his face. 

“Hi, Poe! How are you?” the enthusiastic mechanic asked.

“I’m good, Rose. Thanks for asking.” He knew the polite thing would be to ask her the same, but he wasn’t really thinking in terms of politeness just then. “Have you seen Rey? Has she come through here yet?” 

“I haven’t seen her, man,” Finn said, “and we’ve been here since the mess opened.” 

“You just gonna spend the night here?” Poe asked with a laugh, swatting at the former Stormtrooper’s shoulder. 

“Hey, it’s better food than I ever got on any base or star destroyer I was in, so I just might.” 

Poe shook his head. “When this is over, I’m taking you to get some good food.” 

Finn smiled brightly. “You should bring Rey, too. It’s not like she ever got to eat decent food on Jakku.” 

“And me too!” Rose added. “Hays Minor wasn’t known for its food.” 

“It could be a double date.” Finn waggled his eyebrows at Poe. 

Poe groaned. “Force, not you too!” 

“Hey, I only comment on what I see,” Finn said with a shrug. 

“Plus, you two would be so cute together!” Rose practically squealed. “And just—kinda—iconic! The star pilot of the Resistance and the Jedi. I can see the holos already.” 

She said the last sentence to Poe’s back. “Goodbye, you two,” he yelled over his shoulder, ears burning as their laughter floated up to him.

He grabbed a tray and quickly arranged an assortment of food on it. He didn’t know what Rey liked, so he got a little bit of everything, making sure to err heavily on the side of fresh things. He knew for sure she’d never had such on Jakku and when he did see her in the mess, she was always trying the latest produce they’d been able to trade for. 

After he’d grabbed enough food for Rey and himself, precariously balancing the full tray in one hand and two glasses of fizzwater in the other, he left the mess. Snickers about him eating enough for a tauntaun followed him out. 

He gingerly walked through the halls towards the hangar when Leia came out of a briefing room, taking him in with surprise. “Hungry, Dameron?” 

He smiled sheepishly. “I’m taking some food to Rey, General.” 

She looked at him fondly. “Good. I’m glad someone’s looking after her.” 

“I hardly think she needs looking after, General. Just an occasional reminder to eat.” He nodded to the tray in his hand. 

“Get to it, then,” she said as she gestured towards the hangar. 

He started to walk away when she called after him, “Poe.” He turned back, looking to her expectantly. 

“Just don’t forget to look after yourself.” A sad look came over her face. “I know it’s easy to do that with someone who burns as brightly as she does.” 

He nodded solemnly before continuing down the hall to the hangar. 

Entering the cavernous space, Poe was greeted initially by silence. Seconds later, a loud cry of “Kriff” came from the direction of the Falcon. He walked over, glancing nervously down at the tray as the bowl of berries teetered precariously. 

“Rey,” he called through the open loading ramp. 

“What?” a frustrated growl answered him. 

He walked up into the ship and set the try on the table. “I have food.” 

She popped her head out from inside the column she was working in, her face red and sweaty and her hair messy. Relief was evident on her face as she pulled herself out of the column and walked to the table. 

“Thank you,” she exhaled as she slumped onto the bench, pulling a couple of the dishes off the tray and towards her. 

“Falcon giving you trouble?” he asked as he sat across from her, digging into his own plate. 

“No, Lyra is,” she said between bites of seedbread. 

“Lyra?”

“One of the porgs that stowed away on the ship when we were on Ahch-Toh. She’s made a nest in the overdrive and pulled out all of the wires in the process.” She sighed into her nerf stew.

“And you can’t just move the nest because?” 

“Because Lyra left the nest and if I move the nest, then she won’t come back,” she replied defensively, dropping her spoon into the bowl with a plop. “And then her babies will be all alone.” 

“Okay, so no moving the nest.” He ripped off a piece of bread and stuffed it into his mouth. “Can you reroute the wiring around the nest?” 

“I’ve been trying, but it’s not working. I can’t push the wire up and grab it from above at the same time.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” he assured her. “But first, you’re going to eat.” 

He could tell that was not what she wanted to hear—she gave him a characteristic eye roll—but she complied, lifting a spoonful of stew to her mouth. She put it in her mouth, tasting it for a second before grimacing as she swallowed. “That’s horrible,” she coughed out. 

“Sorry, I didn’t know what you like,” Poe apologized quickly. 

“I like just about anything—just not this.” 

“No nerf stew, got it.” He pushed the tray towards her. “Eat something else. I didn’t pile this tray high for you not to eat.” 

She surveyed the food before reaching for the protato salad. She lifted a forkful to her mouth and gingerly tasted it. Her eyes lit as she chewed. “This is really good!” She pushed it towards him. “Do you want some?” 

He raised his hands. “No, you can have it.”

“You don’t like it?” 

“I do, but since it’s something you like I’m not going to take it away from you. I’m just happy you’re eating.” 

She looked at him curiously. 

“I notice when you don’t show up for meals, Rey.” 

Her face dropped. “Really?” 

He nodded. “You’ve got to eat, sunshine.” 

“I know, I just forget a lot.” 

He quirked an eyebrow. “How do you forget to eat? I can honestly say I’ve never done that.” 

She sighed. “I spent a lot of years ignoring my body, willing myself to ignore the rumbling of my stomach. I was never able to just eat when I was hungry. And I’m still not used to it. So I just get absorbed in my work and forget to eat.” 

Poe didn’t know how to respond, so he just grabbed the hand that wasn’t holding the fork and squeezed it briefly. 

She continued, “Plus, I kinda get overwhelmed when I go in the mess. Until a few weeks ago, I ate portion packs, that was it. I found a quick-meal pack once and it was the best thing I’d ever eaten before. So having this much food available and having to choose something to eat is too much sometimes.” 

Poe watched her as she finished the protato salad and reached for a bowl of berries next. His heart ached for her at the hardship she had endured in her young life. Someone as bright and brilliant as her should never have had to ration disgusting portion packs to keep herself alive. 

She bit into a Juna berry and closed her eyes as she took in the sweetness. A drip of red juice trailed off her lip and dripped down her chin. He reached out and wiped the juice away with his thumb, imagining momentarily how sweet it would taste to lick it off before capturing her lips. He shook his head to dislodge such a traitorous thought. She opened her eyes, her gaze locking with his. “Sorry,” she murmured, “it was just really good. I haven’t gotten to eat much fruit.” 

“Well, you won’t find much great fruit here after today, probably. Everyone’s pretty much devoured all of the fruit that came in the latest shipment. I had to practically rip those berries out of a rookie’s hands. Told him the Jedi needed it more than him.” 

Her eyes widened. “You didn’t!” 

“No, I didn’t.” He grinned at her slyly. “I told him his commander needed it more.” 

She swatted at his hand. “You’re terrible.” 

“You love it,” he said cheekily. 

She smiled. “I never said I didn’t." 

He smiled at her fondly, trying to ignore the double-tap of his heart. Kriff, he might as well be a love-sick rookie again, he thought with frustration. 

He snatched a plasmaberry from the bowl, popping it into his mouth and relishing in the juice exploding over his tongue as his bit down. He noticed Rey’s eyes resting on the working of his jaw. He swallowed and said, “When this is over, I’ll take you on a tour of the galaxy to try all of the food you’ve never had. No one should ever have to say that a quick-meal pack was the best thing they’d ever tasted.” 

She looked at him thoughtfully for a second. “That would be really nice, Poe.” 

He held her gaze for a moment before dropping his eyes back to the tray and pushing the wrapped digestive biscuit towards her. “This hardly counts as dessert, but it’s the best we’ve got on base right now.” 

She carefully unwrapped it and broke a small piece off, placing it on her tongue and savoring it with a soft hum. Hearing the sound and thinking briefly about what else might cause her to make such a noise, he sucked in a steadying breath through his nose. 

As she nibbled on the biscuit, she asked, “So, what’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted?” 

A small grin lit his face. “Definitely the koyo melons we grow on our ranch on Yavin 4. They taste like flying feels. I always used to keep some in my pack for long flights through hyperspace, but I haven’t had one in months.” 

“You have a ranch?” 

“Yeah, my parents settled on Yavin when they mustered out and they planted a huge koyo orchard. We export the fruit all over the galaxy.” 

“Did you work on the ranch?” 

“Yeah, I did, before I joined the Navy—though I goofed off a lot more than I actually worked. I was always climbing the trees and playing with our old podracers and sneaking off to fly my mom’s A-wing more than I was harvesting.” 

Her face lit up. “You had podracers?” she asked excitedly. 

“We had podracer parts, more accurately. And then I rigged the engines to our koyo picker so I could harvest faster and the engine exhaust singed the tree Luke gave my mom. After that, I didn’t have podracer parts anymore.” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” she said as she held her hands out, “slow down. Luke gave your mom a tree?” 

He chuckled. “Yes, he did. Her last mission before she mustered out was to help Luke retrieve two fragments of the last surviving tree from the Jedi Temple on Coruscant from the Empire. He gave her one of the fragments as thanks for her help and she planted it on our ranch.” 

She looked at him with shock, her eyebrows raised and her mouth gaping slightly. “You mean you grew up with a Force tree?”

He rubbed bashfully at the back of his neck. “Well, I didn’t know that when I was a kid. I just knew it was fun to climb on. And that I got into major trouble when I burned the trunk in my effort to get out of chores. As punishment, I had to nurse the tree back to health for the next year.” 

“Wow,” she breathed, “you grew up with a Force tree. That’s amazing!” 

“Yeah, it was,” he replied. “I always felt close to my mom when I was near it, which was nice.” 

“I’d like to see it,” Rey murmured. “Maybe it would help me feel closer to Luke. I fear I rejected his guidance before I truly understood what he was trying to teach me and now I will never know what else he could teach me.” 

Poe watched as tears gathered in her eyes. He reached out and took her hand again, squeezing it gently. “I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry you feel that way, but I am sure Luke is proud of you for taking up the mantle of the Jedi order.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” she muttered. 

“I am.” He squeezed her hand again. “I’ll be happy to take you to the tree someday. We can have that race you promised me when we were on Jakku and I can gather some koyo melons to bring back to base while we’re there.” 

Rey stacked the empty dishes on the tray and pushed herself up from the table. “Well, we’ve got a race to complete here first and I can’t do that if my overdrive is shot. So let’s get to work.” 

Poe got up and saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.” 

She laughed and shoved him as they walked to the column. She squeezed herself into the hatch, ducking below the nest of mewling porglets, while Poe positioned himself on top of her toolbox, so he could hold the connector port and reach down behind the nest at the same time. She picked the set of wires up and carefully snaked them up past the edge of the nest. 

“A little higher,” Poe ground out as he stretched his arm as far as he could. 

“I’m trying,” he heard her mutter below. “Bodhi’s trying to nip at my hand right now, so it’s a little difficult.” 

“Did you name all of them?” 

It was quiet for a second before she quietly answered, “Maybe.” 

He wanted to laugh in response, but the strain in his shoulder kept him quiet. Finally, he felt the wires with the tips of his fingers and scrambled to grab it. He quickly connected the wires to the port and yelled “Yes” in triumph when the lights of the overdrive turned on. One of the porglets squawked at him in alarm, and he quickly quieted. 

Rey scrambled up out of the column and giggled at the contrite look on his face. “Is Baze yelling at you?” 

“I think I woke him up.”

“Don’t worry, he’s just cranky.” 

Poe stepped off of the tool box and rifled around in it for some engine tape. He wrapped it around the connector port a few times. “There,” he said as he dropped the roll back in the box, “that way, Lyra won’t be able to pull them back out any time soon.” 

“Good,” Rey replied, “I won’t want my overdrive to go offline while I’m in the middle of kicking your ass.” 

Poe’s eyebrows raised. “Oh, so it’s going to be like that, huh?” 

She put her hand on her hip and jutted out her jaw. “Are you scared, flyboy?” 

“Please, why would I be scared? I’ve been flying since before you were born.” 

“Age doesn’t beat skill.” 

“That’s it,” he cried, “we’re racing tomorrow!” 

“You’re on,” she said, holding out her hand. 

He clasped her hand and shook it. “May the best pilot win, sunshine.” 

Rey let go of his hand and looked back towards the nest. “I just hope Lyra comes back before we leave the hangar tomorrow. I don’t want her to think she’s lost her babies.” 

As if summoned by her name, the mother porg waddled back onto the ship, carrying something that looked like a discarded piece of seedbread in her mouth. She settled back into her nest, her babies chirping around her. They watched as she feed them and then laid herself down on top of her brood. Soon, the squeaks of sleeping porgs filled the ship. 

Poe smiled at the sweet scene in front of him before turning to Rey. “I think we should follow their lead and turn in for the night.” 

They walked off of the Falcon and out of the hangar. They paused for a moment before going their separate ways. 

“See you at the start line tomorrow, flyboy,” Rey said with a smile. 

Poe winked at her. “I’ll see you there, sunshine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute little chapter before the race.
> 
> Also, if you didn't think Poe had it bad before now--oh boy, does he have it bad! 
> 
> _Rogue One_ references make me happy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the race is finally here!

The hangar hummed with excitement as Rey and Poe prepared their ships for the race everyone had been anticipating for weeks. Rey looked over with a fond smile as Finn eagerly took down bets, his voice echoing through the cavernous space. “Who will win: the star pilot or the Jedi? Make your bets now. No bet is too small or too large!”

“A pack of cigs on Poe,” Snap called out.

“ _Two_ packs of cigs on Rey,” Karé yelled back.

Snap looked over at his wife with an offended expression on his face. “You can’t bet with my cigs!”

“Who gave you the cigs in the first place?” She tapped on her chin playfully. “Oh, right, I did.”

“So?” he asked exasperatedly. “You can’t take them back and bet against Poe with them!”

“I think I can.”

“Whatever—when Poe wins, I’ll get them back anyway.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Wexley,” Finn called over their heads. “I’ve learned not to bet against Rey.”

“So what skin do you have in this game, Finn?” Karé asked him, her hand on her hip.

“I’m betting my jacket on Rey,” he proclaimed proudly.

Poe popped out from under a panel on his X-wing. “Wait,” he yelled to Finn, “you’re telling me you’re betting _my jacket_ against me?”

Finn held up a finger to Poe. “First of all, you gave me this jacket, so I can bet with it if I want to.” He raised another finger. “Second, when I flew with you, we crashed. I haven’t crashed any of the times I’ve flown with Rey.”

“We were shot out by TIE fighters!” Poe protested.

“Rey and I were nearly shot out by TIE fighters and she still didn’t crash.”

Poe narrowed his eyes at the former stormtrooper. “I’m taking that jacket back when I win, traitor.”

Finn shrugged. “Not the first person to call me that—not that much of an insult.”

Rey watched these exchanges with amusement but kept her head down and focused on preparing the Falcon.

“What about you, sunshine?” she heard Poe ask from across the hangar where Ebon One was parked. “Are you putting anything on this?”

She straightened and turned to him. “I don’t really have anything to bet, unless you want my staff. Or the jacket you gave me.”

Karé gaffawed. “Dameron, do you just give away all of your jackets?”

Poe looked over at her and shrugged. “I’m a generous person, Kun. Maybe you should try it sometime.” He then turned back to Rey, looking thoughtful for a second. “Why don’t you and I have a little private wager, let everyone else bother with these run of the mill betting schemes?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What are you thinking?”

He grinned at her slyly. “If you win, I’ll do one thing you want me to do.”

“And if you win?”

“You’ll do one thing I want you to do.”

Karé yelled, “Dameron, there are easier ways to get her to kiss you. You don’t need to coerce her.” The entire hangar burst into laughter.

Rey’s face flamed and she saw out of the corner of her eye that Poe’s was doing the same.

Finn’s voice echoed through the room. “Shut up, everyone! Pava’s all set. Racers, here’s your course: fly over the Geyser Sea, around the main gun turret of the Polar Base, through the Ice Canyon, and up to the Frozen Ridge. First person to take the flag out that Pava’s put on the top of the ridge wins.”

Rey raised her hand. “Since I can’t fire my weapons system from the cockpit, does Chewie get to come with me?”

Finn nodded. “Yes, he can.”

“Wait,” Poe protested.

She spun on him. “You challenged me to race you in your one person X-wing with my four person freighter. I can’t shoot out a flag without someone serving as gunner.”

Finn added, “Besides, you get BB.”

“A droid is not the same as a wookiee!” he cried

The droid and the wookiee both voiced their displeasure at Poe’s tone.

The comm in Finn’s hand crackled. “Would you stop bickering and start racing?” Pava’s voice sounded. “I’m freezing my kriffing ass off up here!”

“Racers,” Finn called out, “you heard Jess. Get ready to race.”

Rey climbed into the cockpit, put in her earpiece, and steered the Falcon to the entrance of the hangar. After he zipped up his flight suit and donned his helmet, Poe did the same with his X-wing.  

Finn stood before the idling ships, his jacket raised above his head.

“On your marks,” he called out.

Rey flipped the switch to divert all power to the Falcon’s thrusters.

“Good luck, sunshine,” Poe’s voice sounded in her ear.

“I don’t need it, flyboy.” She chuckled into the headset. “But you will.”

Poe snorted as Finn boomed, “Get set.”

Rey released the landing claws and the Falcon hovered a few feet above the floor of the hangar. “Ready, Chewie?” she called down to the gunner’s nest. The wookiee bellowed back affirmatively.

The jacket dropped and Rey pressed the throttle down as far as she could before Finn could yell “Go.” The freighter shot out of the hangar and Rey slammed back against the pilot’s seat, letting out at breathless “Woohoo!”

Poe’s laughter came through her earpiece.

“Don’t distract me!” she scolded him.

“I would never,” he taunted as the X-wing appeared from above and glided down in front of the Falcon.  

“Kriff it, Dameron!” She turned the Falcon sharply to the right and briefly activated the SLAM overdrive to send the ship careening over the Geyser Sea.

The sea was quiet as she first flew over it, but she knew that could change at any moment. She saw that Poe was skirting the water, but she took the chance and sailed up the center.

Perhaps having seen where Rey was flying, she watched as Poe turned his ship in over the Geyser Sea. The breath caught in her chest for a moment when a geyser exploded, buffeting the left wing of X-wing. Relief flooded her when she saw Poe rise with the blast but then right himself.

“Oh, that was close,” he said into the earpiece.

Rey didn’t have long to feel relieved, though, as three geysers blewed right in front of her. She slammed the yoke from left to right to left in quick succession, turning the ship nearly vertical to avoid the lethal spray. The ship emerged from the mist and Rey sagged back, exhaling the breath she’d been holding.

“Fancy flying there, sunshine.”

She didn’t respond, just smiled as she focused her gaze on the turret that was coming into view. She looked over long enough to see that Poe was now parallel to the Falcon’s cockpit. He caught her eye and gave her a taunting salute. She stuck her tongue out at him before jerking the ship hard to the left and swinging around the turret. Poe mirrored her, so that they came out of the turn facing each other down. She punched the overdrive, speeding towards the X-wing.

“Pull up, Rey!”

“You pull up, Poe,” she replied coolly.

They were only a hundred yards apart, hurtling towards each other, but Rey was not going to blink first.

“Rey!”

She pressed the throttle even harder, flying closer and closer until—

She cut the power for a millisecond, drifting just barely out of the path of the X-wing, before reigniting the engine and jamming the yoke to the right, shooting away from the turret towards the Ice Canyon.

“Damn it!” she heard Poe yell as he was unable to slow in time and was forced to make a large arc.

“You’re falling behind, flyboy,” she taunted into her comm.

“That was a cheap trick, sunshine.”

“Remember, I was a scavenger—I play dirty.”

He chuckled darkly. “Two can play that game.”

She snorted. “I don’t think so. You’re too honorable.”

“We’ll see about that when you meet me at the finish line.”

“Enough talk,” she gritted out as she slammed the throttle again, bringing the Falcon into the narrow mouth of the canyon.

“Stay sharp, Chewie,” she yelled over her shoulder. He growled back.

She started to weave around the icy spears and shafts that filled the canyon’s floor. She dove and climbed, skirting deftly around the obstacles. As the canyon’s sides began to narrow the deeper in they travelled, she turned the ship sideways again. She could hear the metal on the top of the ship screeching against the ice and prayed the old frame would survive. She definitely didn’t sign up for damaging her ship for this bloody race.

“When I win this, you’re fixing my ship, Dameron,” she ground out into the comm.

“When _I_ win,” he responded, “I won’t make you do anything nearly so unpleasant.”

Momentarily distracted, Rey looked up just in time to see the ice wall right in front of the Falcon. “Chewie!” she screamed.

Two bright red blasts shot out and shattered the ice, just in time for the Falcon to zoom through.

“Thanks for clearing that out for me, Chewie!” Poe yelled into Rey’s ear as the X-wing pulled up above the Falcon and out of the canyon. Rey shot up behind him, screaming “You bantha shit!” in the comm as she did.

“Oh, I know you don’t mean that, sunshine,” Poe chuckled.

“Yes, I do,” she bit out as she pushed the overdrive to its max and chased after the X-wing.

The final ridge appeared ahead of them as they raced neck and neck. Rey could just make out the flag on top. “Get ready to shoot out that flag, Chewie!” she yelled down.

He grumbled back up to her and her eyes widened in shock. “What do you mean, the weapons system is down?”

He told her in a series of truncated growls that the gun had been hit out of alignment when they came up out of the canyon.

“Dosh it,” she said, narrowing her eyes at the flag.

The Falcon just barely edged in front of the X-wing as Rey saw BB-8 swinging around out of the corner of her eye. The X-wing must not have come out of the canyon unscathed either. She could hear the droid’s alarmed beeps over the earpiece as Poe similarly swore.

As the X-wing continued to fall back, Rey punched the overdrive once more, flinging the Falcon forward another couple of ship’s lengths. She lined the ship up with the flag, knowing that the only way she’d take it out would be with the ship itself. She quickly flipped over to Jess’s channel on the comm.

“Jess, get off the ridge!”

“What the hell are you going to do, Rey?” Pava yelled back as Rey watched her already start to run off the apex.

“You’ll see—just get off the ridge!”

Assured that Pava was out of harm’s way, she flipped the comm back to Poe’s channel. “Ready to give up?” she asked.

“Not a chance.”

Before he could finish his reply, Rey slammed her hand down on the overdrive again.

But it didn’t do anything.

She looked frantically at the control panel. Kriff, the overdrive needed to recharge.

Thinking quickly, she shut down power to all systems except the overdrive, diverting everything there. For a few brief seconds, the Falcon began a freefall down towards the mountain.

She watched breathlessly as the overdrive indicator slowly turned green again.

“Rey!” Poe screamed into her earpiece.

Wincing, she ripped it from her ear with one hand, while with the other she flipped the power back on and slammed her fist into the overdrive. The Falcon whipped forward, skimming over the top of the ridge and taking out the flag.

“Yes!” she yelled and pumped her fist as she arced the Falcon around. Chewie barked triumphantly from the gunner’s nest and Rey could see Jess jumping up and down on the side of the ridge, waving the shreds of the flag she’d left behind around like streamers.

“Congratulations, sunshine,” she could faintly hear Poe’s voice coming out of her discarded earpiece.

She put it back in and responded, “Thank you.”

“Let’s not go back in that canyon, alright? I’m going to skin whoever thought that was a good idea, after I make them fix my ship.”

“Agreed.”

A beep sounded in Rey’s ear. She flipped the channel and Jess’s voice crackled through. “Could you give me a lift back to base? It’s kriffing cold out here. And it’s the least you could do after trying to knock me off the ridge.”

“Hey, I did warn you,” Rey protested as she lowered the ship into the valley. She dropped the ramp and Jess stomped on, still carrying the remnants of the flag.

“You still owe me,” the petite pilot said as she dropped the fabric into Rey’s lap and flopped into the co-pilot’s seat.

Rey brought the Falcon back up into the sky to find that Poe had waited for them. They flew back to base side by side, slowly gliding over the tundra.

“So what are you going to have Poe do for you, since you won?” Jess asked.

Rey shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably just help me fix the Falcon.”

“That’s boring,” Jess pouted. “I know, you should make him run laps outside.”

“He’s never made me run laps outside, Jess,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“You could get him back for me and Karé, though.”

Jess looked out the view port over to the X-wing next to them before turning back to Rey with a sly look on her face. “Or you could have him kiss you.”

Rey’s mouth popped open into a small ‘o’ of surprise as her cheeks grew hot yet again. She reached over and shoved Jess, but the pilot just slapped her hand away.

“Come on, Rey, everyone knows you want to. And Poe certainly wants to. This is your perfect excuse.”

“No, I do not and no, I will not!”

She could hear the grumble of Chewie’s laughter below.

Jess just lifted an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, Rey. But you can’t say it’s not a good idea.”

Rey kept her eyes trained forward, towards the base. Though she may have checked first that she’d turned off the comm. That was the last thing she needed, him overhearing that particular conversation. Her cheeks burned even more just thinking about it.

They arrived in the hangar to raucous applause and cheers. Their ships were guided into the center of the hangar by the pressing crowd and she was swept among them as soon as she lowered the ramp. Finn and Snap eagerly grabbed her and hoisted her onto their shoulders.

She scrabbled against them, pushing against their heads. “Let me down!” she yelled.

Jess threw the flag up to her. “Shut up and enjoy the celebration, Jedi!”

Fingering the tattered fabric, Rey started to laugh and lifted the flag above her head. As everyone in the hangar broke into a chant of “Rey, Rey, Rey!”, her face split into the biggest grin she thought she'd ever smiled before. In her joy, she looked over to where Poe stood leaning against his X-wing. He smiled back and joined in the chant.

After a few more minutes of cheers, Finn and Snap set her back down next to her opponent, setting off to settle up everyone’s bets. Finn laughed and jostled Snap, who was looking decidedly despondent as he pulled the pack of cigs out of his pocket and handed them to him.

“I’m not really sure it’s fair that you just destroyed the flag. I couldn’t have shot it even if I tried,” Poe said as he gestured to the fabric in Rey’s hands.

Rey smirked at him and wrapped the flag around her shoulders. “Don’t be jealous that I out-flew _and_ outsmarted you, flyboy.”

Poe watched her for a second, a strange, undefinable mixture of emotions on his face. Then he gripped the edges of the flag near her collarbone and gently pulled. She shuffled a few feet forward, until less than a foot remained between them. Rey’s breath caught in her chest as he stared into her eyes. “I’m not jealous,” he murmured, his breath ghosting over her face. “Impressed would be more accurate. You just continue to astound me, sunshine.”

Rey swallowed, not able to break her gaze away but also not able to respond. She caught herself biting on her bottom lip, and saw Poe’s eyes flick down.

“Besides,” he added, letting go of her and stepping back, “we’ll have a rematch on Yavin and I’ll be on to your tricks. You’ll find I can play dirty, too.”

Rey disguised her shaky exhale under a laugh.

Poe broke his gaze and looked over to the Falcon. The roof of the ship appeared significantly dented and Chewie was currently looking up at it with dismay. “Should I go get my tools?”

“No,” she said in a small voice, gripping the flag tighter.

He turned back to her, a puzzled look on his face. “So as the new best pilot in the galaxy, what do you want me to do?” He bowed playfully, sweeping an arm out to the side. “I am at your service.”

Rey sucked in a breath, feeling the blush already starting on her face. She took Poe in, the flight suit pulled down and tied around his waist, his dark hair tousled from his helmet. Jess’s words played on repeat in her head.

“Kiss me.”

Poe snapped his head up, his eyebrows raised and his mouth hanging open. “Wh-what?” he stuttered.

Rey spun on her heel and started to walk towards the Falcon. “Forget it, forget it, I was just being stupid. Forget I said anything.”

His warm hand wrapped around hers and he pulled her to a stop. She slowly turned back to him, keeping her eyes trained on the hangar floor.

He lifted her head with a finger pressed under her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. “What did you ask me for?”

She opened and closed her mouth several times, wishing the floor would open up.

“Tell me, please.”

She pulled a breath in through her nose. “Kiss me.”

His gaze was warm as he studied her face for a few moments, before cupping her cheek in his hand. He leaned towards her and her eyes fluttered closed almost involuntarily.

His lips pressed softly, warmly—on her cheek.

When he pulled back, she blinked at him several times.

Had she misinterpreted? Read too much into what was going on between them?

He ruffled a hand through his hair. “I’ll still go get my tools. You could use some help on the Falcon.”

“Yeah,” she muttered, “I’ll help you with Ebon One, too.”

He smiled at her once more, and the spot his lips had touched on her cheek felt like it was burning. “Nice flying today, sunshine.”

She gave him a hesitant smile back. “You too, flyboy.”

As he turned and walked away, her smile faltered as disappointment curled in her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me, please!


	15. Chapter 15

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/25809481187/in/datetaken/)

He was a kriffing idiot.

That was the only possible explanation.

The beautiful woman he’d slowly—or not so slowly—become infatuated with since she lifted those boulders and saved them all on Crait had asked him to kiss her.

And he had kissed her—on the cheek.

He was truly a kriffing idiot.

He definitely wanted to kiss her—Force, how much he wanted to kiss her! But when she asked him to do the one thing he’d been dreaming about for weeks, he froze.

Maybe it was because of the ribbing Karé had given them before the race. Maybe, even if that had been the only thing in his head when she asked, he still wouldn’t have kissed her.

But that hadn’t been the only thing in his head. Because her comm had been on when she and Jess had been talking and he heard Jess’s suggestion and Rey’s vehement denial of any sort of feelings she had for him. He’d quickly flipped the comm off when he realized they didn’t know it was on, but he heard enough.

He heard enough to know that when Rey asked him for a kiss, she wasn’t truly asking him—not of her own will. She’d listened to the things his friends had said and she’d asked him for the thing she thought he wanted. Because that was who she was. Even though she’d won, she was going to use their wager to give him something he wanted.

For a moment, he wanted to be selfish, take advantage of her generosity. As he cupped her cheek and leaned in to her, as he watched her eyes flutter closed, every fiber of his being was begging him to grab her, push her against the Falcon, and kiss her until they were out of breath.

But he didn’t.

He couldn’t.

Because she was so young and she didn’t know what she wanted and she hadn’t experienced anything yet. And once she did, she wouldn’t want him, the old, damaged pilot who got his friends killed.

Plus, the romantic part of him didn’t want their first kiss to happen like that. He didn’t want it to be the result of a wager, in the middle of the hangar, with everyone watching. If they were ever to have a first kiss, he wanted it to be more special than that.

But the look of confusion and uncertainty on her face when he pulled back told him that the likelihood of ever getting that chance was slim. Rose and Finn whisked her out of the hangar before he could come back with his tools, before he could say anything to her, explain himself in any way. So he worked on the Falcon, ignoring the pointed looks from his squad and the grumbles from Chewie, wishing she would come back and playfully shove him again.

“So that was like foreplay for you two, right? Because, kriff, if she doesn’t fall into bed with you after that, I might.”

He spun around, looking for the latest person he needed to chew out. The Squamatam woman with a haughty grin on her face was certainly not who he was expecting.

“Suralinda Javos,” he breathed as a stunned grin split his face. He wrapped her in a hug. “How are you here?” He backed up and examined her face for a moment. “I thought you were dead.”

“You, and the First Order.”

“How did you…” he stammered, “how did you get away?”

“The other crew members died in the explosion—they must have assumed I did too. I was able to float the shuttle behind a moon long enough for the First Order officers to lose interest, then I launched my escape pod.”

Poe’s face fell. “Shit, Sura, I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “It comes with the territory. It wasn’t me this time—it might be the next.”

“What did you do after that?”

“Jumped moons in the Outer Rim for a bit. Ended up on Keshi and ran into him.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder and Poe looked up to see Iolo Arana.

“Iolo!” Poe ran from Suralinda to the Keshian, grasping him in a hug and slapping him several times on the back.

“Hi, Poe,” Iolo replied, a smile causing the corners of his large eyes to crinkle.

“What...what are you doing here?”

Sura sidled up behind them. “I found him preparing his planet for evac. After I helped him, piloted an escort frigate into Unknown Space, I told him he owed me a trip to Akuria. So here we are, ready to serve the Resistance. Again.”

Poe chuckled darkly. “We could have used you a few weeks ago.”

Suralinda’s face fell and Iolo cast his eyes downward. “Yeah, I know. We heard through various channels about the beating you took after evacing D’Qar and on Crait,” she murmured.

“We’re sorry, Poe,” Iolo added.

“It comes with the territory.”

“Doesn’t make it hurt any less,” the Keshian said. “When Dagger squadron went down during the attack on Starkiller Base, I wished I’d gone up in flames with them.” A haunted look darkened his large eyes. Suralinda set her hand on his shoulder and he reached up and squeezed it. “When I got the distress call from my sister, I knew I needed to leave for Keshi, not just because I needed to help my people, but because it was better for the Resistance if I left for a while. It was better for me.”

“It’d probably be better for the Resistance if I left for a while, too,” Poe said. “Maybe we’d be able to grow our ranks if I wasn’t here to risk everyone’s lives.”

“Those pilots knew what they were doing when they went after the Dreadnaught, Poe,” Sura asserted. “You weren’t the only one who defied orders that day. And even if you had called it off, they would have just defied you and done it anyway. Because that’s what we do. We take every chance we get until we win or the chances are spent.”

Poe smiled slightly at the popular saying from the war against the Empire, from another doomed rebel. Maybe that was what they were destined to be too. 

The silence hung heavily over them until Sura clapped Poe on the back. “That was some slick flying out there.”

He huffed a laugh. “Thanks.”

Iolo leaned to him. “I don’t think she was talking about you.”

“I wasn’t,” Sura said with a grin. 

Poe rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks, guys. Really glad you came back.”

“You were pretty good too,” Iolo said with a smirk.

“But I already know you can fly anything, Dameron. You told me so not too long ago,” Sura added. 

“And have I been wrong yet, Ms.‘I don’t think you can fly a stormsailer’?” Poe asked. 

“No, you haven’t,” Sura said, “which is why it’s impressive the girl beat you.”

Iolo’s face lit up. “The way she whipped the Falcon around was insane! I mean, I’ve seen some impressive maneuvers with a X-wing—heck, I’ve done a few of them—but she did that with a freighter. And one that’s definitely seen better days.”

Poe looked over at the Falcon. “Yeah, she’s pretty impressive.”

Suralinda slung her arm around his shoulders. “I saw the way you look at her, Dameron. You think she’s a lot more than pretty impressive.”

Poe ducked out of her grasp. “Oh no, we’re not going down that wormhole. Come on, you just got here. Do you want a tour? Are you hungry?”

“I would  _ kill _ for a couple hours in a ‘fresher.” Sura practically moaned. “The scout ship we were on didn’t even have a sonic. Where’s the communal ‘fresher?”

“You don’t have to use the communal one. I’ve got one in my quarters you can use,” Poe said, starting to walk out of the hangar. 

Sura linked her arm in his. “Always the gentleman.” She looked back over her shoulder. “You coming, Iolo?”

The Keshian shook his head. “No, I’m pretty hungry. I’m going to head to the mess.”

Sura rolled her eyes. “Of course you are. We’ll catch up with you later.”

They walked through the halls in companionable silence, Poe unable to believe he was holding her blue arm in his again. He had given her up for dead for so long, his brain could hardly comprehend that she was actually there, actually alive. 

“You can stop looking at me like that,” she said quietly. 

Poe stopped and stepped in front of her, studying the face he hadn’t seen in so long. “I—” He stopped as the lump in his throat grew too large to speak around and tears swam in his eyes. He reached his hands up to cup her cheeks, tracing the lines there with his thumbs. “I thought you were dead.”

She brought her hands up to rest over his, gently pulling them down. “I know. I thought I was too, for a while. But I’m here, Poe, I’m right here.”

He pulled her into a tight hug, tears finally leaking from his eyes and falling into her long black hair. 

They jumped apart at the sound of something falling at the end of the hall, but by the time Poe looked, whatever or whoever was gone. 

“Come on,” he said, wiping quickly at his eyes. “My quarters are just down here.”

He opened the door and ushered her in. It was a small room, with a bunk, a footlocker, and a table and chair, but it did have a private refresher. Sura saw it and nearly cried, “Thank the Force. I have never been so excited to see a ‘fresher in my life.”

“And here I thought you wanted to see me,” Poe chuckled as he sat on his bunk. 

She just stuck her forked tongue out at him, the fluorescent light glinting on her pointed teeth, and started to unwrap the fabric from around her braids. 

“So are you going to tell me what the deal is with the Jedi, or not?” she asked, her hair falling in waves around her face.

“There is no deal to talk about.”

She gave him a look as venomous as the fluid he knew could come out of her teeth. “That’s bantha shit, and you and I both know it.”

Poe sighed. “I don’t know what the deal is, Sura. I admire her, I like her, I care about her.”

“And?”

“And that’s it, I guess.”

“Well, that’s also bantha shit, because you’re different about her than anyone else I’ve ever seen you take an interest in.”

“Yeah?”

She leveled another venomous glare at him. “Please, Dameron. I was one of those people you were interested in when we started at the academy and you never looked at me like that.”

“Yes, I did!” he protested. 

“No, you didn’t.” She started to unwrap the bands around her arms. “Besides, the Poe I knew was never hesitant to show his latest object of desire how much he wanted them. And he certainly wouldn’t respond to a woman asking him to kiss her by kissing her on the cheek. Kriff, I recall winning a similar wager at the academy and when I told you I wanted something much less innocent than a kiss, you certainly didn’t refuse. So what’s different about her?”

Poe rubbed a hand over his face. “She’s so young, Sura. And she hasn’t experienced anything. I could count the number of systems she been in on my hands.”

“So? I’ve never known you to shy away from people without experience.”

He threw up his hands. “Kriff, Sura, I didn’t mean like that! I just—I want her to experience everything she hasn’t been able to until now and I don’t want her to settle for me just because I’m here and I’m among the first people who care about her as a person and not as a source for parts. She could have the galaxy, Sura, and I don’t want to stand in her way.”

As he spoke, Sura had finished removing the wraps from her arms and around her chest. She moved to removing the shoulder plates and unbuttoning her intricate leather shirt. 

“But what if she could have the galaxy with you?” Sura’s red eyes bore into him. 

Poe hunched over, balancing his elbows on his knees and staring at the floor. “I’ve had the galaxy, Sura, and I just made it worse. I shouldn’t be anywhere near her.”

Sura now stood in front of him in her breast band and pants, her hands on her her hips. “Are you enjoying your little wallow in the bantha shit hole?” she hissed.

Poe snapped his head up to look at her angrily. “People are dead because of me. Rose lost the only family she had left because of me. There is a two year old kid on Drogheda who no longer has a father because of me. I’ve destroyed people, destroyed families. I nearly got you killed!”

Sura narrowed her eyes at him. “No, the First Order has destroyed people. The First Order has destroyed families. This is all because of the First Order, not you.”

“I was the one who made the calls.”

“And we all followed those calls because we wanted to fight the First Order. And some of us lost that fight.”

“No one should have been following my calls in the first place.”

“Poe Dameron, you are better than this. If you do this, if you lose sight of the good in the universe—in you—that we’re fighting for, then those people who died following you died in vain.”

Tears wetted his cheeks again as he looked up at her. “I don’t know if I can lose anyone else, Sura. Every moment, I feel the weight of their loss, of the role I played in it, and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. And if I were to let myself feel for her, get any closer to her, and something were to happen, I don’t know how I’d survive.”

Sura’s face softened as she walked over to sit next to him on the bed, the cool skin of her side pressed against him. “I know it’s hard. We all know it’s hard. War is supposed to be hard, so we remember why we want peace. But you can’t stop living just because it’s hard. You can’t stop feeling.”

Poe sighed. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt her, Sura, or get her hurt. Or worse. And I’m afraid of what I’ll do— _ what I’ll be _ —if I lose her.”

“But shouldn’t you be more afraid of what you’ll be if you never let yourself feel for her? If you never let yourself love her?”

Poe sat speechless for a moment, before he nudged her with his shoulder and gave her a sad smile. “How did you get so wise, Suralinda Javos?”

She stood and shucked off her boots. “It comes with being the last of your kind, Poe Dameron,” she said as she quickly stripped off her pants. 

Poe smacked a hand over his eyes. “Sura, you should not say something so grim while taking your pants off.” 

She threw the offending clothing at him. “Don’t be a prude. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” 

Poe grabbed the pants and folded them, setting them on table with the rest of her clothing. “Are you going to take a shower or not? Because I was going to be a gentleman and let you go first, but if you’re just going to keep lecturing me, I’m going first.”

Before he could finish, she was walking to the ‘fresher. “I’m going, I’m going,” she said as she let her breast band fall to the floor before sliding the door closed behind her. 

Poe shook his head and slumped back, his head thumping lightly on the wall behind him. 

She was right. He knew she was right. He couldn’t shut himself off because he was afraid of what might happen. That was no way to live. 

But as much as he knew that, he had also seen what happened when you lost the person you loved so much you could hardly breath without them. He had watched his father nearly break under the grief of losing his mother. And he suspected that if he hadn’t been there, depending on him, Kes Dameron would have broken completely when Shara Bey died. And he didn’t think he had the strength to go through the same. 

As he wrestled with his thoughts, Poe remembered a quiet moment he’d shared with his father while they were working on their ranch a year after his mother had died. He remembered being surprised that Kes had even spoken, since he had so often shouldered his grief in silence, leaving his son to do the same. But that day, Kes had spoken about the Battle of Endor—about how the knowledge that Shara loved him, that she was loving him even as she fought far above the planet, had allowed him to face the fight without fear.

As he remembered that moment, Poe realized that he had never faced a battle without fear. Sure, he’d always put on the face of cocky confidence, happily mocking those who would kill him, but fear was always present in his mind. He would grind it down as much as he could, but it was always there. 

He’d never faced a battle the way his father had—worried but not scared. And he wondered, if he let himself love and let someone else love him, if he could. 

From the moment he had entered the New Republic’s navy, he’d prided himself on being the son of his parents—with his mother’s flying skills and compassion, his father’s selflessness and bravado, their combined courage and and strength and stubbornness. But he’d never allowed himself the chance to love in the way they had showed him to, in such a planet-shattering way. And maybe that meant that he could never be as strong or as brave as they were. Because he didn’t have something— _ someone— _ to fight with.

He didn’t want to leave this fight, in whatever way he finally did, feeling like it had been for nothing. And if he continued to shut himself off, to keep himself from feeling, from living, he was afraid he would. 

Before his thoughts could harden into any sort of resolve, the ‘fresher door slid open and Sura stepped out wrapped in one of his towels, water dripping from her long black hair. 

“All yours, Dameron,” she said as she pulled her wet hair over her shoulder to squeeze some of the water out, flicking some on him in the process. “You might be out of hot water, though.”

“Thanks, Javos,” he grumbled as he stepped over the breast band still crumpled on the floor and walked into the ‘fresher. Stripping off his flight suit quickly, he stepped under the cool spray, letting the chill clear his head. As he washed, he thought he heard Sura talking to someone, but figured it was just Iolo. He finished up quickly, not wanting to spend any more time in the cold water than necessary, and dried off, securing a towel around his waist. He’d wished momentarily that he’d brought clothes into the ‘fresher with him, but knew Sura would have just made fun of him if he had. After all, she’d already reminded him that there was nothing they hadn’t seen before.

He opened the door to find that Sura had already dressed and was now rewrapping her hair. “Who were you talking to?” he asked as he pulled a pair of boxer briefs out of the foot locker. 

“Rey was looking for you,” she said nonchalantly, her fingers deftly working at her hair. 

“And?”

“And I told her you were in the shower. I said you’d only be a minute and she could wait-”

Poe stopped as he was about to pull his shirt over his head. “You were going to let her wait here for me to come out of the ‘fresher in a towel?”

She shrugged. “I thought it might speed things along. I’d just duck out and let you two find your way to the bunk.”

After he shrugged on his shirt, he rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Yeah, that would not work with her.”

“I kinda figured that when I answered the door in a towel and her eyes nearly popped out of her head, but I’d hoped that was just the blue skin.”

“And now I’m going to have to explain that to her and everyone on base.”

Sura shrugged as she finished wrapping the second braid. “Maybe it’ll help. Members of any species do strange things when they’re jealous.”

Poe pulled on a jacket and zipped it up. “I doubt she’s jealous. But if she is, I guess I should be glad her saber’s broken.”

Sura linked her arm in his again and pulled him out of his quarters and towards the mess. “I probably should be too, since I think I’d be in more danger than you if the look on her face when she left was anything to go by.”

Poe blew out a breath. “May the Force be with us.”


	16. Chapter 16

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/40773017992/in/datetaken/)

Rey spun from the door so quickly, she nearly fell over her own feet. Mind racing, she rushed down the hall, willing the burning behind her eyes to go away. 

She would not cry. 

To keep her lips from trembling, she clenched her jaw so hard it cracked. She kept her eyes trained ahead, unblinking. She took shallow breaths and refused to swallow around the lump in her throat. 

She would not cry. 

She would take the disappointment, the confusion, the hurt she was feeling and place it in the cave where she’d hidden her hopes for her parents and for Ben and plunge the cave back into darkness. 

And she would not cry. 

Obviously, she had misread things with Poe. He was kind to her, took care of her if needed, but it was no different than he would do for anyone else. She had just been a fool to think it was. He flirted with her, sure, but he flirted with everyone. The man would probably flirt with a Hutt if he needed to. Plus, she’d never known someone like him before–charm got you as far as a dunk in the watering hole on Jakku–so she guessed it made sense that she’d become a bit dazzled by him. 

She certainly wasn’t dazzled now. 

She wished her plummet back into reality could have been a little gentler, but she supposed she should be grateful that she was under absolutely zero illusions now. She could have tried to excuse the kiss on her cheek—pretend that he’d misheard her, or thought that was what she wanted—and gone on like nothing happened. But first she’d seen him in the hall holding a woman’s face in his hands like she was a kyber crystal, shocking her so much that she’d dropped the wrench she was carrying to the hangar. Thankfully, she was able to grab the tool and scurry away before they could notice her. Finding said woman in his quarters in only a towel an hour later made it absolutely clear that she had been very wrong about Poe Dameron. 

Suspecting she would start crying if she sat alone in her quarters, Rey turned towards the mess. Hopefully joining some of her friends would ease the ache she felt in her chest. 

Walking into the hall, she found it empty except for one man she’d never seen before scarfing down food like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. She poured herself a cup of caf, dismayed to find there was no milk, and sat in the corner, staring into the black drink as she slowly stirred in sugar.

“Do you mind if I join you?” a melodious voice asked her. She found the unknown man looking down at her with his large golden eyes. Rey thought for a moment that his eyes reminded her of the contacts Poe wore with his disguise on Nar Shadaa, but quickly tamped it down. 

She nodded towards the chair across from her. “Sure.”

He held out his hand as he sat. “I’m Iolo Arana.”

She took his hand and weakly shook it. “I’m Rey.”

“I know,” he said with a smile. “I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know who you are at this point.”

“I hope that’s not true.”

“Why?” He studied her for a moment, the slitted pupils of his eyes dilating. 

Her spoon clinked around the mug once more. “Because sometimes I want to be no one again, and that’s not possible anymore.”

“No, I’d imagine it’s not. That must be a difficult burden to bear.”

“It can be. I feel like I must live up to everyone’s expectation for me, but I’m not sure that’s who I want to be.”

“Who do you want to be?”

“I don’t know. I want to find out, but I can’t if I have to be the Resistance’s Jedi.”

Iolo’s brow furrowed. “Do you not want to be a Jedi?”

Rey shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I just want to know if I could also be something else.”

“Well, I think you proved today that you’re an outstanding pilot. I’ve never seen someone handle a ship like that before.”

Rey broke from his gaze. “Thanks,” she said as she twisted her hands around her mug.

“And all of the modifications on the Falcon make it pretty clear you’re a skilled mechanic.”

She took a sip, still unable to meet his eyes. 

“Plus, from what I’ve heard and seen, you are a fierce defender and a loyal friend.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What else do you want to be?” 

She looked up at him then, staring into his alluring eyes. “Someone who can decide what I want to be for myself, instead of being pushed into roles I maybe wouldn’t have chosen.”

“So if this war was over, and you didn’t have to be in the roles you’re in, what would you want to do? To be?” 

She thought for a moment, and then answered, “I want to see the galaxy, meet more people, fly as many ships as I can. I want to experience all of the things I missed out on when I was stuck on Jakku.” She paused for a moment. “I want to find a home. I want to find a family. I’ve never had either of those things before, at least not that I can remember.” 

“What do you feel like you’ve missed out on?” 

“Well, until I got pulled into this, I’d never experienced friendship, or trust. I didn’t see green plants, rain, snow, until a few weeks ago. I don’t know how to do so many things - swim, cook, dance. I’ve never felt so many things.”

He quirked an eyebrow, like he wanted to ask another question, but he stopped. “You’ll get the chance to see, and do, and feel all of the things you want to, Rey.”

She laughed bitterly. “You don’t know that.”

He smiled slightly. “I have a feeling.” 

She leaned back in her chair. “What about you? I’ve just been here, spilling my heart to you, and I know nothing about you.”

Iolo laughed. “I’ve been known to have that effect on people before. The first time I met Poe at the academy, I knew everything about how he was following in the footsteps of his mother and father before he even knew my name.” 

Rey’s shoulders slumped at the mention of Poe’s name. If Iolo noticed, he chose not to mention it. 

“I grew up with Keshi with my parents and my sister Kaliste. It’s a small planet just on the edge of Unknown space with very fertile land. We were a planet of farmers and storytellers. We grew and exported several crops, telling each other stories as we worked. I never wanted to be a farmer, though. I wanted to get off planet as soon as I possibly could, so I joined the New Republic naval academy as soon as I was of age.”

“How old is ‘of age’?”

“Eighteen. That was the first time I left home. I met Poe and Sura on our first day–he was my roommate, she lived across the hall with Karé, and we were all fast friends. Poe was an amazing pilot from day one, but he couldn’t stand that I could see things he couldn’t in dogfights, so he challenged me constantly, pushing us both to get better.”

“I’m not surprised. He despises being second best.”

“That he does,” Iolo said with a smile. “When we were in our third year, Muran started at the academy and Poe kinda took him under his wing. Since he was training with third years, he was soon outflying everyone in his class. We had basically formed a squadron before we’d even been commissioned.”

Rey smiled, feeling a slight pang in her chest that she’d never be able to experience something like that.

Iolo continued. “After we’d all graduated, Karé, Muran, Poe and I all served in the Navy, never even thought of doing anything else. Sura served for about a year, before she left to become a journalist.”

Rey was slightly surprised to hear that. She couldn’t imagine any reason that she would stop being a pilot if she’d had such a chance.

“When Poe was promoted to commander of Rapier squadron, he asked Karé, Muran, and I to join him. I never for a moment thought of saying no. I knew from the moment I met him that he’d be a great leader and I wanted to serve under him.”

Rey nodded. “He is a great leader. The Resistance is lucky to have him.” 

Iolo smiled before resuming. “We were patrolling the Mirrin sector of New Republic space when we first encountered the First Order. Poe received a distress call from a freighter that the First Order was hijacking. We tried to stop them and we lost Muran. He was the first we lost to them.” 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. 

He nodded in response to her sympathy. “His death spurred us to join the Resistance. Karé and I were promoted to captains, given our own squadrons. We performed an information recovery mission that had us posing as the Irving boys and that was how we found out Lor San Takka was alive. Poe was sent on the mission to find him and the map to Skywalker–Karé joined him. I stayed with my squad, running various rescue missions for the Resistance as the First Order started targeting planets for supplies and enslaving or killing the inhabitants to get what they wanted. I wasn’t looking to be a Resistance hero–I just wanted to save people.”

His face darkened and Rey suddenly felt the urge to grasp his hand, reassure him of her presence. She kept her hands wrapped around her mug, though. 

Iolo cleared his throat, and Rey could see tears gathering in his eyes. “My squad went down during the attack on Starkiller Base. I was the only one who made it out.”

Chest aching for him, Rey did reach out and take his hand. 

He smiled weakly at her, but it looked more like a grimace. “I was lost after that. I felt like I’d ejected without a containment field.” He hesitated, the tears threatening to fall.

Rey squeezed his hand. “I can’t imagine how terrible that must have been. I’m so sorry.”

He wiped at his eyes. “I suppose I should be glad Kaliste commed me, because it gave me a purpose again. While I was struggling to just hold myself together, the First Order had decided that our small planet should be their on-demand provider of food supplies. Those who complied were beaten if they didn’t work fast enough; those who didn’t were killed. My sister told me that our mother was planning to lead a revolt and I immediately left D’Qar for Keshi.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You must have been leaving at the same time I was leaving for Ahch-To. That must be why we didn’t meet before.”

Iolo nodded. “Poe told me who you were, but I didn’t have time, or the mindset, to introduce myself.”

Rey quirked an eyebrow. “Poe told you?”

“Oh yes, he was very impressed with you and how you took on Kylo Ren. He’s always impressed, and a little jealous, of people who can do things he can’t.”

Rey listened to this with surprise. Why hadn’t they met earlier, then?

Not noticing the puzzlement on Rey’s face, Iolo returned to his story. “By the time I got to Keshi, the revolt had already been found out. A neighbor had reported my family. My mother was dead, my father severely wounded, and I arrived at my home to find my sister with a blaster to her head. I shot the trooper holding her and we were able to barricade ourselves into the tunnel storage system that ran below our farmsteads with some of our neighbors before a whole trooper unit came for our heads.”

“Kriff,” Rey muttered under her breath, not even aware that she did.

“I thankfully still had a comm on me and as I was flipping through channels, listening for any possible news, I heard a voice I never thought I would hear again, especially not on Keshi. Sura had ended up on Keshi after the First Order shot out the shuttle she was manning. She was in bad shape when I found her, but I got her back to the cellar and Kaliste was able to fix her up.”

“Your sister sounds like a skilled healer.” 

“She is–she learned from our mother. We wouldn’t still be here if it wasn’t for Kaliste. Once Sura was conscious again, she told us that as she’d been moon-jumping, picking up intel, she’d heard that the First Order planned to bomb out Keshi. The soil was spent and we could no longer supply them with the food they needed. But instead of leaving us in peace, they decided to kill us all.”

Rey gaped at him in horror.

“As news of this plan spread, more and more people joined us in the tunnels. There weren’t enough of us to fight back, but there were enough of us to commandeer some ships and evac the planet. It was like the missions I’d run for the Resistance, but I didn’t have a squad–just Sura.” 

He paused for a moment, his face taking on a slightly awed expression. Rey smiled at him, encouraging him to continue.

Iolo shook himself slightly, as if out of his reverie. “We wouldn’t have been able to pull it off without her. We’d planned to just take little scout ships when the crew were occupied, didn’t want to risk having to engage with troopers. But Sura decided that scout ships wouldn’t be large enough for all of the people we needed to evac, so she single handedly commandeered the escort frigate of a commander who’d come down to inspect the fields. I wanted to kill her at the time for putting herself at risk like that, but she’s the reason we were able to get off planet.”

“Wow,” Rey breathed, unable to think of anything else to say. As much as she wanted to hate the woman, she found she couldn’t. “What happened after you escaped?”

“We flew into Unknown Space, found an abandoned outpost. Sura and I stole supplies, helped set up camp, trained the survivors as much as we could, and headed here after Sura was able to get a message to General Organa.”

“I’m surprised you were willing to leave.”

Iolo smiled slightly. “My sister turned into quite the fierce warrior while I was gone, and she made sure her friends could fight too. And she’s–she’s the reason my father is still alive. I know she’ll keep everyone save. I hope when this is over, she’ll be able to train as a medic.”

Rey looked into his large golden eyes. “What do you want to do when this is over?” 

Iolo sighed. “I would say go home, but I don’t think I’ll have a home to go back to. So I guess find a new home. Help my father–I don’t think he’s even aware of my mother’s death right now, and he’s going to need me when he finds out. Help my sister be anything and everything she wants to be after she’s been forced to grow up far too fast.”

“Those are all things you want to do for your family. What do you want to do for you?” 

He held her gaze. “I don’t want to fight anymore, I know that.” 

She nodded. “What else?”

“This is going to sound silly, but I kinda want to be a farmer now. It seems so peaceful and calm. And I want to fly without someone shooting at me.”

Rey chuckled. “Me too. I hope the Falcon and I both survive long enough that I can fly it without someone trying to shoot me out of the sky.”

The Keshian’s face lit up. “Speaking of the Falcon, could you show her to me? I spent my childhood dreaming of that ship.” He looked at her sheepishly through her eyelashes. “That ship may be part of the reason I wanted to become a pilot.”

Rey smiled, swigged the last of her caf, and stood. “Well, I need to go check how much damage that ice canyon did to her anyway, so I could probably show you around to.”

Iolo followed her to the hangar like an eager child, telling her all of the things he’d heard about the ship. 

“She looked every inch the legendary ship I heard about when you were flying her today,” he said. 

Rey ducked her head. “You saw the race?”

“Yes, we did, and you were very impressive. I know how much it takes to beat Poe and the fact that you could do it in a ship four times the size of his X-wing is incredible.”

“Thanks,” she murmured, wishing he’d stop talking about the race. It just made her think of what had come after. 

They walked up to the ship and found that Chewie had stopped his repair work for the day, some of his tools littering the ground around the loading ramp. 

“She’s showing her age,” Rey said to Iolo, “but she still flies true. We just have to make repairs more often.”

Iolo’s eyes were gliding over the ship like it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. For a moment, Rey wondered what it would be like to have those large eyes study her with such scrutiny. 

“She’s still beautiful,” he replied, “no matter how old she is.”

Rey smiled fondly at the ship, before asking, “Do you want to see inside?”

Iolo nodded rapidly before bounding up the ramp. Rey laughed as she followed behind. 

He followed the corridors around the ship, commenting on various things as he saw them. “The Dejarik table!” he practically cried. “Does it still work?”

“It does,” Rey said as she pressed the button and the holo creatures appeared, “but I have no idea how to play and R2 won’t play with Chewie anymore, so it never gets used.”

“I could teach you.”

“I’d like that.”

He explored the rest of the ship, dropping down for a few moments into the gunner’s nest. He flipped a few controls. “It’s looks like your weapons system is back online,” he called up. 

“That’s good. I know Chewie was going to work on that, so he must have gotten it fixed.”

He climbed back up the access tube and handed her a pair of thermal gloves. “I don’t think Chewie was the one who fixed it.”

Rey looked down at the gloves and the lump in her throat suddenly came back. So Poe had come back to help fix the Falcon like he’d said he would. 

She quickly cleared her throat and set the gloves down on one of the crates in the corridor. “The cockpit’s this way,” she said, leading Iolo down the hall. She slid into the copilot’s seat.

Iolo stood behind her. “I’ll sit there. You sit where you’re supposed to.”

“I’m sure you never dreamed of being the copilot of the Millenium Falcon. Sit in the pilot’s seat.”

He grinned and eagerly sat down, his hands ghosting over the control panel. Rey was momentarily mesmerized by his long, slender fingers. What would those fingers feel like running through her hair? 

Sliding over her skin? 

As she lost herself in the thought, the Keshian’s fingers transformed into the calloused fingers of the pilot who’d rejected her. Feeling a blush rise on her face, she shook her head, trying to dislodge the fantasy.

She was obviously going crazy. Why else would she be thinking of Poe’s fingers, wondering if he would touch her body as reverently as he did the controls of Ebon One?

She stood abruptly. The cockpit suddenly felt too close, too hot. Iolo looked up at her with surprise. “I have to go get…” she stammered, “something from Finn.” 

His face fell a bit as he got up from the pilot’s seat with some reluctance. “Alright.”

“I’m sorry, I just need to–,” Rey tried to say.

He held up a hand with those cursedly long fingers. “No need to explain.”

They walked in silence to the loading door. Iolo stopped, turning his golden gaze to her. “Thank you for showing her to me.”

Rey held his gaze. “Of course. Thank you for joining me in the mess.”

“I’m happy to have met you, Rey.”

“I’m glad to have met you, too. Maybe when this is over, we’ll be able to fly together.”

His large eyes glinted. “Could I fly the Falcon?”

“We’ll see,” she said, smirking at his responding chuckle.

Maybe it was the fact that he’d shared his story with her. Maybe it was because she liked the way he talked to her like she wasn’t the Jedi saviour everyone expected her to be. Maybe it was because she was still feeling the sting of Poe’s rejection. Or maybe it was just because she wanted to be touched, even if just for a moment. But before Iolo could walk down the ramp, Rey impulsively pulled him into a hug that took them both by surprise. 

He hesitated for a moment before returning the hug. “I hope you find the home you’re looking for, Rey,” he murmured. 

“You too,” she replied. 

They pulled apart, looking at each other awkwardly. Iolo rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, I’m going to go find Sura.” 

Rey twisted her hands in one of her scarves. “Yeah, I need to find Finn.” 

As they walked down the ramp, Rey looked up to see Poe’s back as he disappeared out of the hangar. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's someone else's turn to be jealous. 
> 
> About the chapter graphic: when I was reading _Before the Awakening_ , I pictured Magnus's eyes while reading about Iolo, so that's my fancast.


	17. Chapter 17

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/40238786244/in/datetaken/)

Poe wasn’t jealous. No, he absolutely was not jealous. Rey could show the Falcon to anyone she wanted to. She could hug anyone she wanted to.    
  
No, that was not a problem. Not at all.   
  
That’s what he kept telling himself as he swung at the punching bag in the training room. His wrapped hands were starting to ache, but he just kept hitting, and hitting, and hitting.    
  
He didn’t understand why he was feeling like this. The hug likely didn’t mean anything. But he also knew Rey well enough by now to know that she wasn’t one to just hug anyone. She only did so with people she trusted, people she liked. So maybe it meant more than he tried to tell himself it meant.    
  
He also knew that he logically should be fine with Rey’s potential interest in Iolo. He was younger than Poe, he wasn’t as reckless, and he was significantly better at “relationship things” than Poe–he knew that from experience. If he was looking at this as someone who wanted the absolute best for Rey, her interest in Iolo was ideal. He’d told Sura he wanted her to find someone better than him and she had. So why did he feel like he wanted to scream?    
  
He couldn’t look at this objectively. He felt this primal need to stake his claim, which he knew was wrong. He had no stake to claim. He’d made that very clear to both of them when he’d kissed her on the cheek. Rey was doing exactly what he’d basically told her to do and he had no right to be upset about it.    
  
But he still was.    
  
So here he was, pounding out his frustrations on the punching bag, hoping that the clenching in his stomach would stop. But all he could see was her hugging Iolo and all he could feel was the jealousy that had boiled up in him when he saw them.    
  
After an hour of relentless pummeling, all he had to show for it were bruised knuckles and a sweaty shirt. He trudged back to his quarters, hoping that a second cold shower—this one on purpose—would clear his head.    
  
He entered to a beeped greeting from BB-8, to which he just grunted. The droid rolled up to him as he striped his sweaty clothes off and whistled a question. Poe sighed and stepped around him. “I’m fine.”   
  
BB followed him and blipped another question. Poe spun back to the astromech. “Just leave it alone, BB. Go power down.”   
  
BB’s photoreceptor widened before he whistled a dismayed response and rolled to his power station. Poe wanted to say something to the sensitive little droid, apologize or something, but BB was powered down before he could even open his mouth.    
  
Well, this day turned out much different than it had started, Poe thought to himself as he turned on the shower and stepped under the cold stream. He’d gone from an enjoyable race with Rey, to not kissing her when she’d asked him to, to finding out Sura and Iolo were still alive, to practically breaking down to Sura, to seeing Rey hug Iolo and getting irrationally jealous. And now his droid was mad at him too.    
  
Kriff, all he wanted was to sleep and hope the next day would be better.    
  
He pulled on a tee shirt and boxers and crawled into his bunk. Closing his eyes, he begged for sleep to take him, but of course he couldn’t be that lucky. He tossed and turned, the sheets tangling his legs. He suddenly felt too warm and ripped his shirt off, but it still didn’t help. He finally just flopped down and stared up at the ceiling of his quarters.    
  
Bantha shit.    
  
As he laid there, tracing the single crack in his ceiling with his eyes, a curious throb started in his head. It didn’t hurt at first, just felt like someone was pressing on his brain, their fingers switching spots every few seconds. Then pain flared in his forehead, so strongly it took his breath away. He shuffled to his ‘fresher to fetch a painkiller, swallowing it dry. The bitter taste of the pill lingered in his mouth as he returned to bed.    
  
The pain in his forehead grew so intense he could not keep his eyes open to return to tracing the cracked ceiling. So he just laid there, trying to keep as still as possible to keep the pain from worsening.    
  
From within the agonized haze in his head, a whisper broke through.    
  
“Get out of my head.”   
  
Poe sat up, too quickly for his throbbing head.    
  
The whisper grew louder. “Get out of my head.”    
  
Poe reached for the shirt he’d discarded and pulled it back on.    
  
“Get out of my head.” Louder again.   
  
He grabbed the pants he’d thrown over the chair and changed into them.   
  
“Get out of my head!” Rey’s scream echoed through his mind.    
  
He jammed his feet into his boots and ran towards the door of his quarters. “BB, come on!”   
  
The droid lit up, but didn’t move from his port. He beeped a couple of times at Poe.    
  
Poe turned back and glared at the droid. “Yes, I know I told you to power down.”   
  
BB-8 beeped again and started to shut off again.    
  
“Rey might be in trouble.”   
  
The astromech was off the charging station and rolling out the door before Poe could blink. He ran after him across the base to Rey’s quarters.    
  
When he reached her door, he knocked once and pressed his ear to it. “Rey?” he called.    
  
He could hear rustling behind the door, like she was thrashing in her bed, but she didn’t answer him.    
  
He reached his hand up to knock again when an enraged snarl rang through his mind. “Rey!” he yelled as he pounded on the door.     
  
“BB, get this door open,” he said down to the worried looking droid. He quickly set to work on the door’s control panel and within moments, it slid open.    
  
Poe rushed into the room and found Rey lying prone on her bed, her face twisted, her hands gripping the sheets so hard that her knuckles were white.    
  
He knelt down next to the bed. “Rey.”   
  
She didn’t open her eyes, didn’t acknowledge his presence. Whatever she was fighting from her mind still attacked her.    
  
He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, shocked by how hot her skin was. He gently shook her. “Rey.”   
  
She stilled momentarily, before violently twisting away from him. He watched in amazement as bruises and scratches bloomed on her arm.    
  
A low voice growled in his mind, a voice he only ever heard now in his nightmares, a voice he hoped he would never hear again.    
  
“Rey!” he yelled, as he shook her harder. She still didn’t respond, sweat beading on her furrowed forehead. “Wake up!”   
  
The low snarl grew louder in his mind as he leaned over the groaning Rey   
  
He needed to get through to her, to bring her back to consciousness, to him. 

  
He climbed onto her bed, pulling her rigid body against him. He snaked his arms under hers and pressed her to his chest, her head lolling onto his shoulder.  
  
“Come on, Rey,” he said into her ear. “Come back to me.”  
  
He cupped the back of her head in his hand, tangling his fingers in her hair. With his cheek pressed against hers, he closed his eyes and tried to reach his mind out to her. The light of her mind appeared dimmed, black tendrils snaking across it. Feeling ridiculous as he did so, Poe tried to focus on all of the things he felt for Rey, visualize them as a large orb of glowing light. He imagined pushing that orb towards her, forcing away the darkness that plagued her.  
  
The dark tendrils seemed to reach out to him, the growl drowning out BB-8’s concerned beeps, Rey’s moans, his own thoughts, until it was the only thing he could hear. But even as it tried to distract him, he kept his focus on Rey.  
  
“I’m here, Rey,” he pushed the thought into her mind. “Come back to me.”  
  
The light of Rey’s mind seemed to pulse in response to him. With one final bone-chilling yell that seemed to echo around them, the darkness flew away from her.  
  
Her body slumped against him, finally released from whatever had held her. He could feel tears from her eyes slide down his neck as she breathed heavily, tickling the hair on the back of his head. She shook slightly in his arms.   
  
“It’s alright,” he murmured. “You’re alright.”  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him like he was a lifeline. “Poe,” she breathed.   
  
“I’m here.” He squeezed her tighter. “I’m right here.”  
  
They sat there for several minutes, just breathing in each other. BB-8 rolled up to the bed and beeped several times at them.   
  
“We’re okay, bud,” he said to the droid, not moving away from Rey at all to look down at him. “Fix the door and then you can go back to our room.”  
  
He looked like he wanted to protest, but a slight shake of Poe’s head stopped him. After a few minutes of his tinkering, the door slid closed again. After BB rolled away, they were left in silence again.   
  
Rey’s shaking eventually stopped and he shifted his head so he could look down at her. “Are you alright?”  
  
She didn’t move to look back at him, instead keeping her head pressed in the crook of his neck. “I think so.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
He could barely hear her whisper, even with her pressed so close. “Nightmare.”  
  
She wasn’t telling him the truth, at least not all of it. But Poe was afraid to push her too quickly. So he just murmured, “Okay,” and held her tighter, rubbing soothing circles on her back. He tried to exude a sense of calm and push it towards her.   
  
Her breath against his neck calmed and slowed, and he realized that she was falling asleep in his arms.  
  
This was really not how he thought this day would end.  
  
He knew he should wake her, get her off of him, and leave her to sleep. He shouldn’t be there in her room. He was crashing through lines they’d both drawn.   
  
But the feeling of holding her in his arms was more than he had ever imagined and he didn’t want it to end, as much as he knew he needed to end it.   
  
He also needed to know what really just happened. Something—or someone—had attacked her mind and he needed to know why. And how they could stop it.   
  
So as much as he wanted to just let her sleep against his chest, he shifted beneath her and gently slid her off of him. As he moved off of the bed, her hand shot out and grasped his.   
  
“Don’t go,” she mumbled into her pillow, not even opening her eyes.   
  
He gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere, sunshine. I’m just going to sit in the chair here.”  
  
She reluctantly let go of his hand and turned on her side, opening her eyes into small slits to watch him pull the chair to her bedside. When he took a seat, he returned his hand to hers.   
  
“Rey, I need to know what just happened.”  
  
She sighed, her eyes closing again. “I told you. I had a nightmare.”  
  
His voice turned stern. “We both know that was more than a nightmare.”  
  
“Can’t we talk about this tomorrow?” she whined.   
  
“No, we can’t talk about this tomorrow,” he said urgently, leaning towards her, “because I just had to break into your quarters after I heard you telling someone to get out of your head and I think I know who it was and I want you to tell me I’m wrong, because if I’m not, we’re all in danger.”  
  
She ripped her hand from his and sat up, glaring at him as she did so. “You don’t think I know that? Why do you think I wanted to leave the Resistance before I put anyone else at risk?”  
  
“Rey, just tell me what’s going on, please,” he pleaded. “I want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t tell me what just happened.”  
  
Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she sat with her head propped in her hands for a few moments, eyes trained on the floor. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she looked up. He could see fear in her eyes.   
  
“You’re not the only person I have some kind of bond with,” she said, her voice wavering slightly.  
  
“Who?” he asked, dread settling into his stomach.   
  
“Ben.” She dropped her gaze back to the floor and continued. “You know him as Kylo Ren.”  
  
Even though a part of him had been expecting that answer after what he’d heard, his heart still leapt into his throat. He stood abruptly, the room suddenly feeling far too small.  
  
“How long has this been going on?"  
  
"It started when I was on Ahch-To with Luke. We could suddenly see and hear and touch each other, but we couldn't control when."  
  
He looked down at her with surprise. "He could touch you?"  
  
She nodded. "And I could touch him," she murmured.   
  
Poe's stomach twisted at the thought of her touching that monster. "Why would you–"  
  
"I thought I could save him!" she cut him off, bitterness tingeing the ferocity of her voice. "When I thought it was just the Force connecting us, I foolishly thought I could save him."  
  
"What do you mean, 'just the Force'?"  
  
She scowled. "Snoke linked our minds. He knew that I would try to save Kylo if I thought there was light in him, knew that I would go to the Supremacy to help him. It was all part of his plan to have Kylo kill me and snuff out the light. He just didn't know that Kylo would kill him instead."  
  
"But if Snoke created the bond and now he's dead, why are you still connected?"  
  
"I don't know," Rey cried in frustration. "The last time I saw him was when we were leaving Crait, and I thought that just was because we were close to each other. And I shut him out then, I swear. I didn't think he'd be able to reach me again."  
  
"Do you think the Force is trying to keep you connected?"   
  
"I don't know, Poe! I don't know the answers to any of your questions. I don't know why he and I are still connected. I don't know why you and I are connected. I don't know why he was able to reach me tonight. I just know that I was able to push him away–with your help."  
  
"Did he see anything, hear anything, before you pushed him away?"  
  
"I don't think so."   
  
Poe swallowed, trying to push down the nausea building in his stomach. He needed to ask–it was what a commander of the Resistance should do–but he didn't want to know the answer. He pulled a steadying breath in through his nose before asking, "Did you tell him anything?"  
  
The look on Rey's face might as well have been the blade of her saber plunging into his stomach–anger, betrayal, hurt, disappointment, and despair all playing out. "No! I would never–" Her words trailed off. "How could you think I would do that?"  
  
Poe pressed a hand to his forehead. "You said it yourself–you thought you could save him. Maybe you thought telling him about what we're doing, making him trust you, would help you turn him."  
  
She jumped to her feet. "I would never endanger the Resistance like that."  
  
"Kriff, Rey, you already have!" he ground out. "By not telling anyone about this bond you have with the _Supreme_ _Leader_ , you have put us all at risk!"  
  
"I thought it was gone! I thought that when I shut him out on Crait, that was the end of it! I didn't know it was still there."  
  
"You still should have told someone. Finn, Leia–me."  
  
“I couldn’t.”

“Yes, you could have. You could have told any of us.”

“I was scared!” She screamed at him, pulling him up short. “I finally had a home, a family, and I was scared to tell you that I was a danger to everyone because of some bond I unwillingly had with him!”

She sank back onto the bunk and wrapped her arms around herself, like she was trying to hold herself together. Watching her try to keep tears from falling, Poe remembered once again how young she was. He would have been terrified if something like this had happened to him at twenty and probably would have done the same. 

He rubbed a hand over his eyes and heaved a sigh as he sat back down in the chair. “I know you’re scared. I understand. And if I’d thought I had a way of reaching him, I probably would have done the same.” Rey looked up at him with surprise. “But we need to know everything you’ve told him in the entire time you’ve been connected.”

Her shoulders slumped, but she nodded. She rubbed at her eyes before taking a deep breath, steeling herself.

Watching her build up her courage, Poe realized that having this conversation in the middle of the night would not be helpful. She’d just have to repeat it to Leia and frankly, he was far too exhausted to hear about how she’d been connected to the man who’d tortured him, the man who haunted his nightmares.

He held up his hand. “We’ll continue this conversation in the morning, with Leia.”

She blinked at him several times before looking down at the floor. “Right, okay” she murmured.

“Try to get some sleep.”

“You too. Tell Sura I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

Poe furrowed his brow. “Sura?”

He could see the blush rising on her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your–ah–time together.”

His eyes widened for a second before he laughed out loud, the sound breaking the heavy silence between them. “Sura and I aren’t together, Rey.”

Her face clouded with confusion. “But–I don’t understand.” She stammered. “She was in your quarters in a towel.”

Poe smirked and rolled his eyes. “I let her use the shower in my quarters so she didn’t have to use the communal ‘fresher. And Sura Javos has never been one for boundaries–or any sense of shame. You’re lucky she answered the door in a towel–she’s done so completely naked before.”

Confusion still lingered on her face. “So you’re not together?”

“No, we’re not. She’s one of my best friends and I love her and I’m so happy she’s alive, but we’re only friends.”

She still looked at him skeptically, but she didn’t ask any more questions. She went back to staring at her hands and Poe looked down at her from across the room. “Are you alright now? Do you think you can sleep?”

The fear returned to her eyes but she averted her eyes from him, trying to hide it from him. “Yeah, I think so. I hope so.”

He wanted to say something else, comfort her in some way, but he had no clue what to say. He was a pilot–he didn’t do comfort well. And he really didn’t know how to offer comfort about having a mind bond with the First Order’s Supreme Leader.

So he said a quiet “Goodnight,” and started to walk towards the door as she settled back into her bunk.

Just as he was about to press the button to the door, he heard her quiet voice behind him. “Poe.”

He turned to find her laying on her side, looking at him.

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay with me? Please?”

He paused for a moment, part of him not believing his ears. “Sure, I can,” he replied as he went to sit back in the chair. He already knew he would hate himself in the morning for spending the night in a chair, but he couldn’t say no to her. Not with how scared she was. Or with how she was looking at him.

He sat and they stared at each other in silence across the darkened room. Poe crossed his arms and stretched out his legs, trying to find a comfortable position on the hard chair.

“You don’t have to sit in the chair,” she murmured so quietly he almost didn’t hear.

“My back will appreciate me sleeping in a chair more than on the floor, sunshine.”

“I don’t mind sharing.”

It was Poe’s turn to blink at her several times. Was she suggesting what he thought she was suggesting?

He cleared his throat. “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

“Please.” The desperation in her voice surprised him. “I’m scared he’ll try to come back again tonight. I was only able to fight him off completely when you touched me. And I might need to be able to do that again.”

He could see her logic, but that didn’t make him any less uncomfortable.

This  _ really _ was not how he thought his day would end.

She noticed his hesitancy and quickly added, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She twisted her hands in her blanket.

He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Alright.”

She looked up at him, relief evident in her wide eyes. “Thank you,” she breathed.

Rey shifted in the bunk, curling herself towards the wall. Shucking off his boots and wishing he could do the same with his pants and shirt so he could be a little more comfortable in this incredibly uncomfortable situation, Poe lifted the blanket and slid into the bed.

There wasn’t enough room for him to lay on his back, so he turned on his side away from her, placing his arm under the pillow.

Their backs pressed together and Poe felt the tension in her spine. He was sure she could feel the tension in his, too.

He felt her shift against his back, the bare patches of her skin rubbing against the rough fabric of his clothes, and he was sure she was as uncomfortable as he was. Her foot jutted into his calf. “Sorry,” he heard her say behind him.

“Okay, this isn’t working,” Poe said as he pulled back the blanket and stood up.

Rey rolled over and sat up, her face falling in disappointment. “I’m sorry. Just forget that I asked.”

“No, I’m not leaving.” He looked down at her, heat rising on his cheeks. He gestured to his clothes. “Do you mind if I take these off? They aren’t the most pleasant to sleep in.”

She nodded slightly, averting her eyes as he pulled his shirt and pants off.

“Alright, now we’re going to rearrange. Stand up.”

She looked up at him with confusion, but did as he said. He then got back into the bed, laying with his back towards the wall. He held up the blanket and gestured for her to join him. She laid down, holding herself rigid as she tried to keep herself from touching him. He settled the blanket over them and held his arm to his side.

“Relax, Rey,” he murmured.

Her body lost some of its rigidity, but she was still careful to keep any part of her body from coming into contact with his.

“If you’re right, I won’t be able to help you fight that bastard off if we’re not touching.” Poe reached out his hand and placed it gently on her waist. “Is this alright?”

“Yeah.”

He increased the pressure on her waist, pulling her into him. Her body slid into place next to him, fitting against him perfectly.

“Still alright?”

She nodded, shifting the pillow they shared and tickling his nose with her hair.

He breathed deeply, taking in her scent - sunshine, oil, ozone, soap, and something sweet he couldn’t quite recognize. It was something familiar, though, like something he’d smelled once long before.

After a few moments, her breathing slowed and she relaxed back into him as sleep took her. He pulled the blanket higher over them and closed his eyes.

Feeling the warmth of her body against him, Poe tried not to think about how right this felt. And how much he wanted to fall asleep like this every night.

This was definitely not how he thought his day would end.


	18. Chapter 18

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/39274057950/in/datetaken/)

Rey woke feeling warmer than she ever had since arriving on the ice planet just as the light from the rising sun began to show through the window in her room. Not wanting to open her eyes just yet, she snuggled into her pillow with a content sigh. 

Her eyes shot open when she realized that her pillow was moving. The events of the night came back to her as she looked over Poe’s bare chest. At some point, Poe had rolled onto his back and she had ended up half on top of him, resting her head on his shoulder. Now, they were a tangle of limbs, with her right leg between his and his right arm underneath her. She could only imagine how numb his arm was after she’d been on top of it for Force knows how long. 

She lay there thinking of the best way to extricate herself, when he mumbled something in his sleep and shifted, pulling her flush to him. His calf somehow ended up on top of her leg in the process. 

Kriff. 

She carefully bent her knee, trying to slide her leg out from under his. Her sleep-addled brain noted the muscular of his legs and she gritted her teeth to keep her focus on the task at hand. 

As she moved torturously slow, she wondered if it would be better to just pull away quickly, like she was ripping a batca patch off. It would certainly be less awkward if he woke up after she’d extracted herself than waking in the middle of her painstakingly inching her leg out. 

She was considering how likely falling out of the bed would be if she did just pull her leg out quickly when a groan came from the sleeping man next to her. “What are you doing?”

She looked over to see that he was squinting at her with one eye. 

“Sorry,” she whispered as she pulled her leg away, “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I’m a combat pilot, sunshine. I was awake as soon as you started moving.”

“Then why didn’t you move?”

“I wanted to see what you’d do.”

She swatted at his chest. “Jerk.”

His grin turned into a yawn. “Just shove me next time. I’ll move.”

Rey stopped short. 

Next time? Did he think there would be a next time? 

Did she want there to be a next time? 

She sat up and stretched, shifting the blanket off of Poe. She remembered as the blanket fell away that Poe was only wearing underwear and her cheeks flamed as she turned her gaze and pulled the blanket back up. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled. 

He chuckled awkwardly. “It’s alright, sunshine.” 

Still not meeting his eyes, she stood from the bed and shuffled towards the table, rolling up the wrappings that she had left on the table. She would do literally anything to keep herself from looking at him. 

Noticing her discomfort, Poe stood from the bed and pulled on his clothes. “I’m decent now,” he said with a smirk. “You don’t have to avert your eyes.”

“I wasn’t—” 

His pointed look stopped her short. 

“Yeah, alright, I was,” she admitted. “I’m just not used to seeing—”

“Handsome shirtless men in your room,” Poe supplied with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. 

She gave him an answering pointed look. “Any body that isn’t my own.”

Poe’s face sobered. “Were you uncomfortable?” His words rushed out as his face became more drawn. “I’m sorry, Rey. You said you were okay with it, but I should have realized you weren’t. I’m so sorry.”

Rey held up her hands. “No, no, it was fine. I just needed to get used to–you. But it was fine.”

Despite her assurances, Poe still wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I still shouldn’t have–”

She grabbed his hands, forcing him to look at her. “Poe, it’s alright. I’m not upset. I obviously wasn’t that uncomfortable since I ended up using you as a pillow.” 

Poe’s face lightened slightly. “I’ve been told I make a pretty good pillow.”

“You were decent,” she said with a shrug. 

Poe rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I had some drool on my chest that would suggest otherwise.” 

Rey felt a slight blush creep up her face. “Sorry,” she muttered. 

He grinned at her. “Don’t feel bad for me. I’ve never had a beautiful woman drool on me before. It was a delightful, if slightly wet, experience.”

Her face truly blazing now, she buried her face in her wrappings. “Stop!” she whined through the fabric. 

The room filled with Poe’s laughter as he pulled her into a hug. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, sunshine.”

He squeezed her tightly once, before letting go. “I have to go run drills, but I’ll see you later,” he said as he walked towards the door. “We need to continue our conversation from last night. And talk to Leia.”

She dropped her gaze to the floor and nodded her head. 

“Rey.” She looked up to see Poe smiling at her. “It’ll be alright.”

“Okay,” she muttered, not convinced.

“It will. I promise.” 

He slipped out of her quarters, leaving her to sink into the chair and think over everything that had happened the night before as she surveyed the bruises and scratches on her arm.

She’d gone back to her room shortly after leaving the hangar and Iolo. She’d gone to see Finn briefly, mainly to save face since she’d told Iolo she needed to find him, but they only spoke long enough for Finn to press some winnings into her hands. She’d tried to make him take it back, but he’d insisted, so she had some new gloves and a pack of cigs sitting on the table. She now stared at the pack of cigs as she thought, flipping Poe’s lighter over and over in her hand. 

She had been restless when she returned to her quarters. She meditated for a while, but she was distracted, uneasy. She eventually gave up, changed into her sleep clothes, and went into her ‘fresher to splash water on her face. She’d never had running water before, but now that she did, she realized just how helpful it could be for so many things. She hoped the shock of cold would center her, but her hopes were dashed.

She shuffled back into her sleeping quarters, grumbling to herself as she did. She was being ridiculous, pure and simple. She needed to get it together. Maybe a good night’s sleep would help her do that. 

Sleep found her quickly, and dreams came. But they were fitful dreams.

She was back in the Star Destroyer, back in that blasted chair. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t convince the Trooper to let her go as she had before. Instead, he just tightened her restraints every single time until it felt like her wrists and ankles might break. 

The dream changed when he appeared in front of her. It suddenly was more than a dream, a mix of a vision and a fantasy.

He looked down at her with surprise for a moment before his face turned blank again, as blank as it had looked when she closed the Falcon’s ramp and shut him out. 

“I never thought I would see you in here again,” he said coolly. “Impressive.”

“How are you doing this? How are you in my dream?”

“I’m not doing this,” he replied. “You are.”

How could she be doing this? She was asleep, dreaming. 

He sighed in response to the puzzled look on her face. “There is so much you don’t know. It’s a shame, really.”

She wouldn’t rise to the bait. “What is going on?”

“I sensed a weakness in you and I reached out. You’re the one who let me into your dream. Should I be flattered that you dream of this?” he asked as he gestured around the interrogation room. 

“I’m haunted by this _ , _ ” she spat. “By you.”

He stalked up to her, his chest pressing down on her, his face inches away. “Do you not think I’m haunted by you as well?”

She turned from him, refusing to look him in the eye. He reached out to stroke her jaw, but his hand was stopped before he could. 

“Strange,” he murmured, flexing his fingers against the invisible barrier. “You’re so powerful, but you have no control. I could have taught you control if you’d just come with me.” He brought his face close to hers. “I still could.” 

“I will never go with you.”

“Foolish girl!” he cried as he pulled back. “You think they care about you–they don’t. The traitor, the pilot,  _ my mother _ . They don’t care about you. They only care about what you can do.”

“That’s not true!”

“Isn’t it? You’re nothing without your power, so why would they care about you?”

She glared up at him. “That’s no different from you. You only care that I can match you! Even with my lack of training, I am your match.”

He chuckled. “You flatter yourself.”

“Do I? The broken lightsaber in my quarters proves otherwise.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Your quarters? So you’re not on the Falcon anymore?”

Her heart began to race. “There are quarters on the Falcon. You certainly know that, Ben.”

“Please, Rey, I see right through you,” he hissed. “Tell me where you are.”

“Get out of my head,” she growled

“Don’t try to resist me.”

“Get out of my head.” 

“You will give in to me.”

“Get out of my head.” 

“Where are you?”

“Get out of my head!” she screamed.

As she yelled, something pricked at the back of her mind, like a light turning on in a distant room. She focused on it as it came closer, trying to push him from her as she did. 

“Let me in! Tell me where you are!”

“I will never tell you.”

“You are nothing,” he seethed as he drew closer to her again. “You are alone.”

She glared up at him. “No, you are.” The light came closer and she felt the bonds of the rack melting away, like they’d been severed by a saber. She stood from the chair, forcing Kylo to back up. “You’re the one who is nothing, Ben. You have nothing. You have no one. And you will fail.”

He wordlessly growled as he lunged for her arm. Nothing stopped him from grabbing her this time. His fingers dug into her arm. She tried to pull away, but he would not let go.

Suddenly, Rey felt something else on her shoulder, something unseen. 

Kylo noticed it too. “What is that? Who else is there?”

She spun away from him, his nails scraping on her skin as she moved. “Get out of my head!”

He growled as he reached for her again, but he was buffeted back by a burst of light that flashed around them. He staggered back against the wall, reaching up to cover his eyes. 

Warmed and strengthened by the light, Rey stood over him. “I know that people love me, because I love them. And that makes me so much more than nothing.  _ You _ are nothing, Kylo Ren, and you will lose.”

He growled once more as she pulled the warmth, the strength to her, letting it envelope her in light. 

“I’m here, Rey,” a familiar voice echoed around them. “Come back to me.” 

Rey smirked down at Kylo. “I’m not alone. But you will be.”

She felt the light building and growing in her, strengthened by Poe’s presence. She pushed the light from herself, igniting the room in luminescence. She heard him scream as she was finally ripped from the dream.

When she came back to consciousness, she found herself slumped in Poe’s arms. And for a moment, she felt safer than she ever had before.

Until he started asking questions–questions she didn’t want to answer, questions she couldn’t answer. She was still reeling from seeing Ben again and he was asking her to explain a connection that she still didn’t understand, especially as it continued to change. 

She’d thought for a few heart-stopping moments that he would leave, that he would hate her for endangering the Resistance. She’d been able to stomach leaving him, but the thought of him leaving her filled her with dread. 

He stayed, though, and she’d never felt such relief before. And that relief only increased when he’d explained his relationship with Sura. She felt slightly ashamed that this knowledge brought her such reassurance, but she had learned in these last weeks to acknowledge and accept the emotions she was experiencing for the first time, even if she didn’t understand them. 

Those new emotions nearly overwhelmed her, though, when he’d stayed with her through the night. She felt like a child begging for comfort when she asked him to stay, hardly expecting him to say yes. When he sat back in the chair, some daring part of her–some part of her that remembered her fantasies of his fingers ghosting over her skin–made her ask him to share her bed. 

She hadn’t lied when she told him she thought she’d be able to fight Kylo off more easily if he was touching her. She knew on some level that his presence had helped her force him away. 

But she also wanted him there. 

She wanted to know what it felt like to be held. 

But even as she’d pleaded with him, she hadn’t truly expected him to do as she asked—hadn’t truly expected that he would lift the covers and join her in the too-small bunk.

As she sat examining the bruises and scratches Kylo had left on her arm, the feeling of his hands on her skin was replaced in her memory by the feeling of Poe sleeping next to her—at first, the chafing of his clothing on the skin left uncovered by her sleep clothes, the pressure of his hand on her waist, and then the feeling of his skin against hers as she slid back into him. She was lulled to sleep by the feeling of the gentle rise and fall of his chest. 

She didn’t know how she felt, or what to think about how she felt. She felt safe with him, felt stronger when he was with her. That was certainly proven true when she was able to fight off Kylo only after she drew strength from his light. But after learning that everything she’d felt about Kylo had been tainted by the connection Snoke had created between them, she was leary of anything she felt for Poe, afraid that the bond was creating false feelings. 

She wanted to let herself feel something for him, to experience feelings for another person that she had never experienced before. She had told Iolo that she wanted a home and a family, but she also wanted to love, and to be loved. And she knew that it would take her time to reach that point with anyone. A part of her wanted that person to be Poe, but with a kiss on the cheek, he’d indicated that she would not be that person for him. And even if he did, she didn’t feel that she could ask him to wait for her to be ready. He deserved someone who could love him as completely as possible, and she didn’t know when she would be able to do so–or if she ever could.

Her head a jumble, Rey prepared for the day. Pulling her hair into a tight braid, she grabbed her staff, hoping that running some drills of her own would calm her thoughts. She walked from her room down the hall towards the training room, securing the wraps on her arms as she did.

“Rey.” 

She looked up from her wrappings to see General Organa standing in the doorway of her private command. 

“Good morning, General,” Rey said to the older woman with a slight smile. 

“Could I speak with you?” 

Her smile faltered. “Of course.” She stepped into the room and faced Leia as she closed the door. She wrung her hands on her staff. 

Turning to see this, Leia raised an eyebrow. “You can put your weapon down, Rey. We’re just going to talk.” 

“Right, of course,” Rey said quickly as she leaned the staff against the wall. 

“Please sit,” Leia said as she gestured to the seat across the table and sat herself.

Rey did as she said and twisted her hands in the scarves on her belt, afraid to meet the General’s eyes. “Is there something wrong?”

“There’s nothing wrong, Rey,” Leia replied. “At least, not right now.” 

“Alright,” she said hesitantly. 

“I need to ask you what happened last night.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?” 

“I had several people report hearing someone pounding on your door and a loud argument coming from your quarters last night. And I saw Commander Dameron leaving your room this morning. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t care, but I need to know if there is some kind of lovers’ quarrel going on between two of my leaders, Rey.”

Uneasiness twisted Rey’s stomach. “That’s not what happened, General, I promise.”

“I’m not judging, Rey. I would be a raging hypocrite if I was. But I know that enough of my quarrels with Han affected the Rebellion, and I need to know if I have to prepare for the same with you and Poe.”

“We’re not–” Rey paused, stumbling over the word ‘lovers’. “We’re not together.” 

Leia quirked an eyebrow. “And last night was?” 

“I was having a nightmare and Poe heard me screaming. He was trying to comfort me.” 

Leia leveled a severe look at her. “Don’t lie to me, Rey. No one reported you screaming and I definitely would have heard about that.”

Rey exhaled. She was going to have to tell Leia. She’d hoped to do this with Poe, but maybe talking to Leia by herself would be easier. 

She sucked in a steeling breath. “I wasn’t yelling out loud, General. Poe could hear me in his mind.” 

Leia stared at her for a moment. “Excuse me?”

“Poe and I discovered that we have some sort of mind bond a few weeks ago.”

Leia studied her for a moment before rubbing a hand on her forehead. “Kriff, I told Shara something like this would happen when that boy was climbing all over the Force tree.” 

Rey stared at her blankly. Leia knew about the Damerons’ Force tree? And thought it could be the reason they had this bond?

_ Could it be?  _

Leia lowered her hand and looked back at Rey with a weary expression on her face. “What does this bond entail?”

“We haven’t tested it much. We can speak with each other mentally, but we don’t know how far away we can be from each other for the connection to be maintained. And we can tell when the other is in some kind of distress.”

“And do you have any idea why this bond exists?”

Rey shook her head. “The Force just seems to be connecting us for some reason that we don’t know.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “You’ve only been able to speak to each other in your minds?” 

“So far, yes. I haven’t wanted to test it here in case something goes wrong, so we’re only able to test it when we can both get off base.”

“That’s smart.” Leia gave her sharp look. “It would have been smarter to just tell me, though.”

Rey dropped her gaze. “I know.”

Leia continued. “I understand that you’ve lived most of your life not having to explain your actions to others, but as General, I need to know about the things that are affecting my people, including a Force bond between you and my star pilot. Understood?”

Rey nodded. “Yes.”  

As much as she didn’t want to, she knew she needed to tell her about Ben. She looked back up at Leia and swallowed once nervously. “General, there is something else I need to tell you. I should have told you as soon as we left Crait, but I thought it had gone away and I was afraid you would be upset.”

“Just spit it out, Rey. You’re sounding like 3PO.” She paused for a moment before taking Rey’s hand. “I won’t be upset.”

Rey looked down at the older woman’s hand in hers, studying the ring that adorned her finger. When Leia squeezed her hand gently, Rey lifted her gaze to find her looking at her encouragingly. 

Rey swallowed again, but did not allow herself to look away from Leia. She could not make this confession without looking her in the eye.

“I have a mind bond with Ben, too.” 

Rey could hear Leila’s sharp intake of breath as her expression turned stricken. “For how long?” she asked as she pulled her hand away.

Rey wrapped her arms around herself. “It started shortly after I arrived on Ahch-To.”

“Is it still active?”

“I didn’t think it was.”

When Leia next spoke, her voice was that of the general and no longer that of the caring maternal figure. “Explain,” she commanded in a stern voice.

“We could speak with each other, touch each other even. I could feel the conflict in him and I thought I could save him. I thought the bond was the Force showing me that there was light left in him, that our destinies were intertwined. And I went to him because of that foolish thought.” 

She heard Leia blow out a breath, but she didn’t look up. She couldn’t look up and see the doubt, the fear in Leia’s eyes.

Instead, she slumped her shoulders as she spoke, trying to make herself smaller. “I found out then that it wasn’t the Force that was connecting us, but Snoke. Snoke manipulated his emotions, made him seem more conflicted, and then bridged our minds. He knew that I wouldn’t be able to resist even the smallest chance to save him and lured me to the Supremacy. He then commanded Ben to kill me. When Ben killed Snoke instead, I thought that maybe I was right, that he could be turned.” 

Her lip curled in disgust, and she snorted a bitter laugh before biting out, “But I was wrong.”

They sat in silence for a moment, before Leia asked, “Did the bond continue after Snoke was killed?”

“I saw him once more when we were leaving Crait, but I didn’t see him again for weeks. I hoped that without Snoke’s influence, the bond wouldn’t be able to link us across long distances.”

“I take it that’s not the case or you wouldn’t be telling me this.”

“No,” Rey sighed. “He came to me in my dream last night. That’s what Poe heard.”

“Has he been able to reach your dreams before?”

She shook her head. “He told me that he sensed a weakness in me and reached out, but I let him into my dream. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth.”

Leia's gaze bore into her. “I need you to be completely honest with me right now, Rey. Was he able to learn anything from you? Could he see where you were? Did you tell him anything?”

“I dreamt I was back in the interrogation room, so that was all he saw. We’ve never been able to see each other’s surroundings. I did say something about having quarters, though, so he knows we’re not on the Falcon anymore.”

Leia rubbed a hand over her forehead again.

“I’m so sorry, General,” she said as she jumped to her feet and grabbed her staff, walking towards the door. 

Leia stood behind her. “What are you doing?” the older woman asked. “You’re not dismissed yet, Rey.”

“I’ll leave,” Rey said in a rush. “I’ll leave before he can reach my mind again and find out anything that will jeopardize the Resistance.”

Looking at her the way Rey assumed a mother would look at a child who was being exasperating, Leia pulled the staff away from her and set it back against the wall before guiding Rey to sit back down. “You will do no such thing, Rey,” she said in a gentle, yet stern voice. 

“But I’ve put the Resistance at risk!” Rey objected. “I've already told him things, and he could learn more if he can reach my mind.”

Leia raised her hand. “My son isn’t stupid, Rey. He’s already knew we couldn’t still be on the Falcon, that we would have established a base somewhere. That still leaves hundreds of systems for him to search. You telling him you have quarters doesn’t change that.” Rey released the breath she’d been holding. 

“Did anything else happen?” Leia asked.

She looked down at the injuries on her arm. “He was able to grab me. He might have done worse if we hadn’t been able to fight him off.” 

“We?”

“Poe and I. He came to my quarters while Ben was still in my head. Somehow, I was able to draw on the bond between us to push him out.”

“And I’m assuming the yelling I heard about came after this? When Poe insisted you explain what was going on and you told him what you’re telling me?”

Rey nodded. 

“And he stayed with you last night to make sure you were okay, which is why I saw him coming out of your quarters this morning, correct?”

Rey just nodded again. 

Leia chuckled. “Dameron probably wouldn’t like to know exactly how predictable he is.”

A slight blush creeped up her cheeks as Rey shook her head. “No, he wouldn’t.”

Leia heaved a sigh as she stood and walked around the table to stand at the window that overlooked the landing field. “Well, this certainly complicates things,” she murmured. 

Rey stood to join her. “General, I should leave,” she exclaimed. “If he can touch me, hurt me, he might be able to control me, use me to get information-” She paused to swallow, her throat dry. “Or to hurt you. I couldn’t take that.”

“Rey, you are stronger than that,” Leia said forcefully as she turned to the young Jedi. “You have fought him off every single time you have met him and you will do it again. And we will help you. But we can only help you if you stay. We need you, and you need us. So no more talk of leaving. We will face this challenge together.”

“I’m so sorry, General,” Rey murmured.

Leia smiled slightly as she reached out and placed her hand on Rey’s arm reassuringly. “Never apologize for things you cannot control, Rey. The Force maintains these two bonds, even if it did not create both of them. You cannot control the Force anymore than I can, anymore than my son can, anymore than my brother could. It has connected you to Ben and to Poe for a reason that will be revealed. We just need to have patience—and faith.”

Removing her hand from Rey’s arm, Leia looked out over the landing field. Her voice changed back into that of the commanding general. “We’ll increase our patrols. I expect you to take a rotation.”

“Of course, General.”

She continued. “You will train and test your bond with Poe. And if anything changes— _ anything— _ you will tell me, understood?”

Rey nodded. 

“And if Ben tries to get into your head again, give him hell and  _ then  _ come and tell me. Alright?”

“Yes, General,” Rey answered. 

Leia nodded towards the black and orange X-wing that was pulling back into the hangar as they spoke. “Now go find Poe and tell him that I said he’s an idiot for not telling me about this weeks ago and that he’ll be demoted again if he keeps something like this from me again.”

The corners of Rey’s mouth lifted into a slight smile. “Of course, General.”

With Leia’s nod of dismissal, Rey started to leave the room. Just as she reached the door, she heard Leia call out, “Rey”, and turned back to her. 

The general’s face was darkened with sadness, making her appear like she’d aged years in mere moments. “Thank you for trying to save my son.” 

“I still believe there is good in him, even now.”

“That may be so, but do not allow yourself to give in to evil to find that good.” Leia’s eyes searched her face. “I could not lose you too.”

“I won’t.”

Leia gave her a small, sad smile. “Seek out the light. It won’t fail you.”

“I will, I promise.” Rey gave her an answering smile. “May the Force be with you, General.” 

Leia nodded. “May the Force be with you, Rey.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was a long chapter, but there was a lot of ground to cover that I didn't really think could be split into multiple chapters. So thanks for sticking with it if you made it all the way down here.


	19. Chapter 19

Poe couldn’t keep his attention on drills to save his life. His squad raced around him, taking out the targets he’d set up and dodging obstacles with ease, while he arrived to each target moments after it was taken out.

His earpiece crackled. “Can’t get your head in your cockpit this morning, Commander?” Karé quipped.

“Not quite awake yet,” he replied with an eye roll as he turned the X-wing sharply to the right. “The caf hasn’t kicked in.”

“Late night, Dameron?” Snap’s voice came over the comm. Poe could practically hear him waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Before Poe could respond, Jess chimed in, “Did you go apologize to Rey for wimping out in the hangar?”

A chorus of “Ooo”s from Karé and Snap filled his ear.

“Jess!” Poe snapped. “I did not wimp out!”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you did, Dameron,” Snap said.

“Yeah, you totally did,” Karé chuckled.

“You kissed the girl on the cheek, you nerf herder,” Jess chided. “She asked you to kiss her and you kissed her on the kriffing cheek. The poor thing’s never going to admit her feelings for anyone or try to get close to someone ever again.”

Poe’s brow furrowed at Jess’s statement. “Did she say something to you?”

“She didn’t have to,” Jess replied. “She’s about as subtle as you are, which is not at all.”

A quiet voice that hadn’t said anything at that point came over the comm. “She definitely made her admiration of you clear, Poe.”

“See,” Jess cried, “Iolo hasn’t even been here for a day and he’s already picked up on it.”

“Just shut up and finish your drills,” Poe ground out into his mouth piece as he spun the X-wing around and leveled his forward cannons towards the target. Just as he was about the punch the trigger, Iolo swooped in from above and shot it out.

The cheers from his squad rang in his ear, Iolo’s laugh rising above them. “Just like old times,” he chuckled.

“The glare from the snow doesn’t affect you as much. You had the advantage.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Dameron,” Iolo teased. “I’ve always been better than you.”

“You wish, Arana.”

“How about you continue this little pissing match back on base, boys?” Karé chided.

Flicking off his comm, Poe turned Ebon One back towards the hangar. He didn’t have the energy to listen to their ribbing this morning.

After the numerous shocks of the night before—some good, most bad—he couldn’t stop his mind from racing. While Rey snored gently against him, he grappled with what she had told him.

She had a bond with Kylo Ren, a boy he’d once known as Ben many years before, a man who had tortured both of them, a man who would not hesitate to kill them. And because she was so innately good, she tried to save him. He admired her for that, even if he found it a little naive. As he thought back to the times he’d played with Ben on Yavin 4, their mothers looking on over cups of caf, he couldn’t pretend he wouldn’t have done the same.

But now Ren was trying to access her mind, to get information about the Resistance. While Rey insisted that she hadn’t told him anything, there was no way of confirming that. And with how little they knew about these blasted mind bonds, Ren could have been privy to everything Rey knew. Poe’s stomach twisted at the thought.

Would Leia make her leave? _Should_ she make her leave? The connection was definitely a potential threat. Thinking as a commander of the Resistance, it probably would be best if she left. But she had become a symbol of the Resistance, a figure of hope, and they certainly needed hope. They also needed someone who could match Ren, and only Rey could do that. So it wouldn’t be in the best interest of the Resistance to send her away.

Plus, where would she go if she was sent away? She couldn’t go back to that hellhole on Jakku, so where else could she go? Everyone she knew were Resistance members–or Kylo Ren. If they were to send her away, could she go to him? He didn’t think she would, but the thought made him sick nonetheless.

Poe realized as the thought of Rey leaving hit him like a blaster bolt to the chest that he would have to defy Leia again if she sent her away. Even if he didn’t feel what he felt for her, he would defy Leia. They were connected now, for whatever reason. Even if they were never meant to be more than they already were, the Force had joined them and he would not rest until he knew she was safe. So he would fight for her to stay. And if she left, he would go with her.

The gravity of that thought would have knocked him back if he hadn’t already been laying down. But he realized as he pulled Rey a little closer that it was true. They were inextricably linked now, and Poe couldn’t walk away from that. And he didn’t want to.

But, he thought now from the cockpit of Ebon One, it wasn’t like he could just tell Rey that. It’d scare her off—more completely than not kissing her or disregarding how uncomfortable it made her and sleeping in only his underwear had. That was a line he should not have crossed, even during an evening when every other line was blown up, Poe thought with a cringe. She’d said it was alright that morning, but he still felt terrible and intended to apologize again the next time he saw her.

Looking over the new fleet of X-wings as he lowered the ship to the landing pad and rolled it into the hangar, he thought again about how he really needed to work on his habit of just doing things without thinking and asking for forgiveness later. Ships, friends, and relationships would probably last a lot longer if he did.

He popped the hatch and hauled himself out, pain stabbing through his knees when his feet slammed to the ground.

He pulled his helmet off and turned to set it down, finding Sura walking over to him, her arm slung around Iolo’s shoulders.

“And how are my two favorite boys this morning?” she sang, pecking Poe quickly on the cheek.

“I’m great,” Iolo replied. “I got a tour of the ship I’ve been dreaming of since I was four last night and I can still kick Poe’s ass in an X-wing.”

“Hey, I was going easy on you,” Poe said as he threw a rag at the Keshian. “I know you haven’t flown much recently. I couldn’t scare you off again your first day back in the cockpit.”

“Oh, so that wasn’t you in fighting shape, huh?” Iolo chided.

“No, that was yesterday.” He patted Ebon One’s hull. “I couldn’t push her so hard two days in a row, not after that ice canyon.”

“But you got your ass handed to you yesterday, too,” Sura piped up. “If that was you in fighting shape, I’m going with Rey.”

“Me too,” Iolo added.

“Yeah, I’m sure you will,” Poe muttered under his breath as he unzipped his flight suit and tied it around his waist.

“Speaking of Rey,” Sura said, “what’s this I hear about you leaving her quarters this morning?”

Every member of his squad yelled at him at once, a cacophony of “What?”, “Poe!”, and “Oh shit!” echoing through their corner of the hangar.

Poe ducked his head as heads turned throughout the cavernous room. “Shut up, all of you!” he hissed.

Snap walked around the end of Ebon One and clapped Poe on the shoulder. “Damn, Dameron, you go from not kissing the girl to sleeping with her in one day? When you apologize, you go all in.”

Poe knew that they were just teasing, but he clenched his hands into fists as anger boiled up in him. Suddenly, he shoved Snap, who stumbled back and upset a tool cart.

“What the hell, Poe?” he heard Jess yell behind him as he stalked up to Snap.

His nostrils flared as he looked up at the older man. “Don’t ever say that kind of shit about Rey ever again. Do you hear me? Or you’re off my squad.”

Snap stared down at him with shock on his face. “Yeah, sure, Poe, no problem,” he stammered. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” Poe spun on the rest of his squad. “The same goes for all of you. You don’t have to respect me, but you will show her respect. She’s the reason our asses are all still alive.”

Jess and Karé stared at the ground as they murmured their assent and returned to their ships. Poe flexed his fingers and bent down to right the tool cart. When he straightened, he found Iolo and Sura just staring at him, Iolo’s mouth open in a small ‘o’ of surprise and Sura’s eyebrow cocked disapprovingly.

He glared at Sura. “You don’t get to look at me like that. You started this, asking me that shit. That’s going to be through the whole base by lunch.”

She rolled her eyes. “Since I heard it from one of Leia’s aides, it already is. So chill, Dameron. You’re just making it into more of a thing.”

His eyes widened. “From one of Leia’s aides?”

“Yeah, Leia saw you, laser brain. And now she’s freaking out that she’s gotta deal with you two. I heard she said something about how this is Mothma, Dodonna, and Ackbar coming back from beyond the grave to torture her for all the shit she and Solo put them through.”

“Kriffin’ hells,” he muttered as he ran a hand through his hair.

“So do you want to explain?” she asked, placing her hand on her hip. “Or do you just want us to assume the same thing Snap did?”

Poe blew out a breath. “She had a nightmare and I heard her. I went to check on her and by the time she calmed down enough to sleep, I fell asleep too. That’s it.”

Sura’s face softened. “Poor thing.”

Iolo looked at him worriedly. “Is she alright? Has she talked to anyone about it?”

He knew Iolo would ask that about anyone, but he bristled at his questions anyway. “She doesn’t exactly open up to people.”

“I know she doesn’t,” Iolo said, “but it might help.”

“Yeah, it might,” Poe admitted, “it might help all of us.”

A tense silence settled over them until Sura looked down at her chronometer. “Walk me to my meeting with Leia?”

“What meeting?” Poe asked.

“She wants to debrief on everything that happened between when I was declared MIA and now. I picked up some intel when I was moon jumping away from the First Order.”

Poe looked over at Ebon One and noticed the furtive glances from his squad. His stomach clenched with guilt. “Yeah, I can walk with you.”

Sura peppered Iolo with questions about the Falcon as they walked and Poe was grateful that the attention was off of him for a moment.

“Have you gotten to fly her yet, Poe?” Sura asked, snapping him back into reality.

“No, I haven’t,” he answered. “I don’t think Chewie trusts me very much.

“Rey said I could maybe fly her when the war’s over,” Iolo excitedly added.

Poe chose to ignore what Iolo said, and the accompanying pang in his chest. “I have worked on her a bit, though. She’s a tough old bird to fix.”

“Yeah, I know,” Iolo said. “I found your thermal gloves in the gunner’s nest when Rey was giving me a tour last night.”

Kriff, he thought. So much for surprising her with fixing the Falcon.

They reached the door of Leia’s private command. Just as Sura raised her fist to knock, the door opened and out stepped Rey.

“Oh, um, hi,” she stuttered as she took the trio in.

Leia appeared over Rey’s shoulder. “Ms. Javos, Captain Arana, Commander Dameron,” she said, giving Poe a lingering look as she said his name, “good to see you all. Ms. Javos, whenever you’re ready.”

Sura nodded and looked at Rey. “Can I leave my boys with you?” she asked with a sly smile.

Poe could see a slight pink tinge building on Rey’s checks. “Um, sure.”

“Just slap them if they get to rowdy,” Sura teased as she walked into Leia’s office. “That’s what I always did.”

The new trio just stared at each other for a moment, before Iolo broke the silence. “Who wants to get lunch?”

Rey laughed. “You think about food as much as I do.”

Iolo smiled back. “I guess we have something else in common.”

“I guess so.” She turned to look at Poe. “Do you want to join us?”

I wouldn’t want to interrupt you two, he thought bitterly. “No, I’ve got some reports I need to catch up on.”

She looked earnestly at him. “Do you need help?”

Poe offered her a slight smile. “You can’t write them for me, sunshine. Go enjoy your lunch. I’m sure Iolo will take care of you.”

Iolo saluted. “Yes, sir, Commander Dameron, sir.”

“Am I going to have to start reminding you to eat?” Rey asked him pointedly.

He waved her off. “I’ll grab something later. I’m fine, sunshine, I promise. Go with Iolo.”

The Keshian offered her his arm with a wink and a smile. “Shall we?”

She looked at him for another moment before looping her arm in Iolo’s. “Bye, Poe.”

“I’ll see you later, Rey.”

He watched them walk away for a moment before turning towards his quarters.

His room was quiet. BB hadn’t returned after drills; Poe guessed he was with R2 and 3PO bemoaning moody owners. He still needed to apologize for snapping at the little astromech the night before.

He slumped into the chair, his datapad on the table before him. He opened the first report he was dreadfully behind on and started typing.

About two minutes later, he found his attention drifting. His mind filled with images of Rey with Iolo. He grit his teeth, trying to force the thoughts from his mind, but they just floated back.

A knock sounded at his door.

“Just a second,” he called as he pushed up from the chair and strode to the door.

It slid open to reveal Karé, with a hand on her hip.

“Captain Kun.”

Karé rolled her eyes. “What’s up with you and the formal titles lately?”

“I have a new appreciation for them.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Didn’t like being called Captain, did you?”

“Not at all,” he said with a smirk. “So I like the titles now—they’re a nice reminder of what we’ve earned.”

“Well, I hope you don’t mind, _Commander_ ,” she said, leaning on the title as she did, “but I’m still going to call you Poe.”

“It’d be strange if you didn’t, Karé,” he chuckled. “What’s up?”

Her face sobered. “You know that Temmin didn’t mean anything by what he said, right?”

Poe rubbed a hand over his face. “Force, Karé, really? I don’t have time for this right now.”

“Poe, listen to me. He didn’t mean anything. We all don’t mean anything when we tease you or Rey. It’s what we do—it’s what families do.”

“Yeah, I know,” he muttered.

“But the last thing we want to do is make you think we don’t respect you, or Rey. Temmin took it too far today, but you know he does that. Social graces are more my department.”

Poe smirked.

Karé continued. “We love you both and we want you to be happy.” She gave him a mischievous grin. “And we tease you because it’s so obvious that you could make each other happy, but you’re both too stubborn to admit it.”

He rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Karé.”

She nodded and started to walk away.

Poe cleared his throat. “How did you and Snap do it?”

She turned back. “What do you mean?”

“How did you stop worrying about the war long enough to find each other?”

Karé smiled, her dark brown eyes warm. “We realized that we were stronger with each other than without. And that no matter what happens, no matter how this ends for us, we’d be happier dying together tomorrow than living eighty more years apart.”

They stood in silence for a moment, before Poe added, “Tell Snap I’m sorry. He was out of line, but I was too.”

“I will.”

“And tell him he’s lucky to have found you.”

She chuckled. “He already knows that—I tell him so frequently.”

She reached up to hug him. “You’ve always given so much, Poe. You deserve to take some happiness for yourself.”

“Thanks, Karé,” he said as he returned the hug.

With one last smile, Karé walked off and Poe went back to his reports. He stared at his data pad for hours, until his eyes were crossing and his stomach was rumbling. He wasn’t quite ready to see all of his squad again, though, so he just pulled a ration bar from his pack and reached for his canteen to wash it down. When his stomach rumbled again an hour later, Poe realized he would have to chance running into them and go find something else to eat.

As he walked down the hall towards the mess, he noticed that the roof access door was open. Curious, he climbed up the ladder.

Emerging onto the roof, he found Rey sitting cross-legged near the edge, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, looking out over the base. A few lights blinked on the airfield, but the view was lit mostly by starlight.

Poe walked quietly over to her. He opened his mouth to say something, alert her to his presence so he didn’t startle her, but she spoke before he could. “Hi, Poe,” she said without turning around.

A feeling of warmth and security seemed to pulse from her to him as he sat down next to her. “What are you doing up here?” he asked.

“Waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

She turned to him and smiled. “You’ll see.”

They sat in silence for a moment, watching a scout ship circle once before slowly descending to the ground.

“I told Leia everything,” Rey said, finally breaking the silence.

Poe turned to her, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. “I would have talked to her with you.”

She shrugged. “I know, but I felt I needed to tell her myself. Especially about Ben.”

Poe sighed. “Right. How did she take it?”

“Well, I’m still here. For now”

Poe’s stomach sank. “Did you think you wouldn’t be?”

Rey pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders. “I offered to leave since I could compromise the Resistance. Leia wouldn’t let me.”

Relief flooded Poe at her words.

He looked over at her, noticing how the base lights reflected in her eyes. “Why are you always trying to run away, sunshine?”

She kept her gaze trained ahead of her. “Because I got tired of people running away from me. Figured it’d be easier if I did it first this time.”

Poe reached over and gently placed his hand on the knee that was poking out from under the blanket. “We’re not running away from you. _I’m_ not running away from you.”

Rey looked down at his hand for a moment, before covering it in her own and looking over at him. “I might be starting to believe that,” she murmured.

He smiled at her. “Good.”

“Leia wants to increase patrols, in case Ben was able to learn something from me. I’m supposed to take a rotation, so add me to your roster, Commander,” she said with a wink.

“You want to take Ebon One for those?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I don’t want to take your ship. I’ll just take the scout ship.”

“That ship doesn’t have a weapons system, Rey. We shouldn’t be using it anymore anyway. You’ll take Ebon One–and BB-8.”

“You’ll have to teach me how to fly it.”

“I don’t think I’ll have to teach you much, sunshine, but I will.”

“Leia wants us to test our bond more, too. We’re supposed to tell her if anything changes. And if Ben tries to get in my head again.”

Concern darkened Poe’s expression. “Has he? Are you alright?”

Rey squeezed his hand where it still sat on her knee. “No, he hasn’t. I’m fine.”

“Good,” Poe said as he let out a relieved breath. “I guess we’re going back to the cave, then.”

“Yeah.” Rey’s face lit with a small smile. “Maybe we can test out that hot spring.”

Poe rubbed nervously at his neck as he muttered, “Maybe.”

Rey’s smile fell as she looked over at him and studied his face. “I didn’t know that Leia knew your mother.”

Poe’s eyes flicked up to hers. “How did that come up?”

“She said something about your family’s Force tree, about how she told your mother that something like our bond would happen after you played around the tree so much.”

Poe sighed. “My mom was Leia’s pilot, and her friend. She would visit Yavin so much, I called her Auntie Leia for most of my childhood. I never thought she noticed us playing on the Force tree that much, just the one time.”

“Us?”

He cleared his throat. “Ben and I.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You were friends with Ben?”

“In the way kids are friends with the kids of their parents’ friends. We both wanted to be pilots, so we bonded over that. The one time I know Leia saw us on the tree, we challenged each other to climb as high as we could and jump off. Ben made it about three quarters of the way up and stopped, too afraid to jump. I climbed all the way and leapt off, and I felt like I was flying my own ship for a moment. Until I slammed into the ground. My mom and Leia came running out when I started screaming. Leia had to climb the tree to get Ben down and I sprained my arm. She didn’t bring Ben that often after that when she came to visit, maybe once a year. And then he went to train with Luke, and then with Snoke, and I went to the academy. I didn’t see him again until he captured me on Jakku.”

“I didn’t realize,” Rey murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Poe shrugged his shoulders. “He stopped being the boy who climbed the Force tree with me long ago. Now he’s just the man who’s attacking my friends.” He looked over at her. “ _My family._ ”

“I believe that boy might still be in there.”

Poe chuckled bitterly. “I believed that too until he started torturing me.”

Rey fell silent, but she laced her fingers in his and squeezed his hand.

“So will you tell me why you’re out here?” Poe asked as he hunched his shoulders. “I’m not dressed warm enough to keep sitting out here.”

“Come here,” Rey said quietly as she let go of his hand and held the blanket open to him. He looked at her doubtfully for a moment. “I won’t bite.”

“You might drool on me, though.”

“Don’t make fun of the person offering you warmth, Dameron.”

Poe scooted next to her, until their thighs were pressed together. Rey wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and he grabbed it and pulled it tight around them. He was nearly overwhelmed by her heady scent when he felt her arm snake around him and grip his side. He looked out the corner of his eye at her, but she didn’t notice. Instead, she leaned her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, her warmth leaching into him.

“So, really, what are we doing–”

Before he could finish his question, the sky above them exploded with dancing light. The breath rushed out of Poe as he watched streaks of transparent blue, purple, and green tremble and wave above them. The glow reflected in the Geyser Sea, illuminating the landscape with an ethereal violet light.

“Wow,” he whispered.

When Rey didn’t say anything, Poe turned to see her looking up in awe, her eyes wide and her face bathed in blue.

“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” she breathed.

“Neither have I.”

They sat in awed reverence as the colors blended and swirled until, as quickly as they appeared, they faded, leaving just a flickering blue glow low on the horizon.

“That was worth waiting for, even if you did get a little cold,” Rey said, playfully pinching his side.

He tickled her back and she squirmed away from him. “Yes, it was,” he said as he stood and wrapped the blanket back around her shoulders, “but now I’m going back inside. My reports won’t finish themselves, as much as I wish they would.”

Rey stood as well, folding the blanket over her arm. “I’ll walk with you.”

They climbed down from the roof and began to walk leisurely towards Poe’s quarters. He looked wistfully towards the mess for a moment, but he was not going to cut this short to get food. He’d just eat another ration bar.

“How did you know about that?” he asked. “I certainly haven’t seen it or heard anyone talk about it.”

“I guess it doesn’t happen all the time. Iolo told me he saw it yesterday night and I just hoped it’d happen again tonight.”

“You didn’t want to watch it with Iolo?” The question was out of Poe’s mouth before he could stop it and he wanted to kick himself for it. Could he be more obvious?

She looked at him strangely for a moment. “No, I think he’s doing something with Sura, Karé, and Snap tonight. Besides, after last night and this morning with you and telling Leia everything, I just wanted to sit by myself for a bit and be amazed by something beautiful that had nothing to do with Force bonds.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” he rushed to say. “You could have told me to leave. It wouldn’t have hurt my feelings.”

“No, no, I’m glad you came up.” She looked over, her eyes catching his, and smiled. “I’m glad I got to see the lights with you, Poe.”

He smiled back. “Me too.”

By that time, they had reached the door of Poe’s quarters. He turned towards her and cleared his throat, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. “Listen, about last night, I really am sorry about not noticing that you were uncomfortable. I was thinking only of myself and my comfort and I overstepped.” His face dropped. “I’m sorry.”

Rey laughed. “Poe, it’s alright,” she implored. “I was more surprised than uncomfortable, honestly. Besides, you’re not the first shirtless man I’ve encountered.”

She winked at him and his stomach clenched. “I’m still sorry,” he muttered.

She placed a hand on his arm. “I know, and I accept your apology. Just, maybe, wear a shirt next time.”

“Next time?”

Her eyes dropped to the ground as she shuffled her feet a bit. “I was wondering if you could stay with me again tonight. I’m worried he’ll try to come back.”

“Sure I can, sunshine. And I’ll keep my shirt on this time,” he said with a grin.

She gave him an answering relieved smile. “Thank you.”

“I do need to work on these reports for a few more hours, though. I’ll come to your quarters when I’m done.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

Poe walked back into his quarters and patted BB-8’s head as he went back to his desk. The droid beeped at him.

“Yeah, I’m good, buddy. I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

BB beeped his forgiveness.

Poe’s stomach grumbled again and he reached for another ration bar. The astromech asked him if he hadn’t eaten dinner, a worried tone to his whistle.

“No, I didn’t, buddy, but it was worth it.” He took another bite of the ration bar. “It was definitely worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another dialogue/feels heavy chapter. The action will pick back up in the next chapter, I promise. 
> 
> Also, if you commented in the last week, I promise I'm not ignoring you, I just haven't had time to reply. I will reply as soon as I can. Please know that I appreciate each and every comment, bookmark, kudo, and view so much and I thank you all so much for your support! Thank you for loving "Dusk Till Dawn" as much as I do!


	20. Chapter 20

A week had passed since Kylo had pushed his way into her dream with no further invasions of her mind. There had been moments when she’d felt something sinister brushing against the edges of her consciousness, but a smile or a light touch from Poe sent the force retreating back into the darkness.

Since that night, the only times they weren’t near each other were when he was on patrols with other members of Ebon Squadron. He’d taken to parking Ebon One near the Falcon instead of with the rest of the squad so they could work next to each other, BB-8 cheerfully passing tools between them.

Rey kept pushing him to let her take her turn on the patrols, but he hadn’t let her leave Akuria’s atmosphere yet. The morning after they’d watched the lights dance, he’d pulled her to the hangar and pushed her up into the cockpit of Ebon One. She eagerly secured the harness around her and reached for the helmet Poe carried with him up the ladder.

He held it away from her. “Not so fast, sunshine.” He chuckled at the pout on her face. “You didn’t think I’d just let you get in my baby and fly her away, did you?”

“You said you wouldn’t have to teach me.”

“I said I wouldn’t have to teach you _much_ ,” he clarified.

“I know how to fly, Poe,” she declared.

“You know how to fly the Falcon.”

“I flew—”

He cut off her protest. “You’ve only flown freighters or support craft in real life, and this is nothing compared to your simulator.” He patted the X-wing’s side. “She handles a little differently. Requires a little more finesse.”

“Are you saying I don’t have finesse?”

“I’m saying you haven’t really needed it in everything else you’ve flown. So you’re going to have to get used to her.”

He leaned into the cockpit to point out the controls to her, and Rey thought for a moment about how much she liked the way he smelled in the morning, the smell of soap sharp on his skin over a scent that was distinctly Poe. She shook the thought from her head and focused on what he was saying.

He didn’t insult her by explaining the basic controls, but instead discussed some of the finer points of handling the star fighter. He pointed to the controls over her shoulders. “These control your engines. You have to keep the flow rates to your thrusters even or you won’t fly straight. And if you want to do some fancy turn like you did around that turret, you adjust the flow regulators—you don’t just cut the power completely to my baby, got it?”

Rey rolled her eyes but nodded.

“If you have to fight—which you shouldn’t,” he said with a pointed look, “you use this to lock the S-foils into position, hit this to turn on the deflectors, and track your target with the scope.” He pointed to each button and interface as he spoke. “The trigger’s on the control stick, so don’t grip it too tight or you just might fry Jess and she would not like that.”

He practically laid over her lap to gesture to the panel on her right. “That’s your inertial damper.” He leaned back, but kept his head close to her as he continued. “You will keep it at full power. I will know if you dial it back.”

Rey felt like she was already trying to breath the close air of the X-wing’s life-support system as her eyes dropped almost involuntarily from his intense gaze to his lips, mere inches from hers. His eyes seemed to darken for a moment before he pulled back.

“I’ll send BB up with you.” The droid chirped happily from the ground and he eagerly rolled over to load into the socket. Rey felt the ship shake slightly as he locked into place and the droid’s next string of binary appeared decoded on the console in front of her. Not that she needed the translation.

Poe pointed to one last section on the control panel. “That’s your comlink. I’ll be on with you the whole time you’re flying. You will not turn it off.”

She wanted to protest, but the intensity of his expression kept her quiet.

He finally handed her the helmet and she secured it on her head. He studied her for a moment. “It looks good on you.”

She smiled up at him quickly, before turning her attention back to the X-wing controls. She flicked the starter switches and activated the controls, grinning as the instrumentation lit up. The engines hummed to life and she reveled in the power beneath her. She grasped the control stick and looked impatiently over at Poe.

“You’re going to run me off this ladder if I don’t let you go, aren’t you?” Poe asked with a smirk.

Rey looked mischievously at him out of the corner of her eye. “Yep.”

“Fine.” Poe backed slowly down the ladder. “Just go get a feel for her. Don’t leave atmo.”

Rey lowered the canopy, disengaged the static locks, and started to pull out of the hangar before he could finish.

“I’m serious, Rey!” he yelled. “Don’t leave atmo.”

She guided the X-wing out of the hangar and onto the runway. Finn smiled up at her and gave her a thumbs up as she passed.

“You ready, sunshine?” Poe’s voice sounded in her ear.

“I’ve been ready for this my whole life.”

“Just take her up easy,” he implored. “You’ll find she can pack a bit of a punch at takeoff.”

Rey rolled her eyes.

“I know you’re rolling your eyes at me.”

Rapid beeps from BB-8 sounded behind her, and the console translated them into stilted laughter.

“I know this is hard for you, but just listen to me, sunshine,” Poe sighed into the com. “I do know my ship.”

“Yes, Poe.”

She quickly ran through her pre-flight checks. “Ready, BB-8?” she called.

The droid practically sang behind her.

She slid her feet slightly against the control pedals, getting a feel for them. She checked the pressurization once again, making sure it was set for an atmospheric flight. Her fingers itched to change it for space flight, but she’d do what Poe told her to do–this time.

Assured that everything was prepared for flight, she cut the brakes and increased the power to the thrusters.

No ship she’d ever flown rose up as cleanly or as quickly as the X-wing. Her stomach lept into her throat for a moment as Ebon One leapt vertically, and she instinctively slammed her foot down on the pedals. Her exhale was slightly shaky as the ship idled about 900 feet above the base.

Poe’s chuckle echoed through the cockpit. “Told you.”

Rey gritted her teeth and eased her feet off of the control pedals, pushing the yoke forward as she did. The ship shot forward, pushing her back into the seat.

“Put her through her paces, sunshine.”

She smirked, “Oh, I intend to.”

“Just don’t break my ship.”

She sailed high above the base, getting a feel for the controls. With even the slightest nudge left or right, the X-wing changed direction. Rey suddenly understood what Poe meant by the need for finesse; the controls of the starfighter were far more precise than those of the Falcon.

Turning the ship away from the base, Rey sent her climbing, the ship’s nose pointed almost vertically towards the clouds.

“I told you to not go out of atmosphere, Rey,” Poe’s annoyed voice sounded around her.

“I’m not going to,” she snipped as she leveled out just at the atmosphere’s edge. “I just need room to see what she can do. Now shut up and let me fly.”

She sent the X-wing plummeting in a corkscrew before jerking back on the yoke to send it doubling back. She flew upside down for a moment, the straps of the harness biting into her shoulders as they fought against gravity, until she banked to the right in a wide arc and righted the ship.

BB whistled excitedly behind her, urging her to do that again.

Rey grinned, answering, “I think I should test out the weapons systems first, buddy.” She clicked the S-foils into attack position and turned the fighter towards the Frozen Ridge.

The outcroppings of the Ridge quickly came into view. Rey rubbed her finger against the trigger as she lined the ship up with a precariously balanced mound of snow. With just the slightest increase of pressure, the trigger depressed and four blasts of red energy flew. The side of the ridge seemed to rock for a moment, steam rising around the point of impact, before the snow began to fall. Rey watched from above as a white wave of snow and ice tumbled down the mountain, the roar reaching her over the sound of the X-wing’s engines.

“Let’s keep the avalanches to a minimum, huh, sunshine?”

“I had to test out the weapons system.”

“You really didn’t, since you won’t be fighting anyone.”

Rey rolled her eyes yet again and returned to testing the ship, sending it through maneuvers she’d only ever dreamed of while using her simulator.

Nearly an hour later, Poe came over the com again. “Time to bring her in, Rey. I know you love my baby, but that’s enough for today.”

Rey reluctantly brought the ship back to the surface, guiding her into her spot next to the Falcon. After shutting her down, Rey fondly patted the control panel. “Thank you,” she murmured.

She popped the canopy to see Poe standing below her, a grin on her face. She undid the harness and stepped out onto the ladder, removing the helmet and shaking out her hair as she did.

“I assume you liked her,” Poe said when she reached the hangar floor again.

“You assume correctly,” she replied. “She’s amazing.”

“She is, but she’s mine.” Poe looked at her pointedly. “Don’t think this is a permanent arrangement.”

“I know, I know, just for patrols. When can I go up?”

“Soon enough, sunshine,” he said with a smile, “ but you’ve got to practice flying with a squad and flying out of atmo first. But now we’ve got a meeting to get to.” Rey walked with him out of the hangar towards Leia’s command, glancing wistfully back at the X-wing.

She’d hoped that practice would come soon, so she could start patrols and feel like she was actually doing something about the trouble she’d brought to the Resistance. But he hadn’t let her go back up in Ebon One in the week that had passed. He dodged the question every time she brought it up and had started taking on more patrols himself.

One night, on his fourth day of avoiding her, she confronted him. She was sitting in his quarters studying flight maneuvers on his datapad when he stumbled in after taking his third patrol in fifteen hours and collapsed onto the bed, BB-8 trailing behind him.

“You alright?” she asked, not even looking up from the Tallon roll maneuver she was examining.

“Tired,” he mumbled into the mattress.

She looked over her shoulder at him. “You know, if you let me take a patrol, you wouldn’t have to take so many yourself and you wouldn’t be so tired.”

“‘s alright, sunshine,” came his sleepy answer.

“Leia wants me to take patrols, Poe. I don’t understand why you won’t let me.”

He huffed as he rolled over and sat up to face her. “Because you’re not ready.”

“Then let me train so I’ll be ready.”

“I will.”

“When?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Soon.”

“Why are you dragging your feet about this?”

“Because we don’t need someone making rookie mistakes right now,” he snapped.

Rey could hear the blood roaring in her ears in the silence that fell between them. Her voice was steely when she next spoke. “I have certainly proved to you and everyone else here that I am more than skilled enough to run patrols, Poe.”

“I know that, Rey,” he said solemnly. “I’m sorry.”

She stood, datapad in hand. “I need some air.”

The door closed behind her before she could hear him say anything else.

She was just going to go sit in the Falcon for a bit and study some more maneuvers, but her feet carried her to Ebon One before she even realized where she was going. She popped the canopy and settled into the cockpit. Propping the datapad against the black display monitor, she ran through what she would do for each maneuver–when to adjust the power, when to turn, when to fire. She could almost imagine really flying them, skirting around TIE fighters and firing at laser cannons on a star destroyer.

Almost.

Hearing something clatter from where the rest of the X-wings were parked, she looked up to see one of the new recruits scurrying to gather up the tools he’d dropped. Jevlan was young–only fourteen–and looked barely big enough to carry a single wrench. But the human boy from Subterrel had shown up at Akuria four weeks before, leaving behind only a note to his mother that said he had to go help save the galaxy. No one was really sure if he’d even be able to save himself, but he threw himself into the work and proved to be fairly useful maintaining the fleet.

“Hey, Jevlan,” she called from her perch. He jumped, dropping the tool he’d just picked up.

He turned and looked rather sheepishly up at Rey, the tips of his ears turning red. “Oh, um, heh, hey, Rey?” he stammered, his voice lifting on her name like it was a question.

“Who’s taking the 0200 patrol?”

“Oh, um–” He scratched at the back of his head with the tool. “I don’t think anyone is tonight. Leia–uh, General Organa said she wanted everyone to get a good night sleep. Didn’t want anyone to shoot each other down because they were so tired they couldn’t tell a TIE from a X-wing.”

She looked down at him fondly. “Then why aren’t you sleeping?”

He dropped his gaze to his feet. “Um, I’m not done working on Ebon Three yet.” He quickly added, “I know what I’m doing, I swear, it just takes me a little longer than everybody else.”

Rey climbed down and joined the boy by the other X-wing. “You deserve a good night’s sleep too, Jevlan,” she said, taking the tool from his hand. “I can finish this up for you. What are you working on?”

“Oh, I can do it,” he started to protest, but withered under Rey’s gaze. “Um, Jess said that the magazine was sticking a little.”

“I’ll fix it,” she said with a reassuring smile. “You go sleep.”

His shoulders visibly sank with relief. “Thanks, Rey.”

“Goodnight,” she called after him as he scurried to the quarters he shared with the other younger new recruits.

Within ten minutes, she had the magazine changing smoothly and the firing rack recentered. She cleaned her hands on a rag and wandered from the empty hangar back to Poe’s quarters.

The room was dark when she entered, light snoring coming from Poe’s sleeping form. She grabbed her sleep clothes and took them into the ‘fresher to change. She thought briefly about not changing, but Poe would probably notice. She didn’t want to raise his suspicions.

She tiptoed to the bed and slid under the blanket. Poe’s hand immediately found her waist and pulled her back to him.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” he breathed into her hair. “We’ll train more tomorrow.”

“You promise?” she asked, but was answered only by his breath evening back out into sleep.

Rey layed there, staring at the chronometer Poe kept on the table. She watched the faint green numbers change.

0000

0030

0100

At 0130, she very carefully pulled out from Poe’s grasp. She froze when it sounded like he would wake up, but he merely sighed deeply, pulled the blanket up to his chin, and turned over.

Grabbing her boots, she snuck through the room. Reaching BB-8’s charging station near the door, she placed her hand on the domed head of the sleeping droid.

“Come on, BB-8,” she whispered.

He flashed to life, beeping once at her.

She brought her finger quickly to her lips, shushing him and motioning him towards the door.

Once they’d made it into the empty hallway, she pulled her boots on and wished she’d grabbed her pants as gooseflesh rose on her legs. Her sleep shorts were not nearly warm enough for the chilled base. But she’d be wearing a flight suit soon enough.

BB beeped at her.

“We’re going on patrol,” she answered.

He whistled a few times.

“No, Poe doesn’t know. He won’t let me go on patrol, so he’s not going to know.”

He looked worriedly up at her, if a droid was capable of looking worried.

“I understand if you don’t want to go with me on my first patrol,” she said with a shrug. “I’m sure R2 will go with me.”

The round astromech gave an indignant chirp and rolled towards the hangar, Rey rushing behind him to keep up.

While BB prepared Ebon One, Rey looked for a flight suit she could borrow. She was taller than Jess and Karé, so she couldn’t use theirs. And Snap’s was certainly out of the question. Iolo’s would work if she rolled up the legs and sleeves a bit. But the one that would require the least adjustment, Rey realized, was Poe’s. She guessed it made sense to use his suit–she was already borrowing his X-wing and his droid, after all. What was one more thing?

She pulled the orange suit on over her sleep clothes, feeling almost giddy that she was finally, legitimately wearing the garb of an X-wing pilot. She wondered briefly if Captain Raeh was watching over her from wherever she was.

She hoped Luke was.

She arranged the white flight vest over her chest and checked the life support unit. After a few adjustments under the instruction of BB-8, she pulled Poe’s helmet on and climbed into the cockpit.

After securing her flight harness, Rey ran through the systems checks while BB-8 pulled himself up into his socket.

“Ready, BB-8?” she called back to the droid.

A dismayed beep was his only answer, much different from his response the last time she’d asked that question.

“Happy beeps, buddy. This’ll be easy–just a routine patrol.”

He beeped something that sounded like the binary equivalent of “Famous last words.”

Ignoring the droid’s pessimism, Rey guided Ebon One out of the hangar.

Idling on the launch field, Rey looked up at the stars above her and took a deep breath. Adjusting her grip on the control yoke, she disengaged the brakes and increased power to the thrusters.

The ship shot skyward. It still took Rey’s breath away, even though she’d been expecting it this time. As the stars appeared to get closer and closer, she adjusted the pressurization for a space flight.

When Ebon One finally broke from Akuria’s atmosphere, Rey looked down briefly at its white expanse before shifting her gaze to scan the quiet Oplovis Sector.

“See, BB? Everything’s fine. We’ll just take a couple loops and head back.”

He whistled doubtfully.

She set their course towards the edge of the sector, sailing passed the Sronk system and the Vosteltig system. As she banked around Vosteltig, the massive abandoned shipyard visible even from her vantage point, her com clicked on.

“What the hell are you doing?” Poe yelled, causing Rey to wince at the volume.

“No one was scheduled to take the 0200 patrol.”

“So you took it yourself, without telling anyone, without backup?”

“You weren’t going to let me go otherwise.”

“You are incredibly out of line, Rey. I don’t care what Leia says–you are grounded from now on.”

“You can’t do that,” she snapped.

“I fucking well can,” he seethed. “Get back to base, now.”

“Everything’s quiet up here, Poe. Just let me finish the patrol,” she pleaded.

“No.” His voice was cold. “Get back here now.”

“Fine,” she mumbled as she turned the X-wing back towards Akuria.

Ebon One crested up around Vosteltig as Poe’s voice continued to fill the cockpit. “I can’t believe you would do this. How could you even think this is alright? Why would you do something so irresponsible?” 

As the ship cleared the planet, Rey’s stomach sank.

“Kriff.” 

“What’s wrong?”

She couldn’t respond, fear constricting her throat, as she took in the star destroyer before her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! We made it to twenty chapters! I've never written anything this long before! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me through twenty chapters. I'm sorry to end this milestone chapter on a cliffhanger, but maybe that means you'll stick with me for at least one more chapter if not for the next twenty.


	21. Chapter 21

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/27695774878/in/datetaken/)

“Rey, what’s wrong?” Poe worriedly asked her again. 

She still couldn’t answer as she scanned around, desperately looking for any way to escape. 

BB-8 issued a high-pitched wail.

“A star destroyer?” Poe yelled, panic lacing his voice. “Rey, get out of there.”

“Don’t you think I’m trying to figure out how to do that?”

“Just–” He paused. “Just start flying back to base. I’ll–I’ll get the rest of the squad.” 

She could hear him shouting into his personal com, paging his team. “Poe, don’t!” she yelled.

“You need help, Rey. Don’t pretend like you don’t.” 

“If I fly towards you, or if you fly to me, they’ll see where we’re stationed. They’ll attack the base.”

Poe let out a frustrated growl in response. 

She studied the star destroyer for a moment. It was smaller than the other star destroyers she’d seen, which hopefully meant that it couldn’t house as many TIEs. She realized with a sinking feeling that that probably meant that the destroyer itself was faster and could put up more of a fight against an X-wing.

She needed to sneak away before they saw her. That was the only way she’d make it out alive. 

But she also couldn’t risk letting the First Order stay in Oplovis sector. The likelihood of them finding the Resistance was too high–especially since they likely knew that there was an old Rebel base on Akuria. 

“BB-8, bring up the map of the sector,” she called. In seconds, her eyes were flicking over the projection on the display screen. There, in the lower corner, she saw the thing that could save the Resistance–and her. 

She jerked the ship to the left in a sharp arc, causing the port-side engines to sputter for a moment as she forgot to adjust the thrusters for the turn. BB-8 whistled in concern and quickly set to work getting the engines up to full power again. 

“What’s going on?” Poe asked insistently. 

“Just had a little issue with the thrusters,” Rey ground out as she set their course. “BB-8 took care of it.”

“Rey, what are you doing?” She heard him punching buttons in the command room, heard him swear under his breath when he brought up the stats of Ebon One. “Why are you turning around?”

“I need to make it look like I’m leaving Oplovis sector, like I’m not supposed to be here. That way they won’t keep sniffing around and find the base.”

“You can’t leave the sector without backup!”

She ignored his protest. “The Braxant Run is less than a parsec from where I am right now. I’ll make it look like I’m just a lone ship on a supply run, passing through the sector.”

“And if they attack you? What are you going to do then?”

“Braxant intersects with the Hydian Way–I’ll just take that out. They won’t be able to follow me.”

“That’s what we said that last time we tried to escape a star destroyer,” Poe said harshly. “It didn’t work.”

“I’m just going to have to hope it works this time.” 

She kept the X-wing in cruise mode, wanting it to seem like she hadn’t even noticed the star destroyer, but readied the deflectors. She took in a steadying breath through her nose and pushed the ship forward towards the hyperspace lane. 

Just make it look like nothing’s wrong, she thought to herself. Can’t be that hard. 

The pounding of her heart told her otherwise. 

BB-8 alerted her to movement behind them—two TIEs. They weren’t pursuing—yet. Just coming steadily towards her. Like they were trying to figure out if they wanted to attack. 

“I’ve got two TIEs on my tail,” she said as calmly as possible into the com. “They’re not firing.”

“Just get to the Braxant Run and make the jump.”

“But they won’t follow me out of the sector if I do that.”

“Rey, you are not going to get yourself killed just to draw them away. We’ll evac if we need to.”

She ignored him, looking back at the TIEs. She turned Ebon One, first to the left, then to the right. The TIEs trailed her tightly. 

Slowing further, she increased the power to the rear deflectors. 

BB’s panicked beeps were getting louder and louder as the TIEs drew closer. “It’ll be alright, BB,” Rey tried to reassure the droid. “Just be prepared for a fight.”

“Don’t engage, Rey,” Poe warned.

“I don’t intend to,” she hissed. “But I’ll fight back if I have to.”

Just as the words left her mouth, a single green laser bolt flew at the X-wing. She jerked the yoke to the left, dodging the shot. She slammed her hand on the switch to set the S-foils into attack mode. 

She wasn’t going to engage, though. Not until they made her. 

She dodged shots left and right, the deflectors absorbing the blasts she couldn’t avoid. 

BB-8 beeped a warning that the rear shields were down to 60 percent. 

“Rey, get out of there!”

She ground her teeth, the pain in her jaw focusing her. 

“BB, is the star destroyer following?” she asked. 

He blipped a “no”. 

“Do not do what I think you’re going to do,” Poe snapped. 

She sent the X-wing spiraling in a downward corkscrew, sailing beneath the TIEs. 

The enemy ships struggled to follow her rapid change. While they faltered, she watched the fighter’s image lock into the heads-up display’s targeting cross. Rey hit the trigger for the X-wing’s underslung torpedo gun. The closer of the two TIEs spiraled out and disintegrated. 

The remaining ship opened fire in vengeance, wearing her rear shields down further. And she saw ahead, a swarm was flying out of the star destroyer towards her. 

She would keep flying towards them. 

She would fly towards them until she saw—

There. The destroyer was awash with red light as it swung around, a hulking armoured beast bearing down on her.

The cockpit filled with the sound of Rey’s shallow breathing as she continued to push the ship forward.

She sent blasts flying into fighters, avoiding debris as she did. As the swarm of TIEs narrowed in on her, she flipped the X-wing up in the ninety-degree snap-roll and sliced past them. Three of the TIEs were unable to change their course in time and collided in a fiery ball. 

Reaching the star destroyer, she switched the weapons system to proton torpedoes. “BB, scan for entry points and target them.”

BB-8 locked on the first target and Rey punched the trigger when the HUD flashed red. She watched with satisfaction as the port erupted in flame. 

She missed her shot on the second port as the TIE pilots and the surface gunners realized what she was doing and increased their fire. She switched back to laser targeting and took out the cannons she could before having to speed away from the pursuing TIEs.  

Reaching one of the cannons she’d left smoldering, she jerked the yoke hard to the left and spun around the turret, sending laser blasts flying into the TIEs as she did. She didn’t even wait to see how much damage she did, cutting through the explosions and looping back under the destroyer. 

“Target the next entry point,” she commanded the droid as she guided Ebon One towards the hull of the destroyer. 

“Are you out of your kriffing mind?” Poe’s yell filled the cockpit. “Get out of there–now!”

“No,” she protested. “I have a chance to cripple a star destroyer. I’m going to take it.” 

“You have a chance to get yourself killed.”

Before she could respond, BB beeped that they were coming up on the main entrance of the destroyer’s hangar. She flipped the magazine to the concussion missiles, her eyes never leaving the HUD. The box on the display stayed yellow for several agonizing seconds, until Rey thought she’d lost her shot. Suddenly, the display went red and Rey punched the trigger. 

Time seemed the stop as she watched the missile fly into the hangar’s mouth. The explosion lit Ebon One’s cockpit for a moment before Rey rolled the ship away from the star destroyer and pushed it back towards the Braxant Run, the fleet of TIEs following her. 

She diverted the power from her forward shields to her aft shields as shots from the TIEs continually rattled the X-wing, jostling Rey and making the straps of her harness dig into her shoulders.

“There’s too many of them,” she ground out, “and I’m too far away from the Run.”

BB-8 let out a mournful bleep. 

“You can do it, Rey,” Poe reassured her, his voice surprisingly calm compared to his earlier screams. “I know you can.” 

She sucked in a strained breath, before she cut her engines and pulled the yoke back a split second later, sending them flying up and away from the TIEs. Firing the engines again, she engaged the counterthrusters and jerked the ship hard to right and around, diving right into the midst of the pursuing fighters. She fired on as many of them as she could before slicing through the middle of them and leveling out below.

They tried to fire on her as she sliced through their ranks, but they ended up clipping members of their own ranks, explosions of the ion engines flashing like novas. 

Only a few haggard TIEs continued to follow her as she neared the Braxant Run. More importantly, BB-8 confirmed that the star destroyer was pursuing, leaving Akuria and the rest of Oplovis sector behind.

“They’re following you, Rey. You’ve made your point. Leave now,” Poe commanded. 

She nodded. “BB, get us out of here.”

Before he could finish the calculations, though, the droid shrieked. 

She turned and could just see out of the cockpit the massive red beam of energy that was shooting from the destroyer towards her. The TIEs, directly in the beam’s path, disintegrated almost instantly. 

Rey jerked the yoke hard to the right, but not in time to clear the left wing. The X-wing spun out and Rey’s grip on the controls slipped as the impact through her into the side of the cockpit. 

Sensing this moment of weakness, the destroyer fired a missile on her. The aft shields absorbed the hit, but Rey watched with growing dread as the shields dropped to red. 

So focused on the star destroyer, she didn’t notice the solar panel spinning towards her. It collided hard with the side of the X-wing, crunching the cockpit. Rey felt something bite into her leg, pinning her to the seat, and she screamed in pain.

“Rey!” she heard Poe yell. 

From somewhere within the haze of pain that clouded her mind, she noticed the star destroyer jumping to hyperspace, the commander assuming she would be dead soon.

Alarms blared and warning lights flashed on the display.

They’d assumed correctly, she thought bitterly.

There was a breach in the cockpit. 

Letting go of the controls, Rey fished behind her for the oxygen mask she knew was connected to the life support. She pulled it to her, slipped it over her mouth, but no air flowed. 

She scanned the display in a panic, looking for the status of the life support. Nausea rolled through her when she saw the damning message. 

**Life support at 50%.**

_ Oxygen level at 75%.  _

_ Oxygen level at 70%.  _

_ Oxygen level at 65%.  _

All pretense of calm gone, tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. 

“Poe,” she sobbed. 

_ Oxygen level at 60%. _

“What is it?” The concern in his voice made her heart clench. 

“I should have listened to you.” She sucked in a hysterical breath, desperate for the air she knew was running out. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” he murmured, “tell me sorry when you get back to base, alright? You’ve got to see this through now.”

_ Oxygen level at 50%.  _

“Stay with me,” she whispered, afraid her voice would break if she spoke any louder. 

“I’m not going anywhere, sunshine,” he answered. 

_ Oxygen level at 45%.  _

Head starting to spin, Rey slumped back heavily in the X-wing’s seat. Her head lolled and she brought a shaky hand up and pressed the mask to her face, praying to the Force, to the gods, to anyone that even the smallest trickle of air would flow. 

As she fought to keep her eyes open, she heard Poe shout, “BB-8, get her out of there!”

The surrounding stars stretched into a tunnel of white light as BB-8 kicked Ebon One into hyperdrive. She wondered if she would see the stars again as her vision went black.

* * *

 

As she slowly came to consciousness, Rey could see light behind her eyelids. She blinked once, twice, at the rough brown ceiling above her. 

Turning her head to the side, she saw that she was in a small stone-hewn room. Sunlight and a warm humid breeze came in through the open window.

She pushed herself up from the pallet she laid on, hissing at the pain that shot through her thigh. Pushing the light blanket away, she found her leg wrapped in a large bandage. The bloodied flight suit lay discarded on the floor. 

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply through her nose. She had never been so grateful for air before.

Hearing the cheerful chirping of BB-8 as he rolled towards her room, she opened her eyes and looked to the door. When he saw her sitting up, he whistled excitedly and spun around, beeping about fetching their friend.

Rey’s heart thumped in her chest. Had Poe found them? Was he here–wherever that was?

She quickly arranged the blanket back over her lap, realizing with some embarrassment that her sleep shorts were in the soiled pile of clothes on the floor. 

She looked up at the return of BB’s earnest beeping and tried to keep her face from dropping when Maz Kanata walked in. She turned her lips up in a smile as the old humanoid shuffled to the bed.

“Not who you were hoping to see?” she asked.

“Oh, no,” she stuttered, “I’m happy to see you, Maz.”

She patted her blanketed foot as she sat down. “You didn’t bring my boyfriend, I didn’t bring your pilot.”

Rey looked down at her hands twisted in the fabric, her cheeks flaming. 

Maz continued, “Before you ask, BB-8 told me all about it, how the two of you are flying around each other.”

Rey glared over at the droid, who whistled innocently and turned his photoreceptor away from her.

“You should be thanking that droid,” Maz said as she gestured to him. “He’s the reason you’re still alive.” 

“What happened?”

“All I know is, I was minding my business in the cantina when an X-wing appears out of nowhere and crash lands in the forest. Your little friend comes racing in screaming about friend Rey being hurt and guides me to where he crashed the ship. I find you passed out wearing an oxygen mask that’s giving you just enough air to keep you alive. Some of my guys get you out, I sew up your leg, and we put you in bed. And here we are.” 

Rey cringed. “How bad is the ship?”

Maz chuckled. “Typical pilot. Can’t even say thank you for saving her life, immediately asks about the ship.”

“Thank you, Maz,” Rey added quickly. 

“Bah,” Maz barked, her eyes narrowing behind her goggles. “You’re just saying that so I’ll tell you about your precious X-wing.” She shrugged her small shoulders. “It’s nothing you won’t be able to fix. Just pop out the dents on the port side, rewire the life support system, replace the com, and give her a new coat of paint and she’ll be good as new for your pilot.”

Rey’s eyebrows drew together. “What happened to the com?”

Maz glanced over at BB. “In his panic to get you to safety–or to the old pirate friend Han Solo trusted, as he called me–BB-8 overloaded the system and blew out the com.” She harrumphed. “I am a pirate queen and I am not old, little one, and you’d do well to remember that or I might overload your system.”

The astromech rolled closer to Rey and whistled an apology.

“Does the Resistance know where we are?” 

Maz gave her a knowing look. “I commed Leia. I’m sure she told your pilot.”

Rey looked back down at her hands. 

After a moment’s silence, Maz reached out and placed her small, wrinkled hand on top of Rey’s. Her voice was gentle when she asked, “Do you remember what I told you when you found the saber?”

Looking up into Maz’s eyes, Rey nodded.

“You have found the belonging you sought. It was ahead, just as I said,” she said with a smirk. “But now you must decide to accept that belonging and everything that comes with it. You must decide if you will accept the love that is offered to you and if you will return it.”

“How can I ever learn to do that?” Rey murmured. 

“The Force will guide you in this as well.” Maz squeezed her hand gently. “But you can start by not putting yourself at risk like you so foolishly did. There are now so many people who are counting on  _ you  _ coming back.”

“What if I don’t deserve them counting on me?”

Maz lifted her goggles and studied Rey for a moment. “Dear child, it’s not a question of what you deserve. The Force is not something we deserve–it is something we need. It is the connection that binds us, that unites us with each other. It is the purpose that has fixed itself in your chest. It is the promise of light that has made continuing to fight–to live–worth it.”

Rey rubbed her eyes, trying to stop the tears that pricked at them. 

Maz continued. “The bonds you’ve formed–with Finn, Han, Leia, Luke, Poe–those will bring you strength. Those will see you through this fight. Those will be your weapon in the fight against the darkness.”

She stood and adjusted her goggles back over her eyes. When she next spoke, her characteristic sarcastic tone had returned. “Of course, that won’t take the place of a real weapon. You need to fix the saber.”

Rey’s brow furrowed. “How can I? The crystal shattered, and I can’t just go search for a new one.”

Maz’s magnified eyes sparkled. “No, but one can search for you.”

Before Rey could question her, Maz walked from the room. “Come, little one,” she called over her shoulder, “we need to find Rey some pants before her pilot gets here.”

BB-8 quickly rolled after the small female, beeping a brief farewell to Rey. 

She heard Maz continuing to speak to the droid from the hall. “Though, perhaps she’d prefer to not be wearing pants when he gets here.”

Groaning, Rey flopped back and buried her face in the pillow as BB’s joyful whistles at the prospect floated through the room.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, but I had work obligations that kept me from posting yesterday. Hopefully the resolution of the cliff hanger–and the appearance of my favorite character–made the delay worth it.


	22. Chapter 22

A sickening twist in his gut pulled Poe from a deep sleep, dread tightening his chest. He gasped as his eyes snapped open. He automatically flexed his right arm, searching for the reassuring press of Rey’s skin against his. It amazed him how quickly her presence in his bed became normal–like she was always meant to be there.

It had become so normal that when he didn’t feel her there, tucked into his side like she had every night that week, he shot up, searching the room.

He immediately tried to rationalize her absence, to calm the roiling of his stomach. She had probably just not been able to sleep and gone for a walk.

When he looked towards the door, though, his chest tightened even further. BB-8 was gone too.

He scrambled out of bed, pulling on the first pieces of clothing he could find in the dark room and slamming his feet into his boots. This woman had him running out of his room in the middle of the night far too often, he thought as he sprinted into the hallway.

He knew what he’d see once he got to the hangar–or what he wouldn’t see, rather. The dread that had been suffocating him told him as much. But that didn’t stop the cold feeling of fear shooting down his spine when he saw the empty space that Ebon One usually occupied.

He raced to the command center and hastily picked up the com, slamming his fist down on the control switch. He didn’t mean to yell at her as harshly as he did. But when she answered so nonchalantly, the fear that chilled him turned to sharp, hot anger. He just couldn’t believe—couldn’t understand—that she would so foolishly put herself in danger.

He usually wasn’t one to throw his rank around, but he needed her to understand just how out of line she was. So he did, thinking of all of his commanding officers who would be laughing at him as he did. Leia would certainly find it comical when he explained why Rey was not allowed to take any patrols.

Poe’s heart sank when BB’s frantic shriek alerted him to the star destroyer. He felt more anxiety, more panic, listening to her engage with the First Order than he’d ever felt sitting in the cockpit of an X-wing doing it himself. He wanted to sprint out of the command, hop into the first ship he saw, and go save her. But her logic won out. So he just paced through the command, gripping the com so tightly he thought it might break, trying to convince her to run, fly away, escape.

He watched the stats on Ebon One with his heart in his throat, monitoring every turn, every shot, every hit she took.

He wouldn’t deny that her shot on the hangar was impressive. She certainly got the First Order’s attention, even if she didn’t cripple the destroyer as she’d intended. And some of the maneuvers she managed were ones he still struggled with even after serving as a pilot for a decade. If she could fly like that in the heat of battle, she rightfully deserved to be named the best pilot in the Resistance.

His breathing had started to return to normal as she neared the Braxant Run. He told himself that she would just hide out on a moon off of the Hydian Way for a few days, make sure the First Order wasn’t following, and return to base. And he would hug her as tightly as he could before yelling at her for being so stubborn when she did.

When the missile took out her shields, he stopped his pacing as everything seemed to still. It felt like his heart would explode when he heard her agonized scream. But none of that compared to the moment he heard her sob his name.

He scrambled to the main console, scanning through all of the readouts, praying to anyone or anything that it wasn’t true. Unable to watch her oxygen supply dwindle, he sank to the floor and pressed his hands to his eyes.

She needed him to be strong. So he told her that she could apologize when she got back to base. And when she asked him to stay with her, he promised he would, his voice shaking as he called her the nickname she had come to embody so completely for him.

When she stopped replying, though, the panic overwhelmed him as he scrambled up and screamed to BB-8 to get her to safety. BB squealed in response and he watched as the droid made the jump to hyperspace, speeding away from the base.

As he was about to yell to BB to take the ship back to base, the console went dark.

“No,” he muttered as he tapped the screen. “Don’t do this.”

He smacked the top of the console with his palm. It remained dark.

“Come on!” he yelled as he slammed his fist down on it.

The screen flashed on, and he hastily placed his hands on either side of it, willing it to show him where she was, to show him that she was alright.

_CONNECTION LOST_

Those two damning words blinked up at him and he felt like he’d been hit with a blaster bolt. Nothing he had gone through for the Resistance–the torture, the pain, the fear, the loss–compared to the realization that she was gone.

Hot tears stinging his eyes, he punched the console, wishing he could just make those horrible words disappear. He punched it over and over, until the green words were tinged red with blood from his split knuckles, but they still wouldn’t go away.

He sank to the floor again, holding his head in his hands as the tears began to stream down his face.

He did this. He held her back, kept her from going on patrols, because he was paralyzed with worry for her. He was terrified that she wouldn’t be ready to meet the First Order in an unfamiliar ship, so he had held her back. And now the thing he’d feared most had come true _because_ he’d held her back.

The guilt, the shame, the grief, they churned in his stomach. He felt like he would be sick.

How could he tell anyone? How could he explain that Rey, the last Jedi, their source of hope, the woman he may have loved, was dead?

He clutched at his head as he started to suck in short gasps. He wondered darkly as his chest started to ache for air and his head started to feel light if that was how Rey had felt in her last moments.

He sat in the command for what felt like days but could have been minutes, tears steadily dripping from his eyes onto the floor. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t think. He could only sit.

He vaguely noticed the door sliding open, but couldn’t bring himself to look up to see who had joined him. Whoever it was, they would know soon enough.

“Commander Dameron.” Leia’s voice cut through the silence and Poe’s head snapped up. He saw her standing in front of him in her customary uniform, her hand on her hip. She didn’t look particularly phased by his tear-stained appearance.

“Leia–” His voice broke. “I–I’m–”

“Commander Dameron, would you like to explain why Rey, your droid, and your X-wing are on Takodana?”

He scrambled to his feet, scrubbing at his eyes. “Wh–what?”

“Maz just commed to tell me that Rey is with her. Why is Rey with her?”

Poe looked over at the console, at those words that continued to flash. “I don’t understand. I thought–I thought she was dead.”

Leia’s face softened slightly, but she still looked expectantly at him. “Poe, I would like an answer.”

He ran a shaky hand through his hair as intense relief flooded through him. “She took a patrol and ran into a star destroyer in the sector.” Leia’s eyes widened. “She was trying to get them to follow her when she was hit by a missile. BB-8 must have been able to get them away.”

Leia studied his face for a moment. “Did you sanction this patrol, Commander?”

“Yes, I did,” he answered quickly. Let him take Leia’s wrath. “Everyone else needed a break and she’s wanted a chance to go up. We thought it would just be a routine patrol.”

Leia quirked an eyebrow at him. “You let her go on patrol without backup?”

Poe hesitated, knowing he’d been caught. “Yes.”

“Don’t lie to me, Dameron. You’re not very good at it.”

He dropped his eyes to the floor. “Yes, ma’am.”

She continued, “You will not lie for her again, understood? I know you want to protect her, but she needs to take responsibility for her actions.”

He nodded. “Understood.”

Her voice softened into that of his Auntie Leia. “She’s been wounded, but Maz is taking care of her. She’s resting now.”

Poe desperately wanted to hug Leia as his stomach continued to swoop in relief, but he straightened himself up like the soldier he was instead. “Permission to go to Takodana and get her, General?”

“Not so fast, Commander. We need to confirm that the First Order has left the sector. And you need to get some sleep.”

“But, General—”

Leia held up her hand, stopping the words in his mouth. “She won’t be awake for quite a while—Maz had to sedate her while she sewed up the wound. You have time to get some rest.”

“I’m just supposed to wait until she wakes up? How are we supposed to know when that is?”

“Maz will com back when she does,” she answered with an eyeroll, like he’d asked the most obvious question. “Or you could use your bond to find that out for yourself.”

Leia’s suggestion pulled him up short. Could he tap into the bond between them to learn how she fared?

She chuckled at the stunned look on his face. “You have much to learn of the Force, don’t you, Poe?”

“Kriff, yes,” he breathed, pushing a hand through his hair.

She walked to him and patted him affectionately on the arm. “You will. She will teach you.”

They stood in silence for a moment before Leia pushed him towards the door. “Go get some sleep, Poe. You can go rescue your Jedi when you wake up.”

Poe walked slowly from the command, his limbs heavy with exhaustion and his mind still struggling to process all of the emotions of the last few hours. When he reached his quarters, he sank onto the bed. Closing his eyes, he tried to slow his breathing and focus his mind towards Rey. He didn’t feel anything at first, the familiar pressure of her mind against his absent. He concentrated harder, imagining himself racing towards Takodana, towards her. And as he neared her in his fantasy, her mind pulsed on the edges of his consciousness to the rhythm of her heartbeat, slow and steady and _alive_.

“ _I’ll see you when you wake up, sunshine,_ ” he thought before laying down to sleep.

She didn’t respond—he didn’t expect her to—but he found sleep with a smile on his face as his mind briefly filled with a bright, warm light.

* * *

 “Come on, Poe!” Finn yelled across the hangar to him. “Let’s go!”

Poe walked up to the small crowd that had gathered by the U-wing. “What are you doing?” he asked as he looked from Finn, to Rose, to Chewie.

“One of my best friends almost died,” Finn said emphatically. “I’m going with you to get her back.”

“Same,” was Rose’s reply.

Chewie warbled about going to make sure he didn’t lose another pilot.

Despite Poe’s protests, the band piled into the U-wing, Poe taking the pilot’s position and Finn pushing his way into the co-pilot’s seat. Chewie grumbled about how they would all have seats if they’d taken the Falcon as he and Rose made themselves a spot in the hold.

“So we’re going to rescue Rey,” Finn said nonchalantly. “This feels familiar.”

“We’re not rescuing her,” Poe said as he jumped the ship into hyperspace.

“I don’t know, Maz is pretty good at reading people and getting stuff out of them. We might be rescuing her.”

“What could Maz be getting out of her that could be so dangerous?”

Finn gave him a pointed look before rolling his eyes. “Oh, I certainly have no idea,” he said sarcastically. “You just probably don’t want to get cornered by her, either.”

Poe coughed. “I certainly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure, you don’t.”

“What do you want me to say, Finn?”

“I just want you to admit that you feel something for Rey, preferably to her face.”

“I’ll do that when you do.”

“Do what?”

Poe gestured vaguely behind him. “Tell Rose you feel something for her.”

Finn grinned. “Sure.” He turned and yelled down into the hold. “Hey Rose, can you come up here for a sec?”

Poe chuckled. “What are you doing?”

“What you told me to do.” He stood and met Rose at the top of the ladder into the cockpit.

“What’s up?” Rose asked as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

Finn looked down at her, his face softening into a fond smile. “You know I care about you, right?”

Her face lit in a smile. “Of course I do, dummy.” She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I care about you, too.”

“Point taken. Now stop before I get a cavity from the second-hand sweetness and sit back down,” Poe said with a grimace. “We’re about to enter atmo.”

Finn sauntered back to the co-pilot’s seat, a smug look on his face. “It’s not that hard, man. For someone who made taking out Starkiller Base look like child’s play, telling Rey how you feel shouldn’t be that hard.”

“Easy for you to say,” Poe muttered. “Rose made the first move.”

“And maybe Rey will do the same. But you’re not the type to rely on a maybe.”

Poe gritted his teeth and focused his gaze on the increasingly green view as they neared the planet’s surface, ignoring the earnest look on Finn’s face.

He looped around what was left of Maz’s castle once before he saw the parked X-wing. BB-8 was buzzing around the ship, working with a larger maintenance droid to fix the massive dent that Poe realized must have been what pinned Rey’s leg.

He carefully set the U-wing down next to Ebon One and opened the hatch. Jumping down the ladder and pushing through the hull, he absently heard Rose marvelling at the beauty of the planet and Finn responding behind him as he scanned the landscape.

He walked down the ramp and towards the X-wing, noting the visible damage. When BB-8 rolled around the ship’s stern and noticed his presence, he whistled happily as he rushed up to Poe. His face breaking into a wide grin, he dropped to his knees and rubbed the droid affectionately on the head. “Hey buddy,” he murmured. “Thanks for getting her out of there.”

BB beeped that he had to take care of friend Rey and he knew that pirate queen Maz would help her.

“You made the right call, pal,” Poe said. “But next time, stop her before you have to take her to Maz, got it? Lock her out of the controls if you have to.”

“I heard that.”

Poe’s head snapped up at the sweetest sound he’d ever heard, the sound of a voice he had feared he would never hear again.

There she was, glowing like an angel in the light of Takodana’s sun. She leaned heavily on the crutch under her left arm and he could see the outline of a bulky bandage wrapped around her thigh, but she was there. She was alive.

The air rushed out of him as he surged forward, grasping her and pulling her tightly to his chest. Letting out a little huff of surprise as he knocked her off balance, she dropped the crutch and clutched at his shoulders.

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered into her hair, tears pricking at his eyes again.

“I thought I was too.”

He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs gently tracing her cheeks like she was the most precious Corusca gem.

In those few quiet moments, he studied her closer than he ever had. He noted the golden flecks in her eyes, the slight divet between her eyebrows, the smattering of freckles across her cheekbones, the gentle curve of her Cupid’s bow. His eyes had reached the fullness of her bottom lip when she caught it between her teeth. He flicked his eyes up to meet hers and he saw that her pupils had blown wide.

His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest as he leaned towards her. He felt her breath stutter against his lips as he closed the distance between them.

“Rey!” They jumped apart at Finn’s yell as he came around the X-wing. He barrelled into Rey, picking her up and spinning her around. Her initial yelp of pain turned into giggles as he squeezed her tight and she squeezed him back. Leaning down to pick up Rey’s crutch, Poe watched them with a soft smile on his face.

“Are you alright?” Finn asked hastily after he set Rey down and noticed her staggering slightly. He grabbed her arm to hold her steady while Poe helped her get the crutch situated back under her arm.

“I’ll be fine,” she said, reaching out her free hand to touch his face, as if to smooth the worried look away. “A piece of the cockpit siding went into my thigh when we were hit by a TIE’s solar panel. Maz sewed me up. She doesn’t have a decent bacta source and we already used the little bit that was on Ebon One, so that’s why I have this.” She gestured to the crutch.

“We’ll get some bacta patches from medical when we get back to base,” Poe said. He turned to the droid who had been watching their exchange. “BB, go get all of the bacta on the U-wing and take it to Maz.” The droid beeped affirmatively and rolled into the transport ship.

Chewie walked up to the group and enveloped Rey in a hug. He bellowed as he held her.

“I know,” she replied into his fur. “I won’t do it again, I promise.”

He rubbed a hand over her head and moaned something softer.

When Rey stepped back from him, Poe noticed tears glistening in her eyes for a moment before she rubbed them away.

Rose grabbed her next. “You are not allowed to do something like that again,” she commanded, looking fiercely into Rey’s eyes when she stepped back. “These three were hell to deal with for the last ten hours and that was after we knew you were alright. I don’t even want to know what it would have been like if we hadn’t known.”

Poe thought back to the overwhelming grief he had felt when he thought she was dead and murmured, “No, you don’t.”

Rey looked at him for a moment like she wanted to say something, but they were interrupted by the arrival of the diminutive yet highly intimidating Maz Kanata.

“I see your rescue party has arrived,” she said, clicking her goggles as she scanned over them, moving from Rey, to Rose, to Finn, and to Poe. Poe shifted uncomfortably as her gaze lingered on him. “It’s larger than I expected.”

When her gaze landed on Chewie, her eyes widened. “Chewbacca, my sweet Wookie! You came to see me.”

He groaned in response, and Poe thought he saw perhaps a look of desperation on the Wookie’s face. Maz grabbed his arm with her small hand and led him towards the castle, his furry head turning every so often to look back at them.

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Finn asked as they watched them walk away.

“Maz is harmless,” Poe replied.

The sound of Chewie’s bellowed obscenity reached them.

“Mostly harmless,” Rey corrected.

They fell in step behind the odd couple, walking up the path to the castle. Poe snaked his arm under Rey’s to support her as she limped with the crutch.

“I’m fine,” she said defensively, but she didn’t pull her arm away.

“I know you are,” Poe responded. “I’m just offering some support.”

“Fine,” she conceded as she adjusted the crutch under her arm.

“You might be the most stubborn person I know. You’re worse than I am.”

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, her lips curling up in a slight smile. “I guess that makes us quite a pair.”

He smirked. “I guess it does.” His expression turned serious. “I’m still absolutely livid with you. Don’t ever pull a stunt like that again.”

She looked away from him, dropping her gaze to the ground. “I won’t. I am so sorry, Poe.”

He squeezed her arm reassuringly. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now, I want to celebrate that you’re alive.”

They walked into the cantina to the sound of lively music. They found a table in the corner and Poe helped Rey into a seat while Rose and Finn fetched drinks. They clustered around the table, happily sipping on the bottles of spice beer.

“I can’t believe you took on a star destroyer by yourself,” Finn said eagerly.

“Did you really take out the whole fleet of TIEs?” Rose asked, a similarly reverent look on her face.

Rey glanced sheepishly over at Poe. He was sure his face looked decidedly less admiring. “I don’t know,” she answered. “I didn’t see how much damage the missile did to the hangar. But all of the ones that pursued me were taken out.

“Wow,” Rose exclaimed.

“I didn’t take out many of them, though,” Rey added quickly. “Most of them either fired on each other or collided. The star destroyer took out took out the rest of them with the superlaser.” Her expression turned fearful. “They disintegrated immediately. I was lucky I was able to get out of the way in time so it only caught the tip of the left wing. When I spun out, though, that’s when they shot the missile that took out my shields.”

“They’ve equipped star destroyers with superlasers?” Poe asked, alarm rising in his chest.

Finn exhaled. “They were working on that technology when I left, but I thought it was still years away from being functional.”

“That would have been something to tell us a little sooner, Finn,” Poe snapped.

“There was only so much I was privy to, Poe,” he shot back. “And I had no way of knowing what was true, what was a real threat.”

Rey jumped in. “We wouldn’t have been able to prepare for it even if we’d known, Poe, so don’t snap at Finn.”

Poe sighed and ran a hand over his face before looking over at his friend. “Kriff, I’m sorry, Finn.”

The former stormtrooper clapped a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “I get it, you’re scared. I’m scared too. But we’ll figure something out. We always do.”

“I hope you’re right,” Poe said, pushing himself up from the table. “To make it up to you, next round’s on me.”

The three younger Resistance members fell into conversation with each other as Poe walked up to the bar and ordered four more bottles of spice bar.

While he waited for the bartender to bring him the drinks, he looked back to the table and watched as Rey threw her head back in laughter at something Finn said. He smiled tenderly at them.

Distracted by his joy at her being alive, he didn’t notice Maz sidle up next to him.

“You remind me of a man I knew once, during the fight against the Empire.”  

Poe looked down, momentarily startled by her soft voice.

She clicked her goggles several times, examining his face closely with her knowing gaze. “You have his eyes--the eyes of a man who’s known war more than he’s known peace. A man who clings to hope because the alternative would be a despair so deep he would drown.”

“What happened to him?” he asked, though he guess he already knew the answer.

“He met a woman. A woman who had spent most of her life alone, unloved, and unaware of the power she had inside her--the power to lead, to unite, to inspire.”

As she spoke, his eyes travelled back to Rey.

Maz continued. “They found their hope in the other, and with it, they lit the first fire in that war.”

Realization lit his face. “The Death Star?”

Maz nodded solemnly. “I believe they would have found love in the other as well, if they’d had time.” Her face grew sad. “But the galaxy is cruel.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because, kiddo, the man who had your eyes and the woman who had Rey’s, they didn’t have time. You do.”

He gaped at her for a moment.

She patted his cheek affectionately with her wrinkled hand. “Don’t waste it.”

Before he could respond, she slipped back to where Chewie was sitting, nursing a drink much stronger than spice beer. Gathering up the bottles from the impatient bartender, he returned to the table.

“What did Maz want?” Finn asked after he took a swig.

“Nothing,” Poe exclaimed with a little too much force. “She was just thanking me for the bacta. I told her it was the least I could do after she saved my droid.” He smirked and nudged Rey’s shoulder.

She grinned at him and nudged him back. “I can’t believe that even after I almost died, I still rank below the droid.”

Well, I have had BB-8 for years. I’ve only known you for a few months.”

She leaned closer to him as she reached for a bottle. “What will it take for me to outrank BB?” She smirked as she glanced down at his lips for a second and the breath stuck in his chest this time.

“I’ll let you know when I find out,” he murmured, swallowing heavily. He could feel Finn’s and Rose’s eyes boring into them as he took a large gulp of his beer.

They sat in companionable, if slightly awkward, silence as they finished their drinks. That is, until they hear a growl from Chewie across the room.

“You are a stubborn Wookiee,” they heard Maz say, to which Chewie groaned in response.

“I think it might be time to rescue Chewie,” Rose said, pushing on Finn to get him to stand up.

“You’re probably right,” Poe said as he moved to stand as well. “It doesn’t look like the drink is helping him anymore.”

He offered his hand to Rey, helping her to her feet. They walked to where Maz sat with Chewie, and he looked up at them with relief.

“We need to head back to base now, Maz,” Poe said, pulling her attention from the Wookiee who was trying to push to his feet next to her.

Rey stepped up to her. “Maz, thank you so much for taking care of me,” Rey said as she leaned down to hug the small female. Maz whispered something into Rey’s ear before she straightened up and Rey nodded, squeezing Maz’s small hand between her own.

“Thank you, Maz,” he said with a solemn nod. “We’ll be in contact about a bacta supply soon.”

The party of five started to walk out of the cantina when Maz’s small hand caught Poe’s. She pulled him down with surprising force into a hug. “Don’t waste any more time, Poe,” she murmured into his ear.

He nodded, unable to voice a response, and followed the rest of the group to the waiting ships.

He found them standing around Ebon One, looking from BB-8 to the maintenance droid as they argued in binary over the soundness of the ship. The maintenance droid insisted that it could be flown by a pilot, but BB refused to let any of his friends pilot the ship until it was checked by the Resistance mechanics.

“Break it up, you two,” Poe said sternly as he stepped between the droids that looked like they could soon be trying to short circuit each other. “BB, you’ll fly Ebon One back to Akuria. Follow me in the U-wing.”

He beeped in agreement and loaded himself into the socket. In moments, the X-wing hummed to life with a few worrying creaks that made Poe grateful he wasn’t sitting in the cockpit.

The rest of them loaded up into the U-wing, Poe and Finn both helping Rey up into the cockpit. They got her settled into the co-pilot’s seat with a blanket around her shoulders and her leg propped up on the side of the viewport before Finn returned to the hold for the ride and Poe took up his position behind the controls.

As he carefully guided the U-wing off the planet, checking that BB was following close behind, he looked over to see Rey smiling softly at him.

“What is it?”

He watched her cheeks turn an endearing pink. “I’m a lost rebel and you’re taking me home.”

He smiled back. “It’s what I do, sunshine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely readers! Long author's note ahead.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed my longest chapter to date. This one definitely got away from me, but there was a lot of ground I needed to cover to close this arc and clear the way for the next one. 
> 
> If you're wondering why I've updated early, it's partially to make up for being late last week and partially because I'm traveling for the rest of the week and won't be able to update on my normal day. 
> 
> Also, because I will be traveling, I'm sorry to say that I don't expect I'll be able to write much and probably won't be able to update next week. I hope this longer chapter will tide you over. 
> 
> I'm so happy that I could finally use that conversation between Maz and Poe. I've had that written and the graphic for this chapter made for months. I may have had BB take Rey to Takodana just so I could finally use that bit of dialogue. 
> 
> As I think about where Rey and Poe are going to go following their respective conversations with Maz in the coming chapters, I have a question for you that I hope you'll answer. We've reached the point where the slow burn could finally start paying off, and I would like to know how mature you would be comfortable with me taking this. I can tastefully cut to the next day and leave things to your imagination or I can _attempt_ to earn that mature or explicit rating. It's up to you.
> 
> So what do you think? **Do I cut to black and keep it rated T or do I stay with the scene and go for that higher rating?**


	23. Chapter 23

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/41105864255/in/datetaken/)

Sweat plastered hair to Rey’s forehead as she reached up into the underbelly of the escort frigate, struggling to reconnect the artificial gravity projectors. They’d delayed this project for weeks now, hoping against hope that they wouldn’t need the frigate anytime soon. But now that the First Order was sniffing around the sector, even with Rey luring them away, the General wanted the fleet ready for evac at any moment.

Leia had ordered her to her command as soon as they’d arrived back at base. Waving away the medic droid that wanted to cover her with bacta patches, she limped along the corridors, her grip on the crutch turning her knuckles white. 

Leia stood with her back to the door looking out the window over the landing field when Rey entered. The set of her shoulders belied her frustration. 

Rey cleared her throat. “General, you wanted to see me.”

Leia turned on her heel and the harsh expression on her face filled Rey with a creeping anxiety. Her mind briefly filled with images of the General’s son wearing a similar expression. 

“You’re lucky you don’t actually have a rank,” Leia said icily, “because I would be demoting you if you did.”

“I know, General.” She dropped her eyes to the ground. “I’m sorry.” 

Leia sighed and took a seat at the large table in the middle of the room. Rey watched her as her leg started to shake at the effort to keep herself standing, but she would not allow herself to show such weakness. If she wanted to be treated as a soldier–as a Jedi–she needed to act like one. 

“Take a seat, Rey.”

“No, thank you, ma’am,” Rey said through gritted teeth. “I would like to staying standing.”

Leia raised an eyebrow. “I can see you shaking from here, Rey. Sit down.”

Diverting her gaze again, she dropped into the chair with a stifled groan, stretching the injured leg out in front of her.

She could practically feel Leia’s eyes studying her as she kept her own trained on the table between them. 

“You remind me of myself when I was your age,” Leia finally said, her solemn voice cutting the silence. “Always jumping into things with no thought of whether or not I would survive. I never took a joyride in an X-wing–I left that to my brother–but I probably would have if I’d known how to fly one.”

Rey smirked slightly at the thought. 

Leia continued. “But there’s an important difference between us, Rey, and it’s a difference I need you to understand.”

Rey looked up, searching the older woman’s dark brown eyes.

“I was the princess of a destroyed planet, a politician in training. The Rebellion would have continued without me.” She reached out and gripped Rey’s hand tightly. “The Resistance won’t do the same without you.”

“That’s not true. I’m just a scavenger from Jakku.”

“And Luke was just a moisture farmer from Tatooine,” Leia said with a sad chuckle. 

Rey’s chest ached at the mention of the Jedi Master. 

“I know that I ask a lot of you—too much, actually—and I know that this weight is difficult to bear. We will do as much as we can to help you bear that weight. But you cannot needlessly take on more of that weight than you need to, understood?”

Rey nodded. 

“I am doing everything I can to keep you and the rest of the Resistance safe, as are my officers. Do not undermine those efforts again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey murmured. 

Leia stood and Rey struggled up. “Go to medical and get that leg checked out,” Leia commanded. “Then you’re on fleet maintenance until further notice. Commander Dameron will decide when you’re ungrounded.”

Rey’s face fell. 

Leia smirked at her change in expression. “I can’t believe I’m saying that either. But you’ll thank me later. He’ll go easier on you than I would.”

The General dismissed her with a wink, and so started her grounding. Once she was released from medical after a night of monitoring, she threw herself into her work. For three days, she had limped from ship to ship in the fleet, dragging her tools behind her. If he wasn’t out on patrols with Poe, BB-8 would help her. Most of the time, though, she was accompanied only by her tools, her thoughts, and the nagging itch from the bacta patch on her leg. 

She was currently stretched out on a creeper underneath the frigate, arms tangled up in wires. Though cold air flowed through the hangar from the open door, the strain of continuously working with her arms above her head had sweat rolling down them. Her hands slick, she struggled to maintain her hold on the wires and felt one snap and spark under her tenuous grip. 

“Kriff!” she cursed, sucking on her stinging finger.  “Could someone get me some insulation tape?” she called out, hoping someone would hear and take pity on her. 

She heard someone walk up and stop by her feet. “Being on Leia’s shit list sucks, doesn’t it?”

Rey rolled out from under the frigate to find Suralinda Javos holding out a roll of tape to her. 

“Thanks,” she said quickly as she took it, before rolling under again. 

“It’s nice to see that your leg’s doing better,” Sura continued. 

“It’s nice to see that you  _ can  _ wear clothes,” Rey muttered under her breath as she wrapped the wire. 

“I suppose I deserve that.”

Rey rolled back out and looked up at the Squamatan woman. “You could hear that?” she asked as her cheeks started to burn. 

Sura tapped at her large pointed blue ears. “Squamatan hearing.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“You didn’t know,” Sura waved her apology off. “Trust me, I’ve heard people say far worse. And they knew that I could hear them.”

Rey stood from the creeper, stumbling slightly as a pain shot through her thigh. Sura placed a blue hand under her arm to steady her. “Thanks,” Rey murmured as she leaned back against the ship. She wiped at the sweat on her brow. 

Sura reached down and picked up one of Rey’s wrenches, twirling it in her hand. “You know, you’re lucky Leia put you on fleet maintenance. When I was on her shit list, she stuck me on janitorial duty. Guess that’s the difference between taking on the First Order and selling out to them.” 

Rey started to ask what Sura meant, but the woman wouldn’t let her speak. “How long are you stuck on the ground?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” She glanced up at the command, where Poe stood near the window speaking with other officers. “The General said it’s up to Poe.” 

Sura laughed. “I’m surprised you’re not up in an X-wing right now, in that case.”

“I don’t think he wants to let me up in the air ever again. He’s still really angry with me.”

“He’ll cool down, don’t worry.”

Rey nervously rubbed at her forehead again. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked since we got back. He’s avoiding me. He even put himself on an opposite schedule than me so we won’t see each other at night. So I took the hint and went back to my quarters.”

Sura smiled softly. “You scared him to death, Rey. I’ve never seen him so wrecked before. Give him some time.”

“I didn’t mean to scare him. I was just so tired of being treated like I couldn’t do anything.”

“I don’t think anyone will make that mistake again,” Sura said with a chuckle. “Don’t worry–he’ll come around. Poe’s always needed his space to process his emotions, but he’s good once he comes back”

She rearranged her tools. “So he’s done this to you?”

“Oh kriff, no, not to this extent” Sura guffawed. “He’s so much worse about you. 

Rey rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “Why? I’m nothing special. There are bigger things for him to worry about than me.”

The Squamatan woman smiled warmly down at her. “He cares about you, Rey. He cares about you a lot. Is that so hard for you to believe?”

Rey dropped her gaze to the hangar floor, fiddling with the scarf at her waist as she did.

Sura sighed. “Look, I know that this is a lot to take in, especially on top of trying to defeat the First Order. But Poe is a good man, and I know you care about him as much as he cares about you. Give him, and yourself, a chance.”

Rey looked up, studying Sura’s red eyes. “I’ll try.”

Sura broke into a grin, flashing her pointed teeth. “You’re much more receptive of my relationship advice than Poe is.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “He asked you for advice?”

“Well, I kinda forced it on him.”

“What?”

“No, I’m not going to tell you what I told him.” She paused for a moment, before her expression turned mischievous. “But I will tell you that he definitely did want to kiss you after your race.”

A feeling Rey didn’t quite understand—relief? elation?—flooded her chest. “He did?”

Sura smiled at her knowingly and nodded. 

Before Rey could respond, Iolo bounded up to them, his golden eyes bright. “Come on, you two!”

“What’s going on?” Sura asked. 

Grinning, Iolo said eagerly, “Rose found some old metal sheeting. We’re going to use it to go sledding!”

“Sledding?” Sura looked at the Keshian puzzledly. 

He looked back at her in disbelief. “You’ve never been sledding?”

Sura smacked his arm gently. “I’m from a tropical planet, Arana. You know that.”

Ignoring her barb, Iolo turned to Rey. “Come on, Rey. It’ll be fun.”

She looked from him back to the frigate. “I really need to keep working on these projectors.”

“No, no, no,” he protested, “I’m excusing you for the rest of the day. Poe can take it up with me if he doesn’t like it.”

“I’d be more worried about Leia,” she replied.

“She won’t mind if you take a little break.”

Rey wiped a spot of grease away from her palm before setting the rag down. “Fine, I’ll come.”

“I’ll go grab my coat,” Sura said, turning on her heel and walking out of the hangar. 

“I’ll go with you,” Rey said as she started to follow. 

Iolo’s hand shot out and he caught her wrist. “Finn already got your coat.”

Rey found herself staring at his hand. “Oh, okay,” she stammered. 

“You missed a spot.”

She looked up at him, her brow furrowed. “What?”

Instead of answering, he reached his long, slender fingers up to her temple and gently wiped the smudge of grease away. “There,” he murmured, as his hand lingered on her cheek for a moment. 

Her face burning, Rey muttered her thanks, averting her eyes away from him. Glancing up, she saw Poe watching her, his attention pulled from the officer he had been speaking with. Before she could wave or smile or anything, Iolo was pulling her to the door of the hangar where Rose and Finn waited excitedly. 

Finn thrust Rey’s overstuffed parka into her hands before picking up the pocked and dented piece of metal that had been bent into some kind of oblong dish shape.

Rose looked almost giddy standing next to her, her cheeks tinged pink from the cold wind. “Paigey and I used to go sledding all the time back home. Our dad would take us up to the hill behind our village after he got done in the mines for the day. It would always be pitch black by the time he could come home and we would scream so loud as we flew through the darkness, with only the faint lights from the village and the stars to see by.”

Finn looked at her with a fond smile on his face. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. “That sounds nice.”

“It was,” she said as she wiped at the tears that gathered in the corners of her eyes. “It’s one of my few good memories of growing up on Hays Minor.”

“We’ll make some more good memories today,” Finn murmured before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

Rey looked away, feeling like she was intruding on a private moment. She turned to Iolo. “Have you been sledding before?” she asked. 

“Only a few times,” he responded. “We rarely got enough snow on Keshi for sledding, but Kaliste and I would take baking sheets from our kitchen and pull each other through the fields when it did. It infuriated our mother when we would do that, and our father would make a show of yelling at us for messing up the furrows in the field, but he secretly liked it, I know.” He paused for a moment. “Will this be your first time sledding?”

“On snow, yes. I used to slide down the sand dunes on Jakku all the time, but I don’t know if that counts as sledding.”

“It counts,” Iolo answered, “but this will be more fun. Especially since you get to sled with us.”

Sura arrived then, wrapped up in two coats, a thick scarf pulled up over her nose, and a hat that covered most of what the scarf didn’t.

“You’re going to have all that off after the first run, guaranteed,” Rose laughed. 

“No, I won’t,” was Sura’s muffled answer. “I’m cold blooded.”

Rose’s face dropped with shock. “Really?”

Iolo laughed. “Don’t believe anything Sura says, Rose. She just likes messing with people.”

Sura tried to glare at him, but the effect was lost under all of the layers. Iolo grinned back and playfully stuck out his tongue at her. 

“Be careful,” Sura purred, “I might bite that tongue off.”

“I’d let you,” Iolo laughed, “but you’d have to come out from behind the scarf first.”

“Okay,” Finn exclaimed, clapping his hands, “how are we doing this?”

Rose dragged over two other pieces of metal. “I was only able to find three sheets that will work, so we’re either going to have to take turns or double up.”

“I’ll go with you, Rose,” Finn rushed to say. 

“I’ll go with Rey,” Iolo said. Rey looked over at him with surprise. She thought he’d jump at the chance to go with Sura. 

The blue-skinned woman in question threw up her hands. “Fine, I see how it is.” She snatched up one of the sheets and started running up the hill to the left of the base. “I’ll just beat all of you,” she yelled over her shoulder. 

With shouts and laughter, the four followed her up. Rey’s recently healed injury twinged in protest as she threw herself through the shin-deep snow, but she wasn’t going to let it slow her down. 

They met Sura at the top of the hill, dwarfed by the ridge rising far above them. As Rose had suspected, she had stripped one of the coats and the scarf off by the time they reached her. She jerked her gloved thumb behind her towards the ridge. “So who’s going down that one?”

Rose laughed uncomfortably. “Let’s start with this one first and then maybe we’ll work our way up.”

“Whoever doesn’t want to face the First Order again can go down that one,” Iolo quipped. 

Rey looked up at it. “Eh, I slid down bigger sand dunes on Jakku,” she said with a shrug. “I could do it.”

“We’d need a fresh supply of bacta before you could do that,” Finn joked. Rey swatted him on the shoulder in response. 

Iolo set their sled on the crest of the hill and sat down on the back. “Get on,” he said to her, patting the space in front of him. 

She gingerly lowered herself into the space between his legs. She carefully made sure to keep space between them as she settled herself and grabbed the sides of the metal sheeting. 

Tired of waiting for the two of them to arrange themselves, Finn and Rose pushed off, Finn’s yell of “Hurry up, slowpokes!” mingling with Rose’s delighted laughter. No one to be outdone, Sura gripped the sled to her chest, got a running start, and went flying head-first down the hill. Her scream reverberated off of the ridge behind them. 

“Ready?” Iolo asked her. 

“Ready,” she replied, tightening her grip as Iolo pushed the sled forward with his hands. The sled hesitated for a moment, before careening downward. 

A laugh ripped from Rey’s chest as they careened downward. This was so much better than sliding down the dunes of Jakku. The metal glided over the snow with a smoothness and speed that she could never achieve on her sled on Jakku as she dodged debris from the wrecked star destroyers. With the cold air in her lungs and the sight of her friends at the hill’s bottom, she realized that for the first time, she was sledding for fun. The joy of that thought brought giggles to her lips. 

Rey didn’t notice in her joy that they were headed directly towards a large mound of snow. When they hit it, the sled spun. Separated at either end of the sheet, as Rey had been so careful to ensure, Iolo and Rey leaned in the opposite directions in their individual efforts to correct the sled, which sent it spinning even more. Finally, Iolo slid off the back of the sheet. With the loss of his weight, Rey flipped and tumbled down for several feet before she could stop herself, while the sled arrived riderless at the bottom of the hill. 

She lay face down in the snow, her body shaking as she laughed until tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. She could hear Iolo and Finn running towards her, asking if she was okay in breathless yells, but she was in such a state of hysterics that she couldn’t answer. A warm hand gripped her shoulder and flipped her over, and she just started laughing even harder when she saw their worried faces. 

“Kriff, Rey,” Finn breathed before breaking into a grin. 

“You should have seen your faces,” she practically screeched between giggles. 

“Are you alright?” Iolo asked, worry still darkening his golden eyes. 

“I’m fine,” she said after taking in a steadying breath to calm her giggles and getting to her feet. “Getting taken out by a hill was apparently not the end for the Jedi that Luke had in mind.”

“It would make for a pretty anticlimactic legend,” Finn laughed. “Unknown scavenger from Jakku is called by Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber, beats Kylo Ren, defeats the Praetorian Guard, saves the Resistance, single handedly takes on a star destroyer, and is brought down by sledding.”

She ran down the rest of the hill to grab their sled, ignoring the snickers from Rose and Sura, and trudged back up to the top. “We’re doing that again,” she said to Iolo, who hurried up behind her. “And we’re making it to the bottom this time.”

She sat down and pushed herself closer to the middle of the sled. “Sit closer to me,” she told Iolo. He did as she said, stretching his legs around her. She settled her arms on either side of his legs, her elbows pressing into his thighs, as she gripped the sled. 

“Hold on to my waist,” she told him. “I’ll steer.”

Iolo scooted forward a bit more, so that his chest pressed against her back. She savored his warmth as he wrapped his arms around her abdomen. “Like this?”

She nodded, before dropping her gloved hands to the snow and pulling the sled forward. She struggled for a moment, and Iolo removed one hand from her waist to help move the sled forward, but with one last pull, they were flying again. 

As they descended, Rey bent forward slightly, pulling Iolo with her. She scanned the snow for obstacles and guided Iolo to lean with her and steer around them. They moved as a unit, skimming over the snow.

In mere seconds, they’d drifted to a stop at the bottom of the hill. Rey jumped to her feet, pulling Iolo up behind her, and pumped her fist in victory as their friends clapped at the top.

“The last Jedi defeats a hill,” Finn yelled down. “I’ll tell this story to my grandchildren!”

“Dosh off, Finn!” she replied before turning to Iolo. “We did it!”

He chuckled, “I’d say you did it. I just held on.”

Surprising herself again, she pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for convincing me to come.”

He squeezed her back. “You’re welcome. Everyone needs to have fun once in a while, even you. I don’t care if I get in trouble with Poe for making sure you did.”

“You don’t?”

They pulled apart to find Poe walking up to them, his hands shoved into the pockets of his parka. 

“Poe,” Rey exclaimed a little too loudly, glancing between Iolo and him, “Rose found some sheeting scraps that we’re using as sleds.” 

He looked down at the metal at her feet. “I can see that.”

She could feel the blush creeping up her cheeks. Smooth, Rey, very smooth, she thought to herself. 

The corner of Poe’s mouth quirked up and Rey realized he had heard her. Her cheeks truly burned now. 

“So you skip out on fixing the fleet to have fun in the snow and you leave me in boring meetings. I see how it is.”

Rey smirked at him. “I didn’t want to interrupt your important work, Commander.”

“You just didn’t want me to ruin your fun.”

Sura came rocketing down then, skidding to a stop just before she barreled into Iolo. She popped up and grinned at Poe. “You gonna join us, hotshot?”

“I’d love to, but I need a partner.”

“You can join Rey,” Sura quickly said. “You can come with me, Arana. I know you want to,” she added with a wink when Iolo started to protest. 

Poe leaned down and picked up the makeshift sled. “Maybe this will give me a reason to like snow,” he joked as he started to walk up the hill.

Rey fell into step next to him. “I’ll finish working on the frigate tomorrow. I just couldn’t make sense of the wiring after staring at it for so long today.”

“You’ve done the work of three mechanics in the last few days, Rey. I’m not upset with you for taking a break. You’ll get it done when you say you will, I know that.”

“Are you upset with me, though?” she dared to ask, stealing a glance at him. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line, but didn’t answer right away. 

“I understand if you are,” she rushed to say. “I did take your X-wing and your droid. And stupidly took on a star destroyer and almost died.”

“That’s not what I’m most upset about,” he replied. 

“Oh.”

He sighed and looked over at her. “I’m upset that you felt like you needed to prove yourself, that I made you feel like you needed to prove yourself. I’m upset that you felt like you needed to recklessly endanger yourself. And I’m upset that you’ve put me in a position where I have to punish you like a superior officer and you now feel like you need to talk to me like a subordinate.”

“But you are a superior officer. And I am a subordinate.”

Poe’s hand shot out and grabbed her arm, turning her sharply to face him. The intensity of his gaze made her heart thump in her chest. “We’re more than that. You know that.”

“What are we?” 

“That’s up to you, sunshine,” he murmured. 

She turned away from him, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You can put the sled down here,” she said with a vague gesture. 

She moved to sit at the front of the metal sheet when he set it down and it felt like her heart would beat out of her chest when he sat behind her, his thighs framing hers and his chest flush to every inch of her back. He placed his hands firmly on her waist and her skin felt like it burned beneath his fingers. 

“Ready, sunshine?”

Distracted by the heady feeling of touching him again, Rey barely heard him. She hastily nodded and started to pull the sled to the edge of the hilltop.

The sled balanced for a moment. Rey looked back at Poe out of the corner of her eye. “You’re going to want to hold on tighter than that.”

He’d barely adjusted his hold on her when she tipped forward, sending them racing downward. The rich sound of Poe’s laugh reached her ears and she found herself joining him. He held her tighter as she turned them around a branch, his legs tensing around hers as he leaned into the movement. She pressed herself against him, savoring his warmth wrapped around her, the feeling of his laugh vibrating through her. 

As they neared the bottom of the hill, Rey stuck out her foot to slow their descent. Instead of skimming along the surface, though, her foot sunk into the snow, jerking them to a stop. The two of them launched off of the sled, ending up in a snow-covered pile. 

They lay in shock for a moment–Rey with her back pressed into the snow, Poe with almost his entire body on top of her. Rey blinked up at him, as Poe blinked down at her.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he mumbled over and over as he struggled to shift his weight off of her and get up. 

As he struggled, Rey’s mouth quirked into a playful smirk. Before he could realize what she was doing, she hooked her foot behind his thigh. He let out a huff of surprise as she rolled him onto his back. She grinned as she looked down into his wide eyes from where she sat, straddling him. 

“What are you doing, sunshine?” he asked, squinting up at her against the light of the setting Akurian sun. She watched with amusement as he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. 

He tried to prop himself up on his elbows, but her hands on his chest pushed him back down. She leaned down towards him, blocking some of the light. He gazed up at her, his pupils blown wide. She wondered for a second if hers looked the same.

“I’m taking a chance.” 

She leaned even closer to him, biting at her bottom lip. His eyes darted to the movement and she watched his pupils blow out even more, swallowing nearly all of the brown. 

“Get a room!” Sura yelled as she and Iolo whizzed by. Iolo chuckled from his position behind her, looking decidedly pleased at their arrangement.

Rey rolled herself off of Poe and stood up, brushing the snow off of her legs. Poe followed, watching her with unspoken questions in his eyes. 

She looked from him to the sun as it disappeared behind the ridge, turning the snow a fiery orange in its waning light. “I think it’s time to go in.”

Poe nodded and grabbed the sled. They started to walk back to the hangar door together.

Rey’s eyes widened in surprise when Poe slipped his hand into hers. She looked over at him, taking in his tender gaze.

“Will you come back to my quarters tonight?”

“I thought you didn’t want me there,” she murmured. “That you needed space.”

“I did, but I–I want you there again.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “This is going to sound stupid, but I guess I got used to sharing my bed. I can’t sleep without you next to me now.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid.” She squeezed his hand. “I haven’t been able to sleep either.”

Poe blew out a breath and his face lit up with a relieved smile. 

“Wait up, you two!” Rose yelled to them, pulling Finn behind her. The group converged, laughing and joking about their snowy antics as they walked back into the warmth. 

As Rey split off to go put away her neglected tools, Sura jogged over. “He came around, just like I said he would,” she said with a knowing look on her face. 

“Yes, he did,” Rey replied. “I guess you were right.”

The Squamatan woman smirked down at her. “I’m right about most things.” She started to walk back to Iolo, but then she paused and looked back to Rey. “Don’t forget the other things I told you, too.”

Before she could reply, Sura had disappeared into the hall. Rey rolled her eyes, finished cleaning up around the frigate, and went to gather her things and take them back to Poe’s quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for your patience with me as travel and work has kept me from writing and posting for two weeks. Unfortunately, my travel/work schedule is not lightening up any time soon, so I can't promise a return to consistent updates once a week. I will try my absolute hardest, though! I want to write this story as much as you want to read it!
> 
> Thank you also for all of your replies to my question about the rating change. As I suspected would happen, the responses were pretty evenly split between maintaining the current rating and upping the rating. In an effort to make everyone happy, when it comes time to potentially start adding scenes of a mature variety, I will be posting a companion piece that will continue scenes where this piece left off. That way, the people who want mature scenes can get them and the people who don't can continue reading this story without missing out on anything. 
> 
> But that is still quite a ways from happening. I'm planning on keeping Rey and Poe in this teasing mode for a while. I want to see how flustered they can get/make each other.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/27289685577/in/datetaken/)

Poe reluctantly peeled off his new flight suit as he walked out of the hangar. Glancing down at his chronometer, he cursed when he saw that he was running late. He rushed into his quarters, kicking his boots off and hopping from foot to foot as he removed the suit. Throwing it onto the bed, he ran back out into the hall, his stocking feet slapping on the cold floor.

Leia had asked him to take on training the new recruits. After their main ground troop commander was killed on Crait, the remaining senior officers had been tasked with teaching the rookies who continually wandered their way to the base. As the other officers ducked out of their shifts, Poe found himself answering Leia’s call to work with the rookies more and more. Sometimes he wanted to curse his loyalty to the woman.

Some of the recruits were almost laughably inept when it came to self-defense and they’d be useless on the offensive with the First Order. Leia wanted them to start with hand-to-hand combat before they moved to blasters, for the safety of everyone involved. Poe certainly wouldn’t say that he was good at hand-to-hand, but he had been trained in several defense styles while at the academy so he had a passing knowledge. Plus, Jess–the one person who  _ was  _ good at hand-to-hand combat–had left her one and only training session saying she’d rather be cuddled by a sarlacc than work with them again. 

It wasn’t all terrible, though. It gave him time to work out all of the excess energy he seemed to have around Rey lately. There was the frustration he continually felt every time he saw her with Iolo–frustration that he was starting to accept was actually jealousy. Looking out the window of the command center to see the Keshian cupping her cheek had felt like a kick to the gut. And he still every so often had the urge to punch his friend’s face in, turn the skin around those large golden eyes a deep purple, after seeing them so cozy in the snow. So instead of pummeling his friend, he demonstrated different punches for the recruits. Not as satisfying, but it did get some of the tension out.

Then there was the tension that crackled between Rey and him like Force lightning since he clutched her to his chest on Takodana. Something had changed between them, something he couldn’t define, something that scared him. That was part of the reason he’d avoided her when they returned to Akuria. After nearly losing her, the need he felt–to be with her, to hold her, to love her–overwhelmed him. He didn’t trust himself to not do something stupid and scare her away, and he was truthfully pretty terrified himself, so he stayed away. Let the emotions settle, let his feelings temper.

When the emotions settled but the need didn’t, he’d gone to her, he’d told her what he needed to tell her, and he’d left what came next up to her. It was the most he could do.

It felt like coming home when she settled back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her again when they were sledding. It made him want to take the leap, tell her how he felt, and pray that she wouldn’t run away.

When she straddled him, Force help him, it took every bit of his self control to not take Sura’s suggestion, drag her to his quarters, and take her to bed. He desperately wanted to see what else could make her pupils blow out and her breath catch like that. 

Such desires didn’t make being so close to her easy. While he was happy they returned to their previous sleeping arrangement, her continued presence in his room was becoming harder and harder to bear.  Her smell, her skin, her voice, her laugh—they filled his space, filled his head. When he woke gasping for air from dreams that had him aching for her, she would press closer to him in her sleep and that ache would grow. But he knew that if he wanted her to stay, there was nothing he could do about it.

So there he was, running to the training room, hoping to beat last night’s dream from his mind.

The recruits were already there when he arrived, chatting with each other as they stretched. They all jumped to their feet and stood at attention as he entered the room, facial expressions ranging from apathy to apprehension to flat out fear. He sighed, waving them all back down. If they were afraid of him, what the hell would they be like when they actually faced the First Order?

“Alright,” he said as he came to stand at the front of the room, “find a partner and get warmed up.”

Poe stretched at the front of the room as the recruits gathered strike pads and wrapped their hands. The room soon filled with the twacks of fists hitting pads and Poe walked from pair to pair, correcting stances and giving instruction as he went. 

He was in the middle of telling Coriza, a young girl orphaned in the destruction of Hosnian system who arrived in Akuria with a fire in her eyes but no clue how to fight, that she would break her thumb if she continued to tuck it in her fist each time she threw a punch, when he heard the door slide open. He snapped his head up, ready to chew out the delinquent private, but the sight of Rey stopped the words in his throat. Her presence stopped the entirety of the class, too, most of the rookies not even bothering to hide their looks of wonder. She gave a stunted wave and scurried to the back of the room. 

Watching her, Poe realized she was wearing a pair of his shorts and one of his undershirts. The wider arm holes revealed a glimpse of the breast band she wore. The thought of her rifling through his footlocker in her underwear, hair still damp from the shower, came unbidden to his mind and Poe felt his cheeks begin to burn. The thought of pulling his clothes off of her followed and his cheeks truly blazed. 

Damn that woman.

He studied a few more of Coriza’s punches, praising her improvement, before stealing to the back of the room where Rey was sitting on the ground stretching. “What are you doing here?”

She looked up at him. “Training.”

“You already know how to fight. I’d hardly say you need to join this group.”

She got to her feet and languidly reached her arms down to the floor, arching her back as she did. Poe trained his eyes on the wall ahead of him, willing himself to not give her movements too much notice. “I know how to fight with a staff because I could teach myself how to do that.” She then pulled her arms up above her head, and Poe caught glimpse of the sliver of skin below the hem of her shirt that always made his mouth go dry. “I’ve never trained in hand-to-hand combat before.”

Poe swallowed heavily. “Couldn’t you just use the Force if you lost your weapon?” he asked. 

Dropping her arms abruptly to the side, she gave him a pointed look. “I don’t want to rely on the Force, not while I’m still figuring out what it wants from me.”

Poe held up his hands. “Point taken.” He glanced around the room. “Unfortunately, everyone’s already paired up. Looks like I’ll have to be your partner.”

“Why do you think I was late?” she asked with a wink. His stomach flipped in response. 

She really would be the death of him, he thought as he grabbed a sparring pad. 

He held the pad up as she wrapped her hands and settled into a fighting stance. He braced his back leg and prepared for the incoming hits.

The punches were light, lighter than he’d expected, but he supposed she was just warming up. He let his attention wander from her, glancing around at the recruits. 

“Coriza,” he called, “stop tucking your–”

A swift roundhouse kick to the pad cut him off mid-sentence, sending him staggering back. Unable to regain his balance in time, he fell to the mats with a graceless thud. Shocked, he looked up at Rey, who just looked down at him with a smirk on her face as she settled back into her starting position.

Poe jumped back to his feet and went to the front of the room. “Alright, that’s enough warm up,” he said quickly, trying to ignore the snickers from some of the younger rookies. “We’ve gone over the moves, but you still don’t know how to actually fight. That changes today.”

He looked around the room, glancing from person to person, noting the physical differences that would make or break them in a fight. There were the bigger men, whose raw strength would deliver them quickly if their slowness didn’t get them killed first. And the small scrappy women, whose speed would save them if they realized that their strength lie in their bony elbows and not in their fists. And there were the ones in between, who would have to take the strategies of both and find the ones that best suited them.

“How you engage in a fight depends entirely on your size and the size of the person you’re fighting.”

His eyes landed on Rey. At first glance, she was one of the scrappy women who would outrun an opponent before she defeated them. But Poe knew the strength belied by her appearance. “Rey, would you come up here please?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, but did as he asked. When she came next to him, he murmured out of the side of his mouth, “Just play along, sunshine.”

He turned back to his pupils. “In a fight between us, what should my strategy be?”

Jevlan spoke up from the back of the room. “Pray she doesn’t use the Force on you.”

Poe raised a disapproving eyebrow at him, while Rey dropped her gaze to the floor. 

“Use your strength to keep her from moving,” Coriza said.

“Good. And what should Rey’s strategy be?”

A large former moisture farmer named Abeldar answered, “Move fast, get you off balance, and target sensitive areas.”

Poe nodded. “Correct. You always want to exploit your opponent’s weaknesses.” 

He quickly demonstrated a fighting stance to them, emphasizing bringing the hands up to protect the face. Then he set them loose with their partners, telling them to spread out and practice, taking turns as the aggressor and the defender. The room quickly filled with the sound of heavy breathing and the thwack of fists against skin, with the occasional grunt of pain.

After glancing over the room to make sure no one was making any grievous or dangerous errors, Poe turned his attention back to Rey. “You ready, Sunshine?”

She dropped into her starting stance in response and Poe mirrored her position. Before he could think too much, he lunged at her, reaching towards her side. She sidled away from him, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

“Good,” he muttered under his breath, before moving towards her again. Rey moved to kick out at him, push him away, but he grabbed her foot easily. Glaring at him, she hopped up and down on her one foot, desperate to maintain her balance. 

“Don’t make yourself vulnerable by trying to do something flashy,” he reprimanded. 

She grunted in response before spinning away from him and wresting her leg from his grasp. When she turned back to him, the fire in her eyes made his stomach clench. 

She started to dance around him, moving so quickly that he struggled to counter her slicing jabs to his joints. He groaned at one particularly painful hit to the right shoulder, instantly regretting partnering with the incredibly fit woman. 

Enough footwork, he thought as he centered himself again. Focusing his mind as he blew out a breath, he simply  _ knew _ her left hand would strike towards his ribs next. His hand shot out and wrapped around her wrist.

She gasped. “You cheat,” she spat as he jerked her towards him.

“You think Ren wouldn’t do the same?” he asked as he wrapped his arm around her.

“He would,” she replied, “but he wouldn’t get distracted when he realized where his arm was.”

The blood started to roar in his ears when he looked down and saw that his arm was pressed across her breasts. 

Just as she predicted, his mind went blank and he stood there as dumbfounded as a hormonal teenager. 

She used his distraction to spin out of his grip, hooking her foot behind his knee as she did. With one swift pull, Poe found himself falling to the ground for the second time that day. 

The air rushed out of him at the impact. The room went quiet, the trainees stilling as they observed the Jedi who felled the commander—again.

He tried to push himself up, but an invisible weight held him to the floor. 

“You said you weren’t going to use the Force.”

“No,” she corrected, “I said I didn’t want to rely on it. I didn’t rely on it to put you down, but I will use it to keep you down.”

“No fair, sunshine.”

Rey grinned down at him. “You already know I play dirty.”

“I do too,” he replied with a wink. 

He grabbed her ankle, pulling swiftly. She flailed her arms, trying to keep her feet, before collapsing in a heap next to him. 

The class still watched them. “Keep training,” Poe commanded before dropping his head back down and looking over at Rey.

She was biting her lip to keep herself from giggling, and he practically ached to capture that lip between his teeth. “You’re kinda awful at teaching.”

“Hey,” he protested as he rolled over, hovering above her, “they’re learning something. Now, they might actually stand a chance in a fight.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Sure, if the stormtrooper’s blind.”

“Do you want to teach them? I would be more than happy to let you.”

She smiled and raised her hand up to touch his cheek. “No, you can keep doing it.”

Preoccupied by her hand on his cheek, by the sight of her below him in his clothes, Poe didn’t notice what she was doing with her legs. Before he could think, she snaked her leg between his and drove her hip up into him, flipping him onto his back–for the third time that day. 

“Kriff, sunshine,” he breathed, “what has gotten into you today?”

She raised herself up on her elbows, so now she looked down at him. “Maybe I just like seeing you on your back.”

He groaned low in the back of his throat without fully realizing what he was doing, like an instinctual reaction. 

She tried to maintain the serious look on her face, but quickly dissolved into giggles. “I’m sorry–Sura said I should see what you’d do if I said that, but I can’t keep a straight face.”

“You’re teasing me, sunshine.”

She got to her feet and offered her hand to help him up. “I’m just doing what you told me to do.” 

He took her offered hand and pulled himself up. “And what’s that?”

She jerked her arm back, forcing him to stumble forward. She chuckled as he struggled to right himself. “Exploiting my opponent’s weakness.”

He stared at her for a moment before remembering that they weren’t alone. Looking around at the gathered recruits, he cleared his throat. “Good work today. You’re dismissed.”

His students filed out until he and Rey were the only ones left in the room. Poe blew out a breath and rubbed a hand through his hair. “Well, that was awful.”

“I thought it went pretty well,” Rey responded as she unwrapped her hands. 

“It did–for you.” He glared at her. “I looked like a nerf herder.”

“Not a nerf herder,” she objected. “More like a bantha herder.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Very funny.” 

Silence fell over them as she put her wraps away. When she turned back to him, her expression had turned serious. “I didn’t mean it when I said you weren’t a good teacher.” Her hazel eyes searched his face. “You’re teaching them valuable strategy and they’re getting better. You treat them like equals and you encourage them, but you’re honest about what they’ll face. They might just have a chance, thanks to you.”

He shrugged. “There’s no point in hiding what we’re up against. We’ve lost too many to do that–it would be an insult to their memory. Plus, most of them already know, have already seen it first-hand. We need to recognize what their strategy will be and prepare for that.”

“Like figuring out what weaknesses they’ll try to exploit in us,” she supplied.

“Right.” He met her searching gaze with his own. “What did you mean when you said you were exploiting my weakness?”

She dropped her eyes to the ground.

Poe stepped closer to her, gently placing his hand under her chin and lifting her head up so she would meet his gaze. “Do you think you’re my weakness?”

She smiled softly at him. “I know I am.” When he started to protest, she brought her finger up to his lips to silence him. “You’re my weakness, too.”

“How can you say that so nonchalantly?” he asked. “Doesn’t that terrify you? Because it terrifies me, the thought that some First Order bastard might try to use you, or my dad, or someone else I love to break me, that my feelings for you might put you in danger.”

“Absolutely,” she answered. “But it also reminds me that I have something to fight for, something Ben won’t have. Love might be a weakness, but it will be our greatest strength in the end. I know it.”

“I feel like we should toast or something,” Poe said with a grin. “To being each other’s weaknesses.”

Rey checked the chronometer she’d taken to wearing. “Well, the mess is open. It won’t have alcohol, but we could use the bantha milk that just came in on the last supply run.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

She smirked at him. “The bantha herder doesn’t want any bantha milk?”

He ushered her out of the training room. “That’s it, you are not allowed at any more of my training sessions. You wear my clothes, you tease me, you knock me on my ass three times in front of my students, and you distract me.”

Rey’s laughter filled the hall. “Careful, commander,” she quipped, her eyes twinkling, “your weakness is showing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter with no plot whatsoever this week, though I did plant some little seeds for later chapters. I might get back to plot next week, or I might just keep with the fun, shorter chapters for a while. I'm still recovering from the heaviness of chapter 22.
> 
> Also, I finally have some time this weekend, so I will be replying to comments. I feel so terrible that I haven't replied to so many comments. Please know that I appreciate every comment so much and I will response to them soon!


	25. Chapter 25

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/42311900251/in/datetaken/)

Rey groaned as the braid in her hair came loose yet again, glaring at her reflection in the mirror. She’d been standing in the ‘fresher in Poe’s quarters for thirty minutes trying to put the mourning braid in her hair, but she couldn’t figure out how to get the simple looking, yet intricate plait to stay. Grasping the offending strands, she started again. 

The General had decided that they had gone far too long without honoring their dead. Loss had hung over the base like a shroud for weeks while they all tried to survive and figure out what to do next. Now that their chance of survival didn’t look quite so bleak, it was time to acknowledge that loss.

Rey didn’t know much about mourning practices. Funerals were few and far between on Jakku–you were more likely to pass away unnoticed on the desert planet. If you were buried,  _ X’us’R’iia  _ would just dig you back up again. A lucky few would be cremated by their loved ones, to have their ashes mix with the sands. But most simply fell where they stood. There was no room for ceremony in such a place. 

She felt woefully out of her depth standing in the ‘fresher preparing for a ceremony she knew nothing about. The feeling wasn’t new, certainly, but it felt different this time. She wanted to pay respect to all of these people who had given their lives for the Resistance, but she didn’t know how. She knew people typically wore black to funerals, but black clothing didn’t have a place on Jakku–it was too hot and it made you stand out against the sand. In lieu of black clothing, she was trying to put the mourning braid she’d seen Leia wearing in her hair, but her efforts were proving to be in vain. 

She had almost secured her fifth attempt to her crown when a knock sounded at the door. With her hands still tangled in her hair above her head, she elbowed the door control. It slide open to reveal General Organa, holding something black in her hands. Looking up at Rey’s braiding attempt, she smiled softly. “Would you like some help?”

Rey eagerly nodded and dropped her arms, the braid spiraling back out again. She backed up, letting Leia into the room, who laid what turned out to be a black dress on the bed. She gestured to the chair and came to stand behind Rey when she sat. 

“My mother used to braid my hair,” she said quietly as she began to carefully twist the locks of Rey’s hair. “It was expected that the mothers of Alderaan would teach their daughters how to braid. And on special occasions, the mothers would braid their daughters’ hair and the daughters would braid their mothers’ hair.”

“That sounds nice,” Rey said as she resisted the urge to lean her head into Leia’s hands. A distant memory of someone carding their hands through her hair tickled at her mind. 

“On the day I was captured by Vader, she’d offered to braid my hair.” She folded another strand into the plait. “I waved her off, saying a junior diplomat didn’t need her mother to braid her hair. When I couldn’t get the braid to lay smoothly, I put my hair in buns and rushed to the shuttle. I regret every day that I did not let her braid my hair one more time.”

She carefully wrapped the braid over the crown of Rey’s head, securing it with a pin pulled from her own hair. She placed her hands on Rey’s shoulders, and Rey reached up to squeeze the older woman’s hand. “Thank you.”

Clearing her throat, Leia backed up and gestured to the dress. “I guessed you didn’t have anything to wear today.”

Rey picked the garment up and held it to herself. She’d never worn a dress before–at least she didn’t remember ever wearing one. “Thank you,” she said as she looked from the long-sleeve, full-length black dress back up to Leia.

“It was custom for the Alderaanian royal family to always travel with a set of mourning clothes. The habit stuck and after all of these years–all of these funerals–I started keeping a supply with me for people like you.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to do that.”

Leia smiled sadly. “This cause has demanded the ultimate sacrifice from so many, and they deserve to be honored. And we deserve the chance to honor them. The clothes, a braid, they seem trivial, but they’re what we have. They’re what we can do.”

Rey nodded solemnly.

With a final smile, Leia moved to the door. Before she opened it, she turned back to Rey. “When you’ve done this as many times as I have, you start to become numb to the loss. I still haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or not. I barely had time to grieve for Han–” She paused, her voice catching. “Now I’ve lost Luke too. And while I ache for them, my grief for them joins my grief for everyone else we’ve lost, a grief so momentous that I can’t feel it anymore, not if I want to keep moving forward. But I’ve been moving forward through grief since Alderaan still existed. Poe hasn’t, and he’s going to need you today.”

“Of course, General.”

“You’re allowed to need him, too, Rey. Help each other. Feel your grief together. You’ll be stronger for it.”

Before she could respond, Leia walked out the open door, leaving Rey to her jumbled thoughts. 

As she pulled her shirt off and stepped out of her pants, she wondered if she could do as Leia had said. Could she be there for Poe? Did she even know how? He’d been there for her numerous times, through her injury on Jakku, through Kylo’s assault on her mind, through what she thought were the last moments of her life. He was good at being there for people. She didn’t know if she could do the same. 

And the thought of sharing her grief with him terrified her. She was unpracticed in the emotion, having been alone for so long. She hardly knew what she felt at the loss of Han, of Luke. It felt more like a hole in her, a void that would never be filled, that her body had simply reformed around. She didn’t know what it would do to her if she acknowledged that hole, probed its raw edges. And she didn’t want to burden Poe with that, not when he had such grief of his own to carry. 

In the time since they had returned from Takodana, she acknowledged that something had changed between them. After nearly dying, she’d realized that she did want to feel everything that had been denied to her in her solitary existence on Jakku. Listening to Maz and Sura, she’d taken a chance. Poe had made it very clear that she determined what they were to each other, so she made the first moves. She teased him, she toyed with him, because she enjoyed seeing his reaction. She enjoyed feeling playful. And she enjoyed the chance to explore what she felt, what she wanted, without losing her control. 

What Leia asked of her, though, required her to relinquish that control, meet his vulnerability with her own. And she didn’t know if she do that. After spending most of her life without any control, living under Unkar’s thumb, she didn’t want to give up something she finally had. She trusted Poe to not abuse that vulnerability, but she didn’t trust herself to not shut down around it, push him away again. And now that she was finally at a point where she knew he was something  _ more  _ to her, she didn’t want to push him away. 

But, she realized as she pulled the dress on over her head and the silky fabric ghosted down her body, Poe always was the protector and maybe he finally deserved to have someone protect him. And she was likely one of the very few he would allow to protect him. So she would do that for him, and reveal whatever she needed to in the process.

She pulled her boots on and walked to the door. Pausing before the door control, she turned back to grab the pieces of the lightsaber. She wanted to feel close to Luke today. 

The atmosphere was somber as she walked to the hangar, the halls devoid of the usual sounds of clanking tools and chatter coming from the cavernous space. 

She walked in to find the Resistance members standing near the hangar door, with stones arranged on the floor. She spotted Poe, wearing his uniform, his head bowed. She went to him, sliding her hand into his. 

He looked up at her in surprise at first, before giving her a sad smile. “Hi,” he murmured. 

“Hi,” she responded. “I missed you this morning. Where have you been?”

“Was the bed cold?” he asked cheekily, before turning serious again. “I couldn’t sleep. I came out to work on Ebon One.”

“Alright.” She studied his face out of the corner of her eye. “I’m here, if you need-”

“I know, sunshine,” he cut her off, squeezing her hand. 

She wanted to say something else, something to make him see that she wanted to help him, but Leia stepped before them before she could.

“I said when we were still on D’Qar that we would honor our dead more fully and properly after the fight. But as in any fight, more have died for our cause—too many more. And as in any war, the fight still isn’t over. We cannot honor them more properly on this Force forsaken planet, but we can honor them as best we can.”

Rey felt Poe tense next to her. 

“One hundred and thirty seven.” She looked over them, tears glistening in her eyes. “One hundred and thirty seven lives lost since we left D’Qar.” She gestured to the stones behind her. “One hundred and thirty seven stones, one for each of the brave men and women who died for the Resistance.”

Rey glanced over at Poe. He stared resolutely ahead, standing at attention, but she could see tears welling in his eyes.

“We are here because of them,” Leia continued. “We press on because of them. We still fight because of them.”

Rey gripped Poe’s hand tighter. 

“As we rebuild, we cannot forget those who died to ensure that we could. We cannot forget those who died so we could live. We must carry them with us, like beacons into the world we seek to reclaim. We must carry their passion, their courage, their strength, their wisdom, and their love. If we do that, we will not fail them. We cannot fail them. For they will never truly be gone, not if we continue their fight.” 

She knelt down to pick up one of the stones and walked solemnly out of hangar into Akuria’s sunlight, the snow crunching below her feet. The Resistance members watched her for a moment, unsure what they should do. 

Rey smiled through tears when the first to follow Leia was the little orange and white droid. Reaching out one of his mechanical arms, he picked up one of the stones and rolled after the General. Spurred into action by BB-8, the rest of the Resistance followed.

They rejoined Leia in a valley protected by the ridge. She appeared to study the stone in her hand for a moment, her thumb rasping over the rough surface, before looking up at them. “Cairns are usually built on a hilltop, but I’ve been in this fight too long and I don’t have the energy to climb that anymore,” she said as she gestured back towards the ridge. A few people chuckled sadly in response. “More than that, though, I want this cairn to remain here, long after this war is over, long after we’re gone. On top of the ridge, it might topple in a harsh wind or fall with the snow–and the people we honor with this cairn were made of sterner stuff than that. So let us build this memorial here, in the shelter of the ridge. Let these stones be sheltered in the way that we have been sheltered by their memory. Let these stones be sheltered in the way that every one of us, living and dead, are sheltered by hope, by love, and by the Force. Emerging from such a shadow, our light can only shine brighter.”

She took a steadying breath, before kneeling and placing her stone on the ground. Her fingers lingered on it for a few moments as she whispered a few words. Once she stepped away, the rest of them built the cairn. 

Rose walked forward, Finn clutching her to his side as she struggled to quiet her sobs. She nearly dropped to her knees, held up only by Finn’s arm around her waist, when she reached the spot. She shakily placed the stone on the ground and leaned heavily into Finn as he set down his own stone.

A group of new recruits who arrived after these lives had been lost walked forward together, their shoulders set, their faces impassive. They set their rocks down around Leia’s and Rose’s, forming the foundation. When they straightened, Jevlan led them in a salute, his slim shoulders swallowed up in the too-large private’s uniform he wore.

Chewie brought an armful of stones forward, offering a mournful cry for each person they represented  as he carefully arranged the stones. When he walked back passed her, Rey could see tears glistening on his fur. 

“Godspeed, rebels,” C-3PO said as he creakily knelt to place his stone. R2, BB-8, and the rest of the droids echoed his call in binary and arranged their stones. 

The members of Ebon Squadron, including Sura and Iolo, came forward with their arms around each other and placed their stones together. Snap pressed a kiss to Karé’s forehead while pulling Jess to his side, and Sura wrapped Iolo in a hug. 

The rest of the Resistance walked forward, but still Poe didn’t move from his place by her side. Every time she glanced over, he remained with his head bowed and his eyes closed. The continuous clenching of his jaw was the only sign of his struggle. 

Rey flipped the stone over in her hand, trying to keep the tears pricking at her eyes from falling. The immensity of loss took her breath away as she stood there. She had keenly felt the loss of Han and Luke, but she hadn’t fully understood the depth of grief that the Resistance members held until that moment. As the cairn grew before her, she realized that she was looking at a memorial for more people than she’d known in her entire life. Face to face with their many sacrifices, Rey resolved to repay their sacrifices. She resolved to continue what they started and to finish it, no matter what that meant for her.

She walked to the cairn and knelt next to it, her gaze moving over the numerous stones. She placed her stone and pressed her hand to the top of the monument, whispering “Thank you” in every language she knew. Beneath her hand, she felt an answering pulse rise up through the stones. 

Rising to her feet, she fell back into her place by Poe. Hand now free, she reached out to press it to his arm. As if her touch burned him, he pulled away.

After all of the other stones had been placed, Poe still held his. He opened his red-rimmed eyes, straightened his shoulders, and marched forward, his back painfully straight. He set the stone on the top of the cairn, his hand shaking as it lingered for a moment. But as quickly as that slight crack in his demeanor appeared, he clenched his hand into a fist, turned from the cairn with military precision, and walked passed the gathered Resistance members towards the base. As he walked away from her, Rey could hear him muttering something over and over. 

“It should have been me.”

Many of them trailed off then, giving the cairn one last look before turning back to the base. Soon, only a few remained. 

Rey walked back up to the memorial, the lightsaber pieces clutched in her hands. She knelt again and set the pieces on the top of the cairn. “May the Force be with you, Master Luke,” she whispered. 

“He doesn’t need that.”

Startled, Rey looked up to see Leia smirking at her. “What?” she asked. 

“My brother’s already with the Force. He doesn’t need your words and he’d probably knock you on the head for wasting them on him. And he certainly doesn’t need that.” She gestured to the broken lightsaber. “You do.”

“But it’s broken.”

“Then fix it,” Leia said with a hint of exasperation. “You’re a smart woman. If Luke could figure out how to make an entirely new lightsaber, you can figure out how to put an old one back together.”

“But the crystal—”

“You will find a new one,” Leia cut her off. “That saber called to you, Rey. It is meant for you. But maybe the crystal inside wasn’t. Maybe it needed to be broken so you could find  _ your  _ crystal and make it whole again.”

Rey looked down at the pieces of the saber, examining them for the first time like something that could be fixed, not something broken beyond repair. She picked them back up and stood again. “Thank you, General,” she said with a nod. 

Leia smiled fondly at her. “I know that look. Don’t immediately get your tools and start working. Remember what I said earlier about Poe.” Her smile fell. “You might be the only one who can get through to him today.”

They walked back to the base in silence. Leia stopped to give Rey a hug before returning to the command center, leaving her to find Poe. 

She went first to his quarters, though she knew he likely wasn’t there. Finding her suspicion to be correct, she stowed the saber pieces in the footlocker and picked the uniform jacket up from where Poe had thrown it on the floor before he fled.

She ducked her head into the common room, where Ebon Squadron had gathered around the table to toast their fallen comrades. Jess raised her glass of whatever swill Snap had found to Rey. “Hey, Jedi. Do you want to join us?”

Rey shook her head. “No, I’m trying to find Poe. Have you seen him?”

“Not since we came back to base,” Snap replied. 

“Look for BB,” Sura suggested. “He’s never far from Poe when he’s like this.”

“Thanks, Sura.”

As she turned to leave, Karé called out to her. “Tell him we love him, alright?”

“I will.”

She wandered through the base for several minutes, nodding to people as she passed. Finally, she turned the corner into a dimly lit hall and found the little round droid beeping insistently towards a closed door. 

“Go away, BB,” she heard Poe’s muffled voice. 

“Hey buddy,” Rey said as she knelt down next to him. “Is he alright?”

He spun his photoreceptor to her and whistled his dismay to her.

She patted BB’s head. “I’ll try talking to him. You go find R2.” He looked at the door once more before rolling away. 

She knocked gently on the door. “Poe, can I come in?”

He didn’t answer for several moments, but then the door opened a crack. She pushed into the dark room.

Poe sat on the floor of the abandoned closet, his elbows propped on his knees and his face buried in his hands. When she joined him, dust puffed up around her. She pressed her side to his and looked over at him. He pulled in a deep breath as tears dripped from his eyes to the floor, but he would not return her gaze. 

She sighed and placed her hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. But you’re not alone. Your friends are here for you. I’m here.”

He turned to look at her then, and the despair in his eyes pierced her. “I should be alone,” he said gruffly. “Better yet, I should be dead.”

“Poe, don’t say that.”

“Why not?” he bit back. “It’s true. A lot of the people we built that cairn for would still be alive if I wasn’t.” 

“You don’t know that,” she argued. “You don’t know what path they were destined for.”

“But that doesn’t matter. They still ended up on a path with me. I made the wrong choices and they were killed because of me.”

“Poe, at every moment, with every choice you’ve made, you have done what you thought would keep your people safe. You ordered the strike on the Dreadnought because you know it could take out the entire Resistance if you didn’t. You defied Vice Admiral Holdo because you thought she was dooming everyone. With every choice you’ve made, it appeared to be the only choice you had at the time.”

“Then I’m not fit for the Resistance if I couldn’t see that there were other choices besides letting my friends die.”

“Then maybe you’re not fit for the Resistance,” she said simply. “Maybe I’m not fit for the Resistance. Maybe none of us are fit for the Resistance.”

He gaped at her.

“None of us should be fit for the Resistance,” she continued, “because that would mean that we have so little faith in the galaxy, we assumed we would need to go to war.”

He snorted quietly. 

“I don’t want to be someone like that and I don’t want you to be either. So, yes, you’re not fit for the Resistance. You made some bad choices because you didn’t see any good choices. But if that makes you want to give up, to die, rather than live and fight for those we’ve lost and those we have left–well, then maybe you don’t belong in the Resistance, either. But I know that’s not true.”

New tears glistened in Poe’s eyes as he blinked at her. 

“You’re a good man, Poe. You wouldn’t ache with this loss if you weren’t. But they’re at peace. You need to know that.”

“You don’t know that,” he said as he wiped at a tear that rolled down his cheek.

“Yes, I do.” She grabbed his hand and gripped it tightly. “I felt it, when I touched the cairn. There was peace, and purpose. Now it’s time for you to find your own purpose, from within this pain, and move forward with it.”

He stared at their joined hands, lacing his fingers with hers. She leaned her head down on his shoulder, and he rested his head against hers. 

“What do you think your purpose is?” he asked as his thumb ghosted back and forth over the back of her hand. 

She thought for a moment before answering. “There’s been an awakening in the Force, and not just from me. I think I’m supposed to find the people like me, meant for something much bigger than they ever wanted, ever imagined, ever dreamt they were meant for.”

“Anything else?”

“I think I’m meant to end this,” she admitted. “Kylo and I, we’re equals on opposite sides. We’re destructive when we meet, and I think one of us is meant to destroy the other. I don’t think there’s any other way that this can end.”

“Please don’t think that,” he exclaimed, lifting his head to look at her and gripping her hand so tightly that his nails dug into her skin. “You have to be meant for more than that. You have to believe that.  _ I  _ have to believe that.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and turned to look back at him. “What other ending can there be?”

“Something better than that—anything but that.” 

“Like what?” she asked, wanting to know what he thought life should hold for her. 

“I think you’re supposed to find people like you, teach them to seek the light, teach us all to seek the light. I think you’re meant to find your family, whether it’s the family you were born to or the family you choose. I think you’re supposed to live a long life, surrounded by the people who love you–Finn, Rose, Chewie.” He paused, eyes searching her face. “Me, if I make it that long.”

She smiled at him. “Maybe that’s your purpose–make it long enough for me to fulfill my purpose.”

“That would be alright with me, sunshine.” 

Her expression turning serious again, she met his eyes. “No, your purpose is bigger than that, Poe. You’re meant to learn from your loss and lead with that wisdom. You’re meant to guide the hurt, the lost, and the broken back home–just like you did with me. You’re meant to fight this fight, and you’re meant to leave this fight and finally find peace.” 

“That sounds alright, too.”

She returned her head to his shoulder and they sat there in silence for a few minutes, simply existing with each other. Rey eventually pulled her hand from his and patted his knee before rising to her feet. “Come on, flyboy. Ebon Squadron’s holding a wake in the common room.”

He rose to his feet, but he pulled her back before she could reach the door. She looked back at him puzzledly.

“I just need a couple more seconds,” he said as he stepped closer to her and set his hands on her shoulders. She stood under his gaze as he slowly brought his hands up to cup her face. He closed his eyes and gently pressed his forehead against hers. His breath fluttered over her skin as he exhaled long and slow, his shoulders dropping. She brought her hands up to rest on his arms and released the same calming breath.

“Better?” she asked. 

“Better.”

“Hey, Poe.”

“Huh?,” he hummed.

“Promise me that no matter what purpose we end up having, we’ll be together at the end.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to be there, Sunshine, as long as you promise to do the same.”

“Deal.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before he released her. As they walked to the door, it felt like the veil that had fallen over them, secluded in a forgotten supply closet, was pulled back. 

Emerging into the hall, they emerged back into the Resistance, back into the fight.

But first, before they worried again about what the Force had in store for them, they would celebrate their friends–their lives, their memory, their courage, their light. As they walked to the common room, side by side, that’s what they intended to do.

They could find their purpose tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy angsty chapter, Batman! Sorry about that--I can only apparently write about them having fun for two chapters before it's back to the angst. I'll lighten it back up in the next chapter.
> 
> Regarding the next chapter and the plan for this story, the demands of this story and the demands of my work and travel schedule are not really meshing right now. The story I'm trying to plot is requiring longer and longer chapters, which I'm struggling to write each week in time to maintain the upload pattern I've established. So, for the months of June and July, I will be uploading every _**two**_ weeks. Once my schedule slows back down in August, I hope to go back to posting chapters weekly. I will keep you updated on that front. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Seeing your comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. makes a very stressful time for me a lot more bearable! Much love to you all!


	26. Chapter 26

Something was off.

It started when he woke up and it felt like Akuria was colder than normal. Sure, he was always kriffing cold on the ice planet—he had grown up on Yavin 4, after all—but he couldn’t stamp out the cold with some push ups or an extra layer like he usual. He wouldn’t have thought much of it, until he passed a thermometer in the hangar and the temperature was the same cold temperature it had read for days, not nearly as cold as he felt. But he needed to run drills, so he couldn’t think much more about it and hoped getting in the cockpit would warm him up.

Then, he got a head rush getting out of Ebon One after drills with his squad. Pava laughed as he stumbled on the ladder and Karé asked if he was okay, but he just flipped Pava off and told Karé he was fine. He just was feeling the after effects of the maneuvers, like a green rookie. No big deal for someone who’d been withstanding G-forces since practically before he could walk.

Now, a steady pounding had started behind his eyes. In a haze, he fumbled in the locker he stowed his flight gear in for some painkillers, cursing under his breath when he couldn’t find any. Slamming the door shut–a move he instantly regretted–he leaned his head against the metal. It didn’t do nearly enough to ease the ache.

BB rolled through the locker room, cheerfully chatting in binary with an R4 unit. When he saw his master, he beeped worriedly at him.

“I’m alright, buddy,” Poe answered. “Just a headache.”

The little droid whistled a question to him that set his teeth on edge.

_Was this like the headache he had when Ren was rooting through Rey’s brain? Could that be what he was feeling?_

He rushed out of the locker room before BB-8 could say anything else.

He checked his– _their_ –quarters, but she wasn’t there. Glancing at his chronometer, he saw that it was time for lunch. Maybe she was there, trying to pretend like the Supreme Asshole wasn’t violating her mind.

He nearly ran to the mess, squinting against the fluorescent lights in the hall. When he burst through the mess doors, everyone seemed to stop, forks hanging in mid-air, conversations stopped mid-sentence, all eyes turning to him.

But he didn’t care if he looked like a crazy person. He just needed to know that she was okay.

He spotted her at the back of the room, tucked in the corner, sitting with Iolo. She was laughing at something he was saying and he was squeezing her hand across the table.

Was she fine? Or was she just trying to hide what was going on?

He hurried to her side. “Are you alright?” he nearly shouted at her.

Rey looked up at him startled. “Hi, Poe,” she answered far too calmly.

“Hey, Commander,” Iolo said in his characteristically infuriating, cheery tone. “What to join us?”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Arana,” Poe ground out, his eyes never leaving Rey’s face, searching for any sign of distress. “Are you alright?”

Her brow scrunched in confusion. “I’m fine. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Poe, are you feeling okay?”  Iolo asked.

Poe ignored the Keshian’s question. “I’m fine.”

Rey’s eyes searched his face. “Are you sure? You look flushed.”

“Yeah, you don’t look so good, Poe,” Iolo added.

“Iolo, stop talking,” he snapped, before turning his attention back to Rey. “Are you sure you’re okay? He’s not trying to doing anything to you, is he? To your mind?”

“Hey,” Iolo cried indignantly, “I’m not doing anything to her, Dameron. We’re having lunch.”

“What the hell, Poe?” Rey exclaimed.

“Kriffin’ hells,” Poe groaned, “I’m not talking about you, Arana! I’m talking about Kylo karkking Ren!”

If they weren’t staring already, truly everyone in the dining hall was staring at them then.

Rey grabbed his arm and hauled him down next to her with ease, something he wouldn’t have been proud of if his head wasn’t spinning so much. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He leaned his head on his hand, noticing how slick it was with sweat. “I got this headache that felt like when that piece of shit was trying to get in your mind.”

Iolo looked between them, confusion written across his face. “What?”

“Shut up, Iolo,” Rey said to him this time, and Poe couldn’t help but feel a little smug at the put out look on Iolo’s face. “Poe, he’s not trying to tap my mind. He hasn’t since that night.”

Poe looked over at her through crossed eyes. “He’s not?”

Rey shook her head.

“Then what’s wrong with me?”

“I think you’re sick, flyboy,” she answered.

Getting over his indignance, Iolo reached across the table and pressed his hand to Poe’s forehead. “Damn, Poe, you’re burning up.”

Poe wanted to push him off, but his long, cool fingers felt wonderful on his skin. “But I’m so cold,” he practically whined.

Iolo smirked as he pulled his hand away and Poe leaned forward slightly to follow it. “That would be the fever.”

“No, no, no.” Poe tried to push himself up from the table. “I can’t be sick. I have to teach the recruits today.”

“If you don’t want to end on your ass in front of them again, I wouldn’t do that,” Rey said.

“But someone needs to teach them. They need more training. They’re so kriffing bad.”

Rey and Iolo both shushed him as a few of the recruits turned to look. “He’s not feeling well,” Rey called out to the mess, “ignore him.”

“I’ll teach them,” Iolo said.

“But you hate teaching.”

“I’ll suck it up,” Iolo said. “You need to go back to bed.”

“Fine,” he finally relented.

Rey stood and took her tray back to the kitchen. When she came back, she slid her arm under Poe’s and hauled him to his feet. “Ready, hotshot?”

He tried to waggle his eyebrows at her, but it took too much effort. “Are you taking me to bed, sunshine?”

“Ignore him,” she called out again over his head, before bringing her face close to his. “Shut up, or I’ll leave your hot ass here.”

“You think my ass is hot?”

Her cheeks flames as she glared at him. “I will drop you on your _feverish_ behind and walk away, I swear I will.”

“You wouldn’t do that to an invalid, would you?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Do you want to test me right now?”

“No, ma’am.” He tightened his grip around her shoulders and they shuffled out of the mess.

“Captain Arana,” he said over his shoulder, “don’t let Coriza tuck her thumb when she throws a punch.”

Rey swatted his arm as they walked passed the young girl turning bright red while her friends snickered behind their hands. She whispered an apology to Coriza before they emerged into the hall.

They walked in the opposite direction of his— _their_ —quarters. “Where we going, sunshine?”

“The med bay.”

He pulled them to a stop with more strength than he actually thought he had. “Oh no, I am not going there to get stuck with needles and put through a bunch of tests by a med droid to just be told I have a virus. Plus, then they’ll tell the General.”

“Shouldn’t she know?”

“No,” he said as fiercely as he could—which he realized was becoming not fierce at all the longer they stood there. “Then she’ll ground me.”

Rey smirked at him. “I’m just going to get a medkit. I’ll even tell them I need another one on the Falcon, so they don’t get suspicious.”

She left him leaning against the wall outside the med bay and he slowly began to sink down it. Before he could reach the ground though, she returned, medkit under her arm, hauling him back up and towards his— _their—_ quarters.

She unceremoniously dumped him into his— _their—_ bed and he groaned at the impact. “Take it easy.”

“Sorry,” she said as she gently rolled him onto his back and lifted his legs up onto the bed. “You were getting heavy. You should be happy I dropped you on the bed and not the ground.”

“Bantha shit,” he muttered. “You’re stronger than I am.”

Ignoring him, she set to work untying and removing his boots. She then moved up and reached towards his waist.

“Sunshine, what are you doing?” he asked warily.

“I’m taking your pants off,” she said matter-of-factly as she reached for his belt.

He wanted to push her off—he really did—but he could only stare her at. When he finally found his tongue, he said, “So you really are taking me to bed.”

“I’m putting you to bed,” she corrected, tugging at the leather. When it came loose, she moved to the button of his pants.

He did push her away then. “I can take my own damned pants off.” He quickly pushed them down off his legs and threw them across the room before pulling the blankets up over his legs. He swallowed roughly, hoping she hadn’t noticed the certain reason that had him covering himself so quickly. Even feeling like he could puke or pass out at any moment, she could still get such a reaction from him.

Curse her.

That slight movement had his head spinning and he slumped back against the pillow. Rey rifled through the medkit before going to the ‘fresher to fetch a glass of water. Walking to his side, she gave him a handful of pills. He studied the brightly colored tabs in his hand.

“Painkiller, anti-nausea, decongestant, and a general antibiotic,” Rey said, pointing out each one. “Figured that would cover everything.”

“It certainly can’t make me feel any worse,” he said as he popped the pills in his mouth and chugged the glass of water she handed him. Handing it back to her, he flopped down, sighing loudly. He fought against the fluttering of his eyelids as exhaustion tried overwhelmed him, struggling to keep her face in focus.

“Stop fighting it,” she said softly as she smoothed the hair on his forehead, her touch soothing on his heated skin. “You need to rest.”

“But I don’t wanna sleep without you, sunshine.”

“And I don’t wanna get sick.”

“Please, sunshine,” he pleaded. “Stay with me.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled the chair over to the bedside. “Is this good enough?”

“Not really, but I’ll take it.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “You know, I really should be working on the Falcon. Or training. Or checking in with command.”

“I know you should be.” He looked at her from the bed and reached out. She took his outstretched hand in hers. “Thank you.”

She squeezed his hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it. “You’re welcome.”

His breathing started to slow as sleep took him.

“So, why were you being so weird towards Iolo earlier?”

He blinked at her a few times, trying to bring her back into focus. “I was worried about you, and he was distracting me,” he deflected.

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.”

“He was!”

She just looked at him disapprovingly.

“I thought that bastard was trying to get into your mind again and you were just trying to be the gallant Jedi and act like nothing was wrong. I needed to know that you were alright and Iolo was keeping me from finding that out.”

She dropped his hand and crossed her arms over her chest again. Poe instantly missed the feeling of her touch as his empty hand fell back to the bed. “That might explain this time, but it doesn’t explain all of the other times you’ve looked like you wanted to punch him.”

Poe couldn’t met her eyes as he muttered, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh.” She rolled her eyes again. “On the day he and Sura got here, you stalked out of the hangar because you saw us hugging.”

“I did not,” he protested. “I forgot my thermal gloves and was going back to my quarters to get them.”

“Iolo found your thermal gloves in the Falcon’s gunner’s nest, Poe,” she reminded him.

Kriff.

He swallowed. “Not my thermal gloves, my—”

She leveled her gaze at him. “Poe.”

He exhaled. “It um–it just took me by surprise. You’d only just met him.”

“It kinda took me by surprise, too. But I felt–I feel–comfortable with him. I can’t say that about many people.”

Poe crossed his arms over his chest in a mirror of her stance and looked away from her.

“Hey,” she objected, “you don’t get to do that. I found Sura in a towel in your quarters–after you refused to kiss me.”

“But I explained that.”

“I know that _now_ ,” Rey exclaimed. “I didn’t at the time. I thought you didn’t kiss me because you were with Sura, that I’d misunderstood something. I was confused, and a little hurt, and Iolo made me feel better. So I hugged him.”

Poe drew his eyebrows up in surprise. “What do you mean you were hurt?”

“I thought you’d conveniently not told me that you were with someone and were flirting with me to—I don’t know—make fun of the naive girl from Jakku.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“Again, I know that now. I didn’t then.”

He tried to focus his rapidly blurring gaze on her. “If you hadn’t found Sura in my room, would you have hugged him?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. He listened to me, wanted to know my hopes for the future. I felt like he saw me as me, not as the last Jedi. I probably would have felt that way even if I hadn’t thought you were with Sura.”

“What if I’d kissed you in the hangar?”

Her cheeks flushed red. “What’s the point of talking in ‘what ifs’, Poe? We can’t change what happened.”

It was becoming harder and harder for him to keep his eyes open. He finally let them close against the sight of her beautiful face, mumbling, “I wish I could. I wish I could do what you asked me to do, what I wanted to do.”

He felt her cool fingers press against his forehead again and he leaned into them. “You might get another chance, flyboy,” she said softly. “But only if you rest and get better.”

“You know I can’t sleep without you, sunshine.”

She sighed before standing and walking towards the bed. “Move over,” she commanded. He did as she said and she slid into the space she’d come to fill so well. She reached back and pulled his arm over her waist. “If you get me sick, I’m feeding you to a gnaw-jaw.”

“But then you wouldn’t have me to return the favor and nurse you back to health.”

“I’m sure Iolo would be happy to help me out.”

“Not funny,” he muttered into her hair. “You’re my sunshine–not his.”

“Am I, now?”

“Yes,” he responded petulantly and nuzzled his nose further into her hair.

“Jealousy’s not very attractive, flyboy.” She paused. “And I’m not yours.”

He sighed. “You’re right–about both things. Just ignore me. I say stupid things when I’m sick.”

She snorted softly. “I’ve noticed.”

They laid in silence for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the base around them. Iolo was probably about halfway done with his training session. Poe wondered how he was doing.

He cleared his throat, wincing at the pain as he did. “Before, you said that you hugged Iolo because he made you feel comfortable.”

“Yeah.”

“Do I make you feel comfortable?”

“Not at all. I have never felt more uncomfortable than I do right now.”

“That’s not funny either.”

She chuckled, the vibration tickling his chest. “I wouldn’t be here if I was uncomfortable, laser brain.” She laid her arm over his, drawing lazy circles on his skin with her fingers. “I wasn’t sure I could ever feel comfortable with someone who wasn’t Finn, or Chewie, or Leia–not after what Snoke did, after what Ben did. I didn’t feel comfortable with myself, my only constant companion through all the years on Jakku. And then you introduced yourself, and you kept me company in the cockpit while I slept. At first, you did look at me like the last Jedi and I worried that that was the only reason you were talking to me. I knew you saw _me_ when you were making fun of me floating fruit on Parein II 4, though. And I realized then that I could be comfortable with someone else—with you.”

“I’m glad you feel safe with me,” he replied. “I feel safe with you, too. Sometimes I feel so safe, it scares me.”

Rey turned around in Poe’s arms so she could look at him. “It scares me too. But I don’t want to stop.”

He smiled softly. “Me either.”

She rolled back over and he drifted towards sleep, the pills she’d given him finally starting to ease the ache in his head and the queasiness in his stomach.

“You don’t need to be jealous of Iolo.”

“Hmm?” he sleepily hummed.

“He’s not interested in me.”

“He’s crazy not to be, sunshine,” he mumbled, not fully aware of what he was saying. “You’re pretty amazing. And pretty badass. And pretty pretty.”

“I guess the secret to getting compliments out of you is getting you sick.” She laughed lightly. “He’s interested in someone else.”

“That’s nice,” he breathed, sleep pulling at him again.

That is, until something about what she said—or didn’t say—pulled him back to consciousness. “Are you interested in him?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

He groaned. “I’m sick, sunshine! Don’t mess with my head like this.”

She patted the hand he’d set at her waist. “Get some sleep, flyboy.”

He finally did as she said, muttering things about stupid Keshians and their stupid golden eyes as her giggles shook through him.

* * *

 A few days later, when he was feeling better, Poe went to thank Iolo for teaching the recruits for him—and to apologize for acting like a nerf’s ass.

After he’d said his piece, Iolo took his proffered hand and pulled him into a hug, clapping him good-naturedly on the back. “I accept your apology for being a jealous, territorial nerf’s ass.”

Poe chuckled and tostled the Keshian’s hair. “Thanks, Iolo.”

Iolo studied him for a moment, his wide, golden eyes scanning his face. Poe shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze. “Poe, she may be your sun–”

Poe cut Iolo off. “She’s not mine. I know I have no claim to her. Which is why I’m apologizing for being jealous–I had no right.”

“No, you didn’t,” Iolo acknowledged, “but that’s not what I meant. You revolve around her, Poe. She is your sun, your centering force. But the rest of us can stand in her light, too. And I think we’ll need to.”

Poe nodded. “Yes, I think we will.”

Iolo smiled and shooed him away. “Go find your sunshine, flyboy. I’ve got recruits to teach.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “They asked me to keep teaching them. Said I didn’t get as distracted and I didn’t fall on my ass nearly as much.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “I get sick once and I’m immediately replaced.”

“Don’t lie to me. You did it on purpose.”

Poe winked at his golden-eyed friend. “Maybe I did,” he said before walking to the hangar, off to find Rey.

As he walked, he sang under his breath, a small grin tugging at his lips.

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this week, but I like writing shorter, lighter chapters after heavy emotional ones. Hope you don't mind. 
> 
> I have the next arc of this story planned out in my head, and that's when we'll finally see these two laser brains finally go somewhere–literally and figuratively. I'm not quite ready for writing intense emotional turmoil again yet, so I'm stalling with these shorter chapters-which means the hot springs will definitely be coming back soon. I have to turn up the heat just in time to put it back out with tears. ;)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!
> 
> \-----------------------------------------------  
> UPDATE 6/20/18: 
> 
> Hi friends! 
> 
> I know I'm supposed to post an update today, and I'm really sorry if you came here looking for one. Unfortunately, I'm sorry to tell you that I just don't have chapter 27 ready to post. I've been completely swamped with work and have not had any free time to write. Plus, Rey is having serious heart-to-heart convos in this chapter that I wouldn't be able to do justice if I rushed to get a chapter out today, so I feel that I must delay updated.
> 
> I hope that I will be able to write more this weekend--when I finally don't have to travel for the first time in weeks--and really give this chapter the attention it needs. The plan is to update before the start of next week. I'll then hopefully be able to return to my schedule of updating every other Wednesday. 
> 
> I'm so incredibly sorry to disappoint you, but I truly appreciate your patience and support. I promise to have more Damerey goodness to you as soon as I can. 
> 
> To tide you over, here's a little preview of chapter 27: 
> 
> _Maybe it was the wine they were drinking. Maybe it was because they were half naked in a hot spring. Maybe it was because they were truly and completely alone for the first time in weeks. Or maybe it was because Finn’s words lingered in the back of her mind._
> 
> _Whatever it was, Rey took another swig from her bottle, looked Poe Dameron straight in his beautiful dark brown eyes, and asked, “Have you been in love?”_
> 
> _Poe choked a bit on his drink and looked at her incredulously. “Wh-what?” he stammered._
> 
> _“You heard me. Have you been in love?”_
> 
> _His eyes dropped to the bottle in his hand. “Once.”_
> 
> We've finally made it to the hot springs, people! And we're having serious conversations! 
> 
> So stay tuned for the next chapter! It'll be a hot (and hopefully good) one!


	27. Chapter 27

Rey knew that whatever this was between her and Poe, it wasn’t typical. Sharing spaces on Jakku was common enough–she thought of Devi and Strunk sharing the old emergency shelter–but sharing beds wasn’t. She knew enough to know that was usually reserved for couples. And what was true on Jakku held true on Akuria. Only couples really shared their beds long-term. Sure, people came in and out of each other’s quarters often enough, trying to forget about the war for one night, but those visits were usually limited to just the one night, with maybe a repeat visit or two. Sharing a bed every night was a different story.

She knew what everyone assumed about them. No one said anything directly to her (she suspected Poe had something to do with that), but she saw the glances, heard the whispers. She’d been embarrassed at first, wishing she could go hide in the Falcon. Then she felt indignant, and wanted to announce to everyone that it wasn’t anyone’s business, but she and Poe were just friends who happened to share quarters. Now, though, she’d stopped caring. She and Poe had experienced this war in a way no one else had. They’d felt their minds ripped away from them as they waited to die and yet, they’d somehow both survived. They were torture buddies, as Poe so indelicately liked to say, and only they could truly understand and help each other as they faced the darkness their experience had left in them. So what if Poe needed the feeling of Rey’s fingers stroking his hair to come out of a nightmare? Or if Rey could only relax enough to let down her mental barriers when her back was pressed to Poe’s chest? Why should they have to explain that to anyone? And why should anyone care?

She had just stopped questioning exactly what was going on between them, resigning herself to accepting whatever came to them next, when Finn brought it up. Finn, her fellow skittermouse brought out of the desert, her first friend, the person she thought would understand, or at least wouldn’t question her.

He slid into the seat next to her in the mess. She glanced at him briefly before turning her attention back to the flight maneuver she was studying on her datapad.

“Hi, Rey.”

“Hey,” she said quietly, never taking her eyes off the pad.

A few moments later, Finn snatched the datapad from her hand. Startled, Rey dropped her fork and it clattered down onto her tray. “Finn!” she cried.

“She can speak!” He smirked down at her.

“I was reading that, thank you very much,” she chided as she reached for the pad.

He held it out, just out of her reach. “Not so fast. I want to talk to you.”

She glared at him before abandoning the datapad, picking her fork back up, and shoving some food into her mouth. “What about?”

“You know I love you, right?”

She quirked an eyebrow at him before answering with a cautious “Yes.”

“And you know I wouldn’t judge you or try to tell you what to do, right?”

“I think you’ve learned not to do that, yes.”

“Good.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “That’s good.”

“Finn, would you just spit it out?” she exclaimed with a huff and an exasperated smile.

He offered her a hesitant smile, trying to make his eyes as wide and innocent-looking as he could. This wasn’t going to end well, she could tell.

“What’s going on with you and Poe, peanut?”

Grimacing at the nickname she loathed, she stabbed the orange mound of protatos on her tray. “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Rey.” His gaze bore knowingly into her face.

“We’re just friends.”

“Just friends who share quarters.”

“You know that’s because of Ben.”

“Has he tried to tap your mind since then?”

Rey reluctantly shook her head.

“And you still share quarters?” He smirked. “Something tells me you like it more than you let on.”

“So?” She set her jaw as she glared at him out of the corner of her eye.

“So it doesn’t take an astrophysicist to see that there’s something going on, Rey.” His eyes softened. “And I’m not asking because I want to gossip–though you should know that Pava practically pushed me over here.”

Rey glared over at Jess, who just gave her a thumbs up before turning back to the rest of Ebon Squadron, not even bothering to look sheepish at having been caught.

“I’m asking because I love you and I love Poe–the two crazy people who kept trying to drag me back to Jakku–and I want you both to be happy.”

Rey rolled her eyes.

“So,” Finn practically sang, waggling his eyebrows at her, “what’s going on with you and Poe?”

She looked over at Finn, saw the loving look on his face, and realized how desperate she was to confide in someone—and who better than Finn? Her shoulders slumped as she dropped her fork again. She propped her head in her hand before sighing. “I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Hey, that’s okay,” he said with a smile. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. Troopers were numbers, not people, and we weren’t supposed to have emotions. But Rose and I–we’re trying. And I’m not good at it, but Rose understands and we work through it. It’s not like we’re conventional either, but convention doesn’t really have a place in war, does it?”

Rey shook her head.

The former trooper continued, “If it’s something you want, I know Poe will do the same for you. He’ll help you, he’ll support you, he’ll follow whatever unconventional path you need. He’s already okay with the whole sharing quarters as friends thing, so I’m sure he’ll be okay with just about anything. Poe’s got a lot of love to give, peanut, and he’ll give it to you if you let him.”

She furrowed her brow. “But the Jedi Code forbids it.”

“What?”

“Attachment, love, emotion,” Rey listed, ticking them off on her fingers. “Passion.”

Finn held up a hand. “Wait, are you talking about whatever’s in those dusty books you had on the Falcon?”

“The sacred Jedi texts,” Rey corrected vehemently.

“They can’t be that sacred if you’re the last one.” Rey tried to protest, but he cut her off. “If that code worked, the Jedi would still be thriving. So many wouldn’t have turned to the Dark Side.”

“You don’t know that.”

“What I do know is you told me that Luke thought the Jedi needed to end, but you are proof that that’s not true. Maybe it’s not the Jedi that need to end, but this antiquated code that tries to tell you you can’t love someone. That’s not how we win this."

She smirked at him. “You’re trying to use Rose’s line on me?”

“Hey, it worked on me. Why shouldn’t it work on you?”

Before Rey could answer, Poe plopped down across from them and tucked in to his food. “Hi, guys.”

She dropped her eyes to her lap, before murmuring, “Hey.”

Finn looked decidedly less awkward as his face broke into a bright smile at the arrival of his friend. “How are you, brother?"

“I’m better now that I’ve got the rest of the afternoon off.”

“How’d you manage that?” Finn asked.

“The General wants us to go work on our bond, Rey.”

“Oh, um,” she stammered, “I was going to study some flight maneuvers.” She gestured awkwardly to the datapad still in Finn's hand.

“I’ll quiz you before bed,” Poe offered with a smile. “Come on, we haven’t been able to train our bond in weeks.”

She relented. “Fine, I’ll go get my coat.” 

“Meet me in the hangar,” Poe said between hasty bites. “I’ve been working on something I want to test out today.”

Ten minutes later, after sufficiently bundling herself up, Rey walked into the hangar to find Poe tinkering at her speeder. “What are you doing?”

He looked up and quickly set his tools down, wiping his hands on the rag tucked in his belt. “It didn’t seem right that your speeder just was sitting here, not getting any use. So I made some modifications so we could use it in the snow."

Rey looked at it skeptically. “Does it still work?”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Yes, it does, thank you very much.”

“We’ll see about that.”

They pushed the speeder to the hangar door and Poe ignited the engine. The twin-turbojet engines sputtered a bit before it hummed to life.

“If you busted my engines, Dameron, I’m going to kill you.”

“They’re fine, sunshine,” he chided as he swung his leg over. “Get on.”

Rey quirked an eyebrow. “You’re driving?"

“Yes, I am. That way if something goes wrong, it’s completely my fault.”

“So the engines are fine but you’re expecting something to go wrong?”

“Will you just get on the damn speeder?” Poe huffed.

Rey climbed on and slotted herself against Poe’s back. She wrapped her arms around his waist and locked her wrists.

“Hold on tight!” Poe yelled back to her over the rumble of the engines, before they shot out over the Akurian tundra.

The journey to the cave normally took over twenty minutes on foot, but with the speeder, they were pulling into the cavernous space in five minutes. Rey swung off and skirted around the pool in her search for the light switch.

As the cave filled with light, Rey shrugged out of her coat and stretched lightly as Poe shut down the speeder. “So what are we doing?”

Poe straightened up and took off his own coat. “Whatever you want to do. You’re the one who knows what’s going on here.”

“I hardly know what’s going on.”

“You know more than I do.”

Rey put her hands on her hips and looked thoughtfully at him. “Why don’t we start with what we’ve done before, make sure nothing’s changed, and then see what else we can add?”

“Sounds good to me,” Poe said as he sat on the floor, crossing his legs and clapping his hands like a child.

She smiled as she moved to sit across from him. “ _Hey there_ ,” she said in her mind.

He smiled too. “ _Hey, sunshine_ ,” he thought back.

They carried on a mind-conversation, talking about nothing, until the wind started to howl through the cave.

Rey looked towards the entrance, wrapping her arms around herself as the temperature in the room dropped. “What’s going on?” she asked out loud.

“I’ll go check it out,” Poe said as he stood and walked to the door.

Within moments, he returned to her. “There’s a storm coming in. We need to head back to the base now.”

Rey nodded and got to her feet, pulling her coat back on. Poe rushed to the speeder and flicked the engines on. They sputtered, caught for a moment, and then died.

“Dameron!” Rey cried. “Did you kill my engines?”

He looked back at her sheepishly. “Maybe.”

“Damn it, Poe, I built that thing myself. Do you have any idea how long that took me?”

“I’ll fix it, I promise. But we’ll have to worry about that after this storm passes.”

“Should we leave it here? Go back on foot?"

Poe looked to the door again. “We’ll get lost if we do that. I think we need to just stay here.”

“Did you happen to bring a pack with you?” Rey asked as she looked around the cave. “Because it doesn’t look like there’s anything here.”

“No, I didn’t, but this is an abandoned outpost so there must be some stuff stashed away somewhere. I’ll go look around. You try to get that door closed while I’m searching.”

Poe disappeared down the long hall and Rey turned back to the door. She pulled and pulled against the heavy door, her fingers cramping as she gripped the freezing metal. Finally, the door slid closed, shutting them off from the wind and snow.

She wandered back to the main room, pulling her jacket back off. She looked first towards the hall Poe had gone down, wondering if she should go after him. But before she could follow, her eyes wandered to the hot spring.

“ _Found anything?”_ she asked as she pulled her boots and socks off.

“ _Not yet,_ ” Poe answered, “ _but there are a bunch of rooms down here. More than I expected._ ”

She rolled her pant legs up and slowly dipped her toes in the water. A soft “oh” involuntarily escaped her lips.

“ _Want to come help me?_ ” His question echoed through her mind.

“ _I_ _don’t know,”_ she replied, “ _I’m pretty comfortable here."_

“ _I see how it is, sunshine. Wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’ll just keep looking in this cold, damp cave.”_

She laughed, the sound echoing through the room as she splashed her feet playfully in the pool. The water felt amazing on her feet and she wondered how it would feel if she went in completely.

She looked towards the hall again, heard a mumbled curse from Poe, and figured he’d be occupied for a while. She stood up, quickly stripping off her shirt and pants. Clad in only her underwear, she stepped into the pool. She quickly sank to her shoulders, the heat momentarily taking her breath away.

She soaked for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth, when she heard Poe come back. “I found some old ration packs, so we have food. And a heater that I hope works and some blankets.” She glanced over to see him looking at the bottles in his hands. “And I might have found something Han and Leia left behind.”

He looked up then and it truly looked like his eyes popped out of his head. Rey drew her hand up out of the water to stifle her laughter.

“What are you doing, sunshine?”

She shrugged. “I figured if we were stuck here, we might as well take advantage of the hot spring. I suggested we relax in the hot spring the last time we were here and you said no. You can’t say no now.”

“I’m going to need to drink this first,” he said as he held up the bottle of Corellian wine he’d found.

“Do I scare you that much, Dameron?” she asked with a smirk.

He looked over at her pile of clothes before looking back to her. Rey saw with some satisfaction that blood had rushed to his cheeks. “Yes, you do.”

“Come on, Poe. We’re not going anywhere. We might as well enjoy being stuck here. And it’s a lot warmer in here than it is out there.”

He handed her a bottle, keeping his eyes straight ahead, before starting to pull his clothes off.

Turning her gaze away from him–though she was enjoying the show–she took a swig of the wine. The sickly sweetness coated her mouth and she enjoyed the warmth of it as it travelled to her stomach.

When she looked up, she found a shirtless Poe Dameron sitting across the pool from her. “It’s nice, isn’t it?” she asked.

He nodded, the flush on his cheeks becoming brighter as he took a drink. He coughed a bit and grimaced down at the bottle. “Gods, that’s terrible.”

“It’s better than nothing.”

They soaked in silence, taking liberal sips of their drinks. Rey found her eyes travelling over to Poe and she found he was looking back at her. She dropped her gaze, feeling her cheeks become as flushed as Poe’s.

Maybe it was the wine they were drinking. Maybe it was because they were half naked in a hot spring. Maybe it was because they were truly and completely alone for the first time in weeks. Or maybe it was because Finn’s words lingered in the back of her mind.

Whatever it was, Rey took another swig from her bottle, looked Poe Dameron straight in his beautiful dark brown eyes, and asked, “Have you been in love?”

Poe choked a bit on his drink and looked at her incredulously. “Wh-what?” he stammered.

“You heard me. Have you been in love?”

His eyes dropped to the bottle in his hand. “Once.”

Sober Rey would have seen the look on Poe’s face and not pushed him. Drunk Rey had no such inhibition. “What happened?”

“We broke it off when I was promoted to Captain. We were both in the Navy, I would have been the commanding officer, and it was a conflict of interest.” Poe swallowed and Rey watched his Adam’s apple bob with a unfamiliar hunger. “And then he died.”

All thoughts of desire flew from her mind as she raised a shocked hand to her mouth. “My gods, Poe, I’m sorry!”

“Thank you, sunshine.” He gave her a sad smile. “I still don’t really like talking about it.”

“I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”

Poe held up a wet hand to silence her. “It’s alright. I want you to know about him, Rey. I just can’t tell you more right now.”

“I understand.”

“I will, though, someday.”

She smiled gently. “Tell me when you’re ready. Or never. Either one’s fine.”

”You ramble when you’re tipsy,” he said with a smirk.

She looked down accusatorily at the wine. “Do I? Am I tipsy? I don’t know if I am or not.”

He nodded, eyes glistening with mirth, before shifting slightly and taking another liberal swig. The waves from his movement rippled across the surface, lapping lightly at her skin. “What about you? Have you been in love?”

Rey quirked an eyebrow at him. “You’ve been to Jakku. Do you think I’ve been in love?”

Poe shrugged. “I don’t know. What about another scavenger? Or a visiting trader?”

“I kept to myself. The only people I really spent any length of time with were the two who stole the ship I repaired and left me, and Finn.”

“You mean you’re not in love with Finn?” Poe asked teasingly.

“No,” she protested with a splash. “He’s my best friend and I probably could have loved him, but he and Rose are so great together."

He smirked. “Yeah, they’re pretty cute. Almost too cute sometimes, if you ask me.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know! I’ve thrown so many dirty rags at them to get them to stop fawning at each other over my tools.”

“Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

“No!” she exclaimed, feeling the telltale burning on the tips of her ears. Poe leveled a knowing gaze at her and her shoulders sank in defeat. “Maybe. Not over Finn or anything. It just looks...nice, to have someone like that. I wish I could have something like that someday.”

“You will,” he said earnestly.

She looked down at the bottle in her hand. “Yeah, maybe.”

When she looked back up, Poe’s expression was playful. “I have a question for you.”

“What’s that?”

“You said I wasn’t the first shirtless person you saw, right? Does Finn go shirtless more than I know about?”

“No, I’ve never seen Finn shirtless.”

Poe quirked an eyebrow at her. “That’s all you’re going to give me?”

She slid her gaze from him. “Well, I didn’t exactly see him shirtless by choice.”

When she flicked her gaze back up to Poe, she saw something dangerous flash in his eyes. His knuckles turned white as he gripped his bottle harder. His voice had turned dark when he asked, “What do you mean, sunshine?"

“I saw Ben over the bond once. We couldn’t control it, when we saw each other,” she added quickly when Poe’s expression turned even darker. “Neither of us wanted it to happen.”

“I’m sorry that happened. And I’m sorry that I forced you into a similar situation."

“Force, Poe,” Rey laughed, “will you stop apologizing about that? I was fine with it.”

The serious look on Poe’s face turned playful again. “Were you?”

Rey took another drink instead of answering, which Poe just smirked at. “I’m taking that as a yes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, fine, you’re not terrible to look at. But you already know that.”

“And the ‘Supreme Leader’?”

“Are you really asking me to compare you and Ben?”

“I haven’t seen him since he was a pasty little kid stuck in a Force tree. I’m curious.”

“Uh-huh.” She looked doubtfully at him. “He was...fine.”

“Fine?”

“Hey, it wasn’t like I was trying to look at him, alright? I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

Poe’s eyes glinted as he started to slowly drift through the pool towards her. “Do you try to look at me, sunshine?”

Her breath caught in her chest, but she tried to cover it by taking another drink. “Do you try to look at me?” she retorted when she pulled the bottle away.

He was less than a foot from her then, and she could see the black of his pupils in the low light of the cave. “All the time. I spend too much time looking at you, sunshine.” He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, wiping away a droplet of water as it rolled down her temple. “I look at you when you’re trying to work out a repair on the Falcon and your face gets all scrunched up as you’re thinking. I look at you when you’re laughing with Finn and Rose and Chewie over something one of the porgs is doing. I look at you when you curl in on yourself as you’re sleeping. I look at you far too much.”

“I spend too much time looking at you too, flyboy,” she murmured. “I look at you when you’re talking to your squad and you’re trying to be all stern but then Pava cracks a joke and you break into a grin. I look at you when you pat BB on the head and you look at him with such an expression of love on your face. I look at you when you don’t realize I’ve woken up yet and you’re still asleep and all of the tension right here,” she said as she reached up and smoothed a wet thumb over the space between his eyes, “is gone for just a little while.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she responded with a smile. “And I especially like to look at you when you’re on your ass, or floundering in a hot spring.”

With that, she pushed him away, and he stumbled and fell back into the water. She chortled, clutching at her sides, as he got up sputtering, his bottle of wine forgotten and spilling into the pool.

“You brat!” he cried as he wiped a hand through his dripping hair.

Rey squealed as Poe launched himself across the pool and grabbed her. His arm knocked against the back of her thighs, scoping her up and dunking her back into the water. “Poe!” she screamed as he pulled her back up and she swatted at his shoulder. “What about the wine?”

“There are more bottles back there.”

“Well, in that case.” Rey twisted out of his arms, grabbed what was left of her bottle, and threw it at him.

Poe grabbed the other floating bottle. “Two can play that game, sunshine.” Wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her flush against his chest so she couldn’t escape, he dumped the bottle over her head. She dropped her jaw in shock, some of the red liquid falling into her mouth. She turned in his arms, making a show of swallowing before grinning at him.

He reached up to tuck a piece of wine-soaked hair behind her ear. His hand fell back to her shoulder, where the strap of her breastband had fallen in their play. She watched his slow, careful movements as he took the piece of fabric in his fingers and pushed it back up. She sucked in a deep breath when his eyes came back to her face, catching her lip between her teeth. She felt the breath catch in his chest as his gaze landed on her lips.

“Why didn’t you kiss me in the hangar?” she murmured.

He looked away from her. “Gods, I wanted to, sunshine.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because you deserve more than a kiss in a hangar in front of everyone.”

“Will you kiss me?”

He studied her face for a moment, before cupping her face in his hands. “Not right now.”

She tried to pull away from him. “Right, okay. I–uh–I understand.”

Poe wouldn’t release his grasp on her, though. “If you want me to, I will kiss you, sunshine. But I’m not going to kiss you for the first time when we’re both drunk. Because you deserve more than this too, and I don’t want you to feel like you're not in control. And selfishly, when we finally kiss, I want to remember every moment and I want you to do the same. Alright?”

She gave him a small smile. “Alright.”

He smiled back at her. “Now, I think we should get out of here and get some sleep.”

Rey stepped up out of the pool and stood dripping near her clothes. “I probably should have thought about this before I got my underwear wet.”

Poe went and grabbed one of the blankets, holding it out in front of him. “Slip those off and we’ll put them in front of the heater to dry.”

“Close your eyes,” she commanded.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She slipped her underwear off and walked into the waiting blanket. Poe wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in the fabric. “Go get the heater working while I get into my own blanket,” he murmured into her hair. “No peeking.”

She sat down next to the heater, fiddling with the exposed wires. She couldn’t help herself as she glanced backed, catching a glimpse of his toned body before he wrapped up in his blanket. Her cheeks blazed as she turned back to the heater.

With Poe’s help, they quickly got the heater working and had their clothes drying as they broke open the ration packs, split the other bottle of wine he’d found, and curled up together around the heater, Poe quizzing her on flight maneuvers before they fell asleep.

When they woke the next morning, the wind had stopped howling. When Poe opened the door a crack, he saw that the storm had ended, coating the landscape with a foot of new snow. They quickly pulled their clothes on and pushed the door open.

“We’re not leaving my speeder here,” Rey stated with her hands on her hips.

Poe grabbed a hold of the machine and started to push it towards the door. “I wouldn’t dream of it, sunshine.”

They struggled to push the machine through the snow for forty-five minutes before they finally arrived back at the base, soaked in sweat.

“Gods, I need a ‘fresher.” Poe groaned as he leaned against the blasted speeder.

“I call it first,” Rey exclaimed.

Poe looked over at her playfully. “We could share.”

Before Rey could respond, Finn came running up. “Thank the Force you guys are okay. We nearly sent a search party out after you when the storm blew in.”

“Hey, buddy,” Poe said, clapping Finn on the back, “sorry to worry you. We just holed up in the cave while the storm went through. I forgot to bring a comm, so we couldn’t let anyone know.”

Finn’s expression turned serious. “Poe, you need to go talk to the General.”

Poe’s face fell. “What’s going on?”

“There was an attack.”

“Where?”

“Yavin 4.”

Rey watched Poe’s face turn white before he sprinted away towards command.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, my lovely readers, for your patience with me this week as I've struggled to get this chapter done in the midst of my work obligations. I hope all of the goodies in this chapter made the wait worth it! 
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for your continued support! I love you all so much!


	28. Chapter 28

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155881215@N03/46670094501/in/datetaken/)

“General Organa,” Poe yelled as he sprinted into the command, “what do we know?” 

Leia turned from the holo-map she was studying. “Poe,” she started to say, her expression soft and sympathetic. Upon seeing the desperation on his face, though, she hardened into the leader he needed. “There’s been an attack on the Wetyin continent.”

Poe’s stomach flipped at the mention of his home. “Was there any warning? Were we able to get anyone out?”

“3PO picked up chatter about the attack in his spy network.”

“Operative network,” the protocol droid corrected. 

Leia waved off the droid. “We got word to our channels, including Kes. He was able to find an old escort frigate in the temple and evaced most of the village.”

“Most?” he asked, looking at Leia’s hardened expression. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“The frigate is en route to our location. I’ve been in communication with them.”

“And?”

Leia reached out for his hand, but he pulled away from her. She cleared her throat as she clasped her hands behind her back. “Only about fifty people made it onto the ship before they had to take off. Kes isn’t with them.”

“Where is he?”

“He ran back into the village to try to get more people out. The frigate started taking fire and needed to get off planet. They didn’t make it in time.”

He forgot how to breathe for a moment. “Have you–have we heard anything? From him–or anyone?” 

Leia’s face remained grim as she shook her head. The pressure in Poe’s chest increased and he reached out to the table to steady himself. 

“I have a frigate of refugees set to land here in a few hours. I can’t spare many people for a rescue mission.” The blood roared in Poe’s ears at her words. Was she not going to let him leave, go to Yavin 4 and try to find his father? Or, gods forbid, what was left of him? “Pick your team, Commander.”

He snapped his head up. “Uh,” he stammered, “Captain Arana is trained in first aid, so he can help survivors. Captain Wexley knows Yavin. And, uh, Finn. He’s, uh, he’s strong, he can help, uh, move debris.”

Leia smiled gently at him. “You don’t need to explain your reasoning to me, Commander.”

“And Rey?”

Her smile fell. “We don’t know if the First Order is still in the sector, Commander. It’s already bad enough that I’ll be sending four of my best men in. I can’t risk her as well.”

Poe straightened his spine. “Of course, General. Understood.”

She walked with him towards the door of the command room. “Get whatever you might need from medical and load it into the U-wing. Take a bacta suit and as much bacta and sedatives as we can spare. There should still be some bacta tanks in the temple, but the bacta’s probably expired if there’s any left at all.”

“Yes, General,” he answered in a daze, letting her guide him. 

When they reached the door, Leia slid two oblong blinking devices into his hand. “Homing beacons?” he asked as he stared at them. 

“In case we need to evacuate before you get back.”

“Shouldn’t you be keeping one?”

She closed his hand around them and patted it gently. “I’m not the one who should hold on to it.”

Poe nodded, unsure if he’d be able to speak. 

“Go prepare. I’ll brief Arana, Wexley, and Finn.”

Before he could walk away, Leia pulled him into a strong hug. “May the Force be with you, Poe, and with Kes.”

“Thank you, General.”

He rushed first to medical, pulling open all of the supply closets despite the protests of the med-droids. He grabbed several med-packs, a large tub of bacta, and a supply of sedatives. 

“Poe.” He spun to find Rey standing behind him, dropping a couple med-packs as he did. She bent down to pick them . “Can I help?"

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he stuttered. “Could you take these to the U-wing so I can grab the bacta suit?”

Instead of answering, she just took everything in Poe’s arms, using her chin to keep it balanced in her arms. 

“You good?” Poe asked, his hands held out in case he needed to catch falling bacta. 

“I’m good,” Rey said through clenched teeth before heading towards the hangar. 

Poe headed to the back of the medical bay to grab a bacta suit. He checked all of the ports and tubing, making sure they wouldn’t have another leaking bag incident.

He sped to the hangar and leapt up into the idling U-wing. He found Rey handing the medical supplies to Iolo, who was checking that they had everything they might need and stowing them in the hold.

“Good, you got the suit,” he said when he noticed Poe’s arrival. “Put it in that cabinet there.” 

He did as Iolo said and then climbed up into the cockpit, where Snap was already stationed and entering the coordinates for Yavin 4.

“Who said you could fly?” Poe tried to joke, but he couldn’t force any lightness into his voice. 

“You have more important things to worry about, Dameron. I’ve got this.”

“I know you do, Snap.” He clapped the captain’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Snap nodded and turned back to preparing the ship. Poe climbed back down into the hold, where Finn, Rose, and Rey were quietly arguing as BB worriedly swung his head around between them. 

“What if something goes wrong with the ship? You know this U-wing isn’t that reliable,” Rose protested. “You need a mechanic.”

“And what if someone’s trapped like you were on Crait?” Rey posited. “I could help.”

Before Finn could respond, Poe butted in. “The General doesn’t want too many people on this, especially not people as valuable as you two. The First Order might still be there and we can’t put more people at risk.”

“She’s valuable,” Rose said, jutting her thumb at Rey. “I’m not–not here anyway. But I can be valuable if any mechanical problems come up, with the U-wing or anything else.”

“Once the coast is clear–and if the General lets you–then you can come,” Finn responded. “And you are incredibly valuable and I won’t hear you say otherwise or let you put yourself in danger.” 

Rose rolled her eyes at Finn, but didn’t argue. 

Poe gently placed his hand on Rey’s arm and pulled her over to a quiet corner of the hold. “I need you to do something for me.”

Her eyes searched his face. “Anything."

He pulled the beacon out of his pocket. It glowed softly against his palm. “Hold on to this for me?”

Rey hesitated for a moment before taking the small device from his hand. “Of course I will.”

Before he could respond, Rey pulled him into a tight hug. “Be safe,” she said firmly. “Come back to us.”

She stepped back quickly, her eyes dropping to the floor. He reached out to cup her cheek. When she looked up, he saw tears glittering in her eyes. “I’ll be fine, sunshine,” he reassured her. 

She covered his hand with her own. “Just–” She swallowed. “Come back to me.”

He pulled her back to him, pressing his lips against her hair as he did. “I’ll do my best.”

They stood there, breathing each other in. For a few moments, everything–the hangar, their friends, his fear–all fell away. 

“May the Force be with you,” she whispered into his ear. 

“Thank you, sunshine.”

The spherical droid whistled behind them and they jumped apart, Rey brushing at the tears on her cheek with the heel of her hand. “You should go.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” she murmured, giving him a watery smile. 

He watched her and Rose walk away from the U-wing as Finn closed the loading dock. Climbing up into the cockpit, he slumped into the co-pilot’s seat next to Snap. The older captain smirked at him as Rey turned back and waved up to them, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Take us to Yavin, Snap.” 

“You got it, Commander,” Snap answered, bringing the ship to life in his hands. 

Poe’s eyes followed her retreat from the hangar as Snap pulled out and quickly launched the old ship into Akuria’s atmosphere. 

Staring absently out the viewport, Poe tugged at the ring around his neck, spinning it over and over on the chain. His stomach churned as his worst fantasies played out behind his eyes. As he breathed in the ship’s recycled air, phantom smoke teased at his nostrils. His grip on the ring tightened. No–no, this wouldn’t be like before, not like Muran, not like his mother. He would be there this time. He would be able to do something.

He pushed himself out of the co-pilot’s seat and started to climb down into the hold. “Where are you going?” Snap asked. 

“I need to keep my hands busy,” Poe replied. “I’ll send Finn up to second you.”

Before Snap could say anything else, Poe jumped down into the hold. “Finn, take my spot,” he commanded before starting to mentally inventory the supplies he’d grabbed.

Thankfully, Finn didn’t question him, just did as Poe said and climbed up into the cockpit. He wasn’t so lucky with Iolo, though. 

“I’ve already done that,” the Keshian said when he appeared at Poe’s shoulder, placing his hand over Poe’s. 

“A second count’s never a bad thing.”

“That’s why I had Finn do it too. And BB-8 recorded it.”

His shoulders slumped. “I need to feel like I’m doing something. I can’t just sit and wait.”

“You could pray,” Iolo suggested simply. 

Poe looked over at him, surprise on his face. “When did you become the praying type, Arana?”

His golden eyes clouded. “When I found a trooper pressing a blaster to my sister’s head.”

Poe started to make some statement of sympathy, but he realized such platitudes turned to dust on his tongue as they flew closer and closer to Yavin. Instead, he asked, “Does it help?”

Iolo shrugged. “It makes you feel like you’re doing something.”

He turned back to the bacta suit, leaving Poe to collapse onto the floor and bury his head in his hands. His droid took up a protective position next to him.

Pray? He wouldn’t even know where to start. Sure, he believed–he couldn’t have the connection he had with Rey and not believe–but praying was out of his depth. He felt like an idiot thinking about talking to the universe, to the Force. 

His hand travelled back up to the ring around his neck. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. “Mama,” he thought, “give me strength to find whatever I find at home and do what I can. Give all of us strength. And watch over Dad.”

Before he could think much else, Snap yelled down that they’d be entering Yavin’s atmosphere shortly. “Where do you want me to go, Poe?” he asked. 

Poe climbed up into the cockpit, trading places with Finn again. “Let’s just take a lap over the continent first, make sure everyone’s gone."

Snap kept the U-wing high above the moon’s surface, just barely in the atmosphere. He maneuvered the old ship as quickly as he could, ready to peel off if some First Order stragglers spotted them. But the viewport and the radar remained clear. The attack was over–they’d done what they’d wanted to do. 

“You remember where the ranch is?” Poe asked. Snap nodded and turned the ship towards the only home Poe had ever known until he joined the academy, the only home he likely ever would know. 

A few of the knots released in Poe’s stomach as Snap lowered the U-wing by the ranch. The east grove had been hit, sweet-smelling smoke rising from the burning koyo melons. But the house was okay, and the tree. A few small branches had fallen, but that could just as easily have been from a storm as from the attack. The trunk was solid though, only a few marks from his pod racer engines still visible. 

He leapt out of the ship as soon as the hatch was lowered, sprinting into the house. “Dad,” he cried, hoping against hope that Kes would wander in, wondering what he was making so much noise about. 

As he rushed through the house, he noted the evidence of life interrupted—the bed unmade, breakfast half-eaten, doors and windows left open. Kes Dameron was an army man. The bed was always made with perfect creased corners, breakfast was always finished and cleaned up, and all doors and windows closed and locked before he left. 

He wasn’t here. 

BB rolled into the house then, thrusting the comm up to Poe. “Commander Dameron,” Leia’s tinny voice sounded, “any sign yet?” 

Taking the device from BB, he pressed it up to his lips. “Not yet, General, but we haven’t gone to the center of the village yet. We landed at the ranch in case the First Order was still around.”

“Smart.”

“What’s the status on the frigate?” he asked. 

The silence on the other end of the comm made Poe’s heart clench. 

“Tell me, General.”

Her voice sounded choked when she finally spoke. “A TIE Silencer fired on them. We lost communication, so we don’t know with any certainty what’s happened. But they didn’t have shields.”

Rage flooded Poe and he slammed his fist down on the table. Kes’s half-full cup of caf fell to the ground, the cold liquid splashing on Poe’s boots as the ceramic shattered. 

“Focus, Commander,” she said sternly. “I tell you this because you need to know that the First Order is still active. Stay alert, do your job, grieve later.”

“Yes, General,” he breathed through clenched teeth before handing the comm back to BB and walking out of the house.

He found Finn and Snap pulling an old hoverdolly out of the garage. He caught a glimpse of his mother’s A-wing before Iolo pulled the door closed again.  After some fiddling, banging, and zapping from Snap and BB, the dolly hummed to life. They quickly loaded their supplies and started walking up the path through the jungle that led to the village. 

Poe led the group, his blaster clutched in his hand. Iolo and Finn pulled the hoverdolly, with Snap bringing up the rear. The jungle was eerily silent, devoid of the typical chatter of birds and rustling of beasts in the undergrowth. The tangled branches above them didn’t even sway in a breeze. It was as if the whole moon had frozen in fear following the attack. 

The silence was broken, though, when Finn yelped as several piranha beetles landed on his arm and sank their teeth into his skin. He quickly shook them off and watched in horror as they joined a swarm pursuing a runyip that lumbered over the path in front of them. “Force, you actually lived here?” he asked Poe, eyes wide. 

Poe’s eyes trailed after the animal and shrugged when he looked back at the former trooper. “Yeah, we just moved through the jungle quickly. And watched out for the piranha beetles.” He paused. “And the anglers, the stonerays, the leviathan grubs, and the viper wasps.”

“Holy kark,” Finn exclaimed. “I’ve never been more grateful for growing up on a star destroyer than I am right now.” 

“It was a great place to grow up,” he protested. “It certainly wasn’t worse than Akiva.” 

“Watch your mouth,” Snap yelled up to the front of the party. 

Their banter about the benefits of living somewhere with animals that could kill you helped loosen some of the knots in Poe’s stomach as they continued up the path. He was about to ask Finn if it was that much safer living somewhere with troopers who could kill you when the words died on his lips. 

The once peaceful village smoldered in front of them, heat rising from the flames. Most of the buildings were rubble – the clinic, the market, the repair shop. Poe’s chest ached as memories of those places flooded him. He squinted into the black smoke and, eyes widening, he sprinted forward, Finn, Snap, and Iolo yelling and following after. 

He dropped to his knees next to the woman felled in the street. Rolling her onto her back, a sob caught in his chest at the sight of Thalale Sayul, one of his school teachers, with a gaping hole in her chest, her eyes staring blankly at the sky. He whispered a prayer of farewell as he closed her eyes. 

Staggering to his feet, he turned to the others. “Look for survivors.”

They rushed through the village, but there was no use for the medical supplies they brought. 

There were no survivors. 

The four men fell back to the middle of the village. Poe wiped furiously at the tears in his eyes.

Finn squeezed his shoulder gently. “Do we keep looking?”

Poe looked up at him with burning eyes. “I don’t understand. This village is large. There should be more bod…” He choked on the words. 

Suddenly, Iolo raised his hand, signalling for silence. “Do you hear that?”

They quieted, listening through the crackling flames. Then, Poe heard it. Crying, coming from what remained of the school. 

They raced over, arms raised to protect their faces as they ran into the burning building. Poe looked into the different classrooms as he ran, desperately searching for the source of the sobs.

They reached the end of the hall, where the final classroom was collapsed. Rubble blocked the doorway. 

“There’s no one here,” Snap said. 

“But I swear I heard someone crying,” Iolo protested.

“We all did,” Finn said. 

“I guess we were just hearing things,” Poe said as he turned to walk back out. 

Before he could move too far, though, the muffled sound of sobs came from the other side of the rubble. 

They rushed back to the doorway, pulling at the brick and wood before them. 

“We’re coming to get you!” Poe yelled.

“He won’t wake up,” a small, distraught voice answered from inside.

“Don’t worry,” Poe said, pulling a large chunk away, “we’ll help you and your friend.” He prayed to the Force he wasn’t lying. 

They finally cleared the doorway and Poe peered into the dusty room to find a small child curled into the chest of a man, a inexplicably perfect circle free of debris around them. Before Poe could even process how that could be possible, he realized that the man was his father. 

“Dad!” he cried, running to Kes’s side. He searched for a pulse, breathing a small sigh of relief when he felt the faint beat. 

Reassured that his father was alive for now, he looked to the girl clutching Kes’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”

She looked up at him, her brown eyes wide and glistening with tears, before nodding. 

“Good. I’m Poe and that’s Finn, Snap, and Iolo,” he said, pointing to each. “What’s your name?”

She looked nervously at each man before answering. “Amara.”

“Okay, Amara, could you go with Finn so Iolo and I can help Mr. Kes?”

Her grip on his father’s shoulders tightened for a second before she hesitantly nodded. She shakily stood and walked over to Finn, who immediately crouched down in front of her. He slowly raised his hand and wiped at a small cut on her brow. “That’s going to need a bacta patch,” he said gently. 

Turning his attention back to his father, Poe watched as Iolo examined him, hands ghosting over his wounds. “Head trauma, broken ribs, possible internal bleeding, possible spinal trauma” he heard Iolo mumble to himself. 

“Iolo,” he said hesitantly. 

The Keshian’s head snapped up, his golden eyes wide. He looked past Poe to Snap. “Get the supplies.”

Snap rushed out and Iolo’s eyes finally met Poe’s. “How bad is it?” Poe asked. 

“I don’t know yet.”

Through the pounding in his head, Poe heard Finn talking with Amara. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Fresh tears gathered in her eyes as she drew in a shaky breath. “I was trying to find my mama. She always waits just outside the school for me, but she wasn’t there today. I saw the ships fly in and then the screaming started, and the fires, and I got scared and ran back into the school.” The tears started falling then. 

“Hey, that’s okay,” Finn said gently. “I get scared too. It’s alright to be scared.” 

“Really?” she asked. 

Finn nodded, a slight smile on his face. “What happened when you came back in here?”

“I hid like my teacher taught us to do during an attack drill.”

“That’s really good, Amara,” Finn said and the girl smiled at his praise. “When did Mr. Kes come in?”

The little girl looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before answering, “It was a while later. Most of the loud noises and the screaming had stopped. He was looking for people left in the school, but he almost didn’t see me because I was hidden and I was afraid to say anything in case he was a bad man. But then I saw it was Mr. Kes. He always brings koyo mellons to the school and gives me one to take home to Mama, so I knew he wasn’t a bad man. So I came out.”

Finn took her small hands in his before he asked his next question. “I know this part is going to be hard, but can you tell me how Mr. Kes got hurt? It will help us make him better.”

Her face crumpled as sobs started to catch in her throat. “He was coming towards me when there was another loud noise that shook the room. A piece of the ceiling fell and knocked him to the ground and landed on his back. I ran to him and I don’t know how, but I pulled it off of him. I turned him over because I knew I needed to check if he was breathing–Mama taught me that. But then the rest of the ceiling started to fall. I screamed, and I waited for the pain, but it never came. When I finally looked up, I saw that it had fallen around us, not on us.”

The hair on the back of Poe’s neck prickled as he watched Finn fold the sobbing girl into a hug, rubbing circles into her back as she clutched tightly at his neck. Finn looked up over her small brown head and met Poe’s eyes, nodding slightly as he came to the same realization. 

The little girl in Finn’s arms was a Force user. 

Before he could think too much about that, Snap rushed back in with the supplies. “What can I do to help?” he asked Iolo when he brought the medpacks to Kes’s side. 

“Go find something flat we can use as a backboard. We need to keep his back stable when we lift him onto the dolly.” 

Iolo turned his attention to Poe. “I need you to hold his neck steady while I get a stabilizer on it.”

Poe shifted to kneel at Kes’s head and carefully placed his hands on his cheeks. Looking down at him like that, so broken and helpless, the breath caught in Poe’s chest. 

Iolo gently slid the stabilizer under Kes and secured it under his chin. 

By then, Snap had returned with a door that had broken off of its hinges. “Will this work?"

“It’ll have to,” Iolo answered. 

He gestured for Snap to set the door down by Kes and slowly bent Kes’s knees. “We need to turn him so we can slide the door under him. Poe, stay at his head. Finn, I need you at his shoulders and I need you at his hips, Snap.”

Finn let go of Amara with a promise to return shortly and knelt down with the rest of them. Iolo looked to each of them. “When I say, you are going to turn him onto his side slowly and carefully at the same time. Then I’ll slide the door under him. You have to turn him at the same time, understood?”

They all nodded solemnly. 

“Okay, on three,” Iolo said. Poe tried to ignore the shaking in his arms as he listened for Iolo’s count. 

“One.”

Finn glanced at him, his eyes darkened with some emotion Poe couldn’t place. 

“Two.”

He felt a drop slide down his face, but he couldn’t tell if it was sweat or tears. 

“Three.”

They moved as quickly and carefully as they could. Kes let out a low moan as they turned him onto his side and Iolo slid the door under him. 

Once they gently laid him back down onto the door, Poe scrambled around to look down at his father. “Dad?” he called, “Can you hear me?”

Kes made no more sounds, though. 

“Come on,” Iolo said as he got to his feet. “His injuries need more than a bacta suit. We need to see if there’s a functional tank in the temple.” 

As if in a daze, Poe helped them lift Kes and carry him out of the school, Amara trailing behind. Once they’d safely placed him on the dolly, Finn picked the girl up. Riffling one-handed through one of the medkits, he pulled a bacta patch out and applied it to the cut on her brow. As he carried her through the burning village, he pressed her face to his shoulder, trying to shield her from the carnage around them. 

They moved as quickly as they could to the temple, skirting fires and stepping around rubble as they went. Poe released a breath when they finally reached the temple and found that it had been spared. 

As they walked up the path to the door of the sacred building, Poe’s eyes widened in shock as the door opened for them. 

A human woman, with tattered clothes and a face streaked with soot and blood, rushed out towards them. “Amara!” she cried. 

“Mama!” The girl struggled against Finn’s hold and ran to the woman when he set her down. 

“Thank the gods you’re alright,” the woman murmured into the girl’s tangled hair. 

“Mr. Kes found me, Mama. But now he’s hurt and he needs help.” 

The woman looked up at them then, taking in the dolly and the four Resistance members. Her eyes landed last on Poe and they lit with realization. “Poe.”

“Elys,” Poe breathed, grateful to see one of his oldest friends alive. 

“Come inside,” she gestured to them. “Adan and Raze are treating survivors in the medical bay.” 

Poe walked into the cavernous building in a daze, seeing the faces of so many he’d assumed were dead. 

Seeing the look on Poe’s face, Snap took over. “Finn, let’s go start taking a count of the survivors.”

Poe looked gratefully over at his friend and nodded. He started to follow Iolo, but the Keshian turned back and held up his hand. “Let us take care of him now, Poe. I’ll find you when there’s news.”

Too tired to argue, he fell back as Iolo rushed Kes towards the med bay with the other medics, the tears that had threatening all day beginning to fall. He staggered towards the wall and sank down, exhaustion setting into his bones. 

Some time later, Elys pushed a cup of steaming caf into his hands as she sat next to him, adjusting the sleeping Amara in her lap. “You look like you could use this.” 

Poe looked over at her and smiled slightly. “Thanks.” 

“Thank you for saving Amara.”

Poe chuckled lightly. “I should be thanking Amara. She’s the one who kept my dad alive.” 

Elys looked at him puzzledly. “What do you mean?”

“That’s a conversation for another time, once the fires are put out and people smarter than me are here.” Poe held her gaze. “But Amara is very special and you should be very proud of her.”

Tears gathered in Elys’s eyes as she stroked her daughter’s hair. “I am. She’s brave just like her father.”

“Where is Geran?” Poe asked. 

“He’s piloting the escort frigate. We haven’t heard anything from them since they left.” 

It felt like yet another blow to Poe’s chest. How could he tell her that her husband was gone? That her world had shifted more than it already had that day? 

He knew he needed to tell her, to tell everyone who had survived, what had happened to the frigate. But he didn’t have the strength just then, not when his world had shifted too. 

He drained the caf and pushed himself to his feet. “I’m going to go check on my dad. I’ll see you later, Elys.”

“Bye, Poe,” she said. “It’s good to have you home, even under the circumstances.” 

He tried to smile, but he knew it looked more like a grimace. She wouldn’t be thinking that soon. 

He wandered through the tunnels of the temple until he finally reached the med bay. When he tried to walk in, a med droid blocked his path and he sincerely wished he had Rey’s powers so he could pick it up and dash it against the wall. 

Instead, he collapsed on the bench outside, joining the others waiting for word on their loved ones. When the door slid open to admit the med droid, he caught of brief glimpse of his father floating in a bacta tank, Iolo dumping in more of the supply they’d brought. He had never seen his father look so small before. 

He sat there for what felt like hours, until all of the others waiting had wandered off to find somewhere to sleep with their joy, their worry, or their grief at what they’d been told. 

BB-8 rolled through the empty hallway to him, holding out the com again.

Poe reluctantly took it and cleared his throat. “General, we’re camped in the temple. A count of the survivors is being taken and we’re monitoring for First Order vessels.” 

“That’s good, Poe.”

“Sunshine,” he breathed, as a knot in his stomach seemed to finally release. “You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice.” 

“It’s good to hear yours too,” she said. “How’s your dad?” 

“I haven’t heard anything which I guess is a good thing. He’s in a bacta tank now, so I think I just have to wait.” 

“Poe, I have to tell you something. The escort frigate–”

“Is that him?” a male voice cut her off. 

“Yes,” Rey answered, “I was just telling–”

“Poe!” a voice he’d never thought he’d hear again called. “How are my girls?” 

“Geran!” Poe cried. “How? What are you doing there? I thought the escort frigate–”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you, Poe,” Rey said. “The escort frigate made it.”

“Barely,” Geran said, “but we did. Thanks to all those flying lessons you gave me.”

“I don’t understand. Leia said–”

“The Silencer took out our coms and roughed us up a lot,” Geran explained, “but we were able to get out of there. Now, how are my girls?” 

“They’re here. They’ve both got some cuts and bruises, but they’re fine. Your Amara’s pretty exceptional.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Geran replied and Poe swore he could hear his friend’s smile. “She gets that from her mother. Tell them I love them and that I’ll talk to them soon, alright?” 

“I will. Good flying, Geran.” 

“Thanks, cap. I hope you never have to tell me that again.”

Poe didn’t bother to correct him.

“So your flying lessons save the day again,” Rey teased. “Pretty soon you’re going to get a big head.” 

“Don’t worry, you’ll be there to outfly me and knock it down again.”

“Yes, I will.” 

A massive yawn caught Poe by surprise then. 

Rey chuckled. “Go get some sleep, flyboy. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Goodnight, Rey. I–” He caught himself before he said too much. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

He handed the com back to BB and stretched out on the empty bench. Soon the regular beeps of the medbay equipment lulled him to sleep, the beacon connecting him to Rey glowing in his hand.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the massive break between chapters, and I hope there are still some people who are interested in continuing with this story. 
> 
> I could give a million excuses for why it took me so long to update, but mostly, I got burnt out. When I started writing this, I thought it would just be short vignettes of scenes between Rey and Poe. But then it became a whole story and the demands of the chapters and the plot and the characters made it harder to keep up the once a week schedule I'd set when I was still just writing scenes. After 27 chapters, I got tired. And I didn't think I could do justice to this chapter or the arc that I have planned to take place on Yavin when I felt so tired. So I took a break from writing, did some other things to find my inspiration again, and came back to this chapter. And I hope I did right by it. If anything, it feels good to know that I don't have an incomplete document hanging out on my computer still. 
> 
> So "Dusk Till Dawn" is back, but I can't keep up the once a week schedule or even the twice a week schedule I had before. My life just doesn't allow for that anymore. I plan to update at least once a month (maybe more, schedule and inspiration depending), so you can count on that. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking it out with me. Reading your comments and seeing your kudos kept me wanting to continue this story, for you and for myself. Your support means the world.


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